I hate it when . . .

Ok, rant alert!

I get that I have boobs. I do. However, they neither make me a bubblehead or rob me of intelligence or hinder me from standing up for myself or my client.

So, take note: If ever and I mean EVER you are counsel on the opposite side of a case from me do not do the following things or I will call you out and it will be reflected on the record!

1. Do not tut-tut at me, I am not a dog.
2. Do not touch my hand in anyway other than shaking it.
3. Do not put your hand up in my face to silence me when I am speaking - I do not respond well to that particular slight and will not stop speaking.
4. Do not tell me to "relax" when you have just been overly condescending and I have called you out on it.
5. Do not tell me how to do my job. I have an IVY LEAGUE education! I work in a top national lawfirm, and I am sitting at the same table, next to you in the same room doing the same thing! I KNOW HOW TO DO MY FRAKKIN JOB!
6. Do not cut me off when I am speaking because you prefer to hear yourself speak. I can assure you that I am not going to stop speaking simply because you think you can talk over me. And if you win that particular war, I will simply repeat my question - again, and again, and again, until you get the message. I can be here all day, can you?
7. Do not - and this one bares repeating - Do not "challenge" me to an insult fest, because I can assure you, I can hang.

And last, but certainly not least, don't put your arm around me. We are not colleagues, we are not friends, we do not even dance in the same freakin circles, you represent your client-badly and I will represent mine. Do not make me go redneck on your sorry ass.

This concludes todays gratuitous rant.

Dixie Flicks

I've heard over the last several days that the Dixie Chicks have been a talkin again.

Now, I'm a huge fan of country music. I used to love the Dixie sluts too. But, after their remarks about the President, I stopped listening to them. I threw out the cd's I'd bought and I still change the station if they come on the radio. That's my right.

Look, they had every right to speak their mind. It's a free country. And, had they done it here in the USA, I would chalk it up to free-speech, but they disparaged our President-like him or not-on foreign soil, and I don't hang with that.

Now, they've a new cd coming out, where they get out some teen-angst-like rage at the President, those who got pissed at 'em and jest about everyone else.

Now they are going round giving the obligatory interviews. I heard them on 60 minutes in one interview last week where one of the three said she didn't care about losing fans now that country's "gone all redneck" and that it is better to have a group of progressive fans then all those rednecks. She says that its a negative, being a redneck that is. Hmmmm. Who the hell she calling redneck? Me? My Ivy League lawyer ass? Hmmmm. Well, she won't be getting any of my ivy-'neck money that's fo-sho!

Today I heard one of the others in an interview in which she said they'd rather have a few "cool" fans than have their cd in a 5-disk changer in-between Reba and Toby Keith. She done crossed a sacred line. Reba? What the hell is wrong with Reba? The star, the philanthropist, Fancy!

Perhaps all those millions the chicks made off us Reba-loving rednecks ought to be returned in the form of a refund. I believe I'm owed about $30.00 for buying their trash and since I bill my time at upwards of $200.00 an hour, and my time is pretty valuable, they owe me for wasting my time too. I like small bills.

They are rich now, so their uneducated country asses are too good for us common-folk. Well, I got some news for them - stupid don't financially discriminate.

You might be a blueblood if . . .

I stole this one from Deathknyte at Bad Catholicism in order to show yet again that us rednecks reside well north of the Mason Dixon too!

Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you guys,"
(even if both of them are women)

Nope, been saying y'all my whole life. Mama thinks its cuz I was born in South Carolina.
Besides, here in the 'Burgh, they say yinz, blech!

You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."

Nope. Fortunately I have been exposed to real barbecue. I have been exposed to all kinds and love them all almost equally . . .

You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY.

Puhleeze! Heinz Ketchup is just Ketchup. You want SPICY? try kimchi!

You would never stop to buy something somebody was cooking on the side of the road. (e.g., boiled peanuts, pronounced "bald penis").

Would, and have. In fact, I love boiled peanuts!

You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.

I can, in fact, pronounce "woustershire" sauce correctly.

For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes-au-gratin to grits.

Here again it's a yes, but we call em "cheesy potatoes."

You never had and don't know what a moon pie is.

Made them for my kid last summer.

You've never, ever eaten okra -- fried, boiled, or pickled.

I have eaten okra -- fried, boiled, pickled, sauced, and even raw once.

You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.

Are you kidding me? Who eats fried chicken with a knife and fork unless they're trying to impress someone?

You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips.

I have in the past raised both chickens and cows. . . oh, we named em and then we ate em!

You have no idea what a polecat is.

My place is infested with the little bastards.

You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on your dog.

My dog would eat you if you tried to dress her.

You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than at Six Flags.

I would rather eat dirt than visit either place.

You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.

My son would be more comfortable with a fishing show.

You drink either "Pop" or "Soda"- instead of "Cokes."

Pop. I drink pop. But I occassionally call it soda from 10 years in Philadelphia.

You've never eaten and don't know how to make a tomato sandwich.

I have, but I hate tomatoes so I didn't like it. I have also eaten tomato pie, fried green tomatoes and tomato jam.

You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-'n-knife show.

No, no I haven't - but I wouldn't mind. I am looking for an old Henry Repeating .22 long lever action sold at Sears back in the day - for my boy.

You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.

Hell no! They get enough money from snooty bluebloods! ;-)

You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.

Not feed stores, but tractor supply and also tractors . . .

You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.

I don't spit out the car window, usually. And the Husband uses a cup or coke bottle.

You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e., Joe Bob, Faye Ellen , Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice)

I do. I know many, in fact, I am one of them, but we don't advertise it!

You don't know any women with male names (i.e., Tommie, Bobbie, Johnnie, Jimmie)

I know some Billies and some Tommies.

You don't have Maw-maw's & Paw-paw's.

I don't cause they are dead. But my son refers to my parents as "maw-maw and paw-paw"

You've never been to a craft show.

I have. In fact, there is one coming up soon . . .

None of your fur coats are homemade.

I don't wear fur coats.

You have no idea who the Allisons, Pettys or Earnhardts are.

I know who they are. I am not on a first name basis with any of them, but I did once meet Bobby Allison and got my picture taken with him and Elliot Sadler!

Well, that seals it. I am officially not a blue blood. While I answered in the affirmative to a couple of the above questions, I am quite positively a redneck. Whoop!

Check out the rest of the family:

basil's blog
BOBO BLOGGER
Cranky Neocon
Dangerous Logic
Agent Bedhead
HECTOR VEX
It Is What It Is
Mean Ol' Meany
Merri Musings
MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy
Riehl World View
Rightwingsparkle
Six Meat Buffet
Sortapundit
The Ebb & Flow Institute
The Jawa Report
The Nose On Your Face
The Therapist
Vince Aut Morire
Feisty Republican Whore

Frito Pie

Well, I sure did get stuffed at Thanksgiving and, sure enough, my cousin billie jack brought frito pie. God's gift to White Trash Pot Lucks everywhere.

The concept is simple.

Snack bags of fritos - opened
Heaping spoonfuls of chili thrown into opened snack bags
dollop of sour cream on top of the chili and cheese on top of that!

We also through in hot peppers, salsa and lettuce sometimes and make it a White Trash taco salad. Yum!

My Halloween Costume

Here's what I went as for Halloween . . . An Ode to my heritage!

Check out what my noisy naybors here in this here traylor park have to say while I go eat me some chocolates!

basil's blog
BOBO BLOGGER
Cranky Neocon
Dangerous Logic
Fistful of Fortnights
HECTOR VEX
It Is What It Is
Mean Ol' Meany
Merri Musings
MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy
Riehl World View
Rightwingsparkle
Six Meat Buffet
Sortapundit
The Ebb & Flow Institute
The Jawa Report
The Nose On Your Face
The Therapist
Vince Aut Morire
Feisty Republican Whore

WTW - Amusements

We built this here Amusement for the chillins cause we couldn't afford us no tickets to Disney World! Click to make it big.

Check out what my noisy naybors here in this here traylor park have to say while I go whip up some jello shots!

basil's blog
BOBO BLOGGER
Cranky Neocon
Dangerous Logic
Fistful of Fortnights
HECTOR VEX
It Is What It Is
Mean Ol' Meany
Merri Musings
MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy
Riehl World View
Rightwingsparkle
Six Meat Buffet
Sortapundit
The Ebb & Flow Institute
The Jawa Report
The Nose On Your Face
The Therapist
Vince Aut Morire
Feisty Republican Whore

White Trash Wednesday

Since Mu.Nu. was sick today I posted my WTW post at my old blogspothaunt.

Boy it is nice to be home again . . . Thanks to basil for directing traffic my way!

WTW-Brother-in-law Revisited

Even us trash don't hit us no wimmen!

Check out what my noisy naybors here in this here traylor park have to say while I go whip up a can of whoop-ass on my brother-in-law:

basil's blog
BOBO BLOGGER
Cranky Neocon
Dangerous Logic
Fistful of Fortnights
HECTOR VEX
It Is What It Is
Mean Ol' Meany
Merri Musings
MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy
Riehl World View
Rightwingsparkle
Six Meat Buffet
Sortapundit
The Ebb & Flow Institute
The Jawa Report
The Nose On Your Face
The Therapist
Vince Aut Morire
Feisty Republican Whore

A Little Bit WTW - A Little Bit Karnival of the Kidz

Killing two birds with one stone, here is my WTW and Karnival of the Kidz entry.

You don't get more White Trash than Overhauls and no shirt (except maybe no shoes too), but Dayum! Isn't he precious? I think so. He told me just yesterday that I was his favorite mommy!

Check out what my noisy naybors here in this here traylor park have to say too:

basil's blog
BOBO BLOGGER
Cranky Neocon
Dangerous Logic
Fistful of Fortnights
HECTOR VEX
It Is What It Is
Mean Ol' Meany
Merri Musings
MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy
Riehl World View
Rightwingsparkle
Six Meat Buffet
Sortapundit
The Ebb & Flow Institute
The Jawa Report
The Nose On Your Face
The Therapist
Vince Aut Morire
Feisty Republican Whore

WTW-Doorbell

How you like my new doorbell, my man Billy-Joe thought it'd be funny. Erybody's always mounting those deer heads on their walls, now here's a use for its hind-end!

Check out what my noisy naybors here in this here traylor park have to say too:

basil's blog
BOBO BLOGGER
Cranky Neocon
Dangerous Logic
Fistful of Fortnights
HECTOR VEX
It Is What It Is
Mean Ol' Meany
Merri Musings
MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy
Riehl World View
Rightwingsparkle
Six Meat Buffet
Sortapundit
The Ebb & Flow Institute
The Jawa Report
The Nose On Your Face
The Therapist
Vince Aut Morire
Feisty Republican Whore

WTW - Grill

My good friend VW of One Happy Dog Speaks came across this here advertizement in her local Area Shopper. She thought I'd need one, and she was right. I can't wait to try it out this here Saturday!

Free "Redneck" Bar-B-Que Grill

Stainless steel grill, for FREE, you read right, FREE !
Available in all stores:
Publix - Win Dixie - K-Mart - A&P - Wal-Mart - Walgreen's, etc.
Hurry before they run out of stock !

Check out what my noisy naybors here in this here traylor park have to say too:

basil's blog
BOBO BLOGGER
Cranky Neocon
Dangerous Logic
Fistful of Fortnights
HECTOR VEX
It Is What It Is
Mean Ol' Meany
Merri Musings
MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy
Riehl World View
Rightwingsparkle
Six Meat Buffet
Sortapundit
The Ebb & Flow Institute
The Jawa Report
The Nose On Your Face
The Therapist
Vince Aut Morire
Feisty Republican Whore

WTW-Handgun

Being a good traylor park livin boy, my man went out and bought him a gun. He only had 90 dollars. When he got home, he showed me the gun, since 90 dollars didn't buy a gun, he got a new tattoo. Hmm. I need a new man, this one's plumb dumb!

Check out my noisy naybors while I go smack my man!

basil's blog
BOBO BLOGGER
Cranky Neocon
Dangerous Logic
Fistful of Fortnights
HECTOR VEX
It Is What It Is
Mean Ol' Meany
Merri Musings
MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy
Riehl World View
Rightwingsparkle
Six Meat Buffet
Sortapundit
The Ebb & Flow Institute
The Jawa Report
The Nose On Your Face
The Therapist
Vince Aut Morire
Feisty Republican Whore

WTW-Injury

I was making some of my own firecrackers today for the fourth of july and well, I done blowed my thumb off. Now everybody in the park is callin me stumpy. Can't show ya no pictures cause, well, I done blowed up my camera too. I'm going to the clinic, if you want more stories check out my noisy naybors! He, he, maybe they'll give me a medal, after all, I was doin my patriotic duty in gettin ready for the 4th . . . *passes out from the pain*

basil's blog
BOBO BLOGGER
Cranky Neocon
Dangerous Logic
Fistful of Fortnights
HECTOR VEX
It Is What It Is
Mean Ol' Meany
Merri Musings
MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy
Riehl World View
Rightwingsparkle
Six Meat Buffet
Sortapundit
The Ebb & Flow Institute
The Jawa Report
The Nose On Your Face
The Therapist
Vince Aut Morire
Feisty Republican Whore

My new mailbox

How you like my new mailbox? Me and Billierae took a week to build it, and it takes up nearly our entire driveway, but I liked it so much, I had to have it.

Some folks in the traylor park say Ima showing off, but I ain't! Theyz jest jaylos.

Check out what my noisy naybors have to say:

basil's blog
BOBO BLOGGER
Cranky Neocon
Dangerous Logic
Fistful of Fortnights
HECTOR VEX
It Is What It Is
Mean Ol' Meany
Merri Musings
MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy
Riehl World View
Rightwingsparkle
Six Meat Buffet
Sortapundit
The Ebb & Flow Institute
The Jawa Report
The Nose On Your Face
The Therapist
Vince Aut Morire

WTW - My Real Family

OK, I didn't have time to do a cool picture for today's WTW post, so I thought I'd tell ya'll a little story bout my real family! My extended family consists of real trash, not good ole' country rednecks, but trash. The kind even us rednecks like to loathe.

Now, for context it helps to know that the Better Half and I have what we commonly refer to as "White Trash Contests." Now, in such contests, we give examples of family activity which constitutes "White Trash" to see whose family is trashier . . . got the picture? Good. Problem is, I usually win. *hangs head in shame*

Here's a sample of why that is.

My daddy was one of three children, his daddy was one of six. We will start with granddaddy's family. Of the six children in grandpa's clan, none went to college. Each had decent sized families in which none of the biological children went to college.

One brother adopted nine children (four of mixed black/white heritage) several of whom went to college (I think), one of whom dated the Seattle Mariners (most of them anyway), one of whom is in Levenworth for dealing drugs, one of whom has been married no less than 5 times and one of whom is a rather successful artist in the south. The others are fairly normal. So far on the White Trash scale, we get a three.

One brother had five children, none went to college. All of whom had babies or married when teens. The three boys were bikers and the women schitzoids. Only one is married to their first spouse. White Trash scale? 5.

Now, we will skip the others cause they are simply too embarrasing and we will move to my grandpa. He had three kids, none went to college. One is a wife -abusing alcoholic whose children have disowned him generally, one is a former abused wife whose children are the basis for this post, and one is my daddy, a gem among men! White Trash Scale? 2.

Ok, so we move directly to the former abused wife. All three of her children are dirty. I mean dirty, the kind where you can scrub for days and still be dirty, dirty. My female cousin doesn't wash her hair. She thinks it makes her more natural or something. Ick! All three had children while in highschool, more than one in fact. All three are on welfare and live either in trailors or govt. subsidized housing. All three steal from family members on a regular basis. Of the three, the oldest has two boys. One is destined to become a serial killer when he is grown. No lie, he's all of 8 and already tried to kill his parents. The other, destined to become a rapist. He is all of 12 and watches porn. Both are beaten on a regular basis imagine *dirty sweaty dad, fat pig mom, cigarettes and beer* "come here boy, I'm fixin to beat yer ass fer watchin my porn!" White Trash Scale? Off the friggin charts!

This is what my family reunions with this bunch of three consists of "you think yer high fallutin cause yer edjacated in some fancy schoolin. Well you ain't no better than me! Woman! Get me a beer!" My reply is usually, "no, I think I'm high fallutin cause I bathe."

My mouth tends to get me into some trouble on occassion. The last visit, I was challenged, by my oldest cousin, to a pistol party -- basically who can shoot better. I won, as he doesn't even own a gun but the man in him figured he could outshoot a girl. This didn't go over with the dirty cousin very well, who threatened me with physical violence. Now, I'm not a genius but I know better than to threaten someone with physical violence when she is holding a fully loaded, very accurate .38 and has just proven she can, in fact, shoot it and, where you have just proven you can't hit the side of a barn standing perpendicular to it!

The legal begal in me knows that I would not have had grounds for self-defense if I had shot said cousin. However, the b--ch in me wanted to shoot him in the nuts and let him bleed out . . .

Ok, sorry for that last, regaining composure. . .

Needless to say, he didn't actually hurt me. See, I confused him with big words so he left. Hmmpf! Some people are so touchy!

Anyway, that is a brief, rambling look into my White Trash World!

Check out some fun from my noisy naybors in the Extended.

basil's blog
BOBO BLOGGER
Cranky Neocon
Dangerous Logic
Fistful of Fortnights
HECTOR VEX
It Is What It Is
Mean Ol' Meany
Merri Musings
MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy
Riehl World View
Rightwingsparkle
Six Meat Buffet
Sortapundit
The Ebb & Flow Institute
The Jawa Report
The Nose On Your Face
The Therapist
Vince Aut Morire

WTW - Palm Pilot

I got me one of them there palm pilots! I think it works mighty fine!

Check out my noisy naybors in the traylor park too!

basil's blog
BOBO BLOGGER
Cranky Neocon
Dangerous Logic
Fistful of Fortnights
HECTOR VEX
It Is What It Is
Mean Ol' Meany
Merri Musings
MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy
Riehl World View
Rightwingsparkle
Six Meat Buffet
Sortapundit
The Ebb & Flow Institute
The Jawa Report
The Nose On Your Face
The Therapist
Vince Aut Morire