Before reading on, please have a look at this short (2 min) video (in case you missed my previous entry), just so we're on the same page.
For the longest–it feels like–I've gotten used to the fact–if there's-ever such a thing in a person's life–that most of my ambitions, goals, ideas and projects were disregarded and were looked down upon; regardless of their quality or scope. I blindly believed for decades, and still do to this day that these were mostly in the favor of my own: To become better at materializing my goals in life, and sharpen my skills as a self-proclaimed artist–almost put the artist in quotes–or simply become a better person overall. Thus, I always managed to overcome–sooner or later–my obstacles and continued onwards; regardless that everyone else around me thought there was no point in doing so. Even life couldn't stop me from trying (and it did with every bit of its strength); guess those are the traits of a blind maverick.
But . . . Something happened not long ago; which partially is responsible for my lack of progress on my supposed-to-be game (and pursued me to tackle with this side project instead). Another rejection arrived in my inbox (which technically jeopardized my plans for this game/prototype as well), but this time it was different. You see, for the first time, what it feels like forever, I didn't want to do a damn thing; or continue onwards with my current situation. For some reason, I genuinely thought that I'd have a shot at the position I chose beforehand; or at least have a shot at defending my application. It seemed that once again my judgment has failed me!
Working on multiple projects at the same time (this game project and the voiceover video that I showed you), whilst hunting for a chance to be part of the gaming industry has seeped my energy down to the bare minimum; pulling long days didn't help either. But, because of the mountainous issues that had to be solved (during the production of the video, and the in general for this game, etc.), and the fact that it had to be rushed to be completed (to catch the a deadline), gave me some sleepless nights. However, that didn't matter, Who cares if it's worth in the end, right? Well, just a mere day after staying up late (and hitting that send button), I was welcomed and was among the first (if not the first) that was disposed: months of hard-work went down the drain with a snap of a finger. Just like that. And to make it worse, the lack of interest (in watching the final product) sealed the deal for good. The only redeeming thing was one lovely comment, on Reddit, which spoke about how much the word needs this (the message it conveys); which warmed my heart!
Debated the usual existential questions (and crisis), as per usual (also I know and completely understand that my position is no exception whatsoever, and these things happen on a regular basis and happen to a lot of people out there as well; just like today, as I got two more of these emails), while a layer of dark fog descended upon me. My crazy, workaholic lifestyle stopped immediately. Didn't dare to touch any of my work or personal/professional projects; couldn't even look at them. Been shaken many times before, but this was just too much for me to cope with. Had to take a short break (although I sneaked in a few minutes of work here and there); while I dwindled on what happened and where my future headed.
There was this slowly building notion inside my head, after having absolutely-zero success on securing any position within the industry that I might never be good enough, never have enough skills or (commercial) experience, or projects behind my back (to showcase my abilities): That the only way I'd be able to join the industry, would be by making my own game. And this . . . The idea of being absolutely useless (backed up by a heaping pile of examples), for some reason hit me hard this time. So-o I weighed my options . . . And couldn't come up with a solution. I've still no idea on what to do next. There was always something, a backup plan of some sorts, on which I could fall back. Not this time.
That being said, I did ask around (some fellow gamedevs on a Discord server, who were really-sweat and helpful), to learn about their opinions of how can a gamedev make do (plus have the infrastructure to do so); knowing what my limits are of course. Basically, they all said what I already knew . . . So-o that didn't make no difference.
At this point–have to admit–I've no idea more can I offer to show my dedication, my capabilities, or how I'll make this all work. Which makes me genuinely scared. And the outlook is getting pretty grim by the minute, and makes me not want to think about it at all. Because I know, it will eventually arrive, and I'll have to face the truth . . . the one I never-ever thought to accept, nor believed in: failure.
State machine controlled cursor minigame
With all that being said, I managed to steer my enthusiasm back on the track–temporarily–and decided to stop working on the demanding coding, and focus more on an enjoyable, and light-headed project: making a simple mouse cursor. Of course, things turned out to be a little different (as per usual); as you'll see from the final video, down below.
Wanted to give some flavor to the game, as currently the prototype is–simply–too bland–lightly speaking of course, lol. Hence came the idea of investing some time into making some basic cursor animations; which took me down the rabbit hole of Blender and Unreal! Luckily, the compatibility issues, the crashes and all the other bugs and obstacles were relatively easily solved (within days), and didn't took too much to incorporate.
As time was moving forward, I thought of why I'm doing all this (instead of working on some useful code). At first, it was just for a gimmick, as I thought that perhaps 99,9% of the players will never see these cursor animations. But soon I realized that by not doing so, I'd be an idiot: For one, this is a mouse heavy game (as intended), which will be on the player's screen almost all the time. Furthermore, by doing so, I can add a little magic to the game, as games these days–the way I see it–often shy away from doing such things, due to time or budget restrictions. You know, the classic "Why do something, if nobody will ever see it?" type of question. That's not how I do things. For the better or worse. You decide!
A reasoning, which I strongly disagreed with. Sure, I can see the point, in some cases, but if you know where or how to implement these small touches to your world, it can make all the difference; otherwise would feel pompous. At least I'd find it soothing that's for sure! To me, these little nods of care, conveys the fact that how much the devs cared about their game, and how much love the game received during production (enhancing my immersion at the same time). Of course, this is just my opinion, and varies heavily case-by-case (and isn't practical in most of the time, as previously discussed; but there's a time and place). But because you're going to use your mouse almost non-stop, this added small feature was–in my opinion–a necessary must.
And with everything, the implementation of said cursor wasn't done by any-ordinary means (using simple, static image cursors, or premade code). All of it was rendered in real time (hence the ghosting, because of my old rig), using an unnecessarily complicated (but fun and useful) chain of scripts and a unique state machine (for animation). The combination of these are what you'll see in just a few.
This approach gives me the flexibility to divide and create unique combinations of animations, randomize their lengths and their timing, and blend them accordingly (from in and out of states); without worrying of any of these tasks within my animation rendering package (aka. Blender). Furthermore, it gives me the ability to add more to this in the future in the form of special effects: Like easily adding a fire sfx to the cursor, when your character accidentally falls into a massive pit of lava. The odds of this happening are much higher than you might think! :)
It was also a fun and great challenge/side project to do, of which I hope I'll be able to do more in the future! So without further ado, please enjoy my latest update for this project:
