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The Federasts don't like it up 'em, so they all complain and get my comments removed from the Guardian:

That one lasted about five minutes before being pulled. Luckily, for all good Brexiteers I grab screenshots of my Guardian comments and then repost 'em here.

Bugger this bringing the country together stuff: I am gonna gloat for many years to come!

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Well, another one of my comments at the Guardian that did not last very long. Needless to say, more than a few Guardianistas were having the vapours when they read it, but it is a fair point - how can a man like Bercow be expected to have the respect of anyone when he cannot even command it from his own wife?

The General Election is gonna be fun, you mark my words.

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As Boris announces that Parliament will be prorogued to stop the Federasts from implementing their cunning plan to put some backbencher into Number 10 Downing Street, the Guardian promptly went into a meltdown that is even more entertaining for normal people than the one they had in the aftermath of the People's Vote in 2016.

"Guardian meltdown will commence in three, two, one: meltdown commence now," was my comment, a remark that was quickly deleted by the Guardian's Mrs Grundy.

This comment did not last much longer, but at least I managed to grab a screenshot of it before Mrs Grundy could delete it - she did, by the way.

I have now been put in pre-moderation, thanks to all the precious, weeping Federasts who complained that I have invaded their safe spaces or something. Not that it matters; what matters is that the Guardian's finest feel like shit.

Which is what they are.

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I haven't created a Federast Funny for over a year which is far too long, especially when the Guardian gives me such an open net to score in. Today, one of their hacks came up with an interesting piece which drew lessons from history to illustrate its pro-EU point. Fair enough thought avuncular old Uncle Ken, who then proceeded to do the same with this comment:

Now, I wasn't being entirely 100% serious with this quick comment, but I don't think that it is too bad and it is certainly in keeping with the piece that I was commenting on, so who could complain?

Well, It seems that an awful lot of Guardian webmongs did not agree and the little retards began by missing entirely that fact that we were supposed to be drawing lessons from  history:

I was tempted to ask Marcel which war he wanted me to get over since I did discuss about three in my comment and I was also tempted to tell Herman that I was gonna call him Arminius whether he liked it or not just for giggles.

Alas, the Guardian's Mrs Grundy responded to all the Federasts whining and deleted my comment and its very engaging replies before I could do any of that. However, that was not before I had grabbed the screenshots to provide you with some free entertainment this fine Sunday afternoon.

All good fun, people, all good fun.

How to Play With the Federast Mind at the Edinburgh Fringe

The federast mind is truly a joy to behold and then laugh at. The other day I was glugging a pint or three outside a pub on Edinburgh's Royal Mile when three couples arrived and began to look at the list of beers that were on a board by the door.

"I don't know what 80/- means," said one girl who made up for her lack of knowledge with large breasts.

"The forward slash is the symbol for shillings I told her," being the decent soul that I am.

"Why is it called that?"

"Well, 'cos that was the tax paid on a barrel of the stuff back in the day," I replied. "Although these days it costs more than 80 bob for a pint of it," I concluded, ever willing to be helpful.

"What exactly is a shilling?" 

"It's a twentieth of a pound, back when we had real money."

"Oh."

"Better start to get used to it, as after we leave the EU all that is coming back," I said. I think the Devil was inspiring me.

"Noooo! You cannot be serious! You're joking, aren't you?

"I'm dead serious, first we get Fahrenheit back, then imperial weights and measures and then pounds. shillings and pence," I said, with my best poker face. 

"I've never heard that," said one of the blokes, in that languid drawl that the English middle class has which makes the rest of us feel murderous.

"You can trust me, I said, pointing to my Brexit T-shirt. "I'm part of the Brexit team that's working on it."

I was expecting them to burst out laughing at this, congratulate me on being a fine wag and then buy me a pint, or at least join me at the table so I could continue getting an eyeful of the girl with the bouncers but they just started looking at one another before drifting away from both the pub and me.

So, if you read in the Guardian that the Brexiteers are planning to restore the old British currency, you will know that the tale started from wicked old Uncle Ken who made it up one day in Edinburgh during the Festival.

The Guardian Protects Its Poly Readership

A question to the Guardian that will forever remain unanswered as the paper deleted it after about five minutes, but not before two good-humoured souls had upvoted it.

Actually, the writer in question is a woman and not a man, but it is probably safe to assume that she holds her degrees from a real, Russell Group, university and not a double glazing firm.

Unlike the Guardian's readership who get very shirty when they are reminded of just how third-rate they are.

Yet More Federast Stupidity

I put this here blog on ice about a month ago, but alas or hooray, depending on your point of view, it and I are still going. To prove it, let's have another laugh at another hysterical Federast.

The Guardian is now trying to talk sense into its declining readership, by reminding them that calls for yet another referendum are doomed to fail as all they do is irritate and alienate the very Brexiteers that the Federasts need to support a soft Brexit.

Sadly, few of Vidkun Quisling's finest seem to get the message, which is why they still keep screaming abuse.

The more they scream, the more likely it is that we will have a hard Brexit. Seriously, we Brexiteers are fortunate indeed in our enemies.

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We haven't had a Federast Funny for quite some time, probably because the Guardian hasn't given us anything to laugh at all that much. Today, however, the paper made up for its lackadaisical approach by giving us a real gem.

John Harris, who is one of the saner Federasts, gave us a piece which took issue with the fact that so many Federasts think that they are so very clever. He might have added, but didn't, that it is this window-licking level of stupidity that accounts for their defeat and inability to salvage anything from that defeat. 

So, being a warm, cuddly, decent soul, I did it for him with this comment:

Perhaps needless to say, the comment lasted less than 15 minutes before being deleted. That could only have happened because any number of thick as pigshit Federasts with their crappy little poly degrees, puerile desire for status and local-government non-jobs took umbrage at my truthful prose and went a-whining to the Guardian's very own Mrs Grundy. 

I should have pointed out that now that Scotland has declared itself hors de combat, London is an isolated island in a deep Brexit sea. So long as the rest of us who do not live in London keep our Brexit coalition alive then we can continue to outvote the fuckers in the Smoke.

A pity they are too stupid to realise that simple truth.

Let's Maximise Federast Humiliation in 2018

2017 was a good year to sip the finest liqueur that was distilled from the copious salty tears of the weeping Federasts, chilled as it was with the finest of melting snowflakes. Now let's make 2018 the year of maximum humiliation for them, as we bring them face to face with the reality that they lose because they are so stupid that they think they are clever.

One trick I love to pull is to tell them the simple honest truth about myself and my sons. It is true that Spanish is my second language. It is also true that all of my sons are native Spanish speakers, born to native Spanish-speaking mothers during the long years that I spent abroad.

Now, I don't think that there is anything to misunderstand in any of that, do you? That's 'cos we are not Federasts, so take a look at this as a case in point:

Poor Matt Westwood - once he realised that he had been made to look a right pillock he blocked me on Facebook and vanished from my sight, never to be seen again.

If you think that he is the exception, then I have to tell you that he is the Federast rule. Take this, also from Facebook, and just the other day:

Mark Roberts also did a runner once he realised that I was leading by the nose to the punchline, but it is hardly my fault that your Federast has a problem with the old reading comprehension, is it? I never said my sons were Spanish, only that they were Spanish speakers...

I also like to tell Federasts another truth, which is that I left school at 15. Actually, since the school year ends in July and my birthday is in August I was still only 14 when I stopped providing a cushy number for the teaching trade one Friday and started bastard work the following Monday, but let's not confuse the poor little snowflakes. I left school at 15, let's leave it at that.

Usually at least one thick as pigshit poly wallah, and rest assured they usually are poly wallahs, will come along at that point and tell me that the reason I voted Leave is that I am uneducated. Please consider this exchange as an example of the genre:

To this day I do not have an O-Level or A-Level to my name since I did leave school at the age of 15, but I do have a diploma from Ruskin College, Oxford, and a degree from the University of Manchester. That's the real university of Manchester, by the way, not the wanky old poly that is allowed to degrade the name university. As for the "University" of Staffordshire and places like that, it's best not to get me started...

So, as you can see, it's easy to humiliate the Federasts and when you do, don't forget to take screenshots of the exchanges so that when you get bored one dark, January day you can dig 'em out and repost them, just for jollies.

So, as we head into 2018 it's worth remembering that you never hit a man when he is down, and your Federast is certainly down right now. What you do is kick his fucking head in and leave him whimpering on the ground. 

Come on the Brexiteers: up and at 'em!

The Guardian's Diminishing Readership Still Loses the Plot

What follows is so funny that you might want to put your tea down before reading on...

The Guardian has one of it usual we hate Brexit pieces up as clickbait to try and boost its decreasing circulation. A Brexiteer went along and made the following comment:

The comment was simple, concise and to the point, and only an idiot could misread it. Luckily for the Brexit cause, the average Federast is just such an idiot as the replies to the comment will demonstrate:

You see? The Guardian's below the line bovine Federast commentators cannot even read a simple couple of sentences. They mistook the referendum vote for the much more overwhelming parliamentary one, and then responded to what they thought they had read instead of what was actually on the screen in front of them.

In vain did the original commentator try to correct their error, because they ignored his reply and carried on making tits of themselves:

They were still at it the last time I checked. Still voting up idiotic comments in reply to a post that only exists in their pathetic minds.

It may be that the average Federast has imaginary friends who live inside his head and talk to him. It could be that those voices said that something else was written in the original comment and they listened to the voices, instead of reading what was actually right there on the fucking screen in front of their noses.

A more likely explanation is that they do not have much in the way of reading comprehension. It may be that your average Federast really is a sad little fuckwit with a pathetic little poly degree and a local government non-job.

Either way, as we push forward towards the final Brexit, we can take comfort from the fact that our enemies really are so unutterably stupid that whatever they try will only end in failure for them and hilarity for us.

Update: The Guardian's Mrs Grundy has stepped in to delete the thread and save her ickle snowflakes from our mockery. Alas, it was all too late 'cos I had already grabbed the screenshots!

Guardian Censors Debate About the EU Demand for a Bribe From Britain

The Guardian has a gloating report yesterday about the £60-odd billion or so bung that the EU wishes to extort from the UK as the price for waving them a less than fond farewell. The following comment lasted less than thirty minutes before the Guardian's Mrs Grundy deleted it. Clearly the paper doesn't want obvious parallels being drawn with other payments made by other states:

The point is that in 1919 Germany had to pay an eye-watering sum for the simple reason that she had lost the Great War. The terms were presented by the victors, who had kept alive their blockade of the German ports to ensure that hunger back home concentrated the minds of the German delegation wonderfully.

We have not lost a war and have no legal contractual obligations to the EU after the end of March 2019. Funnily enough that is the centenary anniversary of the Treaty of Versailles, which is the treaty that the Guardian does not want people to refer back to.

The Guardian's writ does not run at this here blog, so we can draw obvious conclusion that Brussels sees itself as the victor and can present any terms it wishes to the defeated British. This is a very foolish attitude to take as all it will achieve is to harden the British national trait of bloody-mindedness and lead us to tell Merkel and her gang not to try and dictate to us until after their armies have finished having their victory parade down Whitehall - and even then we are unlikely to listen.

Uncle Ken's view is that we should pay something in the interests of peace, quiet and getting the fuck out quickly. That something should be presented to the European Union as a bung that we are paying in the same way and for the same reasons that we pay similar bungs to other dodgy types in Latin-America and Eastern Europe. It is all about helping "beezness," so after the amount of the bung has been agreed, there is only one question that we need to ask:

Do they want their bung paid into in Swiss or Panamanian bank accounts, or do they prefer suitcases stuffed full of used fivers?

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The Guardian's very own Mrs Grundy and the gang are on a roll tonight, but it serves the silly sods right for getting Al Murray to tell us that comedy has a liberal or leftwing bias, an idea which is bollocks of the highest order as I went along and pointed out:

So, some bloke comes along as tells me that I should be doing stand-up, to which I reply thusly:

Within minutes my comment had been culled by Mrs Grundy or one of her minions. Luckily for you, I tend to grab screenshots of my Guardian comments, 'cos I know how quickly the Guardianistas crawl into their safe spaces and scream for Mrs Grundy's help.

So, the honours of that go to the Brexiteers, but I would like that thank all the anally retentive Federasts who demanded that a jokey comment be removed from a story about humour.

Here's a real comedian showing them how comedy is really done:

That's all folks!

Federast Funnies 7: When a Federast Met Some Real people

Today was the day when even the Guardian had to implicitly admit that Brussels' dogs really are just cowardly curs. Just read The Brexit Resistance from John Harris, who I must admit is one of the saner Guardian writers, if you had any doubts.

Harris went to Manchester to interview Eoin Ward, who as you might expect is a student. He helps pay for his course by giving English lessons to EU nationals, and as someone who was once in the teaching trade I can tell you that every single penny of his wages will have come from the public purse. There may have been cutbacks in other further education areas, but teaching English to those who enrich our culture by the presence is still easy money for the lecturers.  

They met at a Pret a Manger, naturally, and Ward tried to big himself up by telling the reporter that he was a real live activist who had done “a bit of leafleting” for Brussels during the campaign. Just a bit, mind you...

In August Ward even organised a street stall in city centre Manchester, and guess what happened? No, don't guess, since we can let Ward take up the tale:

“At least 20 quite scary-looking people turned up with bandanas over their faces, holding up St George’s flags and filming everything. I don’t know what group they were from but, to me, they looked a bit kind of neo-Nazi, white supremacist – that sort of ilk. They were giving us a lot of grief, telling us we didn’t respect democracy.”

Got that? A counter demonstration of about twenty people turned up and this Federast almost shit his load. God knows what will happen if the tame judges ever do manage to subvert our vote because then there will be a lot more than twenty people on the street to make their feelings clear. Best buy some adult nappies now.

Ward went on to say that campaigning on-line is easier than on the street: "It’s much scarier in real life,” he said. Yes, you precious little snowflake, it damn well is, and it will get a lot worse if Brexit is subverted by the wealthy that you pander too.

Let's look on the bright side: if this is the best that the Federasts can muster then they are fucked, they really are.

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In case you are wondering, yeah, I am having a break from the blog, but today's load of Federast old wank was just too good to miss.

The Guardian has a piece by Nick Cohen which looks suspiciously like something that appeared in the Spectator or somewhere a month or so ago, so I left the following comment:

Needless to say, various Federast types then piled in:

It was at that point, less than 30 minutes after my original comment was posted, that the Guardian's Mrs Grundy stepped in and censored the whole thread. In the past they would send me an email which contained the post that Mother Grundy or her minions disliked, but they have stopped doing that, probably because they know that I repost them here. Luckily I am now in the habit of saving all my Brexit comments, and the replies, so that trick isn't gonna wash.

Remember, folks, where the Guardian is concerned, keep your ad-blocker up to date, and don't fall for the trap of giving the buggers a penny, no matter how much they beg. If there are as many Federasts in the country as they believe, then they don't need any Brexiteering brass. If there aren't, then they will go bust sooner rather than later.

Either way we still get the laughs.

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I know nothing about Jon McNaughton, the artist who painted this rather nice bit of agitprop, but as soon as I read the Guardian's report, and the spittle-flecked comments, I knew that this was a fellow to keep an eye on.

In a nutshell, an American political commentator called Sean Hannity has bought the original and plans to make a gift of it to Donald Trump. Needless to say, the Guardian's sexually self sufficient best have now decided that they are all art experts and are passing judgement on the piece, with the gist of it being that they don't like it.

Staying in our nutshell, I got in touch with McNaughton's sales' manageress, and will order a 16 X 24 inch signed lithograph of the work to decorate my wall and annoy all the right people. I noted this fact in a comment of my own, which led to an exchange between myself and a member of the wankerati:

Needless to say, the last comment was deleted when the precious soul went running to the moderators, having had his feelings hurt.

I shall post again on this theme when I have the lithograph on my wall, but in the meantime, this is all good fun, isn't it?

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Here we are again, folks, with yet more self-loathing from the dear old Guardian.

The topic under debate was "Why Farage and Trump Have Dominated the Media," but it quickly spread into a general chat about immigration, which lets face it is why both Farage and Trump are so popular in their respective countries.

One bloke made the usual mocking comment about who will pick the cabbages if the third world part of Europe is not allowed to bless us with its cheap labour, to which I replied:

 "The same people who used to pick them before. Casual labour was supplied by the mums' army and students of the locality, supplemented by the unemployed who took seasonal work.Farmers, however, prefer to use East Europeans because it means that they can get their labourers via gangmasters at rock bottom rates."

The chat then ran thusly:

So what was my comment that the Guardian found to offensive to allow its precious readers to see? Here ya go, folks:

 Yeah, and I discovered just today that back in 1991 Birmingham Council commissioned an academic to write a report on under-age prostitution by girls in council care. The report found that most of the girls were white, with the rest being either black or mulatta. The men were all Pakistanis who drove private hire cars. The authoress was told to delete all references to ethnicity and taxis, and even then the report was suppressed.  I don't like the middle class as a breed, to be honest, but the lower middle class polyocracy, with their puerile little poly degrees and pathetic desire for status who now dominate the Labour Party really do leave me feeling in need of a bath.

 According to the Graun's censors, the comment was deleted 'cos it was off'-topic, but as you can see from the thread, it was a reply to someone whose comment was allowed to remain, so I'm calling bollocks on that excuse.

This is the Guardian, trying to protect its precious readership, who don't want to know whey they are hated by normal people in this country, so they delete comments that do not fit into the wanky narrative.

And that, boys and girls, is why the Guardian has to have a begging bowl out that takes up a big chunk of the main font page. There are just not enough sexually self sufficient, muesli-munchers to keep the paper alive for much longer!

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This is not the first time that some Federast has accused me of killing Jo Cox, which leaves me wishing that they would come up with some new insults as the old ones get a bit tiresome after a while.

I said that to him on the Guardian site, and also pointed out that I would not go running to the moderators 'cos I really get off on the hatred that Federasts display. Alas, someone did complain and the exchange was then deleted, but not before good old Uncle Ken had saved this wanker's words for posterity.

They only howl because they are afraid, and the more they howl the harder we laugh.

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Sunderland has applied to become a City of Culture, something which the Guardian reported. The below the line comments then became an hysterical rant about Sunderland, the North East and the working class who had the temerity to ignore the polyocracy by voting for Brexit. Just read the comments if you don't believe me. This was my reply:

Just when you thought that the defeated Federasts couldn't get any more pathetic they turn up mob-handed at the dear old Graun to show the rest of us that there are still deeper levels to which they can sink. I cannot decide which comments are the most puerile, because they are all equally rancid, so I will just leave you with this thought. We are the majority. The provincial middle class and the urban working class acting together can outvote the sexually self sufficient denizens of the London bubble. If your taxes have to rise to pay for Sunderland then that is all well and good. You can howl all you want as we outnumber you and can force you to suck up higher taxation just as you are being forced to suck up Brexit.

My comment lasted about two minutes before it was deleted on the grounds of being offensive.

Offensive comments are what the trendy middle class shit who have made the Guardian their home page left on the site, but never mind. We outvoted them once, we can continue to do so in the future, and let's all continue laughing at them in the meantime.

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 First we had soft Brexit which was offered in opposition to hard Brexit. Then the Graun came up with extreme Brexit a few days ago and now we have chaotic Brexit. It's wonderful, it really is. Every day something new and entertaining as we are given access to the minds of the Federasts as they slowly come to terms with the reality of their defeat.

 What do you reckon to the above off the cuff comment of mine to a Guardian story? I think it is quite mild, actually, but the Graun reckoned that it was "offensive" and deleted it from their site. Then they sent me an e-mail telling me that, which was when I fell about laughing.

You can almost hear Federast arseholes clenching, can't you?