PALAESTRIO
What mighty turmoils I create! What mighty engines 1 do set to work! This very day I shall take his mistress away from the Captain, if my soldiers are only well drilled1. But I'll call him out. Goes to the door and calls. Hallo! Sceledrus, if you are not busy, come out to the front of the house; I, Palaestrio, call you.
Enter LUCRIO from the CAPTAIN's house.
LUCRIO
Sceledrus is not at leisure.
PALAESTRIO
Why so?
LUCRIO
He's fast asleep, gulping2.
PALAESTRIO
How, gulping?
LUCRIO
He's snoring, 'twas that I meant to say: but, because 'tis very like gulping when you are snoring---- * * * * * * *
PALAESTRIO
What ! Is Sceledrus asleep in-doors?
LUCRIO
Not with his nose, in fact; for with that he is calling out loud enough.
PALAESTRIO
He has taken a cup by stealth; the butler has lately tapped a cask of nardine3. Oho! you rascal, you are his deputy-butler4. Oho!
LUCRIO
What do you mean?
PALAESTRIO
How has he thought fit to go to sleep?
LUCRIO
With his eyes, I suppose.
PALAESTRIO
I don't ask you that, you vagabond. Step this way: you're undone now, unless I know the truth. Did you draw the wine for him?
LUCRIO
I did not draw it.
PALAESTRIO
Do you deny it?
LUCRIO
I' faith, I do deny it undoubtedly; for he charged me not to tell. I really didn't just5 draw for him eight half pints into a pitcher, and, when drawn, he didn't just drink it hot6, at his breakfast.
PALAESTRIO
And you didn't just drink as well?
LUCRIO
The Gods confound me if I did drink--if I could drink.
PALAESTRIO
Why so?
LUCRIO
Because, in fact, I only sipped; for it was too hot; it burnt my throat.
PALAESTRIO
Some are gloriously drunk, while others are drinking vinegar-water7. The cellar's trusted to an honest butler, as well as under-butler.
LUCRIO
I' faith, you'd be doing the same, if it was entrusted to you. Since you can't follow our example, you are envious now.
PALAESTRIO
Come, now, did he ever draw any wine before this? Answer me, you rascal. And, that you may understand it, I give you this notice: if you purposely tell me an untruth, you shall be put to the torture.
LUCRIO
Indeed so? That you may inform, forsooth, that I told you; and then I shall be turned out of my fattening post in the cellar, that you may find another under-butler to draw for your own self.
PALAESTRIO
On my honour, I will not; come, speak out boldly to me.
LUCRIO
By my troth, I never saw him draw any. But thus was it; he requested me, and then I drew it.
PALAESTRIO
Think of that now! very frequently, I guess, the casks were standing on their heads8 there.
LUCRIO
No, faith, the casks would not9 have stood so very badly there. But there happened to be in the cellar a bit of a slippery spot; a two-pint pot was placed there, near the casks, in this fashion shows the way . Frequently, that was filled ten times in a day. When the pot acted the reveller, the casks were all tottering.
PALAESTRIO
Get you gone in-doors. Both of you, I find, are acting the revellers in the wine-cellar. I' faith, I shall fetch my master home just now from the Forum.
LUCRIO
aside . I'm ruined. My master, when he comes home, will have me tortured, when he knows of these doings. I' faith, I'll fly somewhither, and put off this punishment to another day. To the AUDIENCE. Don't you tell him10, I do entreat you most earnestly. He is going.
PALAESTRIO
Whither are you betaking yourself?
LUCRIO
I am sent elsewhere: I'll come back here just now.
PALAESTRIO
Who has sent you?
LUCRIO
Philocomasium.
PALAESTRIO
Go; be back directly.
LUCRIO
If it is divided, prithee do you only take my share of the punishment while I'm away. (Exit LUCRIO.)
PALAESTRIO, alone.
PALAESTRIO
So--I understand what scheme the lady is upon. Because Sceledrus is asleep, she has sent her under-keeper away out of doors, whilst she may pass from our house to next door. That's all right. Looks down the street. But Periplecomenus is bringing here a woman of very comely appearance, her, for whom I commissioned him. By my faith, the Gods are helping us in this matter. How becomingly drest she struts along11, not like a Courtesan. This business is prospering charmingly in our hands. Stands aside.