About That 3rd Baby...

I was looking back at a post from years ago because I needed to find an old photo of Layla, and read a few little snippets from her baby-hood. I was shocked because I had written about phases, quirks and stories  of Layla the Baby that I have since completely forgotten. This was depressing because I have been terrible about blogging during Noa's life (I'm excellent about Instagramming though! Partial credit?), and am now wondering what phases of hers I have already forgotten and aren't even on the record for posterity.

So here is a post all about Noa, and her first 15 months.

Baby's first August.

Noa can whistle. Like legit whistle. She unintentionally holds her lips in the exact right position (that older children try SO hard to pull off) so that her normal breathing creates a 2 second whistle tone. I first noticed it during her crawling phase (around 7 months) when I was home alone with her and kept hearing whistling. This is alarming when it's just you and a baby in the house. She hadn't been doing it so much lately, but it definitely belongs in the annals of her weird.

Noa was the EASIEST infant of all time. She would do cardio smiling most of the day, and when she got tired from that, she would whine a little bit. We learned that this first whine meant that she wanted to be taken to bed immediately with no other to-do. We put her face down, and she would do a move we called "shrink-wrapping" where she would just short of condense in on herself, snuggling her blanket closer, and drawing all her limbs into a little ball. No crying, no looking back, just shrink wrap it, and nap it.

Lighting up a room is tiring...better go straight to sleep.

That said, she has become the worst sleeping toddler of all our kids. This is 100% our fault as we havent tried even a bit to sleep train her, and since I let her nurse around the clock when we were breastfeeding (which went away after her 13th month and she doesn't even care!...meanwhile I am mourning.). She wakes up 1 or 2 times after going to bed every night. She doesn't want anything in particular--though we sometimes give a bottle (bottles forever, because she's a BABY!). We are, um, in process on that one. Since she and Layla share a room (Noa is in the walk-in closet), crying it out isn't really the same game as it would be if she was alone (though Layla can sleep through a LOT). This storyline is TBD.

we are now paying for the11 pm nursing/snuggle sessions that I allowed. WORTH IT TIMES INFINITY

Noa has the most sophisticated palate of any baby I know. When she was about 8-9 months old and had barely started solids, she seemed interested in Jesse's sea bass risotto one day. Her let her try some and ended up with legit stingy thoughts about how significantly much of his meal she ended up eating/taking from him. She gets incredibly bored with simple foods like yogurt or cheerios, and needs at least one adventurous meal a day. She will snub applesauce and slam farro and soybean salad. The big kids cannot believe she won't join their "team" of picky eaters and are disgusted when they see her downing sundried tomato couscous.

Baby is a fiend for kale smoothies. Check out that leg pudge glory.

Naturally after eating comes the poop. Like Layla, Noa thinks it's the height of coolness to poop in a brand new diaper. She also poops tiny pellets (and no, shes not dehydrated and she gets plenty of fiber) that look like little nothing-balls, but smell wretched. She's creating like poop's equivalent of bullion cubes. Such concentrated "flavor" in a tiny package.  She also is the quickest draw in the west at reaching down during a diaper change and grabbing the open tab of the dirty diaper and whipping it out from under her--sending poop pellets scurrying about. Even when you are ready for this move, you cannot prevent it.

Dolls upon dolls.

Noa is a safety enthusiast. We knew we wouldn't do a baby gate on our stairs, so from the time she could climb them, we started teaching her how to safely go down. Same for disembarking from couches and beds: get on your tummy and scoot back down until your feet hit something solid. She took to this rapidly, and may be guilty of overusing it. if we are walking and there is the slightest downhill slope she turns around, lies on her belly and tries to backward scoot "down" it (even if it is just a 4-inch difference in sea level over 3 linear feet). Any change in altitude =  belly scoot.

She has begun to loathe her carseat and car rides longer than 10 minutes. This is brand new for us as we have only had kids who were great car riders (including her!) up til now. But we have also never kept a kid backward-facing past a year (b/c Judah and Layla were around before that was like a fully real thing and, I dunno, we are terrible) so maybe it's developmental. Her current carseat is rated up to 30 lbs and she is currently only 22, so we have a long time to go still.  That is fine, but the weird thing is that when she is staying with her Grand Dukes, she LOVES the seat and will go crawl into it and immediately fall asleep. Does she do this anywhere else? No. 

So one night when she was 10 months old, we were hanging out with Jesse's parents after an early date night and Noa was sleepy. So Jesse got her "all set up" in her carseat in the bedroom. After an hour or so I asked him, "you totally buckled her in right?" because, I dunno, she was already walking at this point in life and those things are hard to balance a moving child on without restraint. He was like, "um, no, she passed right out though." I asked him to go check on her and buckle her just in case.

He walked in the bedroom and the carseat was empty.


So that's a bit startling for him. But there's no sign of her anywhere else either!


Then he sees this...

Nerd had gotten out of her seat, crawled under the bed--in the pitch dark, mind you--and fallen soundly asleep. Freaking wonderful!

She MAY have a temper. From being the easiest and sweetest little baby, she is now in the running to be the most rage-a-holic older baby in the family. She is just NOT about being told no. I think since she's our magic #3 princess who has always been pampered by everyone, it's kind of a rude awakening to be discovering that her will does not equal law any longer. At the first sign of noncompliance to her wishes, she gets MAD. A completely mad--not sad--baby is a wonder. Seeing her hulk-rage against who or whatever is holding her back is a sight. She can hissy jump her entire high chair across the room if we refuse to let her out of its bonds. If I am holding her while telling her she can't do/have something, she will PINCH ME. It should be interesting to see how this unfolds.

This was taken on an airplane after 2 hours in the air sweatily rage-wrestling each other for dominance. A one year old is the worst travel companion: all the motion and will, no dedicated seat or language skills.

Noa and I have a strong bond. I don't know if it's the longer breastfeeding, spending more days working from home, being more relaxed and a better mom on my third baby, or just her personality (I suspect its all of those combined), but she makes me feel like more of a mom than either of my other two did by this point. That sounds kinda harsh, but it's true. 

Tite-bond.

Because they stopped "needing" me for milk at 5-6 months, it was easy for Judah and Layla to bond elsewhere (re: Jesse) so I didn't get the full measure of that action. And being the broken, flawed person I am, when I feel unloved or un-pursued, I tend to pull back myself (I know this is nuts to do with a baby, but I only realized this in retrospect). I think that led to a bit of a gap in my mommy bond with those two until they were older. With Noa I have never doubted that I am her #1 source of attachment and security and have intentionally leaned in to her even when I don't feel that. She adores Jesse, but I finally feel like the "Oh, she just wants her mama!" thing is actually true, and it has been affirming (and sometimes annoying--Noa, let a lady pee!) to feel so secure in that position.  

Cant really blame anyone for liking him best, though.

She has three teeth. 3. The bottom middle two teeth came in as expected around 6-8 months. Then nothing until 13 months, and blammo: one tooth. And just like Judah: IT ISNT A MIDDLE TOOTH! It is a single, next-one-over, vampire situation! Unlike Judah, there have been no other teeth following close behind (he had a nice matching set). Poor girl doesn't even have a top-bottom pair that matches up yet. 

Precious Moments.

Dark hair. Her entire life. No sign of fair. I am giving it one more summer to lighten up and then I'm ordering a maternity test.  I joke.  I would love a little baby brunette. I think all 3 kids will end up brown (Jesse started out very blonde his first few years). She is rocking the full on mullet right now with no sign of curls, but can pull of delightful piggie sprout tails. I do think the sun with lighten her up a good bit, but am doubting it will go full blonde. What a world. 

She has an obession with LaCroix sparkling water. This is Jesse and my every day, 4x a day drink. But kids don't usually love it, much less babies. But she sees that can and is all "WAH-WAH" with grabby hand motions until I put a straw in and let her have some. The bubbles make for interesting reactions since she is utterly surprised by them every time and does this bizarre inside-out-mouth face. 

This is the same face she makes eating buttered rice: sucking the butter off every grain. Maternity test cancelled: she's OBVIOUSLY mine.

Hopefully I have covered enough of her quirks to fill in the rapidly growing brain gaps my old age is providing. This little baby is sweet and feisty and attached and independent and soft and fiere and we cannot wait to see who this delightful potato dumpling is becoming and all the weird phases she goes through on her way!

We love you, Noa Lou!

Love-Love

Noa's been standing independently for 3 or so weeks now, but whenever we make any indication that we see her or are proud, she immediately drops down like she got busted. So this was the first time we caught it on camera (unlike Layla who did it for the first time with zero warning at 8.5 months while I was ALREADY filming her for something else).

Kind of died that she picked up the gold Tinker Toy lid and held it like this right at the camera...

Today is Noa's 10 month birthday and Judah's First Grade Orientation. UMWHAT. So if you need me, I'll be slathering Layla with vernix and trying to reattach her umbilical cord.

Noa-pdate: 6 months

Noa's half birthday is Monday (mine is today, thank you. Magical 32.5. Sounds like an easy listening radio station). I am obviously super annoyed that the baby who made me pregnant for what felt like 4 years somehow has become 6 months old in ten minutes. My precious little Time-bender.

Here is what she is up to these days as Noa Lou enters her third trimester on the outside.

Eating: LIKE A CHAMP! Sometime in March she officially became my longest breastfeeding baby ever. I may have fed Layla a few cursory snacks in her 5th month, but my supply was so dwindle-some that it was never a full meal. 

Noa has still never had any formula and my supply seems great (my body agrees as I am still cycleless...aka not yet a cyclist).  She is getting super speedy at meals...but also is a crazy distractoid. She loves to kick my stomach and push off (thereby de-latching herself in the most painful way possible) at a rate rivalling that of a hummingbird's wings.

OK. Fine. Kick me all you want, then.

With Judah we started solids a few days before his 4 month birthday (and gave him an ice cream cone before his 5 month birthday...whaaaa?) because he was our first and we were dumb and all into pushing the milestones. Layla was slightly later but well before 6 months. Despite Noa being very interested in whatever we are eating, she won't get solids until her actual 6 month birthday at least....just so I can actually say I have made it that far on boobs alone. I am really excited to make all her baby food just like I did for Layla. It's weirdly cathartic for me in a way that cooking adult food isn't (AKA turns me into she-Gordon Ramsay at the beloved people I am cooking for if they dare to interrupt me).

She DID have an illegal raisin fed to her by Layla (who DEFINITELY knows better). It was found by our nannying family in her diaper. Layla is a definite boundary-pusher when it comes to Noa (and when it comes to who is actually the mommy), and she got a long raisin-suspension for this infraction.

It's a pizza crust, but it was a teething stick, not a snack. She basically made a Gluten+Saliva smoothie and then wore it.

I am not sure how things really work from here. Do babies who nurse to/beyond 1 year just get down to breastfeeding only a a few times a day? and my body just slows down to match that? My big kids slept through the night (with training) at 3 months which is when I went back to work and was the beginning of the end of supply for me so it seems foreign to me that I would be able to make milk for 3 daytime meals and then slow down overnight...just naturally without running out? Is that how it should go?

Speaking of which:

Sleeping: HA! Noa is still in our room, and is getting very large and man-handley in her rock n play sleeper contraption. we definitely have to buckle her little seatbelt in that thing or she flips over and pulls herself up to peep over the back or side. 

What's the upper limit on this thing?

She takes 2 or 3 solid naps a day...usually in our bed but sometimes in the sleeper and rarely in the crib (since it is in the sewing room and when she's asleep that's usually what I am doing). She will go down for the night at about 6-7 and I give her a dream-feed meal whenever I turn in between ten and twelve. From there, she usually wakes up around 3 and then not again until morning. I would love for this night feeding to drop out magically, but it might take moving her into her room and letting her fuss it out to accomplish this.  I think she'd go back to sleep without being fed, but since she's so close, as soon as I hear any peep I am on autopilot just scooping her up (NEVER forgetting that she is buckled...definitely not) and popping her on the breast. Whereas in another room I might turn down the monitor for 5 minutes and see what she does when she isn't instantly fed...just for that one middle of the night session. But I am also still not feeling run down in any way so I am hesitant to move her and let her sleep all night since it was the harbinger of unwanted weaning with my other 2.

She weirdly prefers back sleeping (as opposed to side) in her sleeper, side in the big bed, and tummy sleeping in her crib. Or maybe I am making that up. I sense a pattern though.

Side sleeping and basically being perfect.

She does sometimes get so tired she refuses to do anything and not even my go-to nursing her down will work. for this we strap her into her bed and let her get super angry for a minute or two. Her paci will fall out and that makes her even more saddy-maddy. Then we just walk up, put the paci back in and she's almost instantly asleep. I call this "The Wilson Theorem." She's super angry and foresakes the paci, but once she sees how horrible life is without it she is so happy to get it back that she's just super loving and content and goes to dreamland with him. Much like how Tom Hanks punts Wilson, his VolleyFriend, in a fit of rage in Castaway and then regrets it so hard and is so relieved to get him back.

Nursing Down: it 90% of the time it works every time.

And when it doesn't work. IT DOESNT WORK (this wasa  pre "wilson theorem" discovery meltdown...AND when I had the biggest zit of my life and wearing a huge bandaid was literally more discreet than not wearing it. My chin grew a chin, yall).

New Developments: Easily flipping over both ways constantly. Taking pacis with a vengeance (hooray!). Eating her toes. Sitting up unassisted for 10-15 seconds at a time. Riding in the cart at the grocery store without her carseat. Getting up on all fours (briefly...the knees are mastered but she needs to work on her upper body strength).. Babbling G noises. Bottom two teeth almost visible (and have been for a month I swear!). Earned a PhD in drool studies with a minor in chewing on everything (she almost ingested a Publix receipt completely before I realized what was happening). Is trying to sit up from lying down by lifting her head and flexing her abs!

I call this "the curveball" first two fingers of her throwing arm, in the mouth 70% of the chews.

"the three-finger changeup" for the rare, extra tired situation. Also goes by the "hang ten" for the fingers NOT inside the mouth.

Feeling all the kinds of cheeky about her rolling over skills.

Photo cred: Judah. Smile Cred: Judah. Roly Poly Chunk Cred: mommy.

Sitting in a grocery cart instead of a cozy uterus? LOL, ma.

All the pedidexterity of a chimp.

Temperment: Are you kidding me? This is the world's happiest, chillest, most fun babe. Example: I took her to urgent care one Sunday because I suspected an ear infection. This was the interaction with the Doctor:

Dr.: So this is Noa. [Noa smiles cheesily and laughs at him] My daughter has a "Noa" on her volleyball team who is an excellent player. [I am filled with irrational pride that this somehow means something] So, what are her symptoms?

Me: Well she cried like really loud for a 5 minute stretch about an hour ago. And she has the sniffles. [Noa smiles some more and chews her fists]

Dr.: Um....is this your first baby? [Noa continues to smile and do jumping legs]

Me: Hahaha, No, dude. It's my third. I promise I am not just being an over-reactive noob mom. 

Dr.: This baby does not seem to have an ear infection, but you never can tell. [looks in ear] That one looks fine. 

Me: *gets worried that I AM an over-reactive noob mom after all and have just wasted a $50 copay*

Dr.: [looking in other ear] Well this one is about as red as a fire engine.

Me: [aloud] HA-HA! I TOLD YOU! *icky shuffles*

Ear infection. LOL

So yeah, this kid is the bomb. Except the part where she is like a world class goalkeeper at denying us putting medicine in her mouth. No matter what method, how sneaky or how far back we stick the dropper in her mouth, she manages to push ALL the medicine liquid out and get everyone sticky and bothered. So we didn't give her her antibiotic after wasting about 25 mL trying to get her to ingest 5mL. Luckily it turned out to just be viral and went away on its own. So far she hates bubblegum, cherry and grape flavors. Any pain relievers in "mommy" flavor for sale out there?

Stats: 25" long and 15.5 lbs at 4mo3wks. 16.6 lbs at 5mo2wks (according to urgent care). So much chunky thighs! they are delectable and straining the bounds of Pampers' leg holes. Has a booty like Jesse and Layla: perfect bubble muscle chunks. Finally shed her dark side-of-the-ears hair that she and Layla both weirdly had (like hobbits!).

LEG CREASES OF DELICIOUSNESS

Family Role: Beloved #1 favorite of every member. We spend much more time fighting over who GETS to take care of her than we do over who has to. I literally had to put both kids in time out at a friends' house because they broke out into a brawl over who got to lean over the carseat to see Noa (after they had already pushed our friends' kids out of the way...who NEVER get to even see her).

Layla feels Judah encroaching on her Noa time.

Every. Single. Day.

Judah is insanely tender and schmoopy with her, saying at least once a day, "Shes the cutest thing in the whole world!" If only he could realize he has TWO baby sisters and apply the same smooshiness to Layla sometimes. In his words "I have a baby sister and a regular sister," however.  

Another funny: He was looking at his chore chart the other day and said, "mommy, Noa should just have one job." I asked him what it would be. He replied, "breast-eating." Genius.

She's breast-eating? no worries, he has no boundaries!

Layla is aggressively in love with her (aggressive is her love language) baby sister. She pushes the limits with hugs, kisses, rocking, booty-patting, belly-pooting, and apparently raisin-feeding to the point where Noa loves it and then immediately starts crying when it goes too far and get too intense. We are trying to let her get her violent attachments out of her system on us and save the gentle for Noa. To be fair, it's a gentle giant syndrome, Layla is smitten to death by Noa and is never trying to hurt her. I really want to protect the sisterhood and not make Layla resentful of our protection of Noa or Noa resentful of Layla's brute force.

"Um, ma? You gonna intervene here?"

Daddy is also 100% sucker for this kid. This is the first baby that he has really been away from all workday. While that is a bummer it is also good because I, the milky one, am with her most, and because he gets to fall in love with her all over again every day when he gets home (and relieves me!). Noa loves feeling his scratchy beard while rabbit kicking/leg-pressing him in the throat. No one can put her to sleep in the crib as her Daddy can.

Jesse is thrilled to get Fridays off (preacher life) and he is the babysitter those days and brings her to my office to eat and hangs out with her the rest of the time. He is the babywearing daddy master. Noa spends about an average of 2 hours a day being worn by someone and about 2/3rds of that time is on Jesse. Love that bond.

 It's possible they like one another.

For me, Noa continues to be my magic baby. I know I am a better mom, having learned from my many mistakes with the first two, and am much more laid back about milestones, schedules, and routine. With all the time I spend not doing those things, I have hours a day freed up to just marvel at her and love her.  And boy do I.  It does also help that she is a delightfully upbeat and chill baby.   

She honestly makes me a better and gentler parent to the big two because when I find myself drowning in her, I also regret that I rushed past some of their babyhoods, or hurried them into growing up in many ways-- so she is a fabulous reminder that I want to treasure them and just let them be where they are right now (because really, they are ALL still babies in the grand scheme of things). 

Loves: outside, car rides (no stopping!), bamboo blankies, pulling hair, pushing (literal) buttons, my keys, being worn, pacis, assisted standing, jumping in her office, sitting in her highchair, looking at/chewing on my phone (has uncanny 360* awareness of where it is).

Hates: medicine, getting buckled in her carseat, being stuck on the ground rather than sitting/standing, getting out of the tub.

Nicknames: Noa-pie, Noa Boa, Nowee-Dowee, Baby Lou, Baby Sweets, Boo-ba Lou

One amazing story to sign off with.

About a month ago Judah and Layla were playing room and I kept hearing them saying "Baby Jesus likes it warm in here." So I went in to investigate wondering what on earth the meant, and found this scene unfolding.

I found it kind of genius that Layla was using her Merid (from Brave) costume to be Mary. Like, "Layla, who are you supposed to be?" And she's all, "I'm Mary. Duh." Get it?

I was curious about how in the world Judah would represent Joseph and was NOT disappointed when he came back in. In fact I almost passed out with glee at how much he nailed it (you can't really tell but his hoodie is inside out to the all-gray side as well).

Joseph Wan Kenobi, Baby Jesus, and Mary(duh). On a cold night in Bethlehem. You can tell they're good parents by how happy Jesus is.

And you can tell she's a good baby by how happy her parents are.

To my baby babygirl,

There just doesn't seem to be adequate vocabulary to describe how much you've added to our world, Noa Lou. Your name means "His conquering Love in motion," and I am delighted to report that some of the things that I have mourned or been ashamed or regretful about myself in how I mother have been the first things conquered by His love in motion in your little life. Your light is already shining into some of the dark places in me, your daddy, your brother and your sister and conquering that darkness with His love. Thank you.

I know you probably won't always be giddy to snuggle up to your mama, and odds are you won't always send me into raptures like you have done these first 6 months, but I promise to always try to let Jesus' love in/for/through you run wild where it wants and to conquer my selfishness, weakness, anger, and many other shortcomings. You've got something special going on with you, my dear, and I want to let it grow without getting in the way and to let it change the world.

The only thing beautiful enough to keep me from getting depressed about what you aren't anymore (in my belly safe and sound, a tiny newborn, a non-ambulatory infant) is seeing what you have and will continue to become. If the tiny little seed can do this much to our hearts, I am already praising Jesus for what the mature, fruit-bear tree-version of you is going to do.

With a heart full to bursting for you,

Your Mama.

Noa-pdate: 4 Months

Our Noa Lou is four months old today.

 

We are officially calling her hairstyle a "Noahawk"

By the time Judah was four months old I had come to my breaking point with exhaustion/going back to work and so we finally sleep trained him to sleep all night in his crib in his room. We trained Layla at 3 months and never looked back.

Between months four (with Judah) and five (with Layla), my milk supply was on its way out (due to night sleeping + long workdays away from them) and I wasn't terribly upset to be done with it and independent of a little human needing my body constantly (and I was excited to lose the nursing weight).

Last night Noa was asleep in her real crib, and before Jesse and I turned in, I asked him if we should just let her stay in the other room rather than bringing her into her mini bassinet next to me, where she has been her entire life.  At the exact same time we were both like, "no way."

It feels like I've been breastfeeding her for maybe a week, and if you told me I had to wean anytime soon, I might jump off a bridge. She has never had a particle of formula (both my other kids had had plenty at this point!), and she is awful at bottles (J and L were pros) because I am simply too stingy with her!

My body is beyond weird; it's softer and bigger than ever before, but the temptation to wean (which usually drops 10-15 lbs off me with no effort) to lose some weight is nonexistent.

Because I cannot let this baby go.

She is magical and I am finally the mom who can just drown in the babydom. Judah and Layla were truly excellent and very easy babies, but somehow this one is completely different.

With them every milestone was greeted with a "finally!" but with her it's, "already?!?"

If I could rewind back to October 6th and relive these 4 months, I would do it instantly: nipples so sore I would cry, sleeping 2 hours at a time, postpartum crotch nightmare...all of it again, just to get more of her babyness all over again.

Is this what nice, loving, naturally maternal women feel like from the get-go? How do you ever get anything done?!?! The love is too much!

Maybe it's the thought that this could very well be my last baby. So with every ounce Noa grows I'm thinking, "is this baby in my arms the smallest of my babies I'll ever hold from here on?"

GOOD GRIEF! How does any mom stop having babies, ever?!?! Because knowing I could be saying goodbye to that possibility of a tinier one--FOREVER? I'm tearing up just thinking about it. 

Don't get me wrong, it's hard and mind-numbing and stressful and I could happily take 20 years off  before wanting to go through another pregnancy if mother nature wasn't so strict, but to decide to permanently close that woman who grows babies chapter is too emotional for me to really swallow. 

Is this what the rest of grown up life is like? Sad and final goodbyes to stages and seasons? 32 NO WONDER every mother of older kids constantly tells me "enjoy this; it goes by so fast."

I've spent literally my entire life planning ahead for new adventures: get my license, graduate, go to college, get married, get a job, have kids, have more kids. This is really the first time I've come up against a "this may be my last...." situation where a door could be permanently closing.

14 week old Noa next to hours-old Grady.  Seriously, I have a older model of baby!!! They become obsolete (in terms of teensy) so fast.

So instead of dreading that this may be the last of something, or trying to figure out a way where our life makes any kind of financial/spatial/mental-health sense with even MORE kids, I have decided to just for once listen to my elders and just BE HERE. To enjoy it while it lasts (even if it isn't really the last).

And man does this baby make being right here fun. She is so utterly captivating that she brings me up short about 10 times a day, and my one foot in front of the other, just passing the hours mentality jerks to a halt, and I'm just diving down into the moment of her smile, her sleeping face, her perfect little hands while she is eating (aaaaaand now I'm leaking).

knuckle hair is love

She's just so totally who she is, and man is she perfect for us, and how did we ever go without this tiny little girly-sister?!

And with no poetic syntax or transition, here come a bunch of not extremely well-edited or lit photos and some factoids for posterity. (I always feel like no one cares about these MYBABYMYBABYMYBABY posts, and I hesitate to do them, but I love readings other peoples' baby updates and simply have to record these moments somewhere or I will forget them utterly).

I now work from home on Mondays and Wednesdays (in comparison to just Mondays when J & L were babies) and am with Noa all those days.

Noa does not go to 4-hour preschool at all the way the bigs did all 5 days from the time they were 3 months on (because our beloved school had to stop doing baby classes!). 

On Fridays Jesse is off so he is with her and brings her to me for one feeding and I pump for one (versus pumping 3 times in a row Tuesday through Friday with the other two).

Tuesdays and Thursdays God decided to be insane and give us the most wonderful homeschooling family who watches Noa from 9-4 who lives so close to my work that I am able to feed her once and pump just once on those days too.

Nursing visit at the office! Lucky mama.

*That was probably confusing but I wanted it written down so I dont forget how we managed this!

The most I ever have to pump now is one session at a time--always preceded and followed by nursing her directly. I am a terrible pumper and just do not produce well when I am away from my baby for more than one meal. When I have the baby with me, I am lactationally abundant, so this new schedule has me brimming with milk AND confidence that we will make it farther than ever before.

The smiley-while-eating phase is beyond adorable, and spills so much milk from that gaping grin! (I can't make this pc not-green for some reason).

Despite all our efforts, Noa resists the paci! She will absolutely not take it from me, and only selectively from Jesse. The nanny-fam, the Denny's, have better luck with this than we do, but it's nowhere near the silver bullet of peace that it was for Layla.

She's not totally impressed.

Noa also is not swaddle-dependent like the other two were. I was losing my mind the first few months because she would not nap unless in her carseat or on me. She would do great at night in her rocking sleeper bassinet thing, but naps were awful.

Right now she sleeps about 11 or midnight to 7 am. About 50% of the time she wakes up for a 3/4am feeding and the rest of the time she goes straight through. She might not even need the meal, but I am on autopilot in that as soon as I hear noise, I am zombie grabbing her in my sleep and shoving a boob in her mouth. She'd probably just go back to sleep in her own room, but I dont mind because I know it is keeping my supply up, and --super strange--I am just not exhausted at all with this baby and genuinely enjoy seeing her in the middle of the night. 

I don't even know who I am anymore.

I finally did away with the swaddle and  let her sleep on her side and/or belly for naps--always with me in the same room. I realize this makes me a naughty SIDS rule breaker and it terrified me at first but since Jesse or I was always present, we went ahead with it because it changed everything. We are now at the point where she can flip over anyway (using her head to propel her over...with a raging bald spot to prove it) in addition to being supervised when she's not on her back. She is weirdly content on her back at night still. 

Her star blanket and other bamboo ones like it are her everything. she will lie for an hour just cuddling, chewing on and hiding herself under these soft-as-liquid dream boats.

Jesse disagrees, but I think Noa is in the middle between Judah McSerious and Layla SmilerPants (he thinks Noa is most smiley). She does NOT mind giving you a blank stare while you act like a fool to try to make her laugh, but she also breaks into smiles for giant portions of the day as well. Her face looks like it is cracking open wide the way her adorable smile transforms it completely. She has two tiny dimples very close to the corners of her mouth whose appearance we live for.

The dimple on her left is easier to coax out than the right side. GAH they're cute!

She laughs a lot and it is just hit and miss to what gets her going, and--just like the smile--it kinda comes out of nowhere-from zero to sixty facially!

She has started cooing and babble/squeaking a TON! Every morning I wake up thinking a tiny puppy is loose in our room when it's just her in her bed happily chirruping away. She also growl/yells in an alarming way that seems like she angry, but apparently is not? Yeah.

She may be teething already. She is pretty drooly and loves chewing on her fists. recently she started sticking her index/middle fingers in and chewing on them (NOT SUCKING...I will resist finger/thumb sucking for life!). It's getting hard to grab pictures of her without her hands in her mouth.

Tools of the teething trade. Bib and Sophie the giraffe! (Hippie amber necklace coming soon once I can coax it off Layla, who has been wearing it for 4 years). Neither is as effective as her hands.

Her favorite things are: riding in the car, taking baths, looking at any iPhone screen anywhere all the time (oh, brother...), being worn. She hates shots more than any child of mine so far and FREAKED out after her first round of vaccines (I think because I didn't rub her legs afterward and she got super sore).

Being worn by Godmommy Stephie at Girls Group! Cue ovulation from the DINK girly!

Bath time is happy time.

Noa blows out every single poop no matter what size diaper it is. She poops almost exclusively sitting up while in her carseat or while being burped (I'm considering putting her on the toilet) and I think the poop has nowhere to go in this position but up the back or out the side. Many of her outfits have a permanent poop stain in the tramp-stamp vicinity. I don't mind a bit because I seriously love the smell of breastmilk poop. (She did have one most epic of blowouts while we were on vacation in Florida that deserves it's own tribute).

She is a chunky monkey with a sweet belly and yummy rolls like her sister had, but who never got baby acne (like her sister VERRRRRRY much did. yikes). She is super chill and have infinite patience--until she just doesn't. There is happy and there is enraged, with not much fussy-warning stage in between.

speaking of Layla vs Noa at 4 months. (Jesse is an undiagnosed jaundice survivor?)

Her siblings are still beyond obsessed with her and our main parenting task is keeping Layla from hurting her while trying to give her love. 

One day Noa will annoy her...that's what little siblings do. But that's really hard to believe since Layla is pretty much Noa's full time stalker right now.

Judah is the gentle papa already and rushes to her at the first sign of distress to rock her, kiss her and say, "it's okay, it's okay." If things escalate he goes, "Okay! It is NOT okay anymore!"

I posted this on Instagram and it's just one in a hundred of these moments:

caption: I told Judah to buckle up while I got Layla from her teacher at carpool line today, and was frustrated when I turned back and he wasn't yet buckled and asked why and what has he been doing? He said, "I tried to buckle, but the love power was so strong it pulled me out of my chair." I asked him to show me what he was talking about.... Apparently his love for Noa sucked him right out of obedience and over the seat! #Understandable #FullPardon #ThatsThePowerOfLove#BestBigBrother #BroMagnet

Joining us on a date. There is no third wheel on this perfectly-oiled tricycle!

Barring advancements in time travel, you can find me from here on firmly in the moment with this baby and our bigger babies too. If the door is closing forever, Imma get as much emotional baggage through it as I can first!

elbow patch PJs? ALL DAY YES

UPDATED ONE HOUR AFTER POSTING: I got home and saw a chance to grab a pic of something I wrote about above that didn't have photo evidence: 

Awwww the hand gnawing!

I went to scoop and cuddle her up and felt something strange. 

Awwww she provided a photo op for another topic I wrote about! Thanks, Noa-pie.

Those sheets had been clean and on the bed for 30 minutes when this occurred. 

Ask me if I plan to change them again.