HUMOUR

dans un Super Bazar où l’on vend de tout.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 Le patron lui demande s’il a de l’expérience.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              « Si j’ai de l’expérience ? Dans la vente ? Aaiaiaiaiaille, ti me demande ça à moi, Mourice ? » J’suis le Roi de la vente, moi !
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Mon cousin il avait une boutique, j’ai tout vendu. Maintenant il est parti au souleil, tellement j’ l’ai rendu riche... sir la tête de ma mère, y’a pas meilleur vendeur que moi.

Le Patron, amusé par la situation décide d’essayer le jeune homme pour la journée.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       Le soir, il revient pour voir ce qu’il a bien pu vendre.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               - « Alors, combien de ventes as-tu fait aujourd’hui ? »
- « Une seule, sur ma tête Patron, il est v’nu qu’un client »
- « Ce n’est pas très brillant ça, et une vente de combien ? »

- « Seulement 100.000 Euros, patron »
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               - « Quoi ? 100.000 ? Tout rond ? Mais...comment ça ? » 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Et Mourice, il raconte :

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                - « Y a un type qu’est v’ni et j’li ai vendu un hameçon. Pis, j’li propose la petite canne à pêche au lancer et une série de mouches. »
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 Et comme j’li dit qu’il peut pas pêcher sans être bien équipé, j’li vends aussi la grande canne avec la ligne et les bouchons et un moulinet.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Sur la tête de ma mère, « t’en as jamais vi un comme ca », que j’li dis, « ti peux r’monter Moby Dick avec ça ». 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               Après, pour pas qu’il ait honte devant les autres pêcheurs, j’li ai vendu l’équipement, les bottes, le ciré et le bob. Parce qu’avec sa canne toute neuve, s’il a pas l’équipement, y va passer pour un plouc, hein chef ?!!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         Et les clients de Ben F’nech, ils peuvent avoir l’air con mais pas l’air plouc. 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 Pis, j’li demandé où il va aller pêcher. Im dit « sur la côte ». Alors, j’li dis qu’il f’rait bien d’acheter un bateau pour pêcher au large, et j’li vends le hors-bord de 12 mètres avec les deux moteurs.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Et j’li demande comment y va emmener son bateau sur la côte. Y savait pas. Alors, j’li ai vendu la nouvelle Mercedes et une remorque pour tracter le bateau. 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Et pis on a fait les comptes. Ça faisait 101.124 Euros. Alors j’li dis : « comme t’es un bon client, j’ti fais un prix : 100.000 tout rond, mais ti paies cash.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 - Il a dit « j’passe à la banque et j’arrive ». Et 1/2 heure après, il est rev’nu avec l’argent et il a tout pris, patron. Les sous sont là dans la caisse. » 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Le Patron est scié, complètement ahuri, assis par terre. Il n’en croit pas ses oreilles, il regarde l’argent dans la caisse et dit :

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  - « T’as vendu une Mercedes et le hors-bord à un gars qui venait pour acheter un hameçon ? »

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  - « Heu ... bin non, pas vraiment, patron. » L’client, y vnait pour ach’ter une boîte TAMPAX pour sa femme, alors j’li ai dit : « Puisque ton week-end il est foutu, pourquoi t’irais pas à la pêche ? »