Pax Nortona – A Blog by Joel Sax
From the Land of the Lost Blunderbuss
Category: Attitudes
Leap and the Net Will Appear
Posted on May 25, 2017 in Attitudes self-esteem Writing Exercises
I have the least good opinion of myself.
Accountability and the Grim Facts of Depression
Posted on April 22, 2015 in Anxiety Attitudes Compassion Depression Guilt
The black spiral literally knocked me off my feet. I decided on my own to stop taking Geodon — a horrible drug that left me dizzy for all but the last three to four hours of my waking day — and I crashed and crashed hard. My bedroom was my habitation; my cats my constant companions. I felt the after effects for months — a dimness of the world, a heaviness on the brain, and difficulty forming thoughts. Shortly after I emerged from more than a week of never moving from the bed, I wrote:
I count nine days of nothing but turning on my bed, sleeping on the best of them, just clutching blankets on the worst. I run back and forth writing, thinking, and hiding under the covers for this one. That’s my activity and I need to make more. I’d be at the gym working out except I took two Ativan and do not wish to risk the drive. And it is too hot and unshaded for the walk around the condos that I have made my regimen.
Coming “back” implies seemingly ridiculous victories. Today you brush your teeth. You take one less Ativan. You go for that walk twice at dawn like you should. You write in your journal. You blog. All in between visits to the bed, your teacher and your protector.
Just yesterday, I heeded studies which suggest that spirituality helps those suffering from depression and mixed and remixed the books next to my bed until I found a pocket Buddhist companion. This (translated into the objects of depression) made sense to me:
I am not my depression. My depression is not me. The world is not my depression.
This doesn’t say that I lie under the covers for not discernible cause and it doesn’t say to stop taking the meds as appropriate. It simply separates my disease in the same manner as one might separate the eye or the ear. My eye is not me. I am not my eye. My eye is not the world.
We get into an ownership thing in Western thinking — if not throughout the whole world. We own our body parts and our diseases rather than seeing them as causes. They are neither separate of us nor part of us. They are facts.
This gives me personal relief from this nine day good-riddance if rid of it that I am. And I’d rather not talk more about this. It makes sense to me.
Grandiosity, Branding, and the Purposeless Driven Life
Posted on March 22, 2015 in Attitudes Mania Reflections Silicon Valley
I live with bipolar disorder and one of my symptoms is grandiosity.
Typing Errors
Posted on September 3, 2013 in Anxiety Attitudes Bipolar Disorder Fear Reflections
Mistakes like this cause me to enter a highly vigilant state of mind.
Shame and Sociopathy
Posted on March 7, 2013 in Attitudes Guilt Mental Illness Personality Disorders Responsibility Therapy
There exists a class of life coaches and therapists who urge us to get rid of our self-condemnations. The way to mental health, they insist, is to become a sociopath who feels no remorse for what he has done. In the course of my life, I have done wicked things. Much of it was done while in the thrall of my disorder. I have never physically hurt others since my early teenaged days, but I have put a serious fright into a few. I do not want to repeat these. My healthy shame is a signpost to the past: “Do not go back there.” And I heed it.
Forgiveness
Posted on February 19, 2008 in Agnosticism Attitudes Ettiquette
It has occurred to me, after much therapy and thought about the suggestions that my psychologist makes, that to forgive we must feel safe. That is why it is easy to forgive the dead (unless we are plagued by a belief in ghosts) — they are no longer around physically.
This puts into a new light the exhortation by people of faith to forgive: “Forgive because you are backed by a greater power than this tormentor of yours. They can only wreak physical harm on you. When it is over, there is still the Life Everlasting.” This makes it easy for those faced with the demons of daily life and who believe. But the problem is “Is this just a lie we tell ourselves?”
Forgiveness is a good thing, but to manifest broadly without religion we need to create new terms for safety.
It’s Not Funny
Posted on November 6, 2007 in Agnosticism Attitudes
How many radical Lesbian feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. And it’s not fun-ny.
A recent study conducted by male researcher finds that the joke is right. It’s not funny:
“Sexist humor is not simply benign amusement. It can affect men’s perceptions of their immediate social surroundings and allow them to feel comfortable with behavioral expressions of sexism without the fear of disapproval of their peers,” said Thomas E. Ford, a new faculty member in the psychology department at WCU. “Specifically, we propose that sexist humor acts as a ‘releaser’ of prejudice.”
In their research article*, Ford and the graduate student co-authors describe two research projects designed to test the theory that “disparagement humor” has negative social consequences and plays an important role in shaping social interaction.
“Our research demonstrates that exposure to sexist humor can create conditions that allow men – especially those who have antagonistic attitudes toward women – to express those attitudes in their behavior,” he said. “The acceptance of sexist humor leads men to believe that sexist behavior falls within the bounds of social acceptability.”
Undoubtably this behavior extends to other arenas such as this “inspirational posters” contest by Friendly Atheist. Ironically the people who say that religion breeds nothing but discord breed antagonism — the root of violent conflict — by these means. The same is true of Christians who make jokes about atheists and others. Etc. etc. etc.
It makes me think that I should have said something about the “towelheads” remark that I heard the other day. Except the guy was drunk and dangerous.
On a related note, andrea the serial deviant outlines her voluntary simplicity movement for blogging.
Lowbagging
Posted on March 4, 2007 in Attitudes Reflections
Found a term that fits. Provided you pick out the right one of these three definitions:
Now, what exactly is a Lowbagger? The definition varies, and has yet to be specifically pinned down. Some people contend a lowbagger belongs to a loosely-knit alternative community that shares resources when living/traveling. Ah, so these lowbaggers are modern-day gypsies, bucking capitalism and living light on the land. Well, no, others say, a Lowbagger is more like a monk, in so much as he or she performs civic duty without pay and needs only food and shelter to maintain this work. Yet, others will proclaim that Lowbaggers live only to ski, float, and play in the out-of-doors, and cluster together in this pursuit, for safety and to save gas money.
See me?
Leaf is Leaf, Skin is Skin
Posted on November 20, 2006 in Attitudes Satisfaction
For me, it is very important to keep the separation, to remember that leaf is leaf and skin is skin.
Egotism
Posted on October 5, 2006 in Attitudes Imagination
I have to confess that the most interesting person I know is myself but only because I can see into my own mind and observe how it works.
Strong Opinions
Posted on June 18, 2006 in Attitudes
f kindness were more the norm of the day, my opinions wouldn’t seem so strong.
