I knew something was missing -
something I haven't posted about
for a while.
Now, what could that be?
Oh yeah.
The boobalisciousness of Ms. De Laurentiis.
You all know how Miss Thang likes
to put her girls out front and center.
But she has her subtle and sometimes
not so subtle ways of doing it.
I like to categorize
how Giada decides in what manner
she will display her ta-ta's.
The first method is her classic Regal Pose.
At the beginning of each episode
and whenever they cut back from commercial,
Giada appears to be sitting on a throne
(OK, It's not really a throne,
but Giada makes it look like one.
She's royal that way.)
while she waxes about what unearthly delights
she's about to prepare.
Look at this pose.
She's practically a freakin' Olympian.
Yes, Giada.
We know.
Your rack is magnificent.
We get it.
I love how she majestically raises her head,
sticks her nose in the air,
looks down her nose,
and deigns to speak to us common riff raff.
I feel so privileged.
Giada's next method
of accentuating les girls
is The Frame.
Giada gesticulates with her hands a lot.
And by so doing she ends up framing her bosoms.
The third method of showcasing her boobage
is what I like to call
the Giada Grin and Bare it.
Another rather coy method she uses is the
Let Me Wipe My Hands.
The next method for prominently displaying
her bodacious ta-ta's to best advantage
is one you're very familiar with -
the Giada Reach.
Items are always placed just outside her reach
so she has to streeeeeeetch to get them.
Another approach Giada utilizes
is the Let Me Go Change For Dinner,
which will always put her decolletage in her guests' faces.
I call this one the Boob Plate Special.
And here we have
The Giada I Know You're Looking
And I Don't Care Because They're Fabulous.
The following I call
The Just Giada.
Because this is just Giada.
The following Giada really has no control over.
Oh wait.
I take that back.
She has total control over it.
I call it The Distracted Photographer.
No food.
No face.
Just boobular area.
Giada also has a calculated move
I call The Giada Bend Over.
She uses this especially when trying to drive home a point.
If any of my readers know of
any more of Giada's ploys to get the
hooters out there,
please let me know.
I imagine some of my gentlemen readers
have that deer in the headlights look by now.
(Get it? Headlights!)
Me?
I don't even remember what she was cooking.
My mammary's just not what it used to be.
* They're real and they're spectacular!
(Courtesy: Seinfeld.)
