Christmas Break 2008

Gentle Readers! It is Solstice! Today is less than one second shorter than yesterday was, and tomorrow is going to be a whopping four seconds longer than today! (in the City of Roses. Adjust appropriately for your locality. This site might help.

So, in celebration of the inevitable turn of the seasons, it's time for the L&TM5K to put its feet up for a week. Hell, maybe even two. We'll see how I feel.

Castle5000 is decked out in holiday style for Christmas, the seasonal celebration of our people, and there are lights, a festooned tree, and little bulbs on the fichus plant in the dining room. The good crèche is on the mantle, and the emergency backup crèche, a cheap plastic dealie that was my late grandfather’s, is up in the guestroom. The latter has proven alarmingly inviting from attack by Caliban, our living cat. He has swatted a camel and sent the Virgin Mary flying with his tail, but so far we have managed to keep the Baby Jesus from harm. It seems like that would be bad Christmas karma.

So happy holidays to you, whichever ones you subscribe to! No Quizzes this week! Instead, I leave you with this Holiday vignette!

The Holiday Vignette

In the office. Michael5000 happens on some people who are talking about Santa Claus. A coworker who grew up in equatorial Africa asks him a question.

Coworker (joking): Do you believe in Santa Claus?

michael5000: No, I never did believe in Santa Claus. I thought the whole idea was crazy.

Coworker: There was a guy in my high school who believed that Santa Claus was killed in the Second World War.

m5k: OK, that’s weird.

Coworker: We thought so too.

pause

Coworker: It’s always weird seeing Santa Claus in Africa.

m5k: Why?

Coworker: Because he always wears the same, the same….

m5k: He’s overdressed!

Coworker: Right.

m5k: Unless maybe he was on the peak of Kilamanjaro.

Coworker: Yes, that’s true.

Over the Ground Lies a Mantle of White

This is going to mean NOTHING to those of you who live in Cleveland, Pennsylvania, New York, and all those other East Coast places to which our dominant American cultural references ("white Christmas," indeed) pertain....

but it is snowing like MAD in the City of Roses. Easily the most snow Castle5000 has seen since it became Castle5000. It's quite beautiful! And inconvenient!

Dark Days in the Northern Hemisphere

OK, this post goes out to all of you Northern Hemisphere dwellers who are affected by Seasonal Affective Disorder, or the winter blues, or who are just bummed out by finishing the day's work when it's already dark outside.

REJOICE!

For tonight's sunset -- Wednesday's, that is -- will be the earliest of the year. If tomorrow, as you leave your office or classroom or factory or whatever it may be, or as you glance up after a long day of righteous labor in the home, if it seems just a tiny bit brighter than it was today -- that's 'cause it is.

But isn't the solstice still eleven days away?

Yes, it is. But the solstice, although it is the shortest day of the year, does not have the earliest sunset or the latest sunrise. The earliest sunset comes today, and then starts creeping later. By the 21st, the sunset is getting later exactly as fast as the sunrise is getting later, and thereafter starts to outpace it. By about January 3rd, the sunrise starts creeping earlier too, and before you know it it's spring.

But Why?

It's really hard to explain. It has to do with the fact that the Earth moves faster through the arc of its orbit this time of year, when it's closer to the sun, giving the cycle of day and night a little push forward. The pattern is reversed in June and July, when we are the furthest from the sun.

Can You Elaborate?

No. I can barely keep it straight in my own head, let alone articulate it clearly. You'll just have to roll with it.

[Photo taken via Google image from the Flickr site of someone named Alice Thelma, who presumably owns the copyright. I imagine it's the same Alice Thelma who has this blog of phenomenal Portland-at-night photos.]

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Wednesday Weigh-In: 205 lbs, 2 below plan, not necessarily for great reasons but I'll take it.

Indulgent Uncle, Preteen Nieces

Christmas Break 2007

As the snow drifts down, gently burying the City of Roses in deep blankets of white, with the clop-clop-clopping of horses' hooves and the merry laughter of children drifting up from the street outside Castle5000; as each and every one of us looks deep within our hearts and find that we believe in Santa Claus after all -- unless we happen to be over the age of five -- it is time for the L&TM5K to put its feet up and start enjoying the winter holidays.

No Monday Quiz this week; we'll be back for the last Thursday Quiz of 2007 on the 27th.

In the meantime, have safe travels and an extremely Merry Christmas. Those of you who are afficianados of "the Sweet Science," have a lovely Boxing Day. If you happen to play football for Arizona State University, I will be in the unusual position of rooting for you during the Holiday Bowl, as you are both representin' the Pac-10 and playing Texas. To a lesser extent, Go Boise State and Purdue as well.

Those of you who, for reasons of religious conviction or lack thereof, or problematic family dynamics, or personal protest against the juggernaut of late capitalism, or sheer apathy, are "not into the Christmas thing" -- you guys all have a Very Merry Tuesday!

One thing we can all agree on. Today has six seconds more daylight than did yesterday (at 46 degrees North Latitude -- adjust as necessary per your locality). That is a fine thing. A fine, fine thing. Anyone reading this in the Southern Hemisphere: go ahead, laugh. Laugh to your heart's content. We'll see who's crying in three months.

A Holiday Story Involving Robyn Hitchcock

The holiday season has arrived, and it's time to get merry for the great annual celebrations of family, friendship, and consumer excess. Saturday evening found Mrs.5000 and myself decking the proverbial halls. Holding off on the exterior lights because of the predicted Great Storm of 2007 (a bit of a disappointment, frankly) we were otherwise wholeheartedly getting our yule on, assembling and then trimming the "tree" to a lovely soundtrack of carols and seasonal songs. Nice.

[Right: The "Tree"]

I'm not sure what made me think to check the calendar, but after I did I came back downstairs to herald, as it were, an abrupt change of mood. "Remember how we got tickets to Robyn Hitchcock?" I asked. "Well, that show is coming right up. In fact, it's in half an hour." Nimble and spontaneous despite our advanced years, we promptly started down the aging hipster's pre-show checklist, finding shoes with the best possible arch support and so on. Then, off to the Doug Fir.


Robyn Hitchcock is the elder statesman of a whole genre of punkish, folkish, absurdist rock music, and he clearly relishes that role. Now, it can't really be said that he brought his "A" game on Saturday. He ran into trouble with each of his first three songs, then stopped the show to scold somebody in front for talking. Still, Robyn Hitchcock's "B" game is better than many a lesser band's perfect execution, and when he followed the rocky start with an absolutely glowing rendition of the lovely "No, I Don't Remember Guildford," he would have won me back even if he had lost me in the first place.

[Right: We Had Fun]

For most of the show, Hitchcock -- whose stage persona and musical muse are equal measures Bob Dylan and Zaphod Beeblebrox -- was backed by his alt-80s supergroup, the Venus 3. I'm not sure if any of these guys really need the money; even if they do, it is clear that they thoroughly enjoy playing music for an appreciative small-club audience. When I grow up, I want to be just like that. The surreal encore medley took the cake: a transition from a rave-up reading of the Velvet Underground's "Heroin" to, of all things, the Doors' "The End," the latter performed absolutely straight-faced even in its most ridiculous aspects ("The killer woke before dawn.... and he put his boots on!").

We were by the stairs, and Peter Buck (of R.E.M., also one of the Venus 3), who I regarded as a figure of nearly divine status during my undergraduate years, kept brushing by us as he came and went during the opening act (one Sean Nelson, who was quite good). Towards the end of the show, I noticed that Decemberist Colin Meloy was standing immediately behind Mrs.5000. In younger life, all of this rock and roll made physically incarnate would have sent me into a swoon. Now, it just made me think, "Wow, I'll have to put this in the blog."

Robyn Hitchcock and the Venus 3