Paying for School

My ongoing adventures in life and the pursuit of more...
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Identity

One of the primary gifts of the story is that of identity.  Knowing our story confers upon us that sense of identity that is critical to both formation and purpose.

The story-less life produces a vacuum that demands filling and by God or by another source it will be filled. Typically, in the absence of the internal pressure created by a storied life, we will adopt the dominant narrative of the world immediately around us. This is more unconscious than conscious though we will become actively committed to the promotion and preservation of the narrative we assume.

Even when that narrative is “they should have no story except the story that they choose when they had no story.” (Hauerwas)

In 1984 a book by Thomas Oden was published called, Care of Souls in the Classic Tradition. In this brief but important book, Oden voices his concern about the shift in pastoral care from the Classic tradition, wholesale, to a modern psycho-therapeutic version. Oden laments the lack of familiarity with our story, illustrated by the neglect in the system of formation for pastors for reading and familiarity with the Classic work on pastoral care by Gregory the Great. In place of our story, Oden demonstrates, we adopted the dominant story of the day that focused on the works of Jung, Freud and other psycho-therapies, to provide pastoral care to help people sort out their issues.

Oden wrote, “So pastoral theology has become in many cases little more than a thoughtless mimic of the most current psychological trends.  Often these trends, as psychologist Paul Vitz has astutely shown, have been bad psychology to begin with.” (Oden, p33)

In 2011, Eugene Peterson’s memoir, The Pastor, as published.  Among the many insights about the storied-life or the importance of the narrative, The Pastor, illustrates over and over again our tendency to assume the dominant narrative of our times when we’ve become disconnected from our story.  This is not a problem exclusive to pastors, this is a human problem. But when those who are charged with the care of souls have become disconnected from our story, what hope can souls have to do anything but the same? When pastors have lost the plot, how do those we shepherd not become “twice the child of hell” we ourselves have become?

In The Pastor, Peterson tells the story of a young pastor who had been part of their “Company of Pastors” that were seeking to recover the plot of our narrative that education and church experience has driven out of them or perhaps had simply failed to transmit to them. A young pastor who had been part of the group for seven years was moving on to “multiply his effectiveness.” Peterson tells about the lunch they shared before this young pastor, Phillip, left.

The more he talked that day over our plate of breadsticks and bowls of vichyssoise, I realized that he had, despite the Company of Pastors, absorbed a concept of pastor that had far more to do with American values – competitive, impersonal, functional – than with what I had articulated as the consensus of our Company in Five Smooth Stones. That bothered me. It didn’t bother me that he was changing congregations – there are many valid, urgent, and, yes, biblical reasons to change congregations.  But Phillip’s reasons seemed to be fueled by something more like adrenaline and ego and size. (Peterson, p156)

In Oden’s experience, our story-less experience found us taking on the dominant narrative of pop-psychology as pastoral care. In Peterson’s experience, this same lack of conviction or coherence about the story we are in, led us to adopt the story that good pastoral care is about growing bigger churches.  Peterson writes, “…the momentum of what was being termed church growth was gathering.  All of us in the Company agreed that it was misnamed.  It was more like church cancer – growth that was a deadly illness, the explosion of runaway cells that attack the health and equilibrium of the body.” (Peterson, p158) The work of the Company, to reinforce the nature of the story we find ourselves in, for one another, gave them a perspective on the dominant narrative of church growth, that many will not share.  Knowing what story you are does that.

It often moves you to the fringe. It makes you a threat to the dominant narrative. And the keepers of the dominant narrative will first try to get you back and then failing that, they will mock you and if you persist, will exile or eliminate you.

It happens for to men and women at work who live in a way consistent with their story but contrary to the dominant narrative. When your story is love and the dominant narrative is fear or resentment, love becomes the violence that threatens the system. And you will be stopped. The workplace can be hostile unless you adopt the dominant narrative.

It happens to pastors who invite people to live a story that is different from the dominant narrative that they have adopted when they did not know the story they were in. We have in our minds a story about what a pastor is, does and should be and should do. When our pastors don’t conform to that story, we do not question our story, we question the pastor – their knowledge, their character, their aptitude and their proficiency.

It happens to millennials when they won’t dance to the same tune we love.

A friend who trains people in a particular field related some training day stories to me. One of those stories was about the amount of work my friend has to do to bridge the understanding gap between older members of the workforce with the newer. The younger members worked their shift but when their shift was scheduled to be over, they went home. The older members were living a story that saw this as a lack of commitment, a poor work ethic, an unwillingness to be team players. The younger members story was that they worked to live, they didn’t live to work and they would not give up family time or play time to conform to the story their older counterparts were living. Both had the same job description, both were doing the job they were asked to do but both were living in stories that made them critical of the other. And both felt an internal pressure for the other to adopt their story as the common narrative.

In the U.S. right now we’re experiencing an incredible clash of narratives. I am both fascinated and appalled by what I see. It’s the classic experience of the bigger brother grabbing the little brother’s arm (sorry, Brad, I did you wrong) and using it to smack his little brother in the face while he keeps repeating, “stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself…” You will accept my dominant narrative even while you know that it is not the story we are in.

This is the ongoing challenge for us all. What story are we in? What makes us believe that is our story? What Company are we a part of that supports or challenges (or does both) the story we think we are in? How have you determined the narrative by which you are living your life, making your choices, evaluating reality?  Will you accept the dominant narrative or will you speak and live prophetically, declaring a different story through which others will find hope? Can you clearly articulate for others the story in which you find yourself?

Friday, September 2, 2016

Soul Blisters

During my youth ministry days there were many uncomfortable moments.

My first was the first morning I taught the Junior High/Senior High Sunday School class.  I was still in Bible College at the time, relatively young, and during the night a giant zit had emerged just beside my nose and just below the frame of my glasses.  It was physically impossible for the Junior High guys NOT to say something about the zit.  But they could have at least let me pretend to get through the lesson first.  The comments, stares and pointing fingers continued through the worship service that followed.  Good times.

Many times passed between that and the time I noticed a couple had “disappeared” during a youth lock-in.  Not in Bible College any more, it was my full-time gig and new missing kids never ends well.  I left a couple other leaders in charge and started checking behind the closed doors of Sunday School classrooms all over the building.  This led to awkward and uncomfortable moment #927 when I caught the young couple in flagrante delicto. Sadly, I was more embarrassed than they were. The times they were a changin’.

The truly uncomfortable moment I want to tell you about though happened during my last youth ministry.  We had a pretty cool youth ministry, incorporating video into our gatherings, real cutting edge, paradigm shifting kind of stuff.  This particular night, we were watching a video by Carman, the Italian-American rap “artist.” In this particular video, in true, dramatic Carman fashion, his character was saved at the last minute from martyrdom and some seriously kick-butt, Frank Peretti style – angels came to his rescue.  The kids were cheering, reacting just the way they were supposed to and then the uncomfortableness came when one of my adult leaders casually said to the cheering kids, “You know, in real life, hundreds of Christians had their heads cut off, were burned at the stake, thrown to lions and torn into pieces and there weren’t any angels that came in to save them at the last second.”

Downer.

Thus ended my chance for the altar call to end all altar calls that usually started with talk of destiny and ended with a story about a close friend dying in a car accident on their way home from youth group without ever making a decision to follow Jesus. Cue tears, cue raised hands, cue inspirational “fight song” style worship song to send kids back to school to be overcomers.

Downer.

But the truth is that all those young people were given the gift of a liminal moment that night.  A chance to cross the line between immature and mature faith. A chance to move beyond the God who protects us from the lions and tigers and bears, oh my! And to move forward with the God who sometimes walks with us into the lion’s jaws. A chance to grow past the God of my indestructible youth to the God who “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”  A chance to let go of the bedtime story God who manages my portfolio for the highest possible dividends and embrace the God who may be pleased to let my business crash and go bust because He’s more interested in giving me something far more precious than success and wealth.

Downer.  These are not the platitudes with which you gather crowds, build ministries or secure air time.

Out of 13 Apostles, 12 were martyred and 1 was exiled.  I’m thankful for the great men of faith today who have figured out that these early believers got it wrong.  That, in fact, God wants me to have my best life now.  Who have helped me see that if walk faithfully with God (which includes my tithe to the local church) that I am guaranteed good things from God, protection from burly angels who have been working out, and that no evil will touch me.  God’s finally stopped letting us be slaughtered and started guaranteeing our parking spaces. I’m not sure when God switched this up but I’m glad to be living on this side of it.

But what if the reality of our journey with God is that He hasn’t really changed nor have His ways and plans changed?  What if God’s priority is still transformation, redemption and a relationship not for my purposes, but for His? What if I’m not David and my problems aren’t Goliath and following God doesn’t guarantee me a long life or one that could even remotely be called successful by the people who put people on the covers of magazines or elect them to be president of something? What if God is really all about delighting in some obscure nun who dies at 24 from tuberculosis and can only contribute something insignificant to the world called, “the little way”?

What if our journey is less about getting pumped up to face another week and more about a long obedience in the same direction?

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Return

For 2014, I've decided to return to regular blogging.  I've avoided it over the last 16 months (other than during school modules) but I realize now how much I need the discipline in my daily life.

My hesitancy to blog revolves around this little passage in the New Testament that says,
“And remember, our Lord’s patience gives people time to be saved. This is what our beloved brother Paul also wrote to you with the wisdom God gave him— speaking of these things in all of his letters. Some of his comments are hard to understand, and those who are ignorant and unstable have twisted his letters to mean something quite different, just as they do with other parts of Scripture. And this will result in their destruction.” – 2 PE 3:16, 17

I’m not making claims about writing a new epistle, just a recognition how easily the things we say or write, can be twisted and can hurt or lead to unnecessary pain and confusion.  The Elusive has stopped me abruptly in the midst of one of my theological rants, warning me that she’s either going to slip into depression or lose faith if I keep ranting.  Some things are to be pondered and some things are to be shared.  I occasionally have a hard time telling the difference.

But I need to write.  And so I’m returning to regular blogging for 2014.  In part, I’ll be chronicling my work on this pesky Thesis Project that I’m supposed to be about.  Ask not for whom the clock you hear ticking in the background ticks: it ticks for me.  August is my deadline.  And at present I’m the proverbial mosquito loose in the nudist colony: I see the job, I’m just overwhelmed by the work ahead of me.

I need to write because it’s also one of the ways I discover who I am and who I am becoming.  It’s an opportunity to get the inside out in a way quite separate from everything else I do.  Writing, for me, is like a garden where revelation grows.  As my insides are drawn out onto the screen, the blinking cursor seemingly conjuring them from thin air, I come face to face with my good, my bad, my ugly, my beautiful and my most sacred.

And I’ll keep holding this all in the delicate tension that comes from knowing that I am arming those who are bent on despising me, confusing those who want to love me and perhaps even hurting those who care for me.

So, I will return to blogging, whispering my prayers as I write, seeking more to understand than to be understood and continue to share the education life is giving me.

“All along I thought / I was learning how to take / How to bend not how to break / How to live not how to cry / But really / I've been learning how to die / I've been learning how to die” – Jon Foreman

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Living History


I’m less than a month away from my next module at SSU.  I’m just over one month in our new home here in Raleigh.  I’ve got miles of reading to do before I go (not kilometres anymore).  I’ve got a “to do” list that reads like a short novel before I’ll feel like going.  And once again I’m without a clue about how I can afford to be doing a Masters.  But I’m not stopping.

I’m not stopping because when I crack open Clement and Ignatius I read them telling my story.  I’m not just reading history, I’m living it. 

Minus the “death by wild beasts” part.

Which is good.

The recurring themes in the Church 1900 years ago?  Unity, love for each other (or lack of both) and preacher/teachers misleading the Church about Jesus and what God is really like.  Sound familiar?  The extraordinary thing is everything we’ve made the Church “about” other than, as Ignatius says: faith and love.  “Faith is the beginning, and love is the end; and the union of the two together is God.”  I know relationship is hard, I know love is the more demanding way but I also know how transformative loving relationships can be.  I know risk is, well, risky but I also know it’s the place where God’s provision meets our need.  I want to see what happens when a church is willing to commit itself to a life of faith that’s fueled by love for God and neighbor.

Imagine finding the future back in the past.

Current theme song:

Here In America - Rich Mullins
"Saints and children we have gathered here to hear the sacred story
And I'm glad to bring it to you with my best rhyming and rhythm 
'Cause I know the thirsty listen and down to the waters come
And the Holy King of Israel loves me here in America
And if you listen to my songs I hope you hear the water falling
I hope you feel the oceans crashing on the coast of north New England
I wish I could be there just to see them, two summers past I was
And the Holy King of Israel loves me here in America
And if I were a painter I do not know which I'd paint
The calling of the ancient stars or assembling of the saints
And there's so much beauty around us for just two eyes to see
But everywhere I go I'm looking
And once I went to Appalachia for my father he was born there
And I saw the mountains waking with the innocence of children
And my soul is still there with them wrapped in the songs they brought
And the Holy King of Israel loves me here in America
And I've seen by the highways on a million exit ramps
Those two-legged memorials to the laws of happenstance
Waiting for four-wheeled messiahs to take them home again
But I am home anywhere if You are where I am
And if you listen to my songs I hope you hear the water falling
I hope you feel the oceans crashing on the coast of north New England
I wish I could be there just to see them, two summers past I was
And the Holy King of Israel loves me here in America"



Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Day Off


Sunday night and for most of the day on Monday, I was privileged to take in “The Bible in the Public Square” at Duke University.  It was sponsored by the Duke Center for Jewish Studies as well as the Duke Religion Department.  And it was free.  My friend Michael invited me along and got me there and processed the content with me in between sessions.  This was Sabbath time for me.  I felt refreshed and re-energized by an environment and friend who encouraged deep thinking, challenged my preconceptions and offered alternative views I had never considered.

The first session was with Jacques Berlinerblau from Georgetown University.  His topic was “The Bible in the Presidential elections of 2012, 2008, 2004 and the Collapse of American Secularism.”  One of the big ideas he left me thinking about is the multiplicity of people, groups and institutions that claim the message of the Bible for their own agenda.  In short, the Bible, unlike, say, the Koran, has more claims staked on it than the average sacred writings.  Not the least of which are the political parties.  Both sides of the American political aisle use the Text to advance their cause and fuel their rhetoric in, what Berlinerblau called, a “cite and run” (no exegesis) approach.  And it left me wondering, still, how often we, who make a primary claim on the Text, are doing exactly the same sort of “cite and run” – or else why would believers so willingly accept the horrible misappropriations and misleading applications that nearly every politician makes of the Text of the Bible?

I’ll also say that Berlinerblau is one of the funniest academics I’ve ever listened to and it was great to sit beside someone like Michael who laughed at the same stuff that made me laugh.

Monday morning we heard Adele Reinhartz (University of Ottawa – go Senators!) on “Then as Now: Old Testament Epics and American Identity.”  She did a brilliant presentation on how the Exodus story was manhandled by Cecil B. (but not alone) and turned into American propaganda against the evil, red horde of communism.  Using film clips from the Ten Commandments, Reinhartz vividly demonstrated that the filmmaker(s) turned Moses into the new Jesus that not only included significant changes or additions to the biblical narrative but closes cinematically just before the credits roll with Moses misquoting scripture and assuming the pose of the Statue of Liberty on Mt. Nebo.  There were other significant elements from even more recent retellings of this epic that make it clear that the American story has become firmly entrenched in the Exodus account in modern U.S. psyches.