Showing posts with label 2009-10 season preview. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2009-10 season preview. Show all posts

Friday, October 2, 2009

2009-2010 Season Preview: The Northeast Division

As we count down the final days leading up to the 2009-10 regular season, let's take a look at each of the 30 teams with the official DGB Season Preview. Today, we conclude the series with a look at the Northeast Division.



Montreal Canadiens

The good: Spent the off-season creating a roster full of dynamic forwards who are perfectly suited to playing a creative, up-tempo offensive system.
The bad: Hired Jacques Martin to coach them.
Biggest question mark: After posting an adequate 2.83 in the regular season and a terrible 4.11 in the playoffs, can Carey Price get keep his "average cigarettes smoked at one time" average under 2.50 this year?
Fearless forecast: Hal Gill suffers a career-ending knee injury due to a series of accidental headbutts from teammates.


Boston Bruins

The good: Are extra-motivated after getting their annual "Winning is everything, unless losing would be slightly cheaper" speech from Jeremy Jacobs
The bad: Mike Komisarek has vowed to continue his feud with Milan Lucic, greatly increasing the likelihood that Lucic will spend time on the injured reserve list with severely bruised knuckles.
Biggest question mark: Will chemistry suffer now that entire team is no longer united by their desire to punch Phil Kessel in the face?
Fearless forecast: With a little luck, will finally be able to get the national sports media to notice Boston.


Buffalo Sabres

The good: Thanks to various off-season moves the Bruins, Leafs, Habs and Senators will be engaged in an intense four-way rivalry all season long, leaving the Sabres free to play without the distraction of anyone remembering they're in this division.
The bad: Are the only franchise in history to have their star player actually prefer playing in Edmonton.
Biggest question mark: Did we ever figure out what's wrong with Ryan Miller's face?
Fearless forecast: Buffalo sports fans will end up having to endure something really terrible, and the rest of us will laugh.


Ottawa Senators

The good: Are coming off one of the best post-season performances in team history.
The bad: Early reports from training camp suggest that Jason Spezza's lazy neutral zone drop passes to the other team don't look quite as crisp this year.
Biggest question mark: How will the team respond to the March firing of whichever coach they hire when Cory Clouston gets fired in November?
Fearless forecast: Top prospect Erik Karlsson will be one of the very best 165 lb defencemen in recent NHL history, according to his tombstone.


Toronto Maple Leafs

The good: For the next few years will have the distinct advantage of not being distracted by any of this "who should we draft with our first round pick?" talk.
The bad: Are paying Mike Komisarek $4.5M a year, which seems like a lot for a penalty box timekeeper.
Biggest question mark: If you punch another player so hard that his brain stem flies into the net, that counts as a goal, right?
Fearless forecast: Brian Burke has built a tough, young, exciting team that has all the pieces to make the playoffs and even contend for the Stanley Cup, unless they lose on opening night to the Habs in which case all is lost and the season is a writeoff.




Thursday, October 1, 2009

2009-2010 Season Preview: The Central Division

As we count down the final days leading up to the 2009-10 regular season, let's take a look at each of the 30 teams with the official DGB Season Preview. Today, we look at the Norris Central Division.

Chicago Blackhawks

The good: Signed Marian Hossa to a 12-year deal, which will turn out to be a great move as long as he doesn't end up suffering some sort of serious injury to like his shoulder or something.
The bad: Have not won a Stanley Cup in 48 years, the second longest active streak in the league behind the Maple Leafs' 42 years.
Biggest question mark: Hey, did anyone remember to mail Dale Tallon's severence cheque?
Fearless forecast: Dustin Byfuglien will secretly enjoy no longer being the only Hawk who can't get a cab.


St. Louis Blues

The good: Are highliy motivated to make a deep playoff run, just to keep Erik Johnson off of a golf course.
The bad: Team employs Ty Conklin, yet incompetent NHL hasn't even told them where their Winter Classic game will be held.
Biggest question mark: Keith Tkachuk? They still make that?
Fearless forecast: Brad Boyes goes into a career-destroying slump after somebody reminds him he's a Leafs draft pick.


Columbus Blue Jackets

The good: Gained experience while being crushed in the playoffs by the Red Wings, which will prove invaluable the next time they have to get crushed in the playoffs by the Red Wings.
The bad: Signed Rick Nash to an eight-year contract extension, making it marginally more difficult for the Leafs to sign him as an unrestricted free agent next summer.
Biggest question mark: Will the team fall into complacency now that they've made franchise history by going three months without changing their logo?
Fearless forecast: Despite his Calder win last year, you will continue to have no idea which Mason goalie plays for Columbus and which one is on the Blues.


Nashville Predators

The good: Offense should get a boost from Wade Belak's triennial goal.
The bad: If Chris Hanson is on the Leafs roster for their January visit to Nashville, we'll all have to endure three million variations of the same "Why don't you have a seat over there" joke.
Biggest question mark: Can Masterton trophy winner Steve Sullivan continue his inspirational story that has seen him, through sheer determination, achieve a successful career despite being forced to play pro hockey in Nashville?
Fearless forecast: Will probably be the best team in the division without a color in their name.


Detroit Red Wings

The good: The team did what all smart teams do after a tough Cup final loss: get rid of Marian Hossa.
The bad: Niklas Lidstrom suffered a "catastrophic" testicle injury, making him the only Red Wing player last year who grabbed a cup.
Biggest question mark: What other kind of testicle injury is there?
Fearless forecast: Still upset over the handshake line snub, the Wings decide to teach Sidney Crosby a lesson about class, sportsmanship and respect for the game by sending Todd Bertuzzi to break his neck.




Wednesday, September 30, 2009

2009-2010 Season Preview: The Northwest Division

As we count down the final days leading up to the 2009-10 regular season, let's take a look at each of the 30 teams with the official DGB Season Preview. Today, we look at the Northwest Division.

Edmonton Oilers

The good: At last count there were still at least 20 players in the NHL who don't have no-trade clauses, meaning Oilers can still field a complete roster.
The bad: The leaking of the names involves in the Heatley trade negotiations left guys like Dustin Penner twisting in the wind, or would have if it were physically possible to lift him off the ground.
Biggest question mark: Will injury-prone Nikolai Khabibulin respond well to a lighter workload in Edmonton, given that he won't have to ever play in the playoffs?
Fearless forecast: A frustrated Pat Quinn becomes the most popular coach in Oilers history when he extinguishes his cigar in Mike Comrie's eye.


Minnesota Wild

The good: Finally abandoned the trap and committed to playing a more free-flowing offensive system, meaning now the only member of the Wild who consistently puts people to sleep will be Derek Boogaard.
The bad: The loss of superstar Marion Gaborik could prove devastating to the hundreds of local health care workers who relied on him for full-time employment.
Biggest question mark: Will Niklas Backstrom's numbers take a hit now that he may be asked to occasionally face a shot on net?
Fearless forecast: You will accidentally refer to them as the "North Stars" every time you talk about them all year, which will be twice.

Calgary Flames

The good: Spent off-season conducting exhaustive search for the best possible head coach, who in incredibly bizarre coincidence ended up being the GM's brother.
The bad: It's going to be awkward when they finish first in the division, only to find out that Jay Bouwmeester packed up and went home the day the season ended out of force of habit.
Biggest question mark: Will Dion Phaneuf's play be negatively affected around the time of a full moon when he is visited by the ghostly corpse of Kyle Okposo?
Fearless forecast: The team should be a strong Cup contender except in the extremely unlikely event that Miikka Kiprusoff's play deteriorates, the way it has every single year since the lockout.


Colorado Avalanche

The good: Had the brilliant idea of hiring universally beloved former player Joe Sakic to coach the team.
The bad: Probably should have proofread that job offer a little more carefully before sending it out.
Biggest question mark: Seriously, why is every single person from the front office and coaching staff a former Maple Leaf fourth liner?
Fearless forecast: During a brawl-filled game against the Red Wings Chris Osgood skates the length of the ice for the traditional goalie fight, only to be disappointed to learn that the Avs haven't had an NHL goaltender in three years.


Vancouver Canucks

The good: Size up front. The forwards weigh in at an average of 220 lbs.
The bad: That drops to 175 lbs on nights Kyle Wellwood isn't playing.
Biggest question mark: How injured would Roberto Luongo have to be for it to actually makes sense to use backup goalie Andrew Raycroft instead? Two missing limbs? Three?
Fearless forecast: At long last, Vancouver hockey fans get to watch a championship hockey team. Then the Olympics end, and the Canucks resume their march to a second round elimination.




Tuesday, September 29, 2009

2009-2010 Season Preview: The Atlantic Division

As we count down the final days leading up to the 2009-10 regular season, let's take a look at each of the 30 teams with the official DGB Season Preview. Today, we look at the Atlantic Division.

New York Rangers

The good: There's a better-than-average chance that Donald Brashear will cripple Chris Drury in practice, saving the team valuable cap space.
The bad: Wade Redden reported to camp still alive.
Biggest question mark: Aren't you kind of hoping Sean Avery knocks out Kyle Okposo this year just so we can all make "sloppy seconds" jokes?
Fearless forecast: Marion Gaborik will bring the sort of dynamic offensive threat that the team hasn't had since... wait, why is he limping off the ice?


New Jersey Devils

The good: Wisely maintained team chemistry by not bringing in any big name off-season acquisitions, even though almost half their good players left.
The bad: Sure, Jacques Lemaire's offense will be fun to watch at first, but can the Devils maintain that sort of breakneck page all season long?
Biggest question mark: Everyone makes such a big deal about oversized shoulder pads, but why doesn't anybody ever complain about the ever-growing stomach padding Martin Brodeur is apparently using?
Fearless forecast: You won't watch a single one of their games all season.


Philadelphia Flyers

The good: If 35-year old Chris Pronger can't lead team to a Stanley Cup this year, no problem -- they still have him for another six years after that!
The bad: Continuing a proud tradition of tough guy Flyers goalies, Ray Emery has already been beaten into a bloody pulp by Felix Potvin.
Biggest question mark: Will one of the Flyers commit a horrifying act of violence that ruins the Winter Classic, or will it be more than one?
Fearless forecast: Will almost certainly be one of the top two teams in the entire state.


Pittsburgh Penguins

The good: Aren't scheduled for another blatant tank job for another three or four years.
The bad: Are at a tremendous disadvantage in an Olympic year in terms of fatigue, given that every single player on the roster is good enough to make an Olympic team.
Biggest question mark: Given that they're almost a sure thing to make the post-season, wouldn't it be a good idea for Sidney Crosby to start growing his playoff beard now?
Fearless forecast: I will continue to receive ten breathless e-mails a week that contain shocking photos of the Penguin players sitting around holding a trophy.


New York Islanders

The good: Franchise reputation is already dead and buried, which is a nice change since it marks the first ever case of this ownership group being able to get a shovel into the ground.
The bad: Have six or seven good players, all of whom are goalies.
Biggest question mark: Which line will Taylor Hall play on?
Fearless forecast: Scott Gordon eventually throws a rock through the poster of Raquel Welch in John Tavares' locker, revealing a tunnel to Toronto hidden behind it.




2009-2010 Season Preview: The Southeast Division

As we count down the final days leading up to the 2009-10 regular season, let's take a look at each of the 30 teams with the official DGB Season Preview. Today, we look at the Southeast Division.

Atlanta Thrashers

The good: The team does, in the strictest technical sense, still exist.
The bad: Their plan to finally make it back to the post-season seems to involve building around former Maple Leafs.
Biggest question mark: How will the team react to the absence of Garnett Exelby, which will force them to play with two defencemen in proper position?
Fearless forecast: A frustrated Ilya Kovalchuk decides to stop passing, hang out at the red line instead of playing defence, and take eight-minute shifts, making him the first player to ever play exactly like you do in NHL 10 "Be A Pro" mode.


Washington Capitals

The good: Alexander Ovechkin seems to finally be coming out of his shell, and may even be willing to participate in occasional off-ice promotional activity.
The bad: I entered "Semyon Varlamov" into a Russian-to-English dictionary, and it came back "Steve Penney".
Biggest question mark: Why does every photograph of Mike Green look like it was taken three seconds after somebody woke him up?
Fearless forecast: The Capitals win 50 games, or more than the Nationals, Wizards and Redskins combined.


Florida Panthers

The good: Recently named Bryan McCabe captain.
The bad: Oops, that last one was supposed to be listed under "the bad". I guess Bryan's not the only one who gets confused about which side things are supposed to go in.
Biggest question mark: With Jay Bouwmeester's departure, which veteran will step up and teach the younger players what it takes to miss the playoffs every single year?
Fearless forecast: A guy who looks oddly like Jim Balsillie starts spending a lot of time in South Florida.


Tampa Bay Lightning

The good: Vincent Lecavlier appears poised for the sort of big year the team had in mind when they signed him to an $80M extension.
The bad: That apparently makes him the only person associated with this franchise who has any actual money.
Biggest question mark: Wouldn't it be better if we all just agreed that the lockout actually started in May of 2004?
Fearless forecast: The Montreal Canadiens make an aggressive deadline push to trade for Martin St. Louis in an attempt to add size.


Carolina Hurricanes

The good: Cam Ward's stellar play continues to indicate that he hasn't yet realized that he's Cam Ward.
The bad: While Ric Flair may be a native South Carolinian, having a crazy old white-haired man scream maniacally is really just an uncreative ripoff of Don Cherry.
Biggest question mark: Does Aaron Ward get one free sucker punch on Scott Walker to use whenever he wants? (Answer: Yes.)
Fearless forecast: The free agent signing of Tom Kostopolous forces coach Paul Maurice to slightly modify his famous quote to "There was a lot of purse stealing out there."




Monday, September 28, 2009

2009-2010 Season Preview: The Pacific Division

As we count down the final days leading up to the 2009-10 regular season, let's take a look at each of the 30 teams with the official DGB Season Preview. Today, we look at the Pacific Division.

San Jose Sharks

The good: Finally addressed that longstanding "locker room cancer" void.
The bad: Attempted to address a history of playoff failure by acquiring an Ottawa Senator. Let that sink in for a minute.
Biggest question mark: Will it be an upper body or a lower body injury that Dany Heatley fakes to get out of the first game in Edmonton?
Fearless forecast: The Sharks record 145 regular season points, then manage to lose their first round playoff series in three games.


Anaheim Ducks

The good: Feature starting goaltender Jonas Hiller, whose outstanding play in the post-season showed that he is without question the second best European free agent goalie named "Jonas" that Brian Burke has ever signed.
The bad: Ex-Hab Saku Koivu may have a difficult time adjusting to the lack of pompous ceremonial wankfests at the start of every single game.
Biggest question mark: Ryan Getzlaf is going to get it over with and shave his head, isn't he? He knows we can see him, right?
Fearless forecast: As per league rules, will at some point trade Joffrey Lupul for Chris Pronger.


Dallas Stars

The good: This.
The bad: Every one of those girls probably has Sean Avery cooties.
Biggest question mark: When Joe Nieuwendyk was reading Marc Crawford's resume, did the page listing everything from 1998-2009 fall out?
Fearless forecast: The team is much-improved thanks to the unveiling of a clever new trick play known as "Marty Turco actually make a save".


Los Angeles Kings

The good: Drafted Brayden "Owen" Schenn, who will inspire teammates with stories of how awesome his big brother is.
The bad: Front office made Brian Burke angry, and as such will probably all be dead by November.
Biggest question mark: Most terrifying Hunter for a Los Angeles King to run into in a dark alley: Tim, Dale, or Rachel?
Fearless forecast: The young team will no doubt benefit from the leadership of Ryan Smyth, who has been a winner everywhere he's ever played with the exception of Colorado, Long Island, and every year in Edmonton except one.


Phoenix Coyotes

The good: Thanks to an aggressive marketing push, experts are now predicting higher-than-expected ticket sales in the 14,000 to 16,000 range.
The bad: That's not an average.
Biggest question mark: Will the team still be able to travel to road games with Wayne Gretzky stuck under the team bus?
Fearless forecast: Calls for "The Whiteout" will once again be heard in April, as employees look for corrective fluid to remove the word "Phoenix" from their business cards.