WEB PERVERTS: Michael Jackson is going to do an online chat with his fans. Hmmm... maybe there is something in those panics about perverts preying on children online...
NME reports - yes, but will he keep the face mask on?

SHED SEVEN: from an email I've just written:
I quite like some shed seven. but... they're kind of like a butcher's shop. You know why they were there, but they've been a bit left behind by the tide of things, and while you wouldn't shut them down, you kind of wish they'd go and retrain as something else, and change the shop into a nice cafe that does something like hot chocolate with cream.

WK, II: So, they're desperate to build some sort of myth around Andrew WK, and guess what? There's now a backstory, suggesting that Andrew was named after a murderer who impressed his prison guard dad (oh, really? a prison guard who makes a hero of a guy on death row?) and that the WK stands for the White Killer. Now, what was I saying about him being a right-wing trojan horse?

IF YOU DON'T WANT SO MANY PEOPLE TO GO, LET US LET MORE PEOPLE COME:The artist update are reporting the following:
Organisers of the Glastonbury Festival want a license to increase the size of the festival crowd by 30,000 to around 135,000. The extra tickets, they say, will provide funding for tighter security – every year several festival goers gatecrash the event, but next year organiser Michael Eavis is planning to spend £1.5m on a new 12ft steel fence to discourage them. Council officials estimated that at June 2000’s event, there were approximately 100,000 more people than was allowed for by the festival’s entertainment’s license, and Michael Eavis was fined £6,000 as a result. According to a festival spokesperson, a new license is crucial for ensuring the survival of the festival – if the application is successful, another 20,000 tickets will be on sale for the 2002 festival, with the remaining 10,000 used for traders, staff and stewards. The license hearing is planned for November 29.
So - just pausing for a moment to lift our hats at that "every year several festivcal goers gatecrash the event" (in 1999, it was about 100,000 according to some estimates) - the idea is that, to stop there being a dangerous number of people inside, you have to, um, increase the number of people inside. The logic here depends on the "increased security" being able to cope with the additional numbers inside the event, as well as the presumably not reduced demands placed by attempted freeloaders. Without wanting to make Eavis' life harder, it's hoped that the licensing authorities will examine the proposals for increased security closely. If all they're thinking of doing is boosting the number of ill-trained people taking fivers for turning a blind eye up by the green field, it's clear the proposal will be unworkable. Anyone who's been to Glastonbury will know about the shortcomings of the security in previous years. Lets hope the plan isn't just the same on a broader scale.

AMAZON IF YOU LIKE... YOU MAY LIKE...: Interestingly, according to amazon, people who buy Andrew WK have also bought The White Stripes. So, that'd be people who really do what the nme tells them.

ELLIS-BEXTOR FANS FIGHT "WANK" SLUR: Is asking Sophie E-B if she frigs herself really disrespecting her? And is it that perverted? Some of her fans seem to think so:
That 'Do you Frik Yourself thread in full - having fun at a pop star's expense? That's so wrong.

WK - TROJAN HORSE: While doing this week's pop press review (goes out live on bothsidesnow on a Wednesday, and I'll probably get round to archiving it someday on the site) it started to become clearer and clearer that Andrew WK is nothing more than a right-winger dressed up as a rocker - hard working, disciplined, using the language of the military and vaguely Christian iconography and pro-life asides. Thats why the record sounds like its designed to be played at American Football matches to Bud-drinking masses. Because it is. The PMRC has finally twigged it - if you want to defeat your enemy, sing his song. The jocks are in ascendency, and the nme is helping them.

THINGS IN MUSIC I HATE: Number One: How much do I hate people who call "entry fee" or "ticket price" "door tax." It's not door tax, is it? It's an entry fee, for which you get to go in. A simple purchase. Tax implies its being imposed, which of course it fucking well isn't. If you don't want to go in, you don't pay it.

Oh, and unless you live in a country where the currency is the dollar, putting "Door Tax $2" or whatever makes you look a shabby, car-coat wearing twatty shyster.

Free Charlatans CD this week, with... um, the Daily Telegraph... Right...

SAVE THE SUGDENS: The whole Farm Aid thing has started to blow up in everyone's faces - U2 and the Williams moaned at for not taking part, while vegetarians attack Coldplay and Toploader for getting in on Animal Slaughterers in Need. But all of this misses the main point, which is - why is the event happening at all? Admittedly, farmers have had a rough time of it recently (dating probably from about the time they started to feed buckets of ground up sheeps brains to sheep), but then so have a lot of small businesses. A lot of them may have gone out of business, and sure, its a tragedy for the indivduals involved, but one of the things about being self-employed is that you take that risk. Its just the guy who ran the greengrocers round the corner from me didn't get his flaky business propped up by huges influxes of government support. "The supermarkets pay us next to nothing for our meat, and then sell it for huge prices" moan the farmers, as if its our fault they've done deals that are getting them stuffed, like Year 5 pupils running to the dinnerlady because they've realised selling their Dairylea Lunchables to Big Tony for five pence wasn't such a good deal - what makes it more insulting is that that's been the situation for years now, and yet every time the farmers fall for it. Let's face it guys - a semi-essential industry unable to support itself for generations without huge subsidy, hit harder by a mixture of disasters brought on in part by themselves, in part by their colleagues in the industry, and occasionaly by natural events running against them. Sounds familar? You bet, and yet can you imagine anyone seriously suggesting we have charity gigs in aid of the Train Operating Companies?

WAKING UP AND RUBBING EYES: - yes, we've been doing other things, okay? But now we're back with this... the MTV video awards, 2001
Best Hip Hop Video: Outkast – ‘Ms Jackson’
Best Direction in a video: Fatboy Slim – ‘Weapon Of Choice’
Best Dance video: N’Sync - ‘Pop’
Best Male video: Moby ft. Gwen Stefani – ‘South Side’
Best Female video: Eve ft Gwen Stefani – ‘Let Me Blow Your Mind’
Best New Artist in a video: Alicia Keys – ‘Fallin'
MTV2 Award: Mudvayne
Best Pop video: N’Sync – ‘Pop’
Best Rock video: Limp Bizkit – ‘Rollin'
Breakthrough Video: Fatboy Slim – ‘Weapon Of Choice’
Best Group in a video: N’Sync – ‘Pop’
Best Rap video: Nelly – ‘Ride Wit Me’
Best R'n'B video: Destiny’s Child – ‘Survivor’
Best Art Direction: Fatboy Slim – ‘Weapon Of Choice’
Best Special Effects in a video: Robbie Williams – ‘Rock DJ’
Best Video from a film: Moulin Rouge – ‘Lady Marmalade’
Best Cinematography: Fatboy Slim: ‘Weapon Of Choice’
Best Choreography: Fatboy Slim – ‘Weapon Of Choice’
Best Editing: Fatboy Slim – ‘Weapon Of Choice’
Viewers Choice Award: N’Sync – ‘Pop’
Video Of The Year: Moulin Rouge – ‘Lady Marmalade’

You'd have to raise an eyebrow at Weapon of Choice being described as a "breakthrough" video - in what way? Because there's a celeb in it? Or because there's flying in it? And, in addition, in what way is Lady Marmalade a "video from a film"? Simply because its a track on a soundtrack - surely Christina isn't actually in her pants in the film? Strictly speaking, this award should go to Atomic Kitten's Eternal Flame video, which at least does make use of the film that it is child to - although the whole concept of the cover, the film and the award seems to be one best forgotten.

Following on from Defenestration last week, this week The Archers have been paying homage to Cerys, although whether Hayley - in real-life Jasper Carrott's daughter - could really be mistaken for her is a moot point...

IT GETS WORSE: As if attempting to keep a quarter of a million people away from Newcastle, pretending that it was going to be The Love Weekend all along, and trying to stop the message boards from filling over with angry messages, for Radio One things go from bad to worse, as the network got knocked off the air this afternoon. Maye Andy Parfitt was attempting to keep it at home.

YOU CAN JUDGE A CD BY THE COMPANY IT KEEPS: A brief survey of things that Amazon purchasers of albums also buy.

Coldplay - Parachutes purchasers also bought:

* The Invisible Band: Audio CD ~ Travis
* All That You Can't Leave Behind: Audio CD ~ U2
* Just Enough Education to Perform: Audio CD ~ Stereophonics

* Captain Corelli's Mandolin: Paperback ~ Louis de Bernieres
* McCarthy's Bar: Paperback ~ Pete McCarthy
* Comic Relief: Quidditch Through the Ages: Paperback ~ J.K. Rowling, Kennilworthy Whisp

Well, not many surprises there, really - Coldplay fans also like Travis, Stereophonics and U2. No Oasis, though? Maybe an oversight. The books perhaps less obvious, although "obvious" in the broader sense. Except for Pete McCarthy's book. Thats gotta be rogue result, hasn't it?

Kellis - Kaleidescope


* Your Woman: Audio CD ~ Sunshine Anderson
* Can't Take Me Home: Audio CD ~ Pink
* Who is Jill Scott?: Audio CD ~ Jill Scott

* McCarthy's Bar: Paperback ~ Pete McCarthy
* White Teeth: Paperback ~ Zadie Smith
* Turning Thirty: Paperback ~ Mike Gayle

McCARTHY'S Bar again? Either there's one person doing all their shopping on Amazon, or else Pete is going to be sitting prettier than at any time since the axing of As It Happens. The CDs? Perhaps less easy to guess in advance, but no more surprising for that.

The Best of Max Bygraves

* The Best of Jimmy Young: Audio CD ~ Jimmy Young
* The Best of Anne Shelton: Audio CD ~ Anne Shelton
* The Essential Frank Ifield Collection: Audio CD ~ Frank Ifield

IS IT because their eyes are giving out, or they've seen it all before? For whatever reason, Max Bygraves fans appear to not bother themselves with that reading business. Who knew that Jimmy Young records were still selling?

MORE LOVE LOST:This from the Radio 1 website, a statement from Mr. P:
"Statement from Andy Parfitt, Controller Radio 1, Mon 16 July, noon: Suggestions of an alternative "unofficial" Love Parade would not be a good idea at all. It could prejudice the future of Love Parade in the UK forever. I understand how disappointed people are but to clog up the centre of Newcastle next weekend would be counter productive, if anything went wrong clubbers would be blamed, and the reputation of Dance and Dance fans, who made last year's event such a success, would be damaged. In those circumstances it would be hard for any local authority to look favourably on Love Parade in years to come. Radio 1's advice is, if you don't have a ticket for an indoor event, to stay at home and listen. I've asked moderators at our website not to put up messages that are just encouraging people to travel to Newcastle. "
So, pick the bones out of that one. Firstly, its okay to clog up the centre of Newcastle, providing its for Radio One's benefit, but not if its just people having fun? And remember, kids, its simply the image of dance fans he's worried about, not that if (and, as it looks increasingly likely, when) something nasty kicks off, that it'll look godawful for his station.
More disturbingly, of course, there's the whole "Stay in your homes" tone of his message - look, pal, you're the one who made the bad judgement call of trying to push this whole thing through - its been clear for months that the council were cool, at best, on the whole idea; and with the recent riots in the north it was obvious they'd be less keen than ever. Nevertheless, Radio One has been banging on about "come to Newcastle, it'll be great" for the past month, without any certainty there'd be anything for people to come to. Its a bit late to now start to supress people's "lets go anyway" messages, don't you think?

LOVE PARADE DE-RAILED: Hopefully the cancellation of the Love Parade may make Radio One think twice before cooking up any more of these half-baked mega events. The one saving grace of Newcastle pulling the glorified fete-with-disco would have been that the station would have stopped banging on about the event every three or four minutes (the final straw was the way they'd play the jingle over any dance track towards the end of last week), except, of course, now the "new arrangements" are being trumpted every opportunity - or rather, the desperate attempts to scrape egg from face. Interesting to hear Andy Parfitt on Today this morning, trying to spin the event inro a PR success, while simultaneously not pissing off the city council. The official Radio One controller's line came out, then as "There's still going to be lots happening, there's plenty of tickets still available, only don't come."
Of course, the days of the Roadshow are over, but maybe the expensive and embarrassing collapse of the Love Parade may refocus the station's efforts on providing entertainment for smaller crowds at places that tend to get missed off by the commercial events. The Roadshow at Eastbourne was the only thing that happened for non-pensionners in Eastbourne, ever, and as such the gift of Steve Wright to 80s teenagers was special. Love Parade smacks of an attempt to take on Creamfields and Homelands, and as such tastes bitter. Why not do a season of Saturday night specials in smaller towns throughout the summer? Probably spend the same budget, and wouldn't Fatboy Slim in Carlisle and Jon Carter in Worthing mean more to the audience, and be better payback for those towns' licence fee payers than a big, showy event in one location for one night?

NOW WE'RE SQUEAKY CLEAN... ISH: NeedToKnow has helpfully transcribed the two versions of D12's purple hills/pills, showing that apparently the broadcasters are being left to pick ther "fucks" out for themselves. Full version here

SCARY: What links Justine Frischmann to some slightly odd-shaped Cybermen?Dare you find out?

THE SMILE ALBUM: The Washington Post has theories about why rock stars never smile in photos...
• The blues: Rock bands have been channeling the jaded spirit of original bluesmen since the beginning. The Rolling Stones, for one, were heavily influenced by musicians like Little Walter, a short-tempered harmonica player who drank incessantly and died after a street fight. (There's a Little Walter song on the band's "12 X 5" album of 1964, the same year the band toured with the Chicago legend.) Bluesmen, of course, were a pretty bummed-out lot, either because their labels had bilked them of royalties or they'd been two-timed by big-legged women.

• British dental problems: There's also a very good chance that the Stones, and just about every other influential English band, simply had bad teeth.

• Bob Dylan: Dylan brought gravitas to pop music, and that gravitas wiped the grin off the faces of pop stars. Including the Beatles, who wore mostly mischievous smiles during their years of collarless suits and group bows and who gradually explored moods and shadows as they became acquainted with Dylan. "I'm a Loser" is considered the first Dylan-influenced John Lennon song, a number that, at least lyrically, U-turns from the sunniness of early hits, like "She Loves You" and "I Want to Hold Your Hand."

• The baby boomers: The baby boomers are behind every trend, demographic and otherwise, so they belong on this list just in case.

• Grunge: Under this hypothesis, the non-smile has been around for many years, but became firmly embedded in the etiquette book of rock mannerisms only after grunge arrived in the early '90s. It wasn't merely that the most famous writer and purveyor of grunge, Kurt Cobain, was depressed enough to commit suicide. The entire grunge ethic, both in fashion and attitude, countered the hair-metal notion that rock stars were somehow different; underneath Cobain's workaday flannel shirt lurked the idea that rock stars were beset by the same anxieties as their fans, who could find those same shirts in an L.L. Bean catalogue.

• Dean and Brando: Forget about Nirvana. "Everything is descended from James Dean and Marlon Brando," says Kenny Laguna, a journeyman song producer and longtime manager of Joan Jett. The lone wolf, the whiny and slouchy outsider, the archetype of the misunderstood punk, comes from these two actors, he claims, and they had enormous influence on people like Dion and Elvis Presley, whose film debut in "Love Me Tender" in 1956 was scorned by some critics as a tacky impersonation.

"It's also about menace," Laguna says. "The invisible difference between rock and pop is that menace. It's that attitude. There are a ton of bands that have menace now, but so much of it is fake. A guy like Marilyn Manson -- it's like he studied it in high school."

Full article - while its still on line

ABOUT TIME, TOO: Catatonia website in update shock. Although all they've done is changed the front page and put a sign up box and thats about it. Meanwhile, Billie's website remains "under reconstruction" - not unlike when your neighbourhood shop gets a paint job three days before it closes.

Nice to hear Defenestration getting a mention on the Archers this week...

NEW NEW ORDER: Hmmm... so what to make of that new New Order single? Nice to have Gillian - if, indeed, Gillian it is - doing a bit more vocally, but on the whole... and although we shouldn't make snap judgements... it sounds like an old New Order album track. Not bad, just... once New Order singles soared and swooped. This makes you go "well, at least they're not diluting the brand." Maybe it'll grow on me. Maybe. We'll see.

PERHAPS ITS AN HOMAGE: The Roger Sanchez Another Chance video is pretty good, but, man, is it just a copy of the Daft Punk dog video. Which should mean it was rubbish, but maybe the original Spike Jonze idea was so strong it can stand a couple of similar remakes before it gets all too painful.

HMV sale: So, another mega sale at HMV, and although both them and Virgin do the same thing almost year-round now - some of the unsold singles are starting to look as unkempt as an alcoholic who's spent a night under an electrostatic bush - but you can always find some ways of spending silly amounts of money if you want to. Finally got The Auteurs debut album on CD (ah, back for when I used to refuse to duplicate purchases and play into the record shop hands, and dropping beneath a tenner made Madness three cd box set hit my price point.
Madness, Madness. Great band, but I find it hard to say that. Mainly because of the nutty dance, which was the sort of dance that even the geeky kids would attempt. I hated the way people treated them like they were just gormless cunts, when there was a stench of misery rising from them. "Stop doing that stupid duck-landing-on-the-sun dance" I wanted to cry, "and listen to the bloody lyrics." But I never did. Maybe I was just a bad, bad child. That's possible.
Bought a couple of other things, too - the Joy Division substance (again, replicating an earlier vinyl purchase. To my delight, this was two quid cheaper than the more recent Joy Div comp, despite the newer one having fewer tracks, and a crappier sleeve.

OH, SURPRISE FUCKING SURPRISE: Why, yes, they did find some extra New Order tickets hidden down the back of the Ottoman. Which must piss off the people in the original queue who were told there weren't any left. I'm still not sure why this practice is thought of as being a good thing - "rather than give the ticket to this person, who's queued patiently, we'll pretend there's none left and give it to someone later on who didn't bother to queue but happened to be in the right place at the right time when we let on..."

NO SELL: So, that New Order gig sold out in about three seconds, then. Unless the people at Liverpool Olympia come up with a way of getting more people in, in the way that Earls Court have suddenly come up with a way of getting extra people into the Madonna gig there.
Music365: More Madonna Tickets Go On Sale - oh, yes? Earls Court suddenly realise they've got extra space, or is it just a market-forcing hold back of tickets?

SO, HOW EXACTLY IS NAPSTER KILLING MUSIC?: So, despite all this so called piracy and theivery, there's been increases way above inflation in royalties this year. So, where, exactly in Napster and audiogalaxy hitting people hard, then?
BBC: record royalties - "piracy is a worry" says industry figure, as they stuff their bras with tenners

NEW STUFF ONLINE: For some reason, its taken a fucking age, but there's a load of new stuff at bothsidesnow - a 1981 vintage Smash Hits, for example, and Brian Molko's very own gallery. Go on, give it a sniff.

THE JUNE OVERHAUL HAS BEEN FUELLED BY... stuff we've enjoyed hearing while we kept inadvertently deleting the altered images lyric page
Snake River Conspiracy - How Soon Is Now?
Controv Smiths cover version, complete with amazing Dark Angel aping video
Ciccone - Leg It, It's the Rozzers
Octane whipperpunk sniffer track (vaguely reminiscent of 'Caught by the fuzz')
Janaury - I Heard Myself In You
Still miss Sarah records? Yeah, me too...
Dirty Harry- Nothing Really Matters
Brassy-esque, Boss Hogg stylings. Lambasted in today's NME
Four Storey - I'm Still Waiting
Chocolate-eating misery beauty
Kings of Convenience - Winning a Battle, Losing a War
I'd always written KoC off before, but this makes me think I may have been more hasty than a NASDAQ investor in 1999
Stereolab - Captain Easychord
Traditional Stereolab fare, which is a good thing
Antiproduct - Best Day of Your Life
I cant remember anything about this, just that I love it
Mekon with Marc Almond - Dead Mans Curve
Having brought Roxanne Shante back, and managed to make her sound now, Mekon's now done it with Marc Almond

GENUINE BUT STRANGE YAHOO GROUPS:
punkrockbowling - for people who like to listen to punk rock as they bowl
oi jesus - skinheads for jesus
Widdie - there's old anne claiming she couldn't muster support, while since November 2000 no fewer than two people have signed up to her fan list. Still, at least she's got a group, more than Hague has