What works?

Hello again. it's been almost 2 weeks. days pass really quickly and sch reopens on monday. it kinda strikes me each time i remember that i no longer am going back to school. it's just another phase in life, i tell myself. everybody has to change

updates in my life has gotten really boring. and there's a reason why im blogging. because im at home, and because i have too much spare emotions to spend.

What works?

This is the question im asking myself. It's been 6 long months. what works? what other thing can i do, to make things work? do i have to keep thinking of new and ingenious ways to make my relationship work? boy thats alot of thinking to do

things have been better recently. the sorrow and hurt feelings never invade us much for long, but yet if you show this to some pHd in viral-infection-related-diseases-and-symptoms, he would just tell you it's docile..... just for now

the end of the tunnel. i didnt use to see the end of the dark and scary tunnel in the past. only recently ive seen the end of the tunnel. the light that scares away all the darkness and evilness. the light which would bring joy. but that light is fading. the dark side is just too strong to lose for such a long period of time

things i do... why not talk about the things i dont do, or do wrongly

1. i get furious easily enough. just poke me once and i'll lunge onto you in a second
2. i cannot read your mind. i've tried, always fail and will never succeed
3. i am different from you.
4. i dont get you home early enough
5. i dont let you rest enough
6. i am unable to take up most of the things which burden you
7. i dont know how to make your parents like me
8. i dont know how to make your siblings like me
9. i dont know if im loving you the right why
10. i am unable to judge your change in moods accurately
11. i intrude in your life and made you choose between family, friends and myself
12. i think free time should be spent with each other since meeting up is hard, thus never understanding your needs for friends as companionship
13. i dont bring you shopping enough
14. i am unable to let you eat all the good food which you want
15. i am unable to support you financially
16. i am unable to cheer you up when i make you upset
17. i fail to know what you want the most
18. i take away time for yourself
19. i get irritable with you easily when you get carried away
20. i am unable to listen to you complaining too much
21. i am unable to cope up with your mood swings
22. i take away time spent with your family
23. i take away time spent with your friends
24. i take away your freedom of talking with male friends
25. i take away your freedom of going out with male friends
27. i always cause you tears
28. i get you depressed
29. expenditure has risen because there's 1 more person
30. i make your parents unhappy with you
31. i put you into a difficult position
32. i get upset when you dont do certain things which i had hoped secretly
33. i raise my voice sometimes
34. i dont know how to handle you when you whine
35. i dont know how to make you fall in love with me all the time. i dont know what i can do more to make you head over heels for me. i dont know what im doing wrong that i make you lose excitement so easily. i dont know what else i can do to please your dad. i dont know if i can ever please him. i dont know what i can do to make your life easier. i dont know what i can do to let you have more time with family and friends. i dont know how to make you cry less. i dont know how to make you happy 24/7. i dont know what i can do to make you feel safe and secure. i dont know why you're so insecure. i dont know what im doing that makes you insecure. i dont know how you think. i dont know why you think that. i dont know how to make things work. i dont know how to support you financially and emotionally. i dont know how to explain to you all my feelings without you feeling pissed/frustrated/angry with me. i dont know if im doing enough. i dont know of anything else i can do. i dont know what works.

im tired. baby i dont know what will happen. i dont know if i can ever give enough. or must i give up everything...

people might say dont fret, dont think too much and cheer up. i'll only feel this for a day, or perhaps 2. or maybe a week, but everything will me fine

but what happens to a sleeping volcano? as long as the volcano can still erupt, it will. unless a problem is solved, it will always linger.

alright goodbye for now. perhaps i'll blog at the end of the month again, depending on my schedule. or perhaps maybe by then i'll be too sick of life to try to act like i have one online.

giving all my warmest wishes for the new school semester.