ting:

i know ira doesn't like swearing. but who cares.

fuck you.

fuck YOU!

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i hope you fucking burn in hell for the rest of eternity. and take your fucking daughter with you too. BURN. assholes.

you probably are reading my blog. i don't know how you got my link or who gave it to you but i don't fucking care. if you read my blog, i just want to tell you in no uncertain terms that I HATE YOU. A LOT. you and your mother are such a pair. the most selfish, despicable, hypocritical and artificial people i have ever met. i thank God i realised that early. so i can steer clear. and you know what? i AM gonna steer clear. counting down to the last day, when i can say fuck you both and stalk out the door.

if you don't read my blog, then it probably would be a good thing if you did. so that you KNOW what people think of you. and if you had the slightest bit of sense, then maybe you ought to think about changing and improving your character.

FUCK YOU. BOTH.

my patience is wearing thin. if you agitate me, i swear i will explode. with or without my mum. don't think that just because she is nice, you can walk all over her. don't think just because she is nice, you can dominate the entire apartment and impose your ideas on people. just for your information, I DO NOT GIVE A FUCKING SHIT WHAT YOU THINK. why? because it is worthless and of no use to anyone. don't try to use my mum as a shield. don't look down or belittle people. even a begger on the street has more character than you do.

i hate you. so so so much it is unbelievable.

note to mag: there are worse creatures out there than guys. trust me on this one.

and note to ira: how can you judge her base on a one second impression??? that is insane! i think anyone just minding their own business and standing along a street is nice too!

sorely regret not making more of a din last night.

Hui:

jus did a short test at http://www.colorquiz.com/ results are damn true for me. guess its cos of e kind of working environment and e mindset i have ever since i have gradauated bah. maybe many of u guys wun find it true, cos i have not brought up this problem to u all (yet). bleahz =P

Your Existing Situation
Non-realization of hopes and the inability to decide on necessary remedial action has resulted in considerable stress.

Your Stress Sources
Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. This desire for preeminence isolates her and inhibits her readiness to give herself freely. While she wants to surrender and let herself go, she regards this as a weakness which must be resisted. This self-restraint, she feels, will lift her above the rank and file and ensure recognition as a unique and distinctive personality.

Your Restrained Characteristics
Remains emotionally unattached even when involved in a close relationship.
Circumstances are forcing her to compromise, to restrain her demands and hopes, and to forgo for the time being some of the things she wants.


Your Desired Objective
Preoccupied with things of an intensely exciting nature, whether erotically stimulating or otherwise. Wants to be regarded as an exciting and interesting personality with an altogether charming and impressive influence on others. Uses tactics skillfully so as to avoid endangering her chances of success or undermining others' confidence in herself.

Your Actual Problem
Takes a delight in action and wants to be respected and esteemed for her personal accomplishments.

ting:

a point to note.

lack of sleep + exams looming up + tons of work to revise/study + the possibility i'll just end up failing everything + stress + living with people i never ever want to lay eyes on ever again + immunity to chocolates and caffeine = a very touchy, nervy, irritable, easily annoyed wenting.

moral of the story: when exams are near, DON'T bug me. i swear you will regret it. especially when i have zero patience and am not charitable. not the slightest bit. and if you make me mad when the only thing i have on my mind is exams, i won't think about the consequences or the way you are feeling for that matter. i will just explode and bite your head off. so don't push your luck. i evolve into a totally different person when exams are near.

another thing. i RESENT people asking me to explain my msn nicknames. they are all exam-related alright? DON'T ask why i am paranoid or what i am paranoid about. or why my nick is something like "impending doom". it's my bloody msn account, i jolly well have whatever nick i want to have. and if anyone asks me again, i swear i will block you till the end of eternity.

fuse is shortening rapidly.

**edited**

and i am sick and tired of having to ALWAYS give way. what the hell. the last i checked, i don't owe you anything, why must i always have to "be nice" and let you have what you want at the expense of my own wellbeing? i hate being artificial and hypocritical, which is what you people are being.

the dictionary meaning of "unfriendly" and "cold" is this: "not disposed to friendship" and "not affectionate, enthusiatic or kind". the dictionary meaning of hyprocritcal is this: "falsely pretending to be virtuous; insincere". i much rather be branded unfriendly and cold than to go against my morals. i'm sorry but i am incapable of going against what i am feeling.

the only thing i have to say to you is this. SCREW YOU. and i mean it.

Hui:

omg, 2weeks no update blog le. a lot of things happened and i shall (try my best to) summarise everything. =)

16th May 2005 Last day in NDC
went to Tim's house e night b4, and woke up early and went to a nearby coffeeshop for breakfast and left for work together. e timing and venue are prefect. he starts work in Boon Keng at 9am and i start work in NDC (at Outram Park) at 8.30am. so he would need to alight at Outram to change to e NE line. whee~ its a very nice feeling. wish we can do tt again e next time. =)

finally gathered e courage to give out e chocolates to my collegues who "took care" of me and went lunch for me for e past 3 weeks. and one of them gave me a pen! a fury winnie-e-pooh pen. haha it look so cute. too cute le. doesnt suit me leh. and too long to be put inside my pencil case. but i really appreciate it a lot.

17th - 19th May 2005, e first few days in NCS
left house at 8am on e first day, reached exactly at 8.30am, went to e receptionist to look for Ernest (e one who reviewed my resume and "took me in") Zizhe said that dept work from 9-6.30 instead of 8.30-6, which i signed on e piece of paper. true enuff, i waited until 9am and a lady came to bring me to collect e smart card. this smart card made a fool out of me twice! raa, read on man.

she took me to e office, and showed me around. it look big, almost lost my way. each lane look e same to me. haha.. introduced me to Aihua, a nice and pretty lady who gave me newspaper to read so tt i will not have nothing to do. i waited until 11am and Ernest finally came. -_-" soooo freaking late. i almost fell asleep. he asked me to sit at my in-charge's (Kian Seng) place and used e comp there. that comp tt i was using is a server, i din noe man. i went to switch it off at e end of e day. haha.. and e next day too. caused some ppl no network. haha dunno they noe its me or not. dun care la. =P spent e first 2 days in NCS doing nothing.

went to e toilet and i din bring e smart card along. cos i was thinking.. toilet onli mah! no need smart card right.. so i din bring. and wtf?! when i wanna come back to e office, i cant get it! need to scan!! cos there's a stairs along e corridor tt leads to e toilet -.- so need security. OMG i was stuck there for abt 3mins. lucky got one guy came out from toilet. asked him to scan for me. wahaha..

sat at kian seng's place, look around his cubicle. there's a group photo pinned in e wall, tried to guess which one is him by looking at his age, height and weight. u all mus be wondering how would i noe his age, height and weight when i've nv seen him b4 right? wahahaha.. its becos there's a NKF precention scheme cert, got his height and weight. and a reservice enlistment letter, got his IC number. wahaha, i even noe where he stays =P

finally get to see his "ru shan zhen mian mu" on e 3rd day. hmm.. smart-looking guy, quite handsome. but i dun tok to him one and he dun tok to me. and it doesnt bother me either. =P

Today
hais, was tasked to generate some reports using e software Crystal Reports. nv heard of it, but its a popular software. haha i'm a frog and noob. very ignorant. >< told zizhe tt i'm not a frog in e well outside NCS, but am a frog in NCS. he said i'm a frog in NCS well. wahaha i tihnk it sounds funny =P either way, e crystal reports is such a headache! went to toilet at 6pm and guess wad? i cant come out again! not becos i din bring my card. its becos my card cannot be assessed after 6pm as i've wrote on e paper, my working hours is 8.30-6pm. OMFG! waited for someone to come out of e toilet again. haha told aihua abt it and she said she'll help me drop an email to e ppl there and do something abt it. omg, this is so lame -.-

yes! its finally friday again! weekend is near!! woot~!

ting:

this post is for angela, because she complained i haven't been writing one of my "essay length" blog entries. so seeing i'm back early today, i might as well enter a (hopefully) short entry. so much for going on hiatus. blogging certainly is addictive.

had three last lectures today. felt really sad... when it all came to an end. the australian culture is such that they would clap at the end of the last lecture. we don't have that in singapore. i think that is a sweet gesture, a form of appreciation for putting up with us. i become more charitable at the end of things, so now, i am thinking, "that professor ain't all that bad actually" or "QM is actually a pretty interesting subject". pity i didn't feel this way earlier. but yes, it was really sad. the professors would end with "and the last thing i would like to say is good luck for the exams" and we would clap and i would do my best to stop my eyes from welling up. ridiculous i know. i always known i am the sentimental sort.. but to this extent? it's insane! sigh. time really flies. i fear my three years in melbourne uni would just speed by like that.

ughhh. i don't wanna talk about it anymore. another last lecture to endure tomorrow. hope i make it.

hui:

i dunno wad's wrong with me. i'm losing touch with everyone but i cant be bothered. not tt i dun care.. its like i jus dun feel like doing anything. i'm jus so sian and tired of everything.

ting:

i finally understand why animals hibernate during the winter. i feel like doing just that myself.

number of blocks of chocolate i've finished so far: 4. this is getting from bad to worst. i've never eaten so much chocolate at one go before in my whole life! not even during o/a-levels. shit.

feeling resigned. wish death would hurry up and come.

ting:

taking a little break from accounting (not that i even started actually) and hiatus. anyone wanna guess how many blocks of chocolate i have ingested ever since i went off my diet five days ago? 3 blocks. you heard me right... not bars but BLOCKS. that is a total of 750g of fat i put into my body. ughhhhh! then again, exams are coming up so to hell with having a good figure and looking good. the only time you're entitled to looking a wreck is during the exam period, so make full use of that.

guess what... i cut my hair yesterday. my fringe to be more precise. and guess what again? i did it myself. didn't see the need to spend $40 over dollars just to get my hair cut here, plus the fact my fringe was irritating me the entire morning. got so frustrated i gathered all my nerve and grabbed the scissors and just snipped the entire thing off. pity i don't have eyes at the back of my head, otherwise i would do the same for the rest of my hair! i think i look dorky now. oh well.. you can't have the best of everything.

my mum is here again! she brought the whole of singapore over, literally. and now i have coffee! yay! she declared it at the customs but the guy let her through with it when he saw it was made in singapore. hmm i wonder why? but anyway... caffeine boost! a much needed one too! tea has no effect on me, no matter how long i leave the tea bag in the cup. she brought a whole lot of supplements over as well, so now, i have countless dozen pills to take every morning and night. i'm hoping they would be a good substitute for essence of chicken, which was my trustworthy source of energy provider back home everytime it came to crunch time. i realised just how spoilt i am. perhaps it's the singaporean culture but parents seem to be overprotective and all, and especially anxious when it comes to the examination period. i don't see caucasian parents walking around college square! jeez... so much for wanting to learn independance.

went to watch "the upside of anger" yesterday with my friends. mag and jennifer got this idea that we should just disregard the fact that exams are fast approaching and go chill out. i almost had a fit, trying to decide whether i should or should not go. but knowing me and seeing how studies rank last, way below enjoyment and sleep, i said yes and we only came back at 1+am! it was a weekday too! oh my gosh... but didn't regret it, the movie was good. way way better than "kingdom of heaven". orlando bloom is UGLY. period. i don't care what mag or jennifer or leona thinks. suba, erfie and myself agree that he should (to quote erfie's exact words) "stop stealing other people's wives". i feel that he doesn't have the charisma to carry off a leading role, especially one in epic battles (it's funny how he always get cast in an epic show huh?). he wasn't doing much leading in the movie... just conveniently being at the right place in the right time and fucking the leading female character (duh. he always does that.). *roll eyes* didn't understand the show the slightest bit too.. and it gave me the impression the director was trying to rush through the entire plot so as to keep within the three hour time frame. the battles weren't spectacular either, (lotr still ROCKS) so there's nothing to shout about. for those who had the intention to watch it, here's a handy tip. watch the trailer. it's a whole lot better than the movie itself. and you won't miss out on anything.

guess people like huili and mag are dying to get their hands round my neck now, especially after what i said about orlando bloom. heh.

guess it's time to go, before this entry turns into an essay. kinda worried for my econs assignment, despite all the help from pei and adel, i still feel it sounded very amateurish! ughh..... i hope i got a good grade. it's worth a freaking 15% of my final grade!

ting:

hui, we seriously should think about putting a tracker on our blog. just so to see who reads it and whether any unwanted readers have access to it. realise that there are more people out there than i know of who reads our blog and i'm pretty traumatised. because i have no intention and no desire whatsoever, to let them know my thoughts and feelings about certain issues. and come on, some people are just plain not welcomed to read what i/we write! grrr... understand how pei feels now, about the sudden unwanted influx of readers.

one more day to the end of my diet and i gave up and bought chocolate. it's amazing what depression does to one. best thing of all? i have no idea what i'm gloomy about. exams? my damn QM assignment which is due tomorrow but still untouched? the fact that i'll probably never get to hang out with jennifer ever again here in melbourne as a group? partings are disgusting. coming here made me realise just that. but i've no time to dwell on it now. exams are looming up and my stupid QM assignment, which is so bloody difficult is still NOT DONE! sigh. i don't wanna do it!! *kicks a huge fuss and cries*

alright, i'll be on hiatus for a while. till after exams that is, and seeing i moved my entire study area into my bedroom so i can just lock myself in and be a nerd. no internet connection in my room so can't come online as frequently! don't ask me how i managed to squeeze every single thing into that teeny room of mine. i'm surprised there is still space to turn! sighhhh. i hate to sign off but i seriously have to get down to doing QM. so, till after the exams...bye!

Hui:

hmm, nothing to do so decided to post an entry here.. =P anyway its been quite a while since i last posted yeah?

went out with da ge and ckc they all de gang. da ge's giving a treat to all of us cos he's celebrating his bday in advance. the gang have not thought of wad to buy him yet. anyway i wun be sharing bah, i guess.. cos i said i wanna buy him happy meal le. wahaha.. actually wanted to buy him some fishes to add to his fish-tank aollection but gave e idea to Mei le. so nvm la. =) b4 meeting them in bugis mrt station at 6.30pm, i accompanied Tim home from his work, waited for him to bath then come out again. his uncle bought e Nokia 6680 (e current phone that i like now) and he borrowed it for one day. wow, e image is so clear! e functions a bit cheem la. 3G phone wor. like got so many things inside. as our SIM card are not made for 3G phone, we can't explore e video conferencing part. was playing with e phone and exploring its functions thruout e journey from boon lay to bugis. wahaha..

went to bras basah complex to meet up with da ge and Mei, cos they went out earlier on.. to buy fishes. really -_-" lor. cos i dunno where they wanna go and have dinner mah. so in e end kinda walked one big round, and kinda walked from bugis to city hall. ok, i exagerrated.. hmm, near city hall la. but anyway e complex was in e middle so not so bad la. we went to e coffee shop opposite e complex where da ge gave a treat.. got 6 dishes. e food was not bad.. maybe cos i was sooo hungry and i'm not very fussy abt food. and somemore every dish that was on e table was something i dun dislike. but da ge said he din quite like e food at e end of e outing. haha dunno him la. free food wor. =P after dinner (abt 9pm), Mei suggested going to KTV. so she called and booked e room (at 9.30pm) and stuffs. there were 9 of us in total and cannot squeeze into ckc's pickup (not allowed to sit at e back). so we split. Mei, Weixiang and his wife and me took ckc's vehicle while e rest of e guys took a cab there. when we reached there, e timing was jus nice.

first time hear each and everyone in that gang sang, including Tim. haha.. as in really sing la. have not really heard Tim sing b4. yesterday finally hear le. and he finally heard me really sing. hmm, i should make some correction to e first sentence made in e first line of this paragraph. i din manage to hear ckc sing. he jus held e mic (for abt 3 songs onli -.-) and i din hear his voice. maybe he too shy le. haha they say he has always been like tt. he dun sing one. towards e end of e ktv session, ckc and joshua going to peng liao. see their eyes wanna close le. is my voice so "wanted"? it seems like quite a lot of ppl wanna hear my sing. last time was bernard, eny, my classmates. now is da ge and tim. but guess i disappointed them in e end. was quite "crazy", in e sense all of us sang together and shouted. almost no voice sia. when i sang that Twins song.. can sense no voice le. almost can't reach e note. heck la. jus have fun mah right? =P suggested to Mei to dedicate "One Night in Beijing" and ahhaa, Beng sang e female part. hahah.. not too bad la. i think tt voice hor, real women cannot do it sia. haha.. when he finished singing tt song, i think he wanted to die le.

e ktv session ended at 1.30am. woot, so late~ i feel so "not energetic" (but still quite active la, jus tt not very active). cos everytime when i stay up freaking late, i'm onli sitting in front of e computer chatting on msn, or playing gunbound, or chatting on e phone. activities that does not consume so much energy. and wa liao, first time sing ktv at this hour (considering e times i go ktv to date is onli abt 10), shout somemore -_- i think if i go clubbing i'll die. yuan lai this is e kind of night life that Mei has been leading. wahaha.. ckc still suggested going for supper somemore -_- i tot he wanna sleep liao. still say so much. haha jus kidding. as usual, he sent me (Mei and Weixiang+wife) home, and e "Jurong guy gang" went home by themselves. oh yeah, before going home da ge still suggested playing gb -_- and guess wad? he went to sleep earlier than me. guys~~ -.- -.- -.-

ok, yhis is too long an entry. i should stop.. and anyway got nothing to write also le.

ting:

what's WRONG with the people in my QM lecture? i marvel at the professor's patience, if i were him, i'd just storm out of the lecture theatre altogether! it's in times like these i wish people came with a remote control so i could press the mute button.

the people behind me especially. the urge to murder them was so intense! there were four of them, three girls, one guy. the girls were just TALKING AND TALKING AND TALKING! there wasn't any effort to keep their voices down. and there was once other people around us started talking. one of the girls said, "shut up! what's wrong with them?" excuse me? can you bloody speak for yourself? she didn't seem to get the fact that she was just being an annoying bitch, despite me shooting irritated glances in her direction. and it wasn't as though she didn't SEE me doing that. i made eye contact with her everytime i turned to glare at them. stupidity runs in some people's blood it appears.

and the guy behind me......UGHHHHHHH!!!!!! he kept kicking my chair! what the hell was his problem?? and it's not as though he is this huge giant who deems it necessary to occupy every single bit of space. he was damn skinny for one. and he just spent the entire hour happily KICKING away at my chair. the entire row of seats was shaking! and the girl beside him was playing with the empty seat next to me...flipping it up and down with her feet. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE!??? desperately wanted to throttle them.

the guy had the cheek to tap me on the shoulder and say, "hi, how are you?" before muttering something i didn't quite catch. jo ann said it was probably because he thought i was "trying to hit on him", given the number of times i glanced back. TRYING TO HIT ON HIM???? if he thinks THAT, then he has to be the dumbest idiot on earth. it was pretty apparent by my body language i was steaming. and why the heck would i want to hit on someone who spent the entire freaking hour slamming his knees into the back of my chair? he isn't even cute for heaven's sake! yuck! not that looks matter in this case.

was highly tempted to say, "things would be a whole lot better if you people would just SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP KICKING MY CHAIR!!!". but somehow, i can never make myself say something that rude.

unbelievable. there are nice people like donna, jennifer, maya..... and at the far end of the spectrum, there are people like THEM. sometimes, it's such people who make me forget that there is good in this world. i'll have to look at my friends to remember and to refrain from stereotyping.

wonder if i am pmsing. my fuse seems to be getting shorter by the day. and an increasing number of people are starting to get on my nerves. maybe it's just the damn exams. or perhaps this has something to do with my diet. lack of chocolate does detrimental things to your state of mind. then again, i managed to zip my jeans the other day. so....yay?

ting:

i'm so incredibly excited! with a lot of luck and parental approval, i will be heading to costa rica at the end of this year for one whole month! ISV is this organisation which recruits international student volunteers to go to foreign lands to do community work. for the australian students (and international students studying in australia), the two destinations would include costa rica and the united states. this is the run-down:

the one month program there is broken up into two segments, first two weeks of volunteer work and the second two weeks would be adventure tours. volunteer work can be either community based or conservation based. community based would be mingling with the local community, teaching them english (huh? are they sure they want to trust me?), building them shelter etc etc etc. conservation based would be more environment related, like rainforest regeneration or helping leatherback sea turtles make their way safely to the ocean once after they are hatched. for those who don't know, leatherback sea turtles are highly endangered, due to the fact that turtles lay their eggs on the beach and these eggs are vulnerable to predators digging them up for food or people poaching them. also, as the baby turtles make their way back to the ocean, they are vulnerable to any "dangerous items" lying on the beach which could injure or kill them. plus the fact that even with all the help they can get, usually only a mere 5% of the baby turtles survive at the end of it all. (as can be seen, i did my research and you can more or less tell which conservation program i am tending towards huh?) so yeah, they need our help!

the next two weeks would be adventure based. if we are going to the united states, then we would get to tour around los angeles, las vegas, hike down the grand canyon and all that awesome stuff. for costa rica, it would be more thrill-seeker style, white water rafting, zipping down ziplines from one mountain peak to another and so on and so forth. our accommodation sounds incredibly cool as well, homestay with the locals or camping out in the forests, depending on which type of project you undertake.

my friends and i decided on the costa rica one. though i'm dying to go to the united states, what are the chances of me getting to go to costa rica ever again in the future? there are more opportunities for me to travel to the united states, say, for an exchange program or something. and besides, the united states is more or less similar to australia in terms of culture, the food they have to offer and the language they speak. whereas costa rica is another culture altogether, a culture we don't often get to experience. plus their food is different, language spoken is different (they speak spanish. if i get accepted, i would have to get neela to give me spanish crash courses! the only spanish word i know is adios, which means "bye".)... it's a whole new experience somehow. plus the fact that if we sincerely want to help the local community there, why would we go to the united states, given the fact they are wealthier than many other developing countries and can afford any conservation/community program they want? so yeah, i submitted the application form today and the acceptance letter should come in about two weeks. at least, i hope i will get accepted!!

costs of course is an important factor to consider. sigh... guess i really have to take up a part time job and juggle work and study as from next year onwards! but i feel that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, something you don't get to experience everyday. and besides, you are changing the lives of others, you're helping the less fortunate. isn't that worth more than any amount of money in the world?

am so glad i am here. i feel that nus doesn't give students much opportunities to do things which are out of the norm. like the talks and "experiences" they offer are "how to write an impressive resume" or "how to climb up the coporate ladder" etc. there is no spiritually and emotionally fulfilling aspect. which is what life is all about. when you feel that you have done something for someone, changed the lives of people, done your bit for the environment, there is this sense of satisfaction which can never be matched by wealth or status and prestige. like what i said under the "why i should be selected" section, i want to do my bit for the environment and give back in whatever way i can, especially seeing mankind took so much away from it. you can't just take without giving. it'll run dry at the very end.

i really really hope i'll get accepted. and that my parents will agree to finance me and let me go for it. it's touring, but with a different purpose.

hui:

opps, for to post an entry abt good-looking guys whom i've saw in my NDC, National Dental Center (my workplace) or near my NDC. so far, saw 5! haha.. cos i was thinking... since i'm working in NDC and NDC is sooo near SGH (jus across e street), there could be chances where i'll spot some good looking guys or doctors. i think e first one i spotted was early last week or something, cant remember. was in e canteen in SGH. he's a doctor. not very old la.. like late 20s? wearning formal (duh~), no spects, look a tiny bit like Daniel Chan. very tall, i think 183cm. not gentlemanly looking. more of like a trendy style of person in formal wear. can imagine? haha i noe my description sux. anyway, its not tt i purposely look around to spot handsome guys or wad.. its so happen tt i've finished my food and i happen to look up and saw him. my collegue saw him too and she said "dragon ball" to another collegue. i was like 'huh? dragon ball?" she said yeah, cos he used to spike his hair and so she calls him dragon ball. and all of us commented tt he's good-looking. haha.. Note: all of us, including me = 4 ppl onli. wahaha..

e second one i saw was in e lift in NDC, when i was going back after lunch. i think he's a trainee or something.dun care also la, but he's quite courteous. =) and e 3rd one was some IT ppl, i dunno from where. dun think he's from e IT Dept in NDC cos he was carrying his bag while checking out e liscene thingie in my comp. not bad. got those si wen boy boy look. look a bit like Fang Li Sheng (Alex Fong). eyes not very big, sharp nose and small mouth tt kind. another one tt i met was in e lift also, think also trainee bah. dunno how to describe him.. got sporty look.. and e 5th one was today in e canteen at SGH again. also trainee doctor. looking for seats and asked me if e seats at e my table are taken. 2 are available and jus nice for him and his friend. he asked me to hold e table for him while they both went to buy food.

yeah, think tt's all for good-looking guys encounter at NDC or in SGH. not bad liao la,i'm in finance dept, ALL gals and i tot i'll never ever see a guy during weekdays, from 8.30 - 5.30 except for lunchtime. hey hey, i not desperate or wad la.. jus say say onli.. haha, and somemore expections cant be so high, if not there wun even be any good-looking guys to look at in sg le. wahaha..

ting:

for some weird reason, ever since i came over to melbourne, i lost the ability to keep my heart locked and keep all that i'm feeling within me. hate myself for my inability to stand on my own two feet instead of troubling people all the time. hate myself for appearing so vulnerable. hate myself for over-bitching, and hence driving people away from me in the process. if you had your fill of me, i apologise. thanks for being here to listen.

hey gor, thanks for cheering me up. i'm sure mei and the rest will agree, you are hilarious man! :D thanks for imparting such words of wisdom to me. i'll remember them for as long as i'm here.

in case you're wondering, this is what he said.

"life doesn't suck, it's an unfinished game. this is all part of growing up, a game with only one credit. play it well. every step is an experience and with every experience, we proceed to a higher level in life."

hmmm. good advice eh? on the other hand, i think he has been playing too much computer games. heh.

ting:

highly agree with what adel said in her blog. expectations are no use. they just raise your hopes, and make you more disappointed in the end. fantasies don't work out either. guess it's time i started living in the NOW.

can be absolutely sure it is not me. i'm not being overly sensitive, or overly paranoid for that matter. and neither am i asking too much. the problem doesn't lie with me. what other excuses can there be? exams are over, there is nothing else to do. so why then? perhaps there is something else more interesting. perhaps there is someone else more interesting. and that notion hurts. a lot.

feeling pissed.

goes to prove that no matter how much you wish or how much you want, things seldom go your way. if they do, good for you. unfortunately, it doesn't happen for me. things NEVER turn out the way i want them to. today proved that point. by holding on, i'll make myself more miserable in the long run. why not let go and let those expectations slide? expect less from others, expect less from yourself, expect less from the situation. and maybe things will turn out to be better.

i'm the world's greatest fool. to be taken in again and again. the answer was right in front of me all along. how was it i chose to be blind to that fact until today? until NOW? i chose to see what i wanted to see. pathetic. who's the one suffering now? not that person. fool you once, shame on that party. fool you twice, shame on you. why do i have such a weak resolve?

going strong in my diet. the strictly no chocolates, no ice-cream and no potato chips one. bought mars bars and some honey eucalyptus candy for my management class. managed to resist eating the chocolates despite the fact over 16 people were munching on them at the same time and it was heartwrenching being in the midst of it all. if i could resist THAT, how is it i can't resist doing this? this is insane. though my resolve was dissolving when there were leftovers from the chocolate pack. did the right thing in the end and told them to re-divide it among themselves again before bolting out of the room. am pretty sure if i stayed a second longer, my resolve would just cave altogether. sigh. maybe i should put my heart on a two weeks diet too.

wish i could remain permanently pissed. but i know the anger would subside and give way to sadness. and then forgiveness would come. then i'd forget. then the whole cycle would repeat itself once more. pathetic pathetic pathetic.

"people don't know what they want. they want what they know." got this from my marketing management readings. how true.

exams are approaching. my flatmate's mum is coming. i am so doomed. can see myself just dying at the end of it all. guess i gotta hole myself up in my room as of next week.

i wish it could be blatantly obvious to him that i'm pissed. i don't believe it. if i can resist the world's three greatest evils, how come i can't resist this!!?? incredulous.

i'm pathetic. enough said.

ting:

realised i haven't blogged in a while. then again, life has been pretty boring lately.

cute guy (the one i met in the lift) update: there is nothing to update. i haven't seen him. *curses* then again, tomorrow is monday. maybe i should hang around the lifts?

social life update: non-existent. i have been bogged down by so many assignments i turned down every movie outing or grocery shopping outing.

love-life update: disgusting. no eye candy here. save for cute lift guy whom i have yet to bump into!

studies update: i'm gonna fail every single subject.

flatmate update: she's back in singapore. coming back only on tuesday. someone STOP HER!!!!

some people (namely jennifer, donna and maya) make discrimination difficult. still, i have a good mind to turn racist myself. not in the mood to talk about it, am rushing to go take my shower. will talk more about it another day. was bitching to suba about it though, so if the poor girl reads my blog, she'll have to sit through it once again.

damn the chicken rice siren call. it's making mealtimes painful, because i sit and wish it was chicken rice in front of me instead. nevermind. bear with it. it will be soon.

i'm highly excited about something. *huge grin* but i can't tell. it's a secret! shhhhh!

Hui:

opps, wanted to write a post yesterday.. abt my nightmares on e day b4.. 2 in a row!! mus be e result of thinking too much abt my results that was released yesterday. sucky man e dream.

dreamt tt i was abt to unlock e door to go out meet Mei at e bus stop to meet Ting and Jol.. i looked across e road and saw Eny walking towards Mei.. and OMG she was wearing a skirt!! a red skirt white a white top. inverted singapore flag sia.. or rather the flag of poland. wahaha.. i was surprised, and then i saw behind Eny, was her good friend. fuking hell.. dreamt od her, so suay. she was wearing a red dress. Mei called me and told me she saw both of them and i was like "ya i noe.. teriible dress sense" and Mei agreed. she couldnt throw e words out cirectly fo they were there. i din noe what e hell were they doing there. anyway e dream was like Eny wants to come with us but we dun welcome her (and her friend). then Eny was a bit sad, but we ignored her totally. told Ting and Jol abt it, and e typical reaction from Jol was "huh.. then how? next time then call her la" I rolled my eyes and Mei went "Ha!". Ting said "aiya~~~ dun care abt them lah~~" hahaha tt's e end of nightmare 1.. e other nightmare... i forgot almost all of it already but i noe i dreamt of CH. OMG.. y all e ppl i dun like sia. something abt i saw him at a shopping center, then got chat.. and actually i was waiting for Tim and ckc they all.. i din tell him so i tried to make him stay longer when he said he wanted to go.. cos i knew that he would wan to avoid them. in e end he saw them and he ran away. tt's all i can remember. wahahaha woke up and i was like "wah kaoz" -.-"

rushed to work and waited for Ting's sms and brother jana while trying to concentrate on printing e invoices and compiling reports. y? its becos they are helping me to check my results!! finally~ jana called me at 11+am and it was good news!! I PASSED ALL! yay~ e one i failed during common test also pass.. with a D. but its good liao. got a C+ for e other module (taught by Mr Foo) that i'm worried abt. i din noe how to do like 50% of e paper sia. e rest of e modules.. ok la.. though 2 of e modules i expected to get an A.. and in contrast, i did better than i expected for e other 2 modules. though e grades aint that fantastic, i'm contented and happy with it already. GPA dropped by 0.1 raa~ mus be cos of my C+ and D loh.. but its ok~

yes! tml is friday again!! one more day to weekend!! and oh did i mention b4? NDC wanted to extend me for another 1 week, or rather 6days.. so i'll work until next next monday, on e 16th.. and then hopefully i can get e temp position recommended by Zizhe! Zizhe! if i get it i give u a treat alright? but mus see where and wad la.. not too ex.. maybe happy meal? wahaha jus kidding! let u noe when/if e time comes!

ting:

today proved that even the most unlikely things can happen. isn't it funny how life has all these hidden surprises which pop up at you and make it easier for you to carry on?

i got back my management assignment today. yup, the one i was convinced i would fail because i only completed it on the DUE DATE ITSELF, with half an hour to spare. and two hours before the deadline, i gave up. not to mention i was suffering from "assignment block" the entire time i was doing it! and guess what? i topped the class for it. miracles never cease. to emphasise how convinced i was that i was gonna fail it...i had nightmares about it two nights in a row. yes, over an ASSIGNMENT. i know what you guys are thinking. for heaven's sake, it's not even a test! but it's worth 30% of my final grade you see, and that in itself is a HUGE deal. anyway, i have to buy candy for the class next tutorial. some weird tradition that the person who tops the class has to buy candy in celebration and to spread the joy around. hmmm. i should have objected to that idea before my tutor announced the marks. so...... what candy should i buy?

in addition to that, my tutor was going around checking our tutorial preparations while we were having our group discussion. his concept is that if you prepare for classes, you can contribute more during lessons and thus, you deserve extra "brownie" points. anyway, he took my answers to read through and at the end of it all, he looked at me and said that the answers were really good. i was pretty stunned, seeing i did that one piece of work on two separate occasions and one was on saturday morning, at 3am. and while i was doing it, i was "multi-tasking", chatting with jiehui and arthur over msn and listening to music too! jeez. plus when i finished, i looked at my answers and questioned myself as to whether i was doing the correct thing. hmmm. oh well. then again, i should be doing better for management, seeing i did it all before in nus!

and for the first time ever since i set foot in australia this year... i saw a really really cute guy! (i can feel my readers getting more interested now.. hehe) *swoons* and he lives one floor below me!! *does a victory dance* ok, here are the details.

i was coming back from suba's apartment when i noticed this guy laden with gorceries walking in front of me. at that point, i wasn't particularly bothered as i was making a list of what to buy come friday, when i go winter shopping with suba. he was walking pretty fast, so the gap between us widened and he reached the lifts first. i was approaching the lifts when the doors of one opened. i had half a mind to wait for the next one, as i didn't fancy the idea of running to catch a lift. but the guy turned, looked at me and pointed towards the lift. i decided what the hell so i nodded and sprinted the remaining distance while he held the lift for me. :) nice eh? i went in and my breath caught in my throat. he.is.so.cute! by far, the cutest guy i have ever seen in australia! phew! *fans self* i murmured thank you in this breathless, sickly sweet tone and he gave me a dazzling smile. it's enough to brighten up a whole entire room in winter. phew... ok, let me try to describe him. he's not as boyish as mno guy (to refresh your memories... i had a lift encounter with mno guy back in pgp last year too. hmmm... lift provides opportunities huh?) but he has incredibly thick, honey blond hair. and the most amazing eyes ever! i didn't dare look into them long enough to determine their colour but from what i think i remember... they look green. and he has nice, thick, long eyelashes as well! hmmmm!

during the ride up, i was thinking of coming straight out and asking him where he's from. definitely not european because of the accent. was thinking along the lines of american or canadian. but my courage deserted me (as always. what's new? :( pei, please pack some courage for me when you come over.) so i didn't say a word. sighhhhh. another wasted opportunity. the lift reached his floor and he gave me that smile again before saying "seeya" and making his exit. was grinning to myself like an idiot the whole way back to my apartment. hmmm. i should have trailed him to see which apartment he lives in. shit man. now i'm regretting not striking up a conversation in that span of a few seconds. maybe he'd invite me over for coffee or something? *kicks self* nevermind. hopefully, with A HELL LOT OF LUCK, i'll bump into him again. after all, he's just one floor down!

*cross fingers*

don't get me wrong. i'm not trying to promote superficiality here. personality definitely overrides everything else. but let's face it. sad to say, the world is a superficial place and most first impressions are based on looks. but hopefully, when two people get to know each other better, they'll find that looks take second place and that, no matter what, it ain't as important as what it is made out to be.

ting:

for some weird reason, everyone thinks i'm bothered by the "looks" bit when i mentioned in my previous entry that i was deemed as "ugly" by someone. i'd just like to clarify that it is not true... i'm not bothered by it at all. i'm bothered by the situation, and what made her said that TO ME, IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS. and her insensitivity about it all.

but it's ok. i don't want to talk about it anymore, seeing we have tried to make peace.

note to adel: hey girl... i don't know if it's my internet or yours. everytime i message you online, it tells me the message can't be sent to all recipents. but anyhow, in case i don't get the chance to talk to you over msn before you leave, HAVE FUN IN AMERICA!!! hope you can get internet access sometime (i know it'll be difficult but TRY) so we can converse during that period. work hard, don't ruin singaporeans' reputation of being hardworking! hehe... oh, and bon voyage... hope the goodness knows how many hours flight would be good and entertaining. all the best and seeya in december!!

note to all others: my mum isn't letting me go back in july. so, seeing i can't go back... COME OVER AND VISIT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!