urge

no idea why i feel the sudden urge to write something about the life i'm in right now... people say writing a blog is like looking for attention.. i am not going to deny this.. i am in need of attention now.. attention from a friend that could listen to my sorrow...

sometimes i feel like i am in a place whereby i listen and advise everyone but none could listen to me...

Sometimes i feel like my issue was so minor that no one cares... think that i am complaining and being a nuisance. Am i?

I like someone... my first concern... do i have the time to invest in this relationship? frankly speaking, i do not even have time for myself.. how could i handle a relationship? i never dare to commit my time to anyone because i know i cant because of work... is this worth it?

being a team lead in paper but working like an overpaid engineer.. frankly speaking i feel nothing when it comes to leading a team. i dont know my team schedule.. i do not know their project on hand... i do not know the cases they are handling.. are they overloaded... every single day... pple come looking for me.. can u go for this meeting? can you help do this project.. customer wants you to do it.... everyone is asking me to help... how much can i do? i feel like i am running at my max speed for soooo long and my system starts breaking apart.

i am tired... too tired to continue.. maybe is about time for me to look elsewhere..

feeling depress

i have no idea why but i am feeling quite depress lately.. sometime i just wonder what is going on with my life and i sometime find myself living without a purpose...

been a while

it has been a while since my last post.. kinda busy... with a little bit of laziness too...

i'm in a dilemma right now... i always thought i wanted this kind of work life but slowly the reality somehow hits me... i kinda of lost motivation in work at the moment... not sure why... is it because of all the negativity i have heard or i just cant get used to going to 9-6 hours with random project.. somehow i feel like this is not what i want in life..

Anyway... another thing has been bothering me..maybe with this in my head.. i cant work well.. lol * find excuses*

She is a pretty girl.. no doubt about that.. maybe not to others... but to me she is gorgeous.. but i knew her for a long time now.. and I did ask her if i still stand any kind of chance or literally friend zoned... i observed her to be nervous when she say think is pass the "bf/gf" stage.. more of a long time friend.. but to me... it wasnt.. i wanted more than that.. yes i used to have feeling for her long time ago.. as usual life love to play trick on us.. we didnt get together due to timing i can say... she was attracted to some one else.. i tried to be close to her but somehow we drifted.. to be frank i dont even know what happen...

i thought at this stage.. she seem to be the perfect gal for me.. the most ideal person i ever met.. but in the meantime.. i cannot forget abt my ex..this sound gay but i really miss her.. i know she have her own life now and she seem very determined to ignore me.. lol

but sometime when i see girls that look like her or act like her.. i will think of her.. which in the first place i must think of her to relate strangers to her... even the movie i caught recently.. pacific rim.. the jap gal looks so much like her!!! maybe is just me thinking too much but the scene whereby she had to fight 1v1.. she has the kind of vibe that reminds me of her...

So being at this cross road... between looking life time partner and missing my ex.. i think have a relationship now.. somehow dont seem fair to anyone but if i wait.. i might lose her... ARGhhh.. i hope life can give me an easier option.. but life is always so irritating.. they force you to make the decision.. and whichever it is.. you should never regret...

Hmm.. i guess i answer my own confusion... If i dont tell.. i might regret and keep thinking of what might have happen.. if i do tell.. the most i get is rejection.. but life have definitely teaches me something,... never take "no" for an answer.. i shall try and hopefully using my "3 inch wont rot tongue" to convince her that i am able to take care of her.. gd luck to me...