Love Ya!

Thank you so much to Katie who nominated me for this award! I have never been nominated before and it has really cheered me up!!!

Now I have to choose only 8 wonderful blogs to pass this award on to..."These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award!"



I am going to nominate people who have been kind to me, being the new girl to blogging and TTC. They have left supportive comments, some have become followers and have been supportive even though I am not very far along my TTC journey compared to a lot of people. I have not felt judged and I feel less lonely now which is a great thing so thank you all! Of course every one who has stopped by have been very supportive and that is what is so great about blogging. I feel we have a great community.

So here they are:

1. Mrz. Hannah Myhre @http://hannahmyhre.blogspot.com/ - she is just starting her IVF journey, she has been very friendly, supportive and encouraging, thank you and good luck, following you all the way!


2. Strong blonde @http://strongblonde.wordpress.com/2009/02/17/umwhat/ - has just found out she is PG so keeping everything crossed that all goes well


3. Jenn @http://jenn-e-fursoasis.blogspot.com/ - who is due in 34 days time. She has always left helpful comments


4. Just me @http://canyouimagine123.blogspot.com/ - who is so in love with her DH, its great and she manages to remain positive so much of the time which is a great inspiration


5. Christa @http://endoandfertility.blogspot.com/ - who has a beautiful baby Ella and is battling with endometriosis like myself


6. Katie @http://k8ejohnson.blogspot.com/ - who leaves great comments and makes me laugh when I read her blog (in a good way!)


7. Misty @http://robertsdawn.blogspot.com/ - who leaves helpful comments


8. Grade A @http://aqualityegg.blogspot.com/ - who has just had some wonderful news

Relaxing day but still down

Spent the morning doing housework and walking my dog. This afternoon I have been catching up on some TV, watching House and reading blogs. To top it all off, my lovely dog has been snuggled up on the sofa with me sleeping, making me feel loved! Obviously the sofa is warm and I am comfy to lay on but I like to think its love, makes me happy that way!!


Reading every ones blogs gives me mixed emotions; joy, sadness, sympathy and hope to name a few. It is nice to read every ones journeys but it makes me wonder where my one is going? Will I get pg soon or will I be going for IVF?

Had a brief conversation with my DH this eve and I asked him why we weren't talking about the elephant in the room and he didn't get what I meant! We are not really talking about us TTC at the mo. When I got AF this time I was obviously distraught but he did not even register it as me not being pregnant. He obviously knew it meant I wasn't pregnant but he didn't say anything to me. Maybe this was because I had a break down last time an he didn't want it to happen again, or I am not sure why. He also said to me that I shouldn't worry as this is only the second month of trying! Has he not been awake or aware for the last 5 months?!?! I am getting a little frustrated at the moment as he does not appear to be worried that I am not pregnant yet and doesn't seem to care at the moment. Maybe I am wrong. He does seem to keep a lot bottled up and doesn't tell me what he is thinking about as he doesn't want me to worry. A little input from him would be nice sometimes.

Endometriosis awareness month in March

Thanks to Christa, I have been reminded it is Endometriosis awareness month in March. I am now on a mission to go shopping and purchase some yellow items for me to wear this month.

I was diagnosed with endometriosis at the age of 18 when I got rushed into hospital with a suspected appendicitis! I have always suffered from very bad periods and cramps. I remember when I was younger throwing up every cycle due to the pain, and my mum telling me off the whole time (she was so supportive and still is!!!). I was put on the pill at 16 due to my awful periods and in 2004 I had a laser laparoscopy to try to clear my endo. I have since been to multiple doctors and have put off having another lap due to me being at university, and then my graduation and now my work. I have put it off for 3 years now as it knocked me for 6 last time and not sure how I will cope with my second lap. I am however off to the specialist on 18th April if I do not fall pragnant to get me booked in for my lap.

My endo has ruled my life and I do not like it. It causes me so much pain, causes fatigue, gets me down and depressed and it is causing me to battle with TTC. I came off the pill in October after trying multiple times to come off previously but the pain has been too great. I have to say, I am not coping very well off the pill. My pain is terrible, my periods are terrible and I am a very unhappy person. I am however, so desperate for a baby I am willing to try anything now.

Coming down with something

I have been exhausted and had a sore throat all day. I think I have a bug coming which is annoying as I now have 3 days off and I will most prob spend them sleeping off a bug :(

I was planning for a bit of BD tonight just for the fun of it as it has been a while as AF lingered longer than expected. Not sure if I have the energy now! Also don't really wanna give DH the bug either!

I really want this cycle to get going. I had to POAS this morn with my clear blue fertility monitor which I thought was a bit early as is cd9 and and I normally ovulate on cd18. I am worried as I only have 10 sticks and don't really want to buy another pack as they cost £20 and then I would be giving up on this cycle already. I will not buy any more unless I really have to.

Endometriosis and hypothyroidism

I was wondering if any of you out there had endometriosis and hypothyroidism and have had a baby? I am wondering what my chances of successfully TTC are? Both of these diseases cause chronic fatigue and infertility sadly so odds are stacked against me!

I am feeling very hung over today. We went out to celebrate a friends birthday and had alittle too much drink!! I decided it was my last bit of alcool this cycle before all of the baby dancing. I didnt bargain on feeling crap all day! It was a great nigt and havent enjoyed myself that muc in a while. You do however know when you are too drunk when you suggest clubbing on a tues night!!

Other updates: none really!! Working lots, really getting into my running. Have tomorrow (thursday) left at work and then a 3 day weekend. I cant wait for the break. Have had onbe day off in the last 18 days other tan my sick day and I am exhausted! Mentally and physically! I am also enjoying ICLW week and decided that I may give iron commentor a try next cycle? We shall see. It is a great chance to get lots of coments, feel loved and find new blogs!

On a different note, I am using my fertility monitor this cycle as at least I know I ovulate etc. I will be POAS in 2 days time. Cant wait as at the moment fertility is low and am looking forward to it becoming high. Havent had sex since before my period, so that was 9 days ago now. Am really missing it, may have to jump on DH soon, but not tonight, Am so exhausted am off to bed!

Sorry for the tired ramblings!

CD6

Was working all weekend, Saturday was pretty busy, yesterday not too bad thankfully. AF has slowed now which is good. I was still feeling rubbish on Saturday but I am back to my normal self now which is good.

I am enjoying the ICLW but am struggling to keep up with reading and leaving comments. It is nice to have so many comments and readers, makes me feel less lonely in life.

It is CD6 and I am waiting for AF to finish and so the baby dancing can start. I think we may have peaked too soon last cycle as when it got to ovulation day my DH had had enough! I think this weak will be spur of the moment sex, as and when we fancy it as I don't ovulate until day 17 normally. The annoying thing is I am on duty the weekend I am due to ovulate which is annoying. I hate having sex when on duty; you can guarantee you are in the middle and the phone rings with an emergency and then I have to rush out the house and by the time I get back the moment has passed! I have worked out my fertile days for the next few cycles and my cycle after this I don't think will be successful as I am away 3 of my most fertile days but we shall see. This may be the cycle I get pregnant! One can hope!

I am not sure what my feelings are going to be this cycle. Am I going to be optomistic or pessimistic? We shall find out!

1st IComLeavWe

This is my first IComLeavWe and am enjoying it already. I thought I would be do a quick round up of me for any new people who find me through this

• I am 24 and married to the love of my life whom I started dating when I was 16, my first and only boyfriend, now DH
• I have hypothyroidism and endometriosis
• We are TTC, have had laparoscopy and many hospital appointments before getting to the point were I could cope off the BCP
• I am a Veterinary Surgeon and work extremely long hours
• I have OCD tendencies but not to the point that it controls my life
• I have a dog called Maddy whom I rescued a year ago and I do dog agility with her
• I don't really have anyone in life other than my DH. No one knows we are TTC
• I live in the UK and my parents emigrated to the USA 5 years ago and took my brother with them
• I am desperate for a baby. I want a baby more than anything in the world. I really want to have a family with my DH

This blog is mainly about my TTC journey. I try not to burden my DH with all of this so I dump it all here! I am very controlling and obsessive and analyse my cycle and my feelings!

Off sick

I did it, I have taken a sick day. I never do this unless I am dying! I really needed this day off though. My cramps are really bad but I am also very exhausted and mentally drained. As I mentioned in my last post, I am not in a good place right now and I found it was affecting my decision making and concentration which is not good in my job. Therefore this is also a mental health day!

I spent all morning in bed sleeping and reading. I tried to take my dog for a quick walk as she was restless but I got to the park and was exhausted. I struggled to walk back and when I did get home, I collapsed on the sofa. This is not me and not normal, even for me and my AF. I am however bleeding loads. I think maybe I am anaemic as my skin colour is not good and (TMI alert!) I am having to change my tampon every 2 hours! I have to set my alarm in the night so I can get up and change my tampon! In the night I can only go every 3 hours before having to change my tampon.

I think I will be off to bed again in a bit for another nap. I cant believe how at the moment my exhaustion is worse than my cramps. I need to feel better as I am on duty all weekend again and I am sure I will be busy as work has been so busy recently, especially phone calls and emergencies in the middle of the night.

Had a cry

Had another shit day at work. I am exhausted and on duty again tonight. My stomach cramps have been bad all day. I have felt sick and had a migraine. I have also been told I look terrible. I looked in the mirror and they were right, I was a horrible grey colour! I have decided I wont go into work tomorrow if I feel this ill. Today was such a struggle.

I have been sitting here catching up on all the blogs I haven't read for a while and watching a bit of TV. I received a mail from a baby website today and it was all about coping with not conceiving. It was as if they knew I had just got a BFN. That was enough for me to burst into tears. Thankfully DH is not at home to witness that small out burst but I do feel better for it.

Was very sad to turn my fertility monitor on this morning and set it to day 1. I know it is a new cycle, new chance to get pregnant but it is still hard to deal with. Having to go through the highs and lows, the hope and misery of TTC and getting another BFN at the end of it all.

I am not in a good place right now. My really bad AF is not helping and the increasing number of pregnancy announcements is making me worse. I know I will feel better once AF is gone but right now I am not great.

Extra note: I have decided new cycle new look to blog, shall do this every cycle. Lets hope I can find enough designs to keep me going!! Who knows how long this may take!

Confirmed

AF has just arrived. I have spent most of the day in denial thinking AF isn't here yet, maybe the test was wrong. Well denial over. I now have to break the news to DH tonight. I know he takes it just as hard as me.

Thanks to everyone who leaves kind, supportive comments. It really does help knowing there are people going through, or have gone through this.

I am now treating myself to lots of chocolate. I know not good for my waist line but who cares right now!! I have had one of the worst days of work for a long time and what with AF arriving I need chocolate and a stiff drink! Sadly 10min lunch break is over and now back to work with smiling, happy Nic!

Just a note on the side. I am finding it hard not telling people that we are TTC. I would have loved to tell one of my mates and got a nice hug and have someone I can talk to other than DH. Also I can say to people, sorry I am a cow, just got a negative and then people would stop asking if I was OK. I guess people would either get bored of me saying that every month or not really care. Virtual hugs are nearly as good!

Not pregnant...

... was what my helpful little digital HPT said to me at 5am this morn! Somehow the words make it even harder to digest than no second line.

Had a dreadful nights sleep last night and got 2 emergency calls in the night. The second one was at 5am. I decided to POAS then as I wanted to use the first urine of the day and I needed to pee! There I was at 5am POAS in the freezing cold. DH tucked up in bed asleep. 3 mins is such a long time to wait on your own. When I got the BFN I did nothing but throw the stick away and climb into bed. No tears, no nothing, just felt numb. The bitter disappointment will heat soon when AF arrives.

I haven't told DH, he doesn't need the pain, he will find out soon enough when I get my period. For now it is off to work with a smiling face. Had a awful day and night yesterday and am in for more today. Just want to stay home and curl up in a ball and have a cry. May feel better if I let it out rather than lock it all in and then it burst out at an inappropriate time!

Oh the joys of TTC. Why do we put ourselves through the heartache every month?

Feeling sick all day

Had a day from hell today at work and am on duty all night. Have been feeling sick all day and then got a migraine this afternoon. I feel rough and tired. I want to go to bed but have been exhausted all week and had early nights every night.

I am unsure what I am going to do tomorrow morning. I feel a little PMS like today but that's it. What if I don't get AF in the morn? Shall I POAS? I cant believe I am getting so nervous about POAS. Problem is, it is so final when it comes as a negative. At least the whole time you are waiting for AF you can stay in denial, have a glimmer of hope although I have been trying not to get hopeful this month.

Maybe this month will be a good one for all. Congratulations to Strong blonde who got a BFP! Of course it is early days but will be keeping my fingers crossed. Good luck to all testing tomorrow. It is so nerve racking. I shall let you all know what I do tomorrow morning!

Less than 24hours to go till Tuesday

My BB are sore, getting a little bit cranky and some mild cramps. All looks like PMS signs to me!! Well tomorrow am I am due a visit from AF or to POAS. My cycles are pretty good in the fact that I wake up on the morning I am due on and either AF has arrived or I feel so bad with stomach cramps that I know she will be arriving soon. If I feel this bad in the morn or if AF has arrived I will not be testing (obviously). There seems to be something very soul destroying when you get a BFN. I didn't cope well last month with my BFN and I certainly wont cope well this month.

See how I am all geared for a BFN! I wont even entertain the thought of possibly, maybe, being pregnant. I did that last month and it hurt too much. This month if you have low expectations and then you should hurt less (hopefully) if they come true. I guess I am a pessimist! Lol I hear you all gasp with shock at that statement!

The other funny thing is that a lot of us are due to test tomorrow. Lets hope that Tuesday is a day of joy for all of us. I am keeping fingers and toes crossed for all! Bring on Tuesday!

Valentines weekend.

Was working yesterday but managed to get all work done early so had the afternoon and eve with my DH which was great. We went to the beach with our dog, had a nice walk, got a take out Chinese and watched a film. Was a nice relaxing eve. The only problem was we feel asleep on the sofa and then went to bed still knackered. I did however have a lovely sleep entwined with DH and then woke up hugging and then a bit of BD! Half the time we fall asleep with our backs to each other (just because it is comfy) and then wake up and go to work. I love Sunday mornings because we snuggle and talk and relax just hugging each other. It is the only time I feel completely relaxed.

10 DPO and the suspense is killing me. This morn my BB have felt a little sore and have had a couple of cramps. Most probably my body is getting ready for AF.

Had a talk with DH last night about us TTC and why I am down at the moment. I realised that I haven't really spoken to him about my feelings as I have used this blog as an outlet for my worries. I thought that would be a good thing for my DH so he doesn't get me constantly whining and worrying at him. I guess I need a happy medium, I do still need to let him know how I feel otherwise he will feel left out. The only problem was that he told me I need to relax and it will happen. I HATE people saying that but I didn't comment, he was just trying to be supportive and stop me panicking. I have told him I want a baby more than anything in the world and I am afraid it will never happen.

He reckons we shouldn't worry until August. That seems so far away, esp when I cant even wait 2 days for either AF or to POAS!!!!

Off for a run with DH and the dog in a bit, am really getting into this exercising and being healthy, its great!

being a right cow

I don't even realise it but I am being a cow. I keep pissing my DH off but I don't even know how. He just has a go at me, tells me off for being a bitch and then doesn't talk to me for a while. I am obviously doing and saying something wrong but I really don't know what. Is this PMS? Or is this just me tired, pissed off, bored of the 2ww and not looking forward to work tomorrow? Who knows, only time will tell.

Had a busy day at work and am so tired and fed up. It is valentines day tomorrow and I am working. Not that it matters too much, we don't usually go out for valentines but it would be nice to have the day off together. We have the evening though which will hopefully be nice. I will try to be in my bestest mood ever! I was really hoping to have a BFP as a valentines gift but is too early to test. I think I can test on Tues if AF doesn't arrive.

Went for a run again

Went running around forest with my dog and a friend with her dog again today. We went a bit further than yesterday but it was good. The dogs love it and is good for me on my trying to get fit and lose weight mission. I am wanting to lose the half stone I put on when I gave up smoking. Also it is a great distraction.

7 dpo and am now starting to think that if I did conceive I should be implanting some time soon. This time last month I had stomach cramps, no appetite and felt sick the whole time and I was sure I was pg and then got my BFN and AF. This month at the mo (obviously very early days) I feel fine, normal in fact. I am convinced that I am not pregnant.

One more week to go. Not sure if I will cope with running everyday though, my legs are killing me!

killing time during the 2ww

Only 6 DPO, times seems to be going so slow, such an agonising wait to see if AF will show her ugly face. I have decided not to keep breaking my life down into 29 day slots. I am wasting my life waiting to see if I should POAS or not to bother. I keep telling myself I will lose weight and be healthy etc. Well I decided to go out for a run this lunch time around the forest with my dog. She loved it and I am now knackered! I do however feel better for it and pleased with myself. I now need to drum up the motivation and go again tomorrow.

The only thing is that I am worried that if I am pregnant will I be harming the baby?

I keep waiting for this BFP and I am not going to wait and be obsessed anymore because it obviously hasn't worked so far!!!

I need something to do something to distract myself!

What havent I done?

Basicly, copy and paste this into your blog. The things you have done put in bold:

1.Started your own blog

2. Slept under the stars

3. Played in a band

4. Visited hawii

5. Watched a meteor shower

6. Given more than you can afford to charity

7. Been to Disneyland

8. Climbed a mountain

9. Held a praying mantis

10. Sang a solo

11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch

15. Adopted a child

16. Had food poisoning

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty

18. Grown your own vegetables

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France

20. Slept on an overnight train

21. Had a pillow fight

22. Hitch hiked

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill

24. Built a snow fort

25. Held a lamb

26. Gone skinny dipping

27. Run a Marathon

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice

29. Seen a total eclipse

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset

31. Hit a home run

32. Been on a cruise

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors

35. Seen an Amish community

36. Taught yourself a new language

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David

41. Sung karaoke

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant

44. Visited Africa

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight

46. Been transported in an ambulance

47. Had your portrait painted

48. Gone deep sea fishing

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling

52. Kissed in the rain

53. Played in the mud

54. Gone to a drive-in theater

55. Been in a movie

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business

58. Taken a martial arts class

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies

62. Gone whale watching

63. Got flowers for no reason

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma.

65. Gone sky diving

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp

67. Bounced a check

68. Flown in a helicopter

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten Caviar

72. Pieced a quilt

73. Stood in Times Square7

4. Toured the Everglades

75. Been fired from a job

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London

77. Broken a bone

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

80. Published a book

81. Visited the Vatican

82. Bought a brand new car

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the newspaper

85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year's Eve

86. Visited the White House

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating

88. Had chickenpox

89. Saved someone’s life (well many animals lives!)

90. Sat on a jury

91. Met someone famous

92. Joined a book club

93. Lost a loved one

94. Had a baby (working on it!)

95. Seen the Alamo in person

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a law suit

98. Owned a cell phone

99. Been stung by a bee

Book Challenge

Kristin at http://thefertileinfertile.blogspot.com/2009/02/book-challenge-and-contest-announcement.html and fellow bloggers are setting a book challenge to read a certain number of books in 2009. I do like a book and enjoy reading but sadly with my dyslexia I am not a fast reader so I think I will set a realistic 25 this year. I am also studying which takes up a lot of time but not going to include those books but will take it into account. So in 2009 I will read 25 books!

Should I look into my dreams?

All last night I had bad dreams. Mostly was me finding out I wasn't pregnant and me having to have an op and me having to go to a RE and start on clomid and IUI. I woke up panicking this morn that this all may happen. Thing is, this time last month I was dreaming that I was pregnant all the time. When I POAS I was negative. Does this mean that my dreams are opposite to what is real and this time I will be positive? I think that is what one calls wishful thinking!!! Maybe I am just being more realistic this month and not allowing myself to get my hopes up.

Spent the weekend over my in-laws. Was a nice weekend, hadn't seen them for a while so was all good. My SIL and Baby B came over briefly Sunday morning but he was very unwell so couldn't stay long. I couldn't believe how much he has changed in a few weeks; he is now starting to walk unaided and is a lot more talkative which was nice.

Why is it when you are TTC there are all of a sudden pregnant people and babies everywhere? Why do I notice it all the time. I then start wondering whether that person who is pregnant had trouble conceiving, whether I was planned or a lovely surprise. I am suddenly trying to over analyse everything. I need to learn to chill out!!

I went shopping yesterday and bought myself a nice top, needed to treat myself. Was sitting in a cafe and noticed a cute baby, she must have been about 8 months old. There was her father sitting her on his lap and feeding her some food. There was something lovely about that scene for some reason. Him on his own with her, feeding her, pushing her around on his own. He seemed so relaxed and happy. I want to be that relaxed and happy.......

So angry with TV

Am watching one of my medical drama soaps and there was a women admitted due to a painful abdomen. Turns out she was pregnant and had a cyst on her ovary. She was unhappy with being pregnant and then all of a sudden has a m/c. She was bloody happy about this!! It made me so angry. Really, how many people would be happy about having a m/c even if they didn't really want a baby it would still affect them.

TV is a bad thing, it is not real but makes us feel shit. I haven't had a m/c, haven't had the chance as not conceived yet, but if it ever happened I know I would not function forever, would lock myself away and be so devastated. I feel for all of you who have been through it, I don't know if I could ever cope.

Smoking

For some reason I suddenly got a major craving for a cigarette! I gave up smoking over 3 months ago, when we seriously started TTC. I had smoked for 9 years and had tried to give up many times. There is nothing like the want of a baby to make you quit smoking! That is not saying I found it easy, because I didn't. I think that is obvious seeing that I am still craving now! I miss smoking, I loved smoking, it was social, it was relaxing, it was lovely! Now unless you are or were a smoking you would not understand how someone could love smoking so much, but I really did. I however love my future baby (that I hope to have one day!!) more than smoking. If I do find out I am infertile and can never have a baby ever, I am not sure whether I could carry on being a non smoker!!

I have already told my DH that if I do not conceive soon I am buying a puppy! That may put my other dog's nose out of joint but I think she would enjoy the company. I guess a new puppy is a healthier option!!

Day off

My first day off in 12 days and 5 nights. Its great. I slept in until 10am, walked the dog, went food shopping, watched House and now and surfing the net. I am feeling quite relaxed, the most relaxed I have been for a while. This is due to my day off obviously, but also because my fertility is now low and the pressure is off. I never realise just how much pressure I put myself and my DH under during the fertile time. I am a women obsessed!!

I am determined to be a nice, loving, caring wife for the next couple of weeks for my DH! There is nothing more I can do on my baby quest for now so what will worrying and stressing do? Most likely prevent me conceiving and implanting and then will have a visit from AF. Lets hope that AF doesn't show her ugly face this month.

I am off to do some cooking. I have been trying my best to learn to cook properly, with fresh ingredients and healthy ingredients. I am enjoying the cooking, it seems to relax me when I cook. My poor DH does not enjoy it, not because the food is horrible, but because I do no let him in my kitchen!! I am making a chunky Mediterranean soup and a roasted red pepper and chicken noodle dish. The only down side is all the washing up afterwards. I wish I had a dishwasher!

Thats it for this month

As far as my fertility monitor goes I ovulated last night and so its all over for this month. Maybe we will then enjoy sex a bit more. I hate getting to this point in my cycle because I always review it, wonder if we had enough sex and at the right time etc. Also I now have this agonising wait for the next two weeks till I can POAS. As you all know I am really bad at waiting. I know I will cave in and try to take a pregnancy test early but I will try not to. I also know not to get my hopes up if I start feeling sick etc. Last cycle I felt so sick but I wasn't pregnant so fuck knows what that was all about. Hope I don't have that again as it gave me such false hope. I am already way to hopeful about this cycle. All I keep thinking about is when I am pregnant. I have it the back of my mind I will be pregnant this time. I know I shouldn't think it but I cant get rid of the thought, that faint glimmer of hope. I guess it is keeping me going.

Another pregnancy announcement, and she has always said she doesn't want a baby. It is so unfair. Excuse me while I go stamp my feet and have a jealous strop and a paddy!

Ovulation pain?

My fertility is at its peak I am in shit loads of pain on my right hand side. Is this ovulation pain? I think so, but could be my endo playing tricks on me. I am so peeved as DH is home, was going to do a baby dance as timing is perfect but I am suffering. My DH is saying that he doesn't want to do it as I am in pain, but I want to. If I don't get pregnant this month I will blame it on the fact that we didn't have sex this eve.

I am also horny, not just having sex because we have to but it is starting to get that way.
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Update: We did the baby dance and my pain is actually a lot less now! Very strange. My endo pain is usually a lot worse after sex so I am hoping it was ovulation pain. Hope so as is day 16 of cycle

Im at the peak

I realise that I was starting to blog too often about things that must have seemed very boring for you guys so I have had a little break. Last few days have had high fertility on my monitor and we have been having lots of sex. DH yesterday though said he needed a break, bless him, I think I have worn him out!! However woke up this morning to find my fertility is at its peak so full steam ahead for two more days!! I just have to convince DH tonight!! Sounds silly that I have to convince him to have sex, he is of course always up for it but I think he just feels a bit used and abused at times like these!

On the up side DH has been a lot happier and come out of his shell which is good. I basically left him be for about a week and he finally came round!! Sometimes that is what he needs so I have have to honour that, but it was hard.

I am feeling a little bit hopeful again which is not good. I am starting to think things like 'when I am pregnant' etc. We have had more sex this cycle at the right time (I hope) so fingers crossed that we get a BFP! I have however moved my hospital appointment till April so if this cycle isn't successfull then we have another 2 cycles to go before meeting with the DR to discuss me having a laparoscopy for my endometriosis.

Fingers crossed!

Any suggestions to all of you out there how you stop sex feeling like a chore sometimes and still enjoyable. Suddenly when you are having sex because you have to that little sparks seems to go! All suggestions are welcome!!

Oh I have had 2 pregnancy news this week and I am sure my next door neighbour is pregnant again, she gave birth about 6 months ago. Then again she is a little on the larger side so maybe not, too embarrassed to ask!!! I have silently been taking the news hard and personally but obviously smiling on the outside. All I keep think is, 'I wish that was me'.