An aunty saw a young couple. The girl asked the boy: "What's the meaning of ABCDEFG?"
The boy answered: "A Boy Can Do Everything For Girls."
The aunty felt so sweet and when she arrived home, she asked her husband: "What do u think about me?"
The husband answered: "ABCDEFGHIJK"
Aunty felt so surprised and asked the husband what did it mean.
The husband replied: "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, and Gorgeous & Hot!"
Aunty was confused and asked: "What about I, J, K???"
Husband replied: "I'm Just Kidding!"
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD
TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.
George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian , Mississippi , was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.
Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."
George said, "Okay."
He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips'residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George , "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian , Mississippi , was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.
Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."
George said, "Okay."
He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips'residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George , "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
Sunday, January 24, 2010
14 Humours of getting married..
CASE 1
Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you
wish you had ordered that.
CASE 2
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another,
Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger??" The other
replied, "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
CASE 3
Before a man is married, he is incomplete. When he is married,
he is finished.
CASE 4
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's
degree and the woman gets her master's status.
CASE 5
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to
get married??" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying for it."
CASE 6
Young son : "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man
doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad : "That happens in most countries son."
CASE 7
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late."
CASE 8
A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes
CASE 9
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
affair ?
CASE 10
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.
Case11
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a
fool when I married you." And the husband replied,"Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
CASE 12
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified : "Wife wanted".The next day, he received hundreds letters. They all said the same thing
"You can have mine."
Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you
wish you had ordered that.
CASE 2
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another,
Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger??" The other
replied, "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
CASE 3
Before a man is married, he is incomplete. When he is married,
he is finished.
CASE 4
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's
degree and the woman gets her master's status.
CASE 5
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to
get married??" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying for it."
CASE 6
Young son : "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man
doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad : "That happens in most countries son."
CASE 7
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late."
CASE 8
A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes
CASE 9
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
affair ?
CASE 10
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.
Case11
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a
fool when I married you." And the husband replied,"Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
CASE 12
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified : "Wife wanted".The next day, he received hundreds letters. They all said the same thing
"You can have mine."
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Family problems
Once two men sat in a bar drinking.
The first one said to the other ,"I have a hell lot of family problems."
The second one said ,"I'll tell you mine.
I married a widow having a young daughter.
My father married my daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.
My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.
More problems occurred when I had a son.
My son is my father's brother and so he my uncle.
Situations turned worse when my father had a son.
Now my father's son I.e. My brother is my grandson.
Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.
And you say you have family problems".
The first one said to the other ,"I have a hell lot of family problems."
The second one said ,"I'll tell you mine.
I married a widow having a young daughter.
My father married my daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.
My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.
More problems occurred when I had a son.
My son is my father's brother and so he my uncle.
Situations turned worse when my father had a son.
Now my father's son I.e. My brother is my grandson.
Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.
And you say you have family problems".
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
TWENTY DOLLARS
TWENTY DOLLARS
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate down sizing, and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another job.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly$1 million.
Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million.
She explained that she had 'charged' him for sex, and these were the results of her savings and investments.
The husband was so astounded he could barely speak. Finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have had sex only with you.'
That's when she shot him.
You know, that's what happens when you don't know when to keep your mouth shut...!!!
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate down sizing, and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another job.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly$1 million.
Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million.
She explained that she had 'charged' him for sex, and these were the results of her savings and investments.
The husband was so astounded he could barely speak. Finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have had sex only with you.'
That's when she shot him.
You know, that's what happens when you don't know when to keep your mouth shut...!!!
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Men's logic
A man and his wife were in a court for their divorce case.
The Problem was who should get custody of the child.
The wife screamed and jumped up and said: "Your Honor. I brought The child into the world with all the pain and labor.
The child Should be in my custody. "
The judge turned to the husband and said: "What do you have to Say in your defense?"
The man sat for a while contemplating... then slowly rose. "Your Honor... If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine and a Pepsi Comes out...
Whose Pepsi is it... The machine's or mine?"
The Problem was who should get custody of the child.
The wife screamed and jumped up and said: "Your Honor. I brought The child into the world with all the pain and labor.
The child Should be in my custody. "
The judge turned to the husband and said: "What do you have to Say in your defense?"
The man sat for a while contemplating... then slowly rose. "Your Honor... If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine and a Pepsi Comes out...
Whose Pepsi is it... The machine's or mine?"
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Husbands For Sale
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch ... . You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
Please send this to all men for a good laugh and to all the women who can handle the truth!
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch ... . You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
Please send this to all men for a good laugh and to all the women who can handle the truth!
Monday, May 18, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)