Kitsch-en Kounter: Strawberry Fields Tie-Dye Pie

My mom might have come of age in the "Age of Aquarius," but she was far from a hippie.  Foregoing the flying fringe of suede vests and rainbow swirls of tie-dye apparel, she instead favored looks decidedly-preppy in nature, fitting of her station as the daughter of a Lieutenant Colonel in the United States Army.

Mr. Tiny's Mom - circa '68

As the day draws nigh that we Americans join in the celebration of all that is motherhood, I knew I had to create something that would please my mother as much as last year's "Mama's Macaroni Magic" necklace.  Since the macaroni necklace proved entirely inedible, I began brainstorming for a comestible creation that would elicit some carefree memories for Mom (i.e. her pre-motherhood days of the 1960s) - even if she didn't wear tie dye.

Introducing Tie-Dye Pie: A Kitsch-en Kounter Original 

My brother currently works out of state; home for a short time on holiday, he was going to miss the traditional holiday festivities so he and my sister-in-law decided to come over and pre-game Mother's Day before his return to work.  Bringing over a delicious Armenian feast, they left me in charge of the dessert.  Although desserts are not my forte, I continue to feature them as Kitsch-en Kounter experiments in the hopes that my skills will someday improve - which proves increasingly doubtful with each new entry.

 Tie-Dye Pie has three parts: a graham-cracker crust, a grapefruit custard, and a swirl of strawberry puree.
We happened to have a giant grapefruit in the fruit basket, which is odd because I can't stand grapefruit; the only option for the bitter behemoth was to drown it sugar and make it a dessert.  There was also a pint of strawberries teetering on the verge of extinction that needed to be used before becoming another failed attempt at homemade penicillin.  The strawberry puree is a simple blend of the fruit, a tablespoon of sugar, and a few dashes of balsamic vinegar.  I filled the pre-baked crust with the grapefruit mixture, pouring over the strawberry puree before making radial drags from the center of the pie with a skewer. 

Every time I create a pie, a certain friend of mine reminds me that I am an avowed anti-pie guy.  Nevertheless, Kitsch-en Kounter is about creating funny foodstuffs for the people I love; it just so happens that pie, tie-dye and otherwise, comes with the territory.  A quick review of our Kitsch-en Kounter history reveals that I have actually made quite a few pies and might have to change my status to pro-pie.  Sadly, as previously stated, my incompetence in dessert-making remains unchanged.

Of all the skills that I have never mastered in the kitsch-en, piping is at the 

very top of my list of failures.  My only redemption is that the whipped

cream tasted far better than it looked!

A total square, in the very best sense, the pie did not bring back
any acid-induced flashbacks for my mom.  Frankly, I'm not so sure
that she even understood the reference.  I explained to her that it's
totally "pie-chedelic!!!"  She remained more sated than amused.

Do you have a special recipe that you make for your mom on the big day?  Is there a special dessert that she makes for you?  Be prepared when Mother's Day comes.  Give Mom more than pie in the sky, give her pie that is real tie dye!

"Strawberry Fields Forever" - The Beatles (1967)

I don't know how thematically-appropriate this song is but it's 

kind of psychedelic and there were "strawberry fields" in the pie...

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

Crazy Crafty: Mama's Macaroni Magic

Call it stunted growth.  Call it arrested development.  There are certain rites of passage that, gone un-passed, result in an inhibited, regressive, emotionally-hobbled, curiously-craft-obsessed man-boy.

One day, while wandering around our favorite Italian market, Claro's, I was
overjoyed to spy this GIANT pasta (I had to include a standard-sized penne
noodle for comparison purposes) - that's-a big-a pasta!!!

I knew from the combination of the proprietoress' exhortations and the $1.76 price
tag that the universe was granting me the chance to recreate a sorely-missed opportunity.

Would you believe me if I told you that I had never dyed macaroni for Mother's Day jewelry making?  Never.  Not ever.  How does one rebound from bypassing such a fundamental step in childhood development?  I didn't know where to begin.  It was clear that recovery would be a process requiring professional help - not from a therapist, rather from my dear friend, a preschool teacher.  Her counsel left me confident that my crafting skills were on par with those of her four-year-old students.

Following instructions, I added the pasta, a few drops of food coloring,
and one-quarter cup hand sanitizer to sealable plastic bags.  I then
removed the pasta and allowed it dry on layers of paper toweling; the
alcohol in the sanitizer allows the color to dry lickety-split, meaning the
Mother's Day macaroni magic can commence within minutes!

All that was left to do was string the pasta with coordinating yarn and make my mom promise to wear her Mother's Day present all day, in public, sight unseen (insert sinister laughter here).  I, of course, was quick to remedy the simplicity of brightly-colored, oversized, tube pasta with what is quickly becoming my signature adornment, the yarn pom pom!

"Just what I've always wanted!!!"....
is what I imagined her saying as I placed the necklace around
her neck with all the reverence of a purple heart presentation.

Except for the fact that it is quite a bit of necklace on a petite frame (seriously,
how does a woman who measures under 5'5" have 5 such giant children?),
I think the scale and the bright hues of the pasta elevate it to something
bordering on the downright chic - or maybe just one of those saran-wrap-
and-candy leis handed out so freely to high school grads.

The best thing about my mom is that she keeps her promises!
She wore the necklace to church with Grandma and actually
got many compliments on it.  The only embarrassing moments
came when she had to explain that her grown son made it for her!

Even after all of that necklace, I still ended up with a few rogue pieces of pigmented pasta.  Hating to waste, I decided to incorporate them into the design of our Mother's Day table.

Recognize that napkin ring née noodle?
To further the traditional elementary-school, Mother's Day, crafty-
gifty theme, I created bowers and bowers of tissue-paper flowers.
I told myself, "take a picture, it'll last longer," but I'm pretty sure these
paper peonies will last a good long time as well!

Happy Mother's Day to my wonderful Mom!  Among many other gifts, she has bestowed upon me the opportunity to right a wrong that has hounded me for a lifetime.  Making a dyed-macaroni necklace takes me one step closer to developmental equality with my peers and endows me with a greater appreciation for pre-kindergarten craftiness.  Thanks, Mom!

Here's hoping that your Mother's Day is blessed with a bit of Macaroni Magic!
(Source)

Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

The PASSWORD Is: "Mother"

You know you really must be some kind of monster when people look through your family photos and with genuine, thoughtless sincerity exclaim, "That's your mom?!?!?!" - as if they could never fathom that something so hideous (me) was born of something so fair (she).  What can I say, not every project you work on, even one on which you've spent nine months, turns out the way you expected.  Fortunately, I was born just past the days when people would've immediately tossed me in a sack with a couple of bricks and flung me in the river like so many unwanted kittens.  I think my parents still question their own judgment until I remind them of my alternatives.  Would they have me swinging from the bell tower of a famed, Medieval cathedral or haunting the singers of a Parisian opera house OR would they prefer to have me under their constant supervision, thus minimizing the trauma wreaked upon an unsuspecting public?

This is my mom...
channeling the spirit of Tammy Wynette

My mom will hate me for saying any of this because I have brought this very scenario to her attention and she does not approve the theory; she doesn't think I'm ugly (the phrase "A face only a mother could love," comes to mind).  Yet, the only reason I mention it is to wish my Mom and all of the mothers out there a very Happy Mother's Day!

Looking at these photos makes me truly sorry for all the terrible things I've put my mom through.  It makes me realize that she was once inexperienced and idealistic and could never have imagined all the torment that five weird children and thirty eight years of marriage can bring.  It makes me see her as a real human being who never considered the seemingly-insurmountable obstacles that would be placed before her, who never realized that in the face of these obstacles she could summon the strength to laugh through her tears and persevere.  My mom had a life before I did.

Would you be able to tell this face
 how hard life was going to be?

In looking for proof of my Mom's pre-child life, I finally uncovered something for which I have been searching years and years - evidence!!!  In 1972, three years prior to her marriage with my father, my Mom appeared as a contestant on Password.  Password is the game show famous for bringing Betty White together with the love of her life, host, Allen Ludden.  My mother was lucky enough to play with White, but as much as I have combed over the Game Show Network archives and Password clips on YouTube, I have never seen any kind of documentation of her appearance.  I thought I had sorted through all of the family's slides but I found a few small boxes that I had never seen before.  Surprised and ecstatic when I held these up to the light, I knew I had hit the jackpot.

Unfortunately, I broke the one slide projector that we had and I haven't the faintest idea how to scan these into the computer.  In my desperation to share the slides, I was reduced to holding them over a lightbulb and snapping a photo.
On the left you can see my mom's competitor and Betty White.  The host, Allen Ludden, is in the center with my Mom on the far right.  I'm still trying to figure out who her celebrity partner was during this round.

*Update: My Mom informed me that her partner was Ross Martin from The Wild, Wild West.

Wearing a pink dress of her own make and design, my Mom was a big winner, earning enough money for a trip to Europe.  There are so many things that I wish after viewing these slides.  I wish that I could see the show (I would love to see how she acted, how she spoke, and how she behaved on her TV debut).  I wish that she had won enough money to set us all up for life (Haha!).  More than anything, I wish that she had kept that dress!

I can't wait to get these transferred into a more easily viewable medium.
Yet, I'm really glad to have these slides that my grandparents took of
the television while they were watching their daughter win big money!

"Spellbound"
I wish I knew whose hand scrawled the message, "Real cute?"
on the back of the slide mount...perhaps one of her five brothers?

She reminds me so much of Hayley Mills in these photos.
I really enjoy how all of the slides were placed into the card-
board mounts upside down (and sometimes backwards). 

"Trinket"
I said she won "big money," but I think she ended up with a
total of about $2,000.  I guess that's not too shabby for 1972.

It is funny, people (particularly Mary, who regularly accuses us of "Like, being the same person" ) tell me how similar my Mom and I are - in personality, in temperament, in orneriness.  For as alike as we might be, I am constantly learning something from her.  I have discussed in some length my Dad and his particular brand of challenges, but the fact is that none of that would have been a story if not for my Mom.  It is my firm belief that my Dad pulled through because she gave him something to live for.  This is evidenced by anyone who stands in a crowded room and sees that, for my Dad, the room is completely empty except for my Mother.  Every time she walks past his gaze, he sighs like a lovesick schoolboy; he brightens at her every movement.  This is no accident.  She has been a steadfast wife, a tireless worker, and the type of partner for which most people would kill.

From her I learned what it means to work.  From her I learned the meaning of unconditional love.  From her I learned how to tie my shoes, butter toast, sew on a button, crack an egg, and a million and one other things that I take for granted every day.  From her I learned that life really isn't fair. From her I learned that even when life isn't treating you fairly, it is important to rely on faith, family, and one's own fortitude to carry on.  It may seem corny but my favorite song about mothers comes from a cartoon; in a few simple phrases. "Your Mother and Mine" expresses all that "mother" means.

"Your Mother & Mine" - Walt Disney's Peter Pan

To all the moms out there, I hope your children are providing you at least one day that makes you glad that you didn't throw them in the river.  To my own Mom, I love you.  I am proud of you.  I am in awe of your bravery.  I respect your commitment and admire your consistency.  I hope to find over my lifetime half of the determination and love that you exhibit daily.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

Collecting: The Crazy Hat Lady

Our good friend Lauren over at Wearing History hipped us to an estate sale that was taking place close to our digs, so we decided to check it out.  Normally, I'm not a big estate sale guy but if I have learned anything, it is to trust Lauren implicitly; she knows of what she speaks!  

Seriously, estate sales just aren't my usual bag.  I should know better, having seen the brilliant treasures that my blogging pals Eartha, Lisa, and Rae (be sure to check out their blogs) unearth at these sales.  Don't get me wrong, if I am driving and I see a bright pink poster board duct taped to a telephone pole that reads "Estate Sale," I will more than likely skip my own birthday party to see what is being offered.  I just can't bring myself to do the research.  That, and I am seriously uncompetitive.  The thought of waking up early and standing in line (a horrid pastime) to get a number to be the first to bust down a dead person's door so I can fight for their things just isn't my cup of tea.  I still want their stuff.  I still want to see the inside of their house.  I just don't want to fight about it.  In all honesty, I am more of a swap meet/flea market and thrift store kind of guy - mostly thrift stores, really.  I've told you many times, I'm lazy; I like the idea of merchandise being separated into departments, however loosely defined those departments might be.  I still have to dig but I get to dig with direction in a climate-controlled environment without too much competition from other hoarders.

We ended up getting a pile of stuff for a very reasonable price, but the trophy was this Cuh-razy straw hat.  I like to believe it was some ill-conceived Mother's Day gift that the recipient HAD to wear to church and pretend that she liked all day long.

The best part about the hat is the abundance of stories it tells.
A Hawaiian-style, one-eyed (I prefer to think that she is winking at us),
 lady golfer with pipe cleaner arms, styrofoam head, and yarn smile
is just the beginning. 

Cleaning is a major theme of the brim.
How cool are the miniature cleaning agents and sponge?!

While "Soilax" is a name that should have been lost to the ages,
how could the wearer be anything but CHEER-ful in this custom-
designed chapeau?

You can just make out the sponge mop in the lower, left-hand corner.
I think the clusters of berries and grapes add just the right amount of
freshness and zip to an otherwise work-weary headpiece.

Lest she forget that a mother's work isn't done with just cleaning,
Tru Rise reminds her to put on her thinking cap and get baking!

And what says "Happy Mother's Day" more than a zombie-
eyed, lute-playing, crown-wearing baby chicken.

Oh yeah, there's a sequined peacock too.

Is it an homage to a wonderful mother?  Is it an assemblage to be entered for exhibition at the county fair?  Is it folk art?  Is it a wacky tacky creation of the highest order? Is it possible to be all of the above?  The easiest way to decide is to see it in action!

The crazy hat lady
Mary styled an outfit that included the fish net
over striped-knit sweater (also procured at the estate sale),
 some day-glow orange clam diggers, and that HAT!

I would be hard pressed to think of anything we needed less at our house than a hat covered in a golfing, cleaning, baking, flora and fauna motif, but now we each have one.  Only kidding, it was essentially free, so how could we be expected to leave it behind?  So tell us, are you an avid estate-saler?  Have you found anything cool lately?  Let us know what you're thinking,

Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

Pistol Packin' Mama! A Mother's Day Tribute

Today's Woman - March 1952

Mother's Day is upon us and it can be tricky finding the right gift for mom.  Having a difficult time myself, I turned to the March 1952 issue of Today's Woman for inspiration.  

A Girdle?
Maybe, but how do I find out the correct size without spoiling the surprise?

A Weight-Loss Record?
Practical, but maybe telling mom that she needs to drop a few lbs. (40 to be exact) doesn't set the right tone for the occasion.  Also, it is hard to trust this "Wallace" character; weight loss is easy when you're just a floating head.

Mommy and Me Shampoo Goggles?
They seam ideal, but would they get here in time? And 15 cents for handling and postage?!!!
 What do I look like, a Rockefeller?

 

These gifts would be nice.  But I wasn't looking for just "nice."  I was looking for something that said, "I appreciate all the sacrifices you've made mom; I treasure the time that we get to spend together; I would not be half the man I am today without your careful and loving rearing;  I know it hasn't always been easy, but I hope I've made you proud; I love you, Mom."  Nothing quite says all of these things like an automatic handgun.

Don't relegate mom to "sales representative" for some crummy old dress manufacturer, give her the freedom to pursue the thrilling "night work" in "lonely places" about which she has always dreamed.

"Finally, my very own rod!  Thank you, Jimmy, for my WAC 'fetherlite;' now I can go work down by the docks!  That's right, with my low cost, triple safety, WAC 'fetherlite' I can plug an unruly stevedore or a dirty copper with relative ease.  It's just what I've always wanted!"

"Pistol Packin' Mama" - Bing Crosby & The Andrews Sisters

Unfortunately, the Western Arms Corporation is no longer an active dealer of firearms, according to this very thorough investigation of the company that I found online.  So, you'll just have to find a reputable dealer in your town or simply go to a bad neighborhood in your local area to find the ideal gift for your mom.  Remember, if you really loved her, you'd get her a deadly weapon. Thanks Today's Woman!  This is sure to be one happy Mother's Day!

"Bang Bang" - Janis Martin

A very heartfelt Happy Mother's Day to my own mom and all the other wacky tacky moms out there!!!  Make your mom proud and follow us on Facebook!  She'll be glad that you did.


Cheers!

Mr. Tiny