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It's just adorable beyond any form of verbal expression, isn't it? 

and it has got nothing to do with what I'm going to write. It's just too adorable. :)

1. My LUCKY slippers

What unlucky event can happen at 6.50am in the morning?

That ungodly hour... even before my brain starts functioning, even before my eyes are fully opened, even before the sky's completely lit up. 

What CAN happen?

The strap of my Charles and Keith slippers broke while I was walking to the train station.

And so, I walked bare-foot (on one foot) all the way to the station, on the pavement, across the icky grass, across the tar road, right into Cheers and bought myself a new pair of slippers.

(please don't remind me what I could have POSSIBLY stepped on. Anyway, on a side note, I'm suddenly very grateful for having a feet size that hovers around the mean - the first pair of slippers that I plucked off the rack fits me like a T) 

I'm eternally thankful for the existence of 24-hour convenience stores that sell slippers. 

Anyway, in case you are wondering why didn't I head back home and change a new pair of footwear, the answer is simple - I would be late and ... the distance I need to walk to get home versus the distance I need to walk to get to the station... you can do the math.

I can't remember when was the last time I did something so embarrassing as to walk barefoot. 

(maybe I'm immune to strange gazes ever since my pseudo-compulsion with dental hygiene (brushing teeth in public toilets))

I kept my face completely straight and nonchalant. 

It's quite funny if you visualize this scene - this girl walking half bare-foot, carrying her file on her left hand and A SLIPPER on the right, her face devoid of any expression.

Anyway, I've developed this whole new way of ignoring raised eyebrows - that is, not to look at anybody.
You can, to some extent, actually pretend that nobody's looking at you (aka self-denial). 

So, I believe this pair of black slippers will be my new lucky charm.

SAVIOUR, indeed.




2. SCHOOL FOOD

I've run out of things to eat in school.
Every week, the group of us (can I call ourselves 'fellow psychos'? hahaha) will dump our bags on the chairs and start sighing and lamenting about how there's "nothing to eat".

Which is true, in a way.
Because I'm getting tired of eating the same old things over and over again.
And I completely lack motivation to venture to other canteens because I simply detest elbowing my way through throngs of students at lunchtime (be it in fass or elsewhere). It's just... nauseating.

Okay, I'm just lazy.

But, oh well. There are more things to worry about than lunch menu.


3. RISK-TAKER....?

I've just had my most harrowing experience with an interviewer.
It's not so much like an interview. It's more like a 'grilling' session.

I felt completely, utterly defeated by questions after questions.
It's like a conversation, in which the other party says nothing but 'Why?'

So it really makes you feel dizzy - going down, down, down into your answers.

And I don't think I did a very good job in defending my answers and might have sounded uncertain about some answers.

So, I've decided that:

- The probability of me getting the internship is near zero.
- It has been a good exposure to what internship interviews are like (maybe limited only to the psychology field?)
- I'm not a very good speaker.


Another issue bugging me is that... I'm not even sure if I'm ready to commit to this programme in the first place.
It seems as if I submitted my application & unofficial academic transcript on impulse.
Yeah, that must be it. (My prefrontal cortex wasn't working too well. Bio psych overdose.)

After chatting with several fellow psych majors at the waiting area (all familiar faces in lectures and tutorials :)), I realized that all of us had the same worry - internship-academic balance.
It's a tough juggle, I suppose.

But why am I jumping to conclusions???
I might not get it in the first place. So we'll just see.


To muster the courage to sign up and go for the interview can be considered a HUGE leap out of the 'comfort zone' (way overused term) for me.
In no other parallel universe would you have imagined me actually being proactive in WANTING something and actually ACTING on that WANT.


And I've figured out that

I would rather regret performing badly at an interview because I took a proactive step than to regret not having taken that step  in the first place.

That's probably what spurred me to send that fateful email in the first place.

So... WE SHALL SEE.



4. DISCOURAGED. NOT?

Well, the only comfort probably came when he told us that his honours student took a whole semester to come up with a good research question.

Hmm... if that's any form of comfort at all.

But... I'm glad I have my groupmates... and of course, he has been really encouraging towards us too.

Let's make it work this time round, shall we?

rebound, girls, rebound!!! 


5. Things that are left unsaid

some things don't need to be verbalized.
because sometimes, words are just crude representations of ... things that cannot be verbalized outright.

Emotions are not superfluous. 
they are tied in so closely with cognition, with our thoughts.

so much so that one cannot be present without the other. It's just not possible.

one cannot be present without the other. It's just not possible.
one cannot be present without the other. It's just not possible.

you cannot let emotions override your logic.
but at the same time, don't deny yourself of the beauty of experiencing emotions head-on.

It can be the most amazing experience ever.

And of course, positive emotions should all the more be experienced as a whole... without any form of reduction.

to have given me the chance to feel that positivity, to have been able to pull that out from beneath the compressed layers of... who-knows-what from the depths of my heart, you're just incredible.  
for all these times, thank you... :)