Akai Ito (Red thread)~*

Mood: In the basement

Music: Akai Ito by Aragaki Yui

"There wasn't enough time in life to waste on lies, even the ones you want to be true. There was only time enough to tell the truth."

- 'A blessed event' by Jean Reynolds Page

(amazing book. ripped my heart into pieces and mended it right back.)

1. Woke up at an inhuman time yesterday to accompany my mum to the clinic in CCK. 

*Jas still sleeping...*

Mum: Hey.

Jas: ......

Mum: HEY.

Jas: ????????

Mum: Can you go to the clinic with me now?

Jas: .............now...

Mum: YES NOW.

Jas: NOW??? *finally opens eyes and stares at the clock in disbelief*

Mum: YES YES NOW. 

Well, I was WORRIED SICK that it was some really serious illness or something that demanded such urgency. In the end, it was just common cold. 

And once I reached home, I was EXHAUSTED. 

That's what happens when my sleep gets disrupted. 

But I'm not complaining. Since it's my mother. Why should I complain? I'm not complaining at all. (LOL.) 

OK LA I'M REALLY NOT COMPLAINING :) 

2. 

Farewell Assembly.

Alright chop chop straight to the point.

- I liked the choir performance

- I liked the Indian dance

- I liked all the videos the various departments made for us. ESPECIALLY GP and PHYSICS. (LOL!)

- I brought presents for my BINS and 22/07!

- Received a handphone strap with our college crest from AJ as farewell gift. XD 

- Took many many photos with many teachers and friends! :D

Anyway, the best part was probably after farewell assembly, when Junxiu, Peiyun, Wenshi, Ruzi, Clarrisa and I went MOS burger and sat there for HOURS talking. :)

For the first time in a hundred years, we sat down and had a heart-to-heart. :) It's really really great to share the deepest feelings, our deepest thoughts and views of things. We could talk for HOURS non-stop, I'd tell you. XD And it was as if we would pour out all our feelings...  

And to think this much much deeper part of our friendship was only revealed ON THE VERY LAST DAY OF SCHOOL. ahhh.... 

After A's, definitely. :) 

A's! 

3. PROBLEMS.

Strangely, my intention was to blog a very very complex entry on my very very complex emotions. 

But then, it turned out much more happier lol. 

"Whenever I read your blog, I get emo" 

And well, I've heard this line for ... 2727272727272.72727272 million times (ok not that many, but you get the point) 

Do you, really? XD 

I'm really 'Emo Queen' then. ---> stares at Joyce and Serene. XD

Anyway, what I wanted to say was that, 

Sometimes, don't we wish our problems could be solved by applying formulae and theories? 

Imagine.

I'm having problems with my family. 

But if I find the roots of this equation, I would find the answer. 

Or, if I plot this graph on my GC, I would find the answer.

Or, if I differentiate this, I would know what to do. 

Or, if I use conservation of momentum I would know what to do...

Ya, right. 

So, the answers are really, just open ended questions. Like, a GP essay, where there's really no right or wrong answer. Unless you NAQ totally. 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I'm getting SUPER SUPER FRUSTRATED with some bloody problems that are slowly sucking the life out of me. 

I love to play hide-and-seek because I just LOVE hiding from all the problems.

Pretend they're not there, pretending they're non-existent, pretending my life will not get affected by them. 

But who am I lying to???? 

I'm one terrible terrible person who simply LOVES keeping problems to myself (unless they're overflowing and people can tell). 

I don't know if that's because I don't like to see "OH NO. Poor girl..." thoughts reflected off their eyes. 

Or if it's because I just don't want other people to worry about me. 

Sometimes, if problems are solid, it's not that bad. 

Because, the angles are sharply defined, there's an outline.

But if the problems are like... vaguely there, vaguely not there, 

you can start to wonder when it would get solved. 

BAAAAHHHH.

4. A's.

I feel like... I'm just moving towards a dead end. 

I have no idea what would become of me. 

I have NO confidence. 

5. Words of wisdom from my sister

"You know, memory? It's such an amazing thing. You know memories are stored in this small part of your brain -insert scientific term- but even if you undergo, let's say, brain transplant, the person would not have your memory. So you would wonder, where REALLY are those memories stored?"

Amazing, really. :)

Things that are personal, will remain personal. 

6. 

I wanted to go to the place
Prepared for the journey
And then, kept running and running

As I got closer
I began to notice what I was doing
But still pretended not to see

But when I came to the place
From which I could not return
I began to hesitate

It was frightening even to stop

And when I was weeping
Feeling my heart was to be broken, you told me:

What is sad is to give up

I was gathering, arranging, and looking at
Only the very beautiful things
I was dreaming only lovely dreams
Grieving for the realities

It's no use
To try to fix the form of happiness
Just as love has no reason

Maybe I was taking the matter too seriously
Looking for the answer
That wasn't supposed to be found

I have no more need for the days of mere fun

Chasing something and being chased
I felt I was even losing my place
And I turned my back, closing my eyes
So that I wouldn't be hurt anymore

I was gathering, arranging, and looking at
Only the very beautiful things
I was dreaming only lovely dreams
Grieving for the realities

Whatever place this is like
Whatever place I go through hereafter
Now I feel I can go naturally
Sharing freedom and loneliness

-'Naturally' by Ayumi Hamasaki 

Let's see. I had the urge to open my window sing that song loudly.

Simply because it connected with me. 

7. FINALLY!!!!!!!!!! MY GOODNESS!!!

This is probably the sweetest sweetest PV I've watched. HAHAHA.

And well, it's an ingenious mixture of Aragaki Yui's version of 'Akai Ito' with Kobukuro's version of 'Akai Ito'. Personally, I like Yui's version more, but I do like Kobukuro's version too. :) 

And the PV's storyline is exactly the same as that of the song. :)

Akai Ito - Aragaki Yui × Kobukuro
Uploaded by satsukidabesa

Aragaki Yui's 'Akai Ito' single cover.

Simply beautiful. :)

The two of us first met here, it was today two months ago wasn't it
i still don't know of a way to kiss you, my first sweet girl friend
our silly little anniversary, i've secretly written on the calendar
"do you know what day it is today?" i asked, a little surprised you answered

"it's my ex-boyfriend's birthday" you said with a smile, your face a little vexed
these were words that were really depressing to my ears, definitely
i can't be compared with the memories of the 3 years you and him had together
but still because i really like you so much, the difference in the number feels so overwhelming

Without an emotional bond, it is merely an exchange that we keep on repeating
until your heart gives an answer, it's better for us to stay apart like this
no matter if it is tomorrow or in the next 5 years, i'll always be waiting here
let's make a promise and tie the red string in our hearts tightly

the flower that was a bud that time had turned a beautiful colour
but it wilted as autumn passed and it crossed the winter, reflecting how i am right now

time is also too heartless, i am at a loss, under my eyelids
an image of you walking with someone else floats up...
i felt like i might not meet you ever again
how much sooner do i want to meet you
as i keep check on my splitting heart, i believe the answer is now

"can we meet?" written on your letter, your truthful words
were smudged by tears you spilled, i made my way to welcome you back to that place
please don't cry, because today is our first anniversary
let's celebrate it, even if the tight string had come lose

I merely hope to be loved, don't forget the things you believed in
it's fine even if it is a journey with no goal in sight
let's slowly walk on the path we believe in, with the person we love

-'Akai Ito' 

Yes, I'll walk on, with the person I love. :)

Farewell Assembly tomorrow~*

Ahhh... I just finished editing the class video. 

And it made me realize how much I'm gonna miss everybody after tomorrow... 

Tomorrow will be the very last official day of school.

Farewell Assembly.

2 years of my JC life just flew past like that. 

Although it was tough at first, totally stressed up with endless work and things to do, there are always people there to relieve the pain. 

In these 2 years, I've created such beautiful memories with the BINS, with the many lovely people in my class, my CCA, my pals outside class... :) 

I think my friends provided me with the strength to carry on... :)

I'm really grateful to everyone who have a played a part in my life. Everyone who is part of my memory. So tomorrow, I shall express my gratitude! *hint hint*

For everything beautiful that have happened to me in the past 2 years,

I thank you. :)

"I closed my eyes. And willed for this scene, this very scene, to be etched in my mind forever. So that when life gets tough, I can dig out this memory and feel happy all over again. :)" 

Random~*

I suddenly remember how crazy I was over this song back then when I was in Primary school...

And well, I still love love love it. :) 

(Whispered) Let me be your hero 

Would you dance if I asked you to dance? 
Would you run and never look back 
Would you cry if you saw me crying 
Would you save my soul tonight? 

Would you tremble if I touched your lips? 
Would you laugh oh please tell me this 
Now would you die for the one you love? 
Hold me in your arms tonight? 

(Chorus) 
I can be your hero baby 
I can kiss away the pain 
I will stand by you forever 
You can take my breath away 

Would you swear that you'll always be mine? 
Would you lie would you run and hide 
Am I in too deep? 
Have I lost my mind? 
I don't care you're here tonight 

Chorus 

I just want to hold you (2x) 
Am I in too deep? 
Have I lost my mind? 
Well I don't care you're here tonight 

Chorus (2x) 

You can take my breath my breath away 
I can be your hero 

-'Hero' by Enrique Iglesias 

~* Editted on 4th Oct '08 *~

22/07~*

Mood: Hmm...

Music: A certain song in my playlist 

I was born alone. I'll go on living alone.
I thought that surely that kind of life is appropriate.

- 'A Song for XX' by Ayumi 

1. FAREWELL.

We'll just be seeing each other for another 5 days before Farewell Assembly. 

Suddenly, the emptiness. 

And the countdown starts. 

2. Life

My mood hit rock bottom a few days ago. 

When problems that have always been there, but chucked aside for a long time, come back and haunt you, that's when you know that somehow, your sanity is being tested. 

How strong you are. 

How sane you can remain.

I also learnt that, no matter how hard we try to push certain thoughts away, they're still there. 

As solid, as certain, as obvious. 

3. Family

What is it like to rebel? To argue with your parents? To fight back?

I never understood all that. Simply because I have probably never argued with my parents before. (And I rarely argue with my sister too).

I always kept quiet. I always kept the tears to myself. I always suppress all the frustration and annoyance and hurt. 

I cherish them too much, too much, to ever want to hurt them. 

But, 

there's a limit to the amount of trash and negative emotions you can contain.

Sometimes, you just want to explode. 

Like a dam with a small crack. However small the crack may be, it's there. 

Ever so glaring, ever so dangerous. 

Why can't you understand?

Why can't you stand in my shoes and understand?

Why am I always the one to agree with you?

Since when have my vocabulary used when I talk to you be limited to just 

'THANK YOU', 'YES' and 'I'M SORRY'??????????????????????????????????????

Usually, the person who hurts you the most is the person who's closest to you.

So true. When it comes to seeking comfort, seeking help, seeking support, we'll definitely approach someone who's the closest to us. 

But how much the person values our trust is a completely different thing. 

I trust people too much. 

I place my faith in people I find worthy of them.

I view them as a pillar of support, a shelter from the rain.

How many of them truly are? 

5. School

Sigh. 

I want A's to be over quickly. 

But I don't want A's to come so fast!!! 

I want time to freeze.

Maybe yes, maybe no. 

6. Myself.

There are uncountable things I'm unsatisfied with myself. 

But until a certain point, there's really no point talking about such things because it just hits you that well, those things you hate about yourself are probably going to stay. FOR GOOD. 

Like, HECK. 

7. Something happy.

Even when life is as shitty as hell, as terrible as it can EVER get, sucks like nobody's business, simply trashy and crappy, 

I know I have a pair of angel's wings with me. (and they don't belong to me) 

8. Pretty accurate, I must say. 

My Personality

Neuroticism	60
Extraversion	31
Openness to Experience	47
Agreeableness	73
Conscientiousness	52

You rarely get angry and it takes a lot to make you angry, however you experience panic, confusion, and helplessness when under pressure or stress. You are not prone to spells of energetic high spirits. You prefer dealing with either people or things rather than ideas. You regard intellectual exercises as a waste of your time. You dislike confrontations and are perfectly willing to compromise or to deny your own needs in order to get along with others, however you believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. You are guarded in new relationships and less willing to openly reveal the whole truth about yourself. You take your time when making decisions and will deliberate on all the possible consequences and alternatives.

Take a Personality Test now or view the full Personality Report. uggs