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Keep Moving Forward. I AM
Ij, Cj, Nus. God, Family, Friends. "Lord, I choose not to be downcast, I choose not to be disturbed, I choose to put my hope in You." - Psalm 42:11 Listen
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Self-Confidence Friday, December 28, 2007 Pluggin' into: Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton. OMG. I'm super fat now. Just looked at my most recent photos. Ok. That's it. I'm gonna run tmr. I went out with my IJ gals to Sentosa today. It was really great.. even though there was no sun and we played Bang! and frisbee till evening and only entered water at 7pm.. I thought it was wonderful. It was tranquility at its best. I really loved it. A really good friend of mine sprung me with this question, "Do you think you have self-confidence?" Seriously.. I thought it was a question I couldn't answer. It really made me think quite a bit.. I've been battling since my Secondary School days and through JC. To be honest.. after JC, I never thought I would ever find myself or put myself in a position of authority ever again. In the aspect of leadership, I had totally lost my self-confidence. I think.. partially, that might be my reason for not joining a CCA in university. I guess.. it was to avoid letting anyone down, ever again. Writing it down like so.. man, it sounds cowardly. I guess.. my self-confidence becomes rocky, when it involves other people. When my actions determine the end. It terrifies me that my decisions and behaviour may result in doom for everyone. The problem was.. I let my terror control me. I guess.. now that I'm a bit older and hopefully a bit wiser.. I see that now. I realised that my thinking has changed.. somehow. Maybe it's from experience.. or reflection.. or age.. I dunno. In my church band, a friend complimented me on being a leader. I dunno whether I am a good one.. but it seems that I'm doing something right. I think it's because I took the advice of a really good friend of mine, the very person who asked me this above-mentioned question :) I will always remember the essence of what she said.. That it is precisely a leader who should talk to people and understand them, rather than put himself on a pedestal detached from his peers. Thanks Sylvia.. for teaching me so :) Haha.. another way my self-confidence is shakey.. Quite a few days ago, I was involved in a car accident. I'm ok, no worries. thanks lots :) Please pray for me.. I really need your prayers. Thanks :) Well.. on a lighter note.. Switchfoot booking tickets now on the 31st dec instead. Hope we can get tickets!!! A lot of things have happened since I've last blogged.. Sorry.. I can only ask for your understanding. Thanks.. Merry Christmas :) Yu Xia Zheng Ye. Tuesday, December 18, 2007 Pluggin' into: Qi Li Xiang by Jay Chou (Whoever has this, please send to me k. I lost it. Thanks.) Oh lord.. help me to get rid of my grudge. Despite all the celebrations.. I've been feeling rather crappy these days. It's got nothing to do with family and relatives - I truly enjoyed time spent together, and I think this is the closest I ever got to them, which really means a lot to me. I've been hard on myself again. I guess now that I'm a bit older, I recognise the symptoms but the feelings still suck. Unconsciously, I have made an action I thought I would never do, which was really the most horrifying. I've been quite a horrid friend lately, backing out last minute on appointments and causing disappointments. I also have a grudge against a friend.. it stinks. My mind tells me to just release the grudge, cos there's no point feeling all that rage against someone who has no clue. Yet.. it's so hard.. I should have just nipped it in the bud. Instead, I let it grow and now it's totally a pain in the ass. Damn. I watched Evans Almighty with my cousins. It talked about how when you pray to God, he does not give it to you straightaway. Instead, he provides you with opportunities to attain what you have asked him. I thought it made a lot of sense. Hence.. I pray for the opportunity to be gracious.. and forgive this grudge.. so that I can sleep with a peaceful mind and a restful heart. I hope I can handle it. Passion & Laughter Sunday, December 09, 2007 Pluggin' into: 24 by Switchfoot Finally.. the exams are over. Haha.. I think I pretty much screwed it up. I didn't study as early as last sem.. and I felt so tired. Best part is, right smack in the middle of my exams (which was also the point where I 'woke up' and started to really study for my papers), I was hit with flu. Glad I'm better now.. but as for the results.. till then, oblivion is bliss. I was so happy when I finally switched on my laptop and watched tv. It's time for the Entertainment to begin :) On a happier note... Switchfoot is coming to Singapore!!! :D :D :D 31st Jan @ Singapore Expo!!! I can't wait! :) Shall buy tickets once it opens - the 26dec! Really looking forward to it manz - YAYNESS :D I've been thinking.. what is it like, to have a passion? The kind of passion, where your curiosity is never-ending, where you put in so much effort to know more about it, where you strive to be better at it and to excel in it. Such a passion is illustrated in the anime I've been watching lately, but it definitely exists in real life. I have witnessed it in so many of my friends and in so many people. To have that kind of depth of interest.. is remarkable. In my eyes.. these people really, do shine. I think I have never exactly had a passion. Perhaps reading or anime, but even that.. is not as extensive or intense as some other folks I know. Probably because my interest is quite short-lived.. or when it does live, it's just doesn't go that deep. Hopefully one day.. I'll find a real passion to call my own :) 7th Dec - Friday I went to watch Enchanted @ AMK Hub with my sis, Selina and Dong. It was good fun :) We played arcade, went to watch the movie, and played arcade again, heh heh :D I was really quite surprised by the movie. Initially, I only planned to watch it because my sister wanted to. In the end, it was actually quite decent :) I really enjoyed myself - thanks gals :D Love these songs - here's the links ;) Happy Working Song That's How You Know 8th Dec - Saturday Today, I met up with Jo, Genesia and Jensen at Kbox in Marina Square. After a while, Jo went to the toilet. Next time I knew, she came back with Vincent, who was holding a birthday cake with 2 lighted candles! Super sweet of them la! :) I knew that they were going to have a belated birthday celebration for me, but it didn't hit me that it would be today! I think I'm still quite tired, lol - must be all that anime watching till 4am, heh heh :P They're also super cartoon.. after they sang happy birthday to me, they decided to play the happy birthday in the kbox machine. The thing is, they got some funny chinese version instead, which no one has heard of, hwahahahahahaaa!!! :D :D :D My gosh.. I had some great laughs today, rofl! :P The cake was really good :) It was a nice moist chocolate cake, with white chocolate coating and hersheys m&ms!!! Super yummy :D :D :D Jo, send me photos!!! :) Also, they gave me 881 dvd and a pair of Haviannas!!! YAYNESS :D :D :D Thanks jo, gen, jensen, vinc for such a great time today! I really enjoyed myself!!! :) [PS: will load photos asap, hee hee :P] After which, we went to Din Tai Fung to eat dinner. Man.. the pork chop fried rice is really good!!! :D :D :D Had that and xiao long bao.. yummz :) Then, I went to meet Selina, Dong, Jojo and Wing at Clarke Quay for Mind Cafe. Man.. we really laughed quite a bit, rofl :P All the nonsense things we engage in, hwahahahahahaaa!!! :) We played till past midnight, then went to grab supper at Mac's - Mcnuggets and fries with seaweed seasoning. Thanks gal, for such a wonderful time. I enjoyed myself tremendously =) [P.S. Char!!! We missed you loads!!! *hugz* :) ] It's already 3am. I've got choir prac tmr, lol. Shall hit the shower now :P | |