always.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

I just need to let off some steam.

Feeling really pissed right now stuck doing something that I "need" to do. I only said Yes to one small matter, and I don't know how it snowballed to what it became. Because I accepted a small role, I don't understand the bigger role that I supposedly need to fill, and I have no intention of talking to the guy who allocated me this because I am really so annoyed with him. And plus any contact with him just means more arrows. We are in it to grow this thing together, not be your freaking slaves. For free. So stop being so authoritative and start being inclusive before your whole ship sinks, dearest captain. (disclaimer: this is not about work)

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Escapism

Ok, since I have nothing better to do, and have a terrible mind that can't seem to want do anything because I'm in that "couch potato" lazy state, the best thing to do now is to use this as an avenue of decluttering my mind till I can work again.

I woke up early this morning feeling very fresh, and proceeded to continue packing my room. Progress was good since yesterday as Junyi also had been a very big help and sped up the process much. It was only after I got this stupid email that I felt super frustrated - it was a reminder for us to:
1) submit names of proposer and seconder
2) deadline is 3nov

ARGH. This spells bad news for me. Firstly, without a proposer and seconder, I can't join the course, where they're in charge of making sure I stay sane and support me over the course. In order to get either of them, we have to complete several challenges for them, which is why I threw my big house party and went to the office all the way to Henderson Industrial Park from 1am-2am for most nights last week to align chairs and items on a table in a restricted time period.

Those are still do-able. The one that I'm having major problems now is the last and final challenge which I cannot say out. But it's basically something against what I believe in and getting it done totally goes again everything I stand for. Almost. So it's a huge fight with myself just to even try. I've done a few attempts, but each time they lead to failure, and puts me in a worse spot before. It's highly discouraging and it really needs time to do.

But, from tomorrow to 3rd Nov (note, 3rd Nov deadline DIES), I am having stayover company induction. So what I can do is highly limited over this time, which makes me more certain that I'm going to fail for this task. Which:
1) makes me appear lousy
2) makes me have no proposer which:
2.1) I have to find a new proposer who would accept that I did not complete a particular challenge within the little time I have

What's even worse was that, when I called to doublecheck whether the seconder I found and agreed to be my seconder was ok being seconder, the course leader rejected my request when she said she would help me check earlier. So I'd have to:
3) find a seconder
4) do any challenges the seconder asks me to do

All within the time where I go for my induction.

And oh, by the way, I also have 10k great eastern, and have not found the time (ok fine, and the will) to train for it. Have some oral test in between too. And have to pass the test and the challenges before finding the coaches on 3rd Nov GROWL!!!

It's freaking annoying when everything is coming together, and you see no hope for any of that.

So once I made that sms to find out about the seconder and got a reply, a wave of extreme dread and annoyance just came over me. So much for the promise of learning events, becoming better.. All these stupid admin things are already weighing down so much on me and becoming so much to bear.

I really want my freedome back. Pity I sold my soul for 10months. That's if I even get in. Perhaps if I just slack off, I could have my soul back even before it starts and I can just live life normally once more.

So once again, can I escape, please?

BOREDDDDD

It's been the longest time since blogging. Was losing touch with this cuz there was just too much other things to do.

Today is the complete opposite.

It's a Sunday, and I'm stuck at work, having finished everything I needed to do for work and having another 5 more long hours to kill when I really very much rather roll around being a couch potato catching up on Glee.

My course stuff, on the other hand, have so much to be done, but I totally don't want to face any of it right now because one of the challenges I need to do (you need to complete "challenges" before you get into the course, and I already paid the hefty principle amount shit) is totally against my principles. So hmm.. should I just forget it and forego that huge amount before I land in huge time management problems and lose even more from my monthly installments?

No facebook, no twitter, phone battery dying, no response on words for friends (iphone scrabble)..

Can I escape now, please?

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

To the friends who are really cynical about it, think it is utterly ridiculous, hates it to the extreme core, yet despite these, are willing to support me all the way with it,

I see it.

And I am extremely grateful to have such friends around me :)

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Eureka moment

Am supposed to be asleep, but my thoughts keep running. And it ran away to such incredulous places, i thought some of the places did good occupying a spot here.

So I closed my eyes, and like all normal people do, you see black nothingness. A vast expanse of it. So I was thinking.. Where do the thoughts of a mind end? It seems like it's as endless as space. But then.. If you flip everything the other way, then, what if space as we know it, is just the imagination and thoughts of another being? And what if that being is just a thought of a human? The existence of both is due to the existence of both!

Then back to the question of space. I drifted to the question of blackholes. Where do things go after they go through a blackhole? The common answer as I know it is that they get crushed by their own weight. But even so, where do they go?

Then I just drew another random leap of a link. Was having a conversation with Junyi the other day about Europa, a Jupiter moon. Basically, that moon is all water and there could be life as it is warm enough due to tidal friction. And there is a layer of ice around it acting like how the atmosphere works for Earth. Outside the ice is space, a vacuum. And there are ocassional spouts of water which shoots water out of the ice shield, but will turn back to ice again outside as the temperature is too cold. So if any lifeform gets spurted out, it could be lost in space.

See where I'm driving at?

So now, back to blackholes. What if the blackhole were equivalent to a water spout thingy on Europa? Anything that gets in gets shot out, and it will convert to an atmosphere from space as we know it to something totally different, just like how possible Europa lifeforms might get shot out from a water environment to space. Then at the end of the blackhole, the space thing that is pushing things out of the blackhole "melts" back into space. Hmm...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, March 01, 2010

Which Tim Burton character are you?

Emily

Behold the corpse-bride! Actually, you\'re far from corpse-like. Warm-hearted, gentle and hopeful, you seek justice and fairness. You are strong willed and have an idealistic mind of what should be rather than what is. You are a hopeless romantic and a martyr for love, sometimes so blind by it you can\'t see his flaws or that he isn\'t yours to keep. Whatever, you have a selfless nature that puts you above all eligible males, and in the end it will help you find eternal happiness.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

We seem to have many things. The whole house is filled, but it's mostly boxes of unneeded things. Old magazines, toys, LDs, rusting bicycles.. All the junk irks me. But we cannot donate/recycle/throw them. And there's never any normal healthy meal food to eat. It's instant noodles again. I do appreciate what's provided for me. It's just that somehow, home doesn't feel so welcoming..

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

It's done.

Omg I finally sent in one job application!! Took me hours cuz some of the mini essay questions kept disappearing when the company's system kept logging me out. Retyped like nobody's business. But the post was so attractive that I really wanted it. Already missed STB's mgmt trainee programme, though I heard there's one more round out in may. Wanted that too and was too late. Can't let this one slip through my fingers this time. But I took so long applying for this that it's now almost 7am. Peerhelper duty at 12pm argh! Ok so messy.. Typing this through my phone cuz I'm just so proud of myself for following through with the appication though it kept logging me out and wanted to capture the feeling instantly. YAY!


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Hit counter code here	Sunday, August 19, 2012 I just need to let off some steam. Feeling really pissed right now stuck doing something that I "need" to do. I only said Yes to one small matter, and I don't know how it snowballed to what it became. Because I accepted a small role, I don't understand the bigger role that I supposedly need to fill, and I have no intention of talking to the guy who allocated me this because I am really so annoyed with him. And plus any contact with him just means more arrows. We are in it to grow this thing together, not be your freaking slaves. For free. So stop being so authoritative and start being inclusive before your whole ship sinks, dearest captain. (disclaimer: this is not about work) 7:25 pm · Sunday, October 24, 2010 Escapism Ok, since I have nothing better to do, and have a terrible mind that can't seem to want do anything because I'm in that "couch potato" lazy state, the best thing to do now is to use this as an avenue of decluttering my mind till I can work again. I woke up early this morning feeling very fresh, and proceeded to continue packing my room. Progress was good since yesterday as Junyi also had been a very big help and sped up the process much. It was only after I got this stupid email that I felt super frustrated - it was a reminder for us to: 1) submit names of proposer and seconder 2) deadline is 3nov ARGH. This spells bad news for me. Firstly, without a proposer and seconder, I can't join the course, where they're in charge of making sure I stay sane and support me over the course. In order to get either of them, we have to complete several challenges for them, which is why I threw my big house party and went to the office all the way to Henderson Industrial Park from 1am-2am for most nights last week to align chairs and items on a table in a restricted time period. Those are still do-able. The one that I'm having major problems now is the last and final challenge which I cannot say out. But it's basically something against what I believe in and getting it done totally goes again everything I stand for. Almost. So it's a huge fight with myself just to even try. I've done a few attempts, but each time they lead to failure, and puts me in a worse spot before. It's highly discouraging and it really needs time to do. But, from tomorrow to 3rd Nov (note, 3rd Nov deadline DIES), I am having stayover company induction. So what I can do is highly limited over this time, which makes me more certain that I'm going to fail for this task. Which: 1) makes me appear lousy 2) makes me have no proposer which: 2.1) I have to find a new proposer who would accept that I did not complete a particular challenge within the little time I have What's even worse was that, when I called to doublecheck whether the seconder I found and agreed to be my seconder was ok being seconder, the course leader rejected my request when she said she would help me check earlier. So I'd have to: 3) find a seconder 4) do any challenges the seconder asks me to do All within the time where I go for my induction. And oh, by the way, I also have 10k great eastern, and have not found the time (ok fine, and the will) to train for it. Have some oral test in between too. And have to pass the test and the challenges before finding the coaches on 3rd Nov GROWL!!! It's freaking annoying when everything is coming together, and you see no hope for any of that. So once I made that sms to find out about the seconder and got a reply, a wave of extreme dread and annoyance just came over me. So much for the promise of learning events, becoming better.. All these stupid admin things are already weighing down so much on me and becoming so much to bear. I really want my freedome back. Pity I sold my soul for 10months. That's if I even get in. Perhaps if I just slack off, I could have my soul back even before it starts and I can just live life normally once more. So once again, can I escape, please? 12:01 pm · BOREDDDDD It's been the longest time since blogging. Was losing touch with this cuz there was just too much other things to do. Today is the complete opposite. It's a Sunday, and I'm stuck at work, having finished everything I needed to do for work and having another 5 more long hours to kill when I really very much rather roll around being a couch potato catching up on Glee. My course stuff, on the other hand, have so much to be done, but I totally don't want to face any of it right now because one of the challenges I need to do (you need to complete "challenges" before you get into the course, and I already paid the hefty principle amount shit) is totally against my principles. So hmm.. should I just forget it and forego that huge amount before I land in huge time management problems and lose even more from my monthly installments? No facebook, no twitter, phone battery dying, no response on words for friends (iphone scrabble).. Can I escape now, please? 11:52 am · Tuesday, September 14, 2010 To the friends who are really cynical about it, think it is utterly ridiculous, hates it to the extreme core, yet despite these, are willing to support me all the way with it, I see it. And I am extremely grateful to have such friends around me :) 9:37 pm · Sunday, March 28, 2010 Eureka moment Am supposed to be asleep, but my thoughts keep running. And it ran away to such incredulous places, i thought some of the places did good occupying a spot here. So I closed my eyes, and like all normal people do, you see black nothingness. A vast expanse of it. So I was thinking.. Where do the thoughts of a mind end? It seems like it's as endless as space. But then.. If you flip everything the other way, then, what if space as we know it, is just the imagination and thoughts of another being? And what if that being is just a thought of a human? The existence of both is due to the existence of both! Then back to the question of space. I drifted to the question of blackholes. Where do things go after they go through a blackhole? The common answer as I know it is that they get crushed by their own weight. But even so, where do they go? Then I just drew another random leap of a link. Was having a conversation with Junyi the other day about Europa, a Jupiter moon. Basically, that moon is all water and there could be life as it is warm enough due to tidal friction. And there is a layer of ice around it acting like how the atmosphere works for Earth. Outside the ice is space, a vacuum. And there are ocassional spouts of water which shoots water out of the ice shield, but will turn back to ice again outside as the temperature is too cold. So if any lifeform gets spurted out, it could be lost in space. See where I'm driving at? So now, back to blackholes. What if the blackhole were equivalent to a water spout thingy on Europa? Anything that gets in gets shot out, and it will convert to an atmosphere from space as we know it to something totally different, just like how possible Europa lifeforms might get shot out from a water environment to space. Then at the end of the blackhole, the space thing that is pushing things out of the blackhole "melts" back into space. Hmm... - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone 10:07 pm · Monday, March 01, 2010 Which Tim Burton character are you? Emily Behold the corpse-bride! Actually, you\'re far from corpse-like. Warm-hearted, gentle and hopeful, you seek justice and fairness. You are strong willed and have an idealistic mind of what should be rather than what is. You are a hopeless romantic and a martyr for love, sometimes so blind by it you can\'t see his flaws or that he isn\'t yours to keep. Whatever, you have a selfless nature that puts you above all eligible males, and in the end it will help you find eternal happiness. 4:27 pm · Tuesday, February 16, 2010 We seem to have many things. The whole house is filled, but it's mostly boxes of unneeded things. Old magazines, toys, LDs, rusting bicycles.. All the junk irks me. But we cannot donate/recycle/throw them. And there's never any normal healthy meal food to eat. It's instant noodles again. I do appreciate what's provided for me. It's just that somehow, home doesn't feel so welcoming.. 7:39 am · Wednesday, February 10, 2010 It's done. Omg I finally sent in one job application!! Took me hours cuz some of the mini essay questions kept disappearing when the company's system kept logging me out. Retyped like nobody's business. But the post was so attractive that I really wanted it. Already missed STB's mgmt trainee programme, though I heard there's one more round out in may. Wanted that too and was too late. Can't let this one slip through my fingers this time. But I took so long applying for this that it's now almost 7am. Peerhelper duty at 12pm argh! Ok so messy.. Typing this through my phone cuz I'm just so proud of myself for following through with the appication though it kept logging me out and wanted to capture the feeling instantly. YAY! 12:53 am ·