The day I wasn't me

I was tickled pink by the wide range of guesses you offered in yesterday’s Guess what’s weird contest.

Though the tickling made me feel warm and tingly and strangely eager to lick your neck, I’m sorry to say there was no true winner.

Some of you came close to guessing what was weird about yesterday’s post, but none of you flat out suggested the possibility that I didn't write the post at all.

The real author was regular blog commenter Simon C. Larter, who I must say, did a damn fine job impersonating me.

Confused yet?

It started with Simon pondering whether he could mimic my voice convincingly enough that blog readers wouldn’t notice the switch. I was game, and also intrigued by the experiment.

The subject of an author's voice is something near and dear to my heart. During the long, bumpy path to my current three-book deal, my agent often forwarded me comments from editors. The #1 thing they'd praise was the uniqueness of my voice.

In my first conversation with Deb Werksman (who would later become my editor at Sourcebooks) she offered the same praise.

The she slugged me in the gut. "But I can't sell voice," she pointed out.

It was the first time I'd ever heard someone suggest that, and I'll admit, I was annoyed. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized she's right. You can't sell a no-name debut author based solely on voice. How do you put that on a book cover? How do you explain it to the average book buyer?

You don't. At least not without telling instead of showing, and we all know that isn't effective in writing.

That's why I started this blog. Here, I can sell voice. I'm not saying you should mail me a stack of unmarked bills (though if you have the urge, I'll give you my address). The reason I'm committed to blogging every single weekday is that it gives me a chance to show my voice. To offer free samples. If you happen to like it, there's a good chance you'll buy my books.

Oh, and lest you think Sourcebooks has no strategy for selling me, don't fret. That's why we all worked hard to refine my marketing hook – the idea that "normal is nice, but weird can be wonderful." It's at the core of all three books in my contract, and it's a lot easier to pitch from a marketing standpoint. Sourcebooks can sell that, I can sell voice, and if we happen to fail, we can sell my books out of the back of a van while a guy with a pipe-wrench stands there looking menacing.

But back to the contest. I've gotta hand it to several of you for picking up on the general idea of what was weird about yesterday's post. Sarah W pointed out the oddness of the suggestion that I might voluntarily clean, the presence of a LOLbunny, and the fact that there was no plan to choose winners based on creative random associations. All excellent observations from someone who's clearly been reading this blog closely.

Shakespeare noticed the LOLcat thing, too – for the record, I'm not really a LOLcat (or LOLbunny) kinda girl.

CKHB made another excellent observation with this: "It's the first time I think I've seen you mention a BAD consequence to drinking wine. I can't remember you previously writing about drinking to ease depression - usually you seem to drink in joy and celebration!"

Also a valid observation. In fact, I've gotten on my soapbox about not drinking when you're bummed. All jokes aside, it's something I take seriously.

Nate Wilson and Plamena Schmidt both picked up on the parenthetical heh (I'm partial to the parenthetical snicker).

I've gotta hand it to Laurie Lamb for this observation: "Is it weird how you talk about Zinfandel in this post and link to a post where Jennifer Paris (a.k.a. Jeffe Kennedy) picked Zinfandel #28 in the Petal and Thorns giveaway AND it's EXACTLY 28 weeks until your book release?"

Woah. That's a trip.

And I had to laugh about lora96's comment, "What struck me was the lack of naughtiness in the post title. I can usually count on the name of the post for a giggle."

Ironically, the headline is the only part I did write.

Those of you I just singled out for getting close, drop me an email with your address. You certainly earned the booty bag.

And can we get a round of applause for Simon? I think he did a tremendous job impersonating me for the day. Mimicking another author's voice is crazy difficult, and it's actually a great exercise for fine-tuning your own voice. Have you tried it? It's a whole lot harder than it looks.

I explained this to Pythagoras last night, pointing out what an amazing job Simon did with the impersonation.

"He really nailed me," I said.

Pythagoras looked pained. “Why do I have a feeling you’re going to use that line on the blog?”

I just did, honey. I just did.

Links, leftovers, and a whole lot of wine

You ever have one of those lunches consisting of a hodge-podge of leftovers from four different meals you've had throughout the week? Sometimes it's delicious, sometimes it's...well, just interesting.

I'm not sure which this will be, but that's what I'm serving up on today's blog.

First up, have you ever wondered what happens behind-the-scenes during the acquisition process at a publishing house? I have. Well, "wondered" is probably too mild a word.

During my years on the submission train when my agent would tell me editor so-and-so liked my manuscript and was taking it to the editorial board, I would drive myself nuts trying to figure out what that meant. I'd cyber-stalk editors to see if I could determine the precise hour the meeting might take place. I'd check my website for unexpected visitors. I'd try to imagine how the meeting might go, or what sort of shoes they'd all be wearing.

Though I'm past that stage now, I never stopped wondering about the behind-the-scenes details. Lucky for me, my amazing editor, Deb Werksman, just did a blog post over at Romance University giving an inside glimpse into the acquisition process. Though she didn't mention the shoes, she covered pretty much everything else I ever wanted to know. Check it out HERE.

Next up, just a reminder that I'm blogging over at The Debutante Ball today. We've been discussing agents all week, and it's possible I got a little mushy discussing my relationship with Michelle Wolfson. You can read that post here.

Lastly, we get to pick a winner to receive Petals and Thorns from Jennifer Paris (a.k.a. Jeffe Kennedy). If you missed the post about the giveaway, go here.

I didn't have time to stage an elaborate selection process with the pets like I did here or here or here, and Jeffe wasn't too keen on swimming out into an icy pond to fetch a stick with a name on it.

"What's something Jeffe and I have in common?" I mused as I sipped a glass of Shiraz and instant-messaged her the other evening.

"Beats me," Jeffe mused back with her glass of Zin in hand.

Ah-ha!

I made a list of all 37 people who commented on the post to win a copy of Petals and Thorns. Then I made a list of 37 different varieties of wine. I'm kind of impressed I was able to do most of it off the top of my head (though I did have to consult a book for a few of them).

My apologies for skipping some of the accent marks and other unusual punctuation, but here's the list:

1. Chardonnay

2. Sauvignon Blanc

3. Semillon

4. Riesling

5. Gewürztraminer

6. Pinot Grigio

7. Pinot Blanc

8. Frascati

9. Chenin

10. Pouilly-Fuissé

11. Silvaner

12. Port

13. German Eiswein

14. Pedro Ximénez

15. Sangiovese

16. Cabernet Franc

17. Petit Verdot

18. Malbec

19. Cabernet Sauvignon

20. Syrah

21. Shiraz

22. Marechal Foch

23. Tempranillo

24. Mouvedre

25. Viognier

26. Merlot

27. Pinot Noir

28. Zinfandel

29. Chianti

30. Rioja

31. Grenache

32. Mueller-Thurgau

33. Baco Noir

34. Grüner Veltliner

35. Dolcetto

36. Liebfraumilch

37. Melon de Bourgogne

We briefly considered drinking a glass of each just to put ourselves in the proper frame of mind, but decided against it about halfway through the list.

Instead, I assigned each blog commenter a wine variety and then sent the wine list to Jeffe. After a bit of deliberation (and maybe a few more glasses of wine) she picked Zinfandel, #28.

That's the wine I assigned to Jami Gold, who just so happened to write her own blog post about our little experiment reading outside your comfort zone. You can read her post here.

So congratulations to Jami. You don't get the wine, but you DO get a pretty awesome book from Jeffe. She'll be in touch. She also wanted to thank all of you for making her feel like the belle of the ball the other day.

She said "ball."

That's it for me, kids. Were the leftovers good for you? Are you doing anything fun this weekend? Please share!

On shelf space, book placement, & touching strangers

I have something new to add to my ever-growing list of geeky things authors do.

Yesterday I went to Barnes & Noble. I browsed the new releases and the clearance table, pretending to have a mission beyond what was really drawing me to the other side of the store.

I wanted to see where my books will sit.
I located the spot on the romance aisle where “Tawna Fenske” falls between “Christine Feehan” and “Amy J. Fetzer.” I dusted the shelf and caressed it lovingly, drawing raised eyebrows from two bookstore patrons and a leer from the greasy-haired guy in velour pants.

Then I went exploring.

When my amazing agent first mentioned the possibility Sourcebooks might publish my books, I did a little dance. Then I put my clothes back on and drove to the bookstore where I went searching for Sourcebooks titles.

What excited me that day is the same thing that excited me yesterday, which is this:

Those spiffy little spots on the fancy displays don’t happen by accident. I’ve always known this, but just to confirm, I grabbed a Barnes and Noble employee. He seemed alarmed by both the grabbing and the fact that I was photographing books instead of reading them, but was kind enough to answer my questions.

“How do you decide which books go on these displays instead of just putting them on the regular shelves?” I asked.

Eyeing my hand on his sleeve, he shrugged. “Those decisions are made at the corporate level in New York.”

“It’s not random?”

He laughed. “No.”

“So you’re saying publishers pay you guys to put certain books in the pimp spots?”

“Well, I didn’t actually say pimp, but yeah – pretty much.”

For a debut author like me, it’s exciting to know I’m in the hands of a publisher willing to shell out bucks for primo placement. Sourcebooks publishes only a fraction of the romance titles some of the bigger houses crank out each month, but from what I’ve seen, they pour a lot into promoting the books they do release.

While I’ve been channeling all my personal marketing efforts into blogs and Twitter and Facebook, I know there’s a huge segment of the book buying public I can’t possibly touch this way (though if touching them another way is the key to selling books, I’m game).

A lot of readers – particularly romance readers – make book buying decisions based on what catches their eye as they’re strolling the store. A primo spot on the shelves might just make a difference in whether someone’s willing to take a chance on a new author like me or skip right past me in favor of picking up a new aphrodisiac cookbook.

How does book placement impact your book buying decisions? Are you a bookstore browser who grabs things that catch your eye, or do you stay focused on whatever you set out to find in the first place? Please share, I’m really curious.

I’m also giving serious thought to that whole touching thing. Is groping customers a legitimate way for an author to market her books? If so, I'm willing to give it a shot.

The special way I used my pen(is)

So who wants to take a guess what I did with this yesterday?

OK, stop guessing now. And stop staring at it. Really, knock it off.

Here is what I did with my very special penis pen.

That's right, I signed my three-book contract with Sourcebooks, Inc. Four copies of it, 15 pages each, packed full of sentences like:

The benefit of the Author’s warranties and indemnities shall extend to any person, firm or corporation against whom any such claim, demand or suit is asserted or instituted by reason of the publication, sale or distribution of the Works as if such representations and warranties were originally made to such third parties.

Incidentally, I'm going to find a way to use that line in the next love scene I write.

In all seriousness, you probably assumed I signed that thing ages ago, right? After all, it's been almost exactly four months since I announced the sale.

But that's not how publishing works. This is one of many reasons people tell you over and over "don't quit your day job."

And that's certainly not to say anyone screwed up or dragged his or her feet. On the contrary, my amazing agent, Michelle Wolfson, and equally amazing editor, Deb Werksman, have both done an incredible job hammering out the details and thinking of things I would never in a million years dream up. Like who pays for it if a pterodactyl eats all the copies of my debut novel before it can be shipped to bookstores? I'm pretty sure there's a clause in my contract that covers it.

This is why I'm endlessly grateful to have such smart, talented people in my court. I didn't actually realize what a superstar Deb is in romance writer circles until I went to my first RWA meeting and my new chapter-mates gasped, "Deb Werksman is your editor?" with same tone they'd use to ask if Angelina Jolie is my best friend (FYI, she totally is).

And I don't have to tell you how much Michelle rocks. Having her fighting for me and my books every step of the way makes me weep with gratitude that she's my agent.

And also that I'll never have to face her in a cage match.

So there you have it. The contracts are signed, they're going in the mail today, and apparently there's some mysterious object called an advance check that might make its way to me sometime in the coming months.

Rumor has it they might actually be PAYING me to do this.

Oh, and I have a penis pen.

Does life get any better?

Just a normal Friday, except...

So I’m having a tough time deciding what to blog about, and I’ve decided to take a vote. Which of the following would you like me to discuss?

1) Tips and techniques for proper tooth brushing.
2) The role of Alkiviades in ancient Greek history
3) My new three-book deal with Sourcebooks, Inc.
4) How to change the spark plugs in your car.

Alkiviades, you say? Excellent choice.

Alkiviades lived from 452-402 BC and is considered one of the most controversial figures of the antiquity. A member of the democratic parataxis, he—

What? That wasn’t what you wanted me to discuss? Oh, you wanted to hear about the book deal?

Well then . . .

For several weeks, Wonder Agent Michelle Wolfson and I have been having talks with Editor Deb Werksman at Sourcebooks, Inc. Though many aspiring authors probably start off thinking you just write a book and hand it off to an editor who either buys it or doesn’t, the process is seldom that simple.

For one thing, Sourcebooks is big on building authors’ careers – not just publishing one book. Savvy publishing professional that she is, Deb wanted to see a complete career arc and a “hook” that sums up the sort of books readers can expect from me. The three of us have spent weeks brainstorming titles and marketing ideas and concepts for future books.

We finally got everything nailed down just the way we wanted it, and Deb informed us on Monday that she would be taking it to her editorial board Thursday as a proposed three book deal. She wanted BELIEVE IT OR NOT, MAKING WAVES, and LET IT BREATHE. The first two are written, the third is not.

All day yesterday, I waited patiently (read: bit my fingernails and carried the phone with me every time I went to the bathroom) for news. Around 2:45 PST Michelle emailed to let me know she hadn’t heard anything and that it was possible the meeting had been canceled due to bad weather.

I resigned myself to not hearing anything that day and got busy doing the dishes. One hour later, the phone rang. It was Michelle, and I knew from her grim tone that bad news was coming.

What I actually should have known from her grim tone is that my agent is a sneaky wench who delights in yanking my chain by making idle chit chat in a faux-somber voice when I just wanted to scream “WHAT IS IT WHAT DID THEY SAY?!?!?!?”

She finally put me out of my misery and told me about the offer. She gave me the details, which I feverishly jotted on the back of a grocery receipt while the dog licked my ankle. Tentatively, the first book is scheduled for release in August 2011, with the other two coming out over the course of the following 12 months. This makes me happy because (a) having three books released in a 12-month span is a fabulous way to build a readership, and (b) August is a great month for a release not only because my books are excellent beach reads, but because it’s my birthday month!

So that’s what I know right now. Well, that and the fact that WONDER AGENT MICHELLE WOLFSON TOTALLY RULES!

And I’m really, really looking forward to working with Deb Werksman as well, since she’s an amazing editor who clearly has terrific taste in books. I’m also excited about being published with Sourcebooks. As some of you may recall from a previous post, Sourcebooks published one of my very favorite books (Tiffanie DeBartolo’s HOW TO KILL A ROCK STAR) as well as several others that have been favorites with my drinking club . . . er, book club . . . over the years.

So this is very good news all around. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go climb up on the roof with a bottle of champagne and a megaphone so I can shout it out to the neighborhood.