You'll love this one...

I've mentioned that some of the men at work have been oddly nice and warm to me now that I am obviously pregnant.  However, do not labor under the illusion that everyone I work with is so compassionate and kind.

I want to share an asshole story with you.

I am serving on a search committee for a new faculty member in our department.  I almost turned the committee assignment down, since I'm on leave, but I felt like I could do it and wanted to have a say in the process (plus, it's an honor to be asked).  Oh, and the chair of the committee is going to try and railroad someone through whom many of us don't like, so I thought I could make an important difference.

Anyway, I'm on this committee, have worked hard on it and been instrumental at key points.

The chair of the committee just decided that each member would "host" a candidate when he visits (they are all men).  This means meeting him for breakfast on the first morning, keeping an eye on their schedules, introducing him  before his talk, making sure he is ok, etc.  I've been on about 4 search committees before at this university and this is the first time the chair of the committee didn't "host" all the candidates himself.  So that's weird.

But whatever.

The asshole thing is that the chair came into my office a month or so ago and acted all happy for me being pregnant (he blatantly asked).  I didn't dwell on it but was thankful for his good wishes, and was upfront about my due date.

The candidates are all coming in February because another person on the committee mistakenly planned a lot of travel in January.

So, all these dinners and other obligations in February.  Keep in mind I'm due March 8th and the committee chair knows this.

He sends out an email the other day suggesting who would "host" which candidate on what dates. 

He signs me up to host the very last candidate who is coming a week before my due date.

Now, you might be thinking that the guy is just clueless about pregnancy and birth and didn't think about it when he assigned me to this date.  But that would not be true because his wife just gave birth less than a year ago.

He did it intentionally so that I would have to either ask for it to be changed because of my "condition" or likely be unable to do this at the last minute because of my "condition".  He wants me to have to say that I can't do something because I'm pregnant and be forced to ask for a favor/special accommodation. 

And the department wonders why women feel hostility here...  what an asshole.  So not surprising.

Requesting Leave

Here is my confession.

I am 22 weeks pregnant.  It is November 3rd.  My husband teaches in the spring and legally has the right to take paternity leave from teaching for the entire semester, but we need to start the paperwork to get someone else to teach his class for him asap.  He will leave for the field next week, meaning he'll be out of communication until the end of December.  So, all dept admin for the switch in instructors needs to be done before he goes.

I don't technically teach next semester (I know, cushy teaching job but that's the one perk of being in the sciences).  So my leave is much less urgent.  Although I do need to put in for it since I intend to take my teaching release next fall and someone will need to be found to teach my class (no one in my dept could do it - long story).

I am really, really freaked out about doing this.  Once my email and the signed forms are out of my hands people will know.  If something goes wrong, people will know.

I do not have a good relationship with my dean or department chair, or the academic personnel officer for that matter (she adores the chair and dislikes me, even though she doesn't know the history at all).  The chair and dean have both mistreated me as a second class citizen.  The former chair so egregiously discriminated against me that the chancellor apologized, although the chair never got in trouble for it.  I work in a male-dominated discipline.  I learned very early on that being a woman is a handicap in this field.  Reproducing is just going to remind everyone that I'm a woman even moreso than the skirts I often wear.

I find this baby a safe-haven mentally from the cruel academic world I inhabit.  She is my escape from all of that, the gravity that will keep me real and human.  Sharing her with all of these assholes makes me sick to my stomach.  And yet, I have to tell them.  I have no choice.

I absolutely have to confront the interaction between this wonderful personal thing and my evil work-world.  But it is so incredibly hard to walk my butt down to the office and hand in my forms and hit send on that email.  I need some emotional fortitude...