Years ago I stopped taking the bus and started walking to work. This wasn't because I wanted to be more fit, but rather it was because I hated having to pay such close attention to the clock and often have to run to catch the bus. And then wait if it was running late. Or miss it and have to wait 30 minutes until the next one came. Life was less stressful if I just walked, leaving whenever I was ready. I always ended up at work within the same 10-15 minute window, but it was so much less stressful.
The one thing about parenting that I didn't anticipate and, perhaps not coincidentally, the one thing that I find emotionally exhausting, is that I always have to pay attention to the clock. I always have to keep in mind what time I need to start the move to whatever needs to happen next.
In order to make it to ballet on time,
we need to be buckled in the car by 9:05am,
which means we need to be starting to put on the leotard and tights by 8:30am,
which means that breakfast needs to be on the table and small child eating by 8am,
which means I need to be out of bed by...
Every morning, every evening (dinner on table by 6pm so that we might be close to done by 7pm, so that we can PJ by 7:20pm and reading books by 7:30pm...), even on days when we really don't have anything particular to do. If we don't follow the general routine, hunger or tiredness set in and grumpiness takes over. There always has to be a plan. Which means that someone has to make the plan. And, someone has to implement the plan.
I get tired of always having to plan and make decisions. It sounds ridiculous, but it seems like every single person I ever interact with needs me to make some decision for them (this is perhaps exacerbated by my job being the PI of a lab, the instructor for a course, the chair of a committee, etc.). You know how Obama wears only gray or blue suits and just alternates this each day to reduce the number of decisions he has to make because the fewer you have to make the better you are at making them? I need that in my lfie.
Plus, once the plan is made, each of the transitions has to be monitored and chauffeured to the nth degree because 4.5 year olds easily get distracted.
But mama, it is really important that I finish coloring in this My Little Pony!
It is the one thing that I wish we could find a better way to share as co-parents, but it just doesn't work that way no matter what I try. I have run the experiment, just waited to see what would happen if I don't initiate the next thing that needs to happen. It doesn't happen and bad things start to unfold. Alternatively, I ask for daddy to take charge, but the friction of the process is so awful that I find it even more stressful than if I had shepherded the whole thing myself.
Does anyone have advice for how to take a more zen approach to sheperding small children through the minutia of each day? Every now and then I come upon a little trick, like racing to see who can get dressed faster, me or the child, but that only works once or maybe twice. Then we are back to molasses... and me shepherding... trying very hard not to sound as frustrated as I feel.
The one thing about parenting that I didn't anticipate and, perhaps not coincidentally, the one thing that I find emotionally exhausting, is that I always have to pay attention to the clock. I always have to keep in mind what time I need to start the move to whatever needs to happen next.
In order to make it to ballet on time,
we need to be buckled in the car by 9:05am,
which means we need to be starting to put on the leotard and tights by 8:30am,
which means that breakfast needs to be on the table and small child eating by 8am,
which means I need to be out of bed by...
Every morning, every evening (dinner on table by 6pm so that we might be close to done by 7pm, so that we can PJ by 7:20pm and reading books by 7:30pm...), even on days when we really don't have anything particular to do. If we don't follow the general routine, hunger or tiredness set in and grumpiness takes over. There always has to be a plan. Which means that someone has to make the plan. And, someone has to implement the plan.
I get tired of always having to plan and make decisions. It sounds ridiculous, but it seems like every single person I ever interact with needs me to make some decision for them (this is perhaps exacerbated by my job being the PI of a lab, the instructor for a course, the chair of a committee, etc.). You know how Obama wears only gray or blue suits and just alternates this each day to reduce the number of decisions he has to make because the fewer you have to make the better you are at making them? I need that in my lfie.
Plus, once the plan is made, each of the transitions has to be monitored and chauffeured to the nth degree because 4.5 year olds easily get distracted.
But mama, it is really important that I finish coloring in this My Little Pony!
It is the one thing that I wish we could find a better way to share as co-parents, but it just doesn't work that way no matter what I try. I have run the experiment, just waited to see what would happen if I don't initiate the next thing that needs to happen. It doesn't happen and bad things start to unfold. Alternatively, I ask for daddy to take charge, but the friction of the process is so awful that I find it even more stressful than if I had shepherded the whole thing myself.
Does anyone have advice for how to take a more zen approach to sheperding small children through the minutia of each day? Every now and then I come upon a little trick, like racing to see who can get dressed faster, me or the child, but that only works once or maybe twice. Then we are back to molasses... and me shepherding... trying very hard not to sound as frustrated as I feel.
If you figure it out, please bottle it and sell it. I will totally buy.
ReplyDeleteLongtime lurker, very glad you are back btw :)
ReplyDeleteIt never gets better. There are only two speed settings for children, normal (aka molasses) and even slower (when you try to hurry them). But because we know the consequences, we have to be in charge. If bedtime is half an hour late the next day is terrible, no question. There is also no solution to the sharing problem. I'm either 100% in charge of all clock watching and everything happens on time, or I leave town. Literally leave town, so then I don't care. Because sharing is a recipe for homicide. I know that doesn't help, but at least you are not alone :)