The Fly, Redux

Pity the poor fly that I killed today, the one that signals the end of winter and the return of my eternal torment. I killed him with such vengeance that his corpse has not been located. A splatter on my door indicates he is dead, but I fear in my desire to send him from this world to the next, I was overly enthusiastic.

Oh, THOSE Eyes

Driving home today, Laura was looking at a library book when she came across something so shocking that her poor 5 year old brain just couldn’t take it: someone had written in the book. Being the stickler for the rules that she is, Laura was appalled. APPALLED! She demanded that I turn around and read what had been written (perhaps in an attempt to track down the perp and dole out some justice). I informed her that sadly, I was driving, and could not turn around to look. In her most exasperated tone, she said, “Well, turn on your back eyes then!”

I’m afraid I had to decline.

Modern Women Of Sewing

Oh, how I wished closer to New York and could attend this Modern Women Of Sewing event. I suppose I am somewhat modern, and I do sew after all. Those three presenters? Well, they're awesome and hip and downright famous in the modern sewing world. And they'll be speaking, for free, at a library! Even though I can't attend, I'm pretty tickled to see that these busy women are participating in such a great event. I wonder how likely it is that they will come to North Carolina next.

The Gospel Truth

According to Laura, after she stumbled over the words in a song:

I am not a professional singer because I'm not that good, but I am a professional draw-er.

PS. We are currently delighting in all that Charleston, SC has to offer our family. Since we love history, shopping, the beach, and cool architecture, it turns out it has quite a bit to offer. I'll post pictures soon after we return home, provided I don't die of a panic attack when we have to drive over yet another of the highest and longest bridges I have ever seen. My water and heights phobias have never been better, thanks for asking!

You See What I'm Dealing With

Poor Laura, dealt a boring mother who doesn't ever seem to want to play, and when she does play, doesn't do it right. Laura is even forced, on occasion, to entertain herself or clean her own room. To make up for these injustices, is Laura given a pool? A pony? A cell phone? Even a TV in her room? No. None of these requests have yet to be granted.

When Laura's mother has the audacity to ask for a few quiet minutes to get ready to go out to dinner, how does Laura respond? With complaints, harassment of her mother, and the sporadic karate chop, naturally. When her mother, who can't take it a moment longer, tells her to go find something to do or else be forced to clean the kitchen floor, how does Laura respond?

"That sounds like fun!"

Just Another Day In My Life

Today has been an odd day. A lady at the vet accused me of giving her dog a "weird" look (which I probably did, because it was one of the ugliest dogs I've ever seen) and I was menaced by teenagers driving a golf cart while on my way home from errands. Loose dogs once again chased me on my run, and I didn't even have Moxie with me. The person in front of me in line at the ATM took so long (canceling transaction after transaction) and started yelling at the ATM. Laura freaked out (I mean FREAKED OUT) over the fact that I have a bathroom "stuck" to my bedroom and she doesn't. Later she gave birth to a puppy that died (and then came back to life).

Sometimes my life is just plain weird.

Conversation At Snack Time

Me: Laura, stop eating the salt off those pretzels and then putting them back in the bowl.

Laure: But Mommy, the salt is so tasty. I want to eat them this way. First I eat the salt, then I eat the rest of the pretzel.

Me: But if you just ate it all at once, you'd have the salt ON the pretzel and it would taste fine. When you eat the salt first, you're left with a bland pretzel that doesn't taste very good.

Laura: But I don't want to eat it that way. The salt is yummy.

Me: But that doesn't make any sense.

Laura: Mommy, I don't know how I got this way. It just happened.

There's No One Here By That Name

My daughter is only 4 years old, yet as of the last week or so, I’ve suddenly become just “Mom”. Being called Mommy is out the window, and it’s driving me crazy. I had kind of been banking on being Mommy my entire life, and while it had occurred to me that I probably would be Mom someday, I imagined it in terms of a faceless teenage girl saying “Mooooom!” with as many “o’s” as humanly possible. I don’t know where Laura picked it up, but she can tell it’s driving me crazy, so she keeps doing it. It makes her seem much too old, and coupled with her new hair cut, I feel like I suddenly flashed forward to the having a 10 year old. As silly as it sounds, it was really bothering me.

The Army Man helped me out a few nights ago when she was asking for this “Mom” person. He simply replied, “There’s no one here by that name”, and that seemed to make it clear to her. Now when she calls me Mom, I just ignore her until she says Mommy. Is that mean? Maybe, but I’m just not ready to be Mom. Interestingly, a little bit ago Laura had a bit of a tantrum, something that's been pretty rare these days (thank heavens!) and as she sat there in her room, screaming and crying, she began calling for Mommy. And Mommy was very happy to go to her, believe me. Maybe we'll be back on track now, until Kindergarten or whenever it is that kids are too cool to have Mommies.

How DOES My Garden Grow?

Did you know that I had a garden? No? Well, neither did I. But today, while pulling weeds in the front yard (always fun on such a blazing hot day), I found something that looked suspiciously like a vegetable. Since I don't really eat vegetables, I had a hard time identifying this mysterious food. It looked to me like something I recall my mother forcing me to eat as a child, but I can't be sure.

Laura could not have been more thrilled at the discovery, although she was HORRIFIED when I used "Daddy's tool!" to cut open our bounty. How rude of me to use the Army Man's box cutter. There they are, in all their glory, the fruits (or vegetables, as it were) of my top-secret garden. I would really be thrilled if there were also some healthy and fully cooked dinners out there just waiting to be harvested.

The Unintentional Thief

I think I’ve been the victim of a reverse scam. Is such a thing even possible? I guess it is when someone comes to your yard sale last Saturday, buys a few items with cash, says he'll be back to get them, and never returns. So I have his $18, plus some things that I could sell to someone else if I was the cruel type. Not to mention I also appear to have the key to his pickup truck, which probably explains why he hasn't come back. He was driving a small van and since he also bought some large pieces of furniture from my neighbor, he said he would go get his truck and come back. We know nothing about this guy and haven't heard a thing from him.

Is he some sort of yard sale fairy godfather who goes from house to house spreading money and good cheer, and leaving the goods so that we can make double money off of our stuff? Or is he going to show up in 6 months demanding his stuff that I will have eventually given in and gotten rid of the day before? Sadly, I'm going to have to guess it will be the latter.

Laura, Age 4 1/2

Laura is now 4 1/2, and is suddenly all grown up. She has started wearing a watch which I think makes her look so much older. Today she stood there in front of me, wearing her watch, pronouncing all her words without a lisp of baby talk as she asked me for a paperclip to clip her drawings together. In that exact moment I had a flash of realization that she is not my baby anymore. I asked her, as mothers do, "How did you get to be so big?" Her reply? She looked at me and tried not to roll her eyes as she said: "I grew".

Well, duh.

Chicken Wire=Fabulous

On Sunday, in an effort to class up our house, I put some chicken wire in our backyard. It was all for a good reason though, and that reason is to keep Moxie from going underneath the deck and burying bones or birds or small children or whatever it is that causes her to be so filthy when she finally emerges. It was surprisingly hard work, and the Army Man had to step in an assist me (read: do most of the work). Where we ran out of chicken wire, we stacked rocks. Our backyard now looks so fabulous it’s not even funny.

You know something is tacky when your husband looks at the finished product in disgust. Even Moxie looked skeptical (Really? That’s the best you people can do?) But I will assure you just as I assured both of them: it’s a short-term fix. The Army Man is leaving in less than 2 weeks, and I don’t care how it looks-I just wanted it done. Now Moxie will still be alive when he returns in May, because if she went under that deck again, I wasn’t going to be making any guarantees.

The downside to the chicken wire installation? I may have gotten tetanus. At the very least, I have a very painful scratch on my leg. I guess that’s the price one pays for such a stylish home.

And The Award For Best Fake Crying Goes To....

On the way home from preschool today Laura was telling me that all of the boys in her class always go in time out, along with just one girl. Can you guess who that one girl is? Laura, of course! She seemed perturbed by this revelation, but also oddly proud to be lumped in with all the boys she loves so much. It turns out that she brought this up today because she went in time out today for being "too dramatic". I guess I have to admire her for her commitment to her role as class drama queen.

And This Is Only The Beginning

So, do you think there is enough pollen in North Carolina right now? This is our patch of dirt (soon to be sodded the rest of the way!) and all of that is what collected after our last rain. We are about a week into pollen season, and this is just ridiculous. Even the Army Man is affected this year. He sneezes and has itchy, watery eyes, although he certainly does NOT have allergies, thankyouverymuch. Moxie's paws are no longer white. Now they are yellow paws of destruction bent on turning my carpet yellow. If it's not the frigid cold, then it's rain. If it's not rain, it's horrible wind. And sometimes it's all of those, with a little pollen thrown in. Fun!

This Can't Last

What do you do when your 4 year old daughter comes to you and complains that she NEVER gets a chance to pick up the dog’s poop? You let her do it. And you make sure that Daddy is the one to hold the bag, because when she misses (and you know she will), you don't want it to be your hand that gets touched by poop.

We Love Math Jokes In Our Family

Yesterday, the Army Man ate pie on Pi Day. I laughed when he told me that and I don't know whether to be proud or embarrassed.

Your First Step Following A Car Accident

While driving home today, Laura informed me that after a car accident, first you go to the bank, then you go straight to the doctor. Apparently she saw a commercial for our local chiropractor. I was laughing so hard that I almost crashed the car.

Moxie Knows It All

In addition to Moxie knowing when she's about to go on a run, I think she has figured out when the Army Man is about to return home. The Army Man is a very considerate husband in that he calls me when he leaves work. It's for the best that I receive that call, because once I do, I'm a flurry of action. Things I should have been doing during the day are all tackled in a short 30 minute stretch. Dirty dishes are loaded into the dishwasher, counters are cleared off, the remains of lunch are disposed of, dinner is started. All that's left for me to do is to put on my pearls and lipstick, but I never seem to get around to that.

So where does Moxie figure in to all this? Once she seems me moving around the house, she gets excited. Really excited, the kind of excited that involves wriggling around. I'm sure some of that can be contributed to my bustling around, but it doesn't explain why she usually lays by the front door while I work, watching it intently.

Today, as she threw herself at the Army Man the moment he opened the door, I realized that she was on to my little routine. And I guess now the Army Man will be too.

A Pavlovian Response, Of Sorts

You know how most dogs go bonkers when the leash comes out, because they know a walk is coming? Well for Moxie, it's the iPod shuffle. The second she sees that little white contraption, she knows a run is coming. I wonder what she thinks the iPod is.