Is Their Election Slogan It takes A Criminal To Catch A Criminal?

The Detroit News: Oakland, Wayne Co. sheriff challengers hope voters will overlook their criminal records

When all you have to run on is your criminal record, you might as well run on that:

Amrit Kohli said he's qualified to be the Oakland County sheriff because he's been an Oakland County Jail inmate and knows what needs to be fixed.

Wayne County sheriff candidate T. P. Nykoriak said his federal conviction for stealing from a Detroit church should not prevent him from being elected as the county's top law enforcement official.

Ok then.

Kohli is a very progressive  Democrat who is on the Democrat ticket running in Oakland County against the highly popular and effective Republican Sheriff Bouchard. 

"I want to get elected, so I can disrupt the policing of the Sheriff's Office and try to make a mark of what policing can do when they're not about guns and oppression," said Kohli, who was convicted of drunk driving in 2003 and malicious destruction of property in 2004. "Police are the apparatus of oppression and have committed genocide, in my opinion."

Yeah, he's the perfect progressive Democrat defund-the-police-type to run for the position with no law enforcement experience aside from being on the criminal end of it. He is also, of course, given his everything-I-don't-like-is- genocide,  pro "ceasefire" for Gaza.

This is part of why straight-ticket voting is dumb - he'll likely get votes from Democrats in the County who do a straight ticket and don't know any batter.

We'll note that while T. P. Nykoriak is nominally on the ballot as a Republican in Wayne County, he actually has a long history of running as a Democrat for the Sheriff slot, and other positions, and possibly changes party affiliation like others change their underwear.

Both should use a white circle on a red background as their campaign flags - They both have a snowball's chance in hell of winning.

Maybe There Actually Ought To Be A Law Sometimes

Well, my fellow Michiganders, if you have a certain rather rare (at least I really, really hope this is rare) kink, you've now got a shrinking window to act on it without running afoul of the law. 

Verily, If you're a necromancer or necromaniac, or both, this new law is gonna cut down on your opportunities.  For everyone else, well, not at all.

The Detroit Free Press: Bills criminalizing necrophilia in Michigan head to Gov. Whitmer's desk

Yes, it is, to my and many other people's surprise, apparently totally legal to have an intimate relationship with a corpse in Michigan.  

At least, it currently is until this bill becomes law.

The bills, collectively known as Melody's Law, came after a west Michigan man was convicted of the December 2021 killing of 64-year-old Melody Rohrer.

Prosecutors said Rohrer was out for a walk in Van Buren County, about 15 miles southeast of Kalamazoo, when Colby Martin, 31, ran her down with his pickup truck and loaded her body into his vehicle. He later committed sexual acts with the body before dumping it in a wooded area in St. Joseph County.

A jury later convicted Martin of murder, failing to stop at the scene of a fatal crash and concealing a death. Prosecutors could not charge him with the alleged sexual crimes because Michigan, unlike many other states, had no law on the books specifically criminalizing necrophilia.

Yeah, this is certainly a weird case.

While I'm generally not one for saying "There oughta be a law",  I can understand wanting to add some extra penalties for what this murderer did and preventing such acts in the future.  

Apparently, both sides of the aisle thought so too, as the bills passed unanimously in both the Michigan House and Senate.

That's Rather Unusual

Right on the heels of my last post, it turns out there is yet another reason to have a gun in a park:

CBS News: Officials warn of possible alligator sighting in lake at Kensington Metropark

"Alligators are not native to Michigan, so if this sighting is real, it is most likely the result of someone releasing a pet Alligator into the lake," a Huron-Clinton Metroparks spokesperson said in a statement.

Visitors are advised not to approach the alligator

Yeah, we're normally comfortably outside a gator's native range here in Michigan. 

Kensington Metropark, while normally alligator-free, may start getting a little more sporty than usual as a result.

From Car Meme To Reality

You've likely seen this meme about the wisdom of placing decorative items on your steering wheel:

Most people would chuckle at the pic thinking people can't really be that dumb.

They would be mistaken. 

Apparently, people putting objects over their steering wheel airbags is a real current concern.

The Detroit News: Feds urge people not to put decals on steering wheels after a driver is hurt by flying metal pieces

The warning from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration comes after another driver was severely hurt by a flying emblem during a crash. The air bag inflated and sent two pieces of metal from an aftermarket decal into the driver's face and neck.

The agency said it couldn't say where or when the injury occurred. But it said the injury was the second it is aware of involving an aftermarket decal. In the previous case the driver lost sight in one eye after being hit by a rhinestone-adorned decal that hit them in the face, NHTSA said in a statement Tuesday.

Yeah, that's gonna hurt. 

Placing any object - whether metal, stone or otherwise, over the casing of an airbag that will move towards you rapidly and with explosive force during an accident is just a stupid idea.

Sometimes You Really Just Need To Let Things Go

I daresay most people wouldn't consider leaping into the waste pit of an public outhouse, even if their Apple Watch fell in.

This lady in the story did, and found out yet another reason why you shouldn't jump into one - she got trapped for some time in the pit until other people heard her and sent for rescue.

The Detroit Free Press:  Woman rescued from muck inside Otsego County outhouse after trying to find her Apple Watch

I expect she's going to get some hepatitis shots shortly.  Not to mention she likely will have to throw out the clothes she was wearing when she jumped in.

I don't own an Apple Watch, but even if I did, if it fell into a pit of waste like that, there's no way I would be jumping in after it. 

Really, it's just not worth the sheer amount of actual crap to retrieve it.

Iceland Food Tour - That's Smoked Over What, Exactly?

Our next and final stop on the tour was a brewpub and restaurant.

Their signature beer is called the Flying Kock, which is really hard to order and keep a straight face, which seems to be the point.

Yes, the entendres were far more than doubled.

So along with the beer, came some smoked lamb on toasted Icelandic bread to the table to try as our next dish.

This is traditional smoked lamb, smoked in the traditional fashion.  Traditional means smoked over lamb dung.

Yes, dung. Iceland didn't have a lot of good smoking woods available, especially after they heavily deforested the island during settlement. So dung had to do, and it did.

Upside, I can report it had no dung in the flavor, just lamb, but it did have a very, very, heavy and strong smoke flavor to it.  Can't say as I'd recommend switching to dung as a smoking medium. I'll stick to wood, thank you very much. Most ppople on the tour who tried it stated it was not a hit.

That certainly was an experience, the beer was quite tasty though.

That was the end of the food tour, and it was fun, interesting, and educational and I'd highly recommend doing it if you ever visit Iceland.

We then walked back to our hotel to get ready for our next adventure the following day - The day I got to cross off an item on my bucket list.

When You Allegedly Have Got 'Em By The Nuts

You really can't make something like this up, but it would have been even better if allegation was that he was using them for bookends:

The Detroit News: 

 Pontiac transgender woman sues to get testicles back from ex

A transgender woman from Pontiac has filed a court claim demanding her testicles back, insisting her ex-boyfriend is keeping them in a jar in his refrigerator and refusing to return them.

Weird enough for you for a Monday?

Just wait, it gets better.

The ex, when told of the complaint, apparently didn't seem to deny having the boys around. But, he told the Detroit News that the transgender complainant has been harassing him so much previously he had to get a PPO against it and had already removed whatever was wanted from the residence. 

Oh, and the transgender complainant has a prior conviction for assault for pulling a knife on another roommate, who was also transgendered.

Issues?  Methinks this one's got subscriptions.

Did The Uber Eats Driver Get Et?

A rather strange and brutal crime out of Florida, where an MS-13 gang member and felon seemed to be confused about how things are supposed to work with delivery services:  

The rule is you're supposed to tip your delivery driver, not rip them into pieces and stuff them into garbage bags.

Another rule is you do not eat your Uber Eats driver, you eat the food they bring you.

The criminal's picture in the article shows he's a very well adjusted fellow.  Or, er,  not so much.

The Detroit News: Sheriff: Uber Eats driver slain, dismembered making delivery

A Florida man is charged with murder and other offenses in the slaying and dismemberment of an Uber Eats driver who had brought food to the assailant's house, authorities said Tuesday.

Oscar Solis Jr., 30, is charged with killing the driver during a delivery Wednesday at a home in Holiday, Florida, Pasco County Sheriff Chris Nocco said at a news conference. The remains were found at the house in trash bags and a cooler, which also contained a receipt with Solis' name on it, according to a police affidavit.

Is he really a Florida man if he just moved there in the last few months after getting out of prison in Indiana? In any case back to prison he goes, hopefully for a heckuva lot longer than his last sentence.

Just A Little Jan 6 Committee Irony

A bit of weirdness out of the January 6 Committee report regarding Ryan Kelly, a Michigan Republican politician that was running for Governor in the 2022 election, was present Jan 6 and running for office and thus arrested by the FBi on misdemeanor charges to hamper his gubernatorial run - nothing at all political about that, of course.

Here's where it gets a tad interesting: The Detroit News: Under oath, Ryan Kelley refused to identify himself in Jan. 6 videos

The Detroit News story, and the committee report, is all agog and aghast that Ryan Kelly refused to identify before the committee if a video did in fact show him at the Capitol doing stupid stuff.

Now, Kelly did sorta, kinda, take the Fifth before the Committee on that quesiton, but not exactly correctly, as you can read in the article. But, regardless, he refused to answer the question to identify if the person on the video was him all the same. 

So, there's all this umbrage about the failure of Kelly to identify himself by a committee official.

So, now that you have the background, the story gives a nice bit of irony:

"Mr. Kelley, how would answering that question impede your ability to peaceably assemble? It's a video of a thing that happened more than a year ago," an official with the U.S. House committee asked him at one point during the exchange.

Later, an official with the U.S. House committee said Kelley was stating his "opinion of what the Fifth Amendment is."

"But I will again note for the record that the witness has refused to answer the question, and he's refused to raise a recognized privilege as a reason for refusing to answer the question," the official said.

The official's name was redacted in the transcript.

Yep,  all this outrage over Kelly's failure to identify himself, and the "official" asking that line of questions has been redacted and unidentified in the report and their identity is a complete mystery.

You can't make that kind of irony up.

News of The Weird: Rectum? It Damn Near Killed Him!

In news from France today, it does turn out that French 88-year-olds can not only get frisky in a weird way, but that anything can indeed be a sex toy if you're brave or crazy enough.

Fox 10: Hospital evacuated over elderly man with explosive lodged in his rectum 

A French hospital was reportedly evacuated after an 88-year-old arrived with an artillery shell lodged in his rectum.

...

The French publication Var-Matin reported the elderly man had a World War I artillery shell partially inside him.
...

The shell was about eight inches long and two inches wide.

Not to sure what his explanation will be, perhaps confusing the artillery shell with the nearby bidet perhaps?

Well, the shell was older than he was, so at least there were no age of consent issues involved. The shell was successfully removed and defused if not defunked.

Verily, some people may love artillery just a little too much.

The Case of The Dyslexic Who Married an Insomniac Atheist

Had a weird one in court today.

Friend of mine had called me that he got a notice to appear in court for a crime he did not recall committing, nor did he recall even getting a ticket for it.

He apparently got ticketed for not having a licensed dog.  This is a misdemeanor in Michigan.

The problem is he does not have any dog -- licensed or otherwise.

Turns out there were census workers going around his neighborhood, knocking on doors and if they heard a dog they told police who then wrote the owner of the house a ticket.

Somehow they wrote him up for one and we're not sure how it happened.

Managed to talk with the prosecutors prior to the hearing today, and had to go in and put on the record that he does not own a dog, and the ticket was then dismissed.

Quite a waste of time for all involved.

So what happens when a dyslexic marries an insomniac atheist?

You get a bunch of kids running around in the middle of the night saying:

"There is no Dog."

In this case, there really is no dog.

So, What Was The Baby Launched From And How Fast Was It Going At the Time?

Headline writing can be messy. Here, the author of the headline has a baby becoming a rather deadly projectile and no editor picks up that the headline may be a tad off:

The Detroit News: Pair fatally shot with baby in car at Detroit gas station

Reading on, it appears the deceased were not, in fact, shot with a baby.

Rather the baby was in the car with them when they were shot at the gas station.

Getting gas in Detroit at night is a rather hazardous undertaking, and I would highly discourage anyone from doing so.

Detroit's murder and crime rate has certainly not declined, and in this woke era of "Defund the Police" and it's concomitant disrespect for law and order, it has, if anything increased.

When Good Fish Go Bad

Sleeping with the fishes has a new meaning as the fish in Lake Orion really seem to get around.

The Detroit Free Press: Hundreds of fish in Lake Orion died from herpes, Michigan DNR says

Probably an education program for the fish may help. 

I'd suggest catchy phrases with a hook like:

"Wrap your fish stick".

"You're swimming with every fish your fishmate ever had".

"Practice Safe Swim".

Covid Court Condition Confusion

Michigan has what is called a One Court of Justice.  However, that doesn't mean the courts all follow a unified plan and follow the same procedure.  Not at all. Each one has their own peculiarities and own procedures that vary immensely.

Take how they are handling Covid for example.

37th District Court in Warren is not just hybrid, but at times the judges demand people appear in person for a hearing or a conference, which sucks as something that takes 10 minutes now takes an hour plus of drive time, sitting around in court waiting to be called in a courtroom with insufficient seats when you could be doing it by Zoom far more efficiently.

There are magic pieces of plexiglass abounding, but tons of gaps in the plexiglass and it is far more for show than for it to be virus no-go.  No requirement for wearing masks and no temperature taking or anything else.

Then there's the 50th District Court in Pontiac.

Live hearings there are just not on and you cannot get within 6 feet of the building.  No kidding.

Went there to pickup a processed filing as told to do so by the court staff, and the court officer stopped me six feet from the door of the building, I had to and did have a mask on, he asked who I was and what I wanted.  After I replied he then kicked over a post office mail carton that had my filing inside.  I picked up my filing and kicked the box back to him. Yes, really.

2 courts. Less than an hour away as the car drives, and completely different responses and protocols.  You really don't know what you're going to get at any particular court.

Personally I'm finding Zoom a great time saver for myself and my clients - no need to drive, find parking, or wait in a crowded courtroom when instead you can get on Zoom at your appointed time and be done fast.  Hopefully they clue in to the efficiencies and permit Zoom usage to continue and the courts all get on board with one protocol so we know what the heck we're dealing with.

The Absolutely Most Overwrought Op-Ed About Covid So Far

If you have pearls to clutch, you better go grab them to fully enjoy this exceedingly overwrought editorial over the dangers of Covid-19:

The Detroit Free Press: COVID has turned breathing into a deadly event and all of us into potential serial killers

 Better take a deep breath (or not) to enjoy this ride by Michael Stern:

As coronavirus burns an exponential path of destruction across the American terrain, an insidious blanket of shadow damage is quietly unfurling in its name. It’s not just the death and scarred lungs. COVID-19 has turned every man, woman and child into a potential serial killer.

A disease with a survival rate for age groups of 0 to 19 of 99.997% for 20 to 49 a 99.98%, for 50 to 69 years old 99.5% and 70 years old and above a 94.6% chance.  

If you have a 94.6%-99.997% plus chance of beating an encounter with a serial killer trying to do you in, gotta say I'd like those odds. 

You may want to just take a deep breath there Mr. Stern. Your hyperventilating is causing you to panic.  But he's far from done and only just begun to declaim and over-exaggerate:

So far, I’ve been fortunate. But not a day goes by that I don’t wonder whether my streak of good luck is about to end, because the person in front of me in the grocery line is wearing a mask below his nose — expelling a cloud of radioactive COVID dust that I cannot escape, short of dropping $50 on the conveyor belt and trying to outrun the security guard.

Yep, this dude is really writing an op-ed while having a massive panic attack.  Radioactive COVID dust?    Just a wee bit over the top exaggeration there, oh panicked one.

With alcoholism, opioid addiction or smoking, we stand a fighting chance. But COVID-19 has turned the most necessary part of living — breathing — into a deadly event. If there’s anything that can make us hate our neighbors, it is the possibility that their very existence — every breath they exhale — could be lethal.

Seriously.  Is he comparing this to the chance of becoming an alcoholic or drug addict or even worse - gasp, clutch pearls, - a smoker?   

Yep, a real lethal chance with every exhalation - with a 94.9-99.997% chance of survival even with full on exposure and actually being infected, not just from catching a chance exhalation.    That’s  a much better chance of survival unscathed than with meeting an addict in a back alley or a drunk driver meeting you on the road.

It’s bad enough that we have to fear contracting a deadly virus from a stranger at T.J.Maxx who reaches for the same decorative throw pillow. What’s worse is the brutal reality that the people we love and trust most in this world bring us the same risk. More risk, because these are the people with whom we have regular and close contact. Any sustained encounter with those we love — kisses, hugs, laughs, conversations — could bring fever, blood clots, fluid-filled lungs, and death.

I'd hate to hang out with this guy during flu season, ya know? I suspect even pre-covid this germophobe curled up in a ball when the sniffles came to town.  Also, what's with the reaching for decorative throw pillows?

The overwrought melting-down hypochondriac continues:

It’s bad enough that we have to fear contracting a deadly virus from a stranger at T.J.Maxx who reaches for the same decorative throw pillow. What’s worse is the brutal reality that the people we love and trust most in this world bring us the same risk. More risk, because these are the people with whom we have regular and close contact. Any sustained encounter with those we love — kisses, hugs, laughs, conversations — could bring fever, blood clots, fluid-filled lungs, and death.

Sheesh, take a chill pill dude. 

On second thought, forget that, you need to see a therapist, stat.  This kind of disabling anxiety you're emoting is simply not healthy.

It gets even worse and more overwrought from there, go forth and RTWT and then reflect on your excellent mental health by comparison. 

Probably the most over-the-top, overwrought, fear- and panic-filled article about Covid I've ever seen. 

I must say that it is the first time I've seen "Covid-19:  Gays hardest hit"  in print though, so there's that.

Note Well - In A Fight, Your Child Is A Lousy Choice As A Backstop

A strange and messed-up story coming out of Detroit.

The Detroit Free Press:  1-year-old hospitalized after being shot amid fight over Uber Eats delivery

Apparently the concealed carry holder mom had driven home and then got into an altercation allegedly because her neighbor stole the mom's Uber Eats chicken delivery. 

Neighbor took umbrage at the accusation of chicken theft and things escalated from there and neighbor then came at mom with a hammer.

Mom then retrieves gun from car, shoots at neighbor wielding hammer and somehow manages to hit her own kid in the child-seat in the car's backseat, but apparently doesn't hit hammer-wielding neighbor, or at least that's not reported as part of the story.

Strangely, no one immediately realizes the child has been hit in the altercation.

About the only way I can see this happening is if the neighbor with the hammer is chasing her around the car and she then has no idea of what's beyond her target when she's shooting at the hammer wielder, but it is completely unclear how this occurred from the story. 

There's even less detail at the Detroit News report on the events.

Hopefully we get a little more clarity in follow-up reports, if there will be any.

Always knowing and being aware of your backstop when shooting, for any reason, certainly matters.

Overdoing It Just A Tad There Sport

So this morning, I went to the gas pumps at Costco to fill up and moved into a spot behind a Volvo that had its driver's side door wide open with the engine off at the pump ahead.

I waited a moment before stopping at the second pump, as often people finish and drive off and there's no point leaving an empty pump in front of you and making someone wait behind you if they're about to leave, when you could have waited a second and moved forward.

Well, after a polite minute of waiting, there's still no movement out of the vehicle and it looks like he's coiffing his hair, as one does at a gas station I suppose.

Ok, then.

So, I level up to the second pump, turn the car off and get out.

Still no movement out of the vehicle ahead.

I feed the pump my card, press the appropriate buttons, open my gas tank, and am about to remove the handle when the guy finally gets out of his cart.  Older fella, rather spry, with very nicely coiffed hair for pumping gas, I must say.

Ok, so I've now started pumping gas and he slowly makes his way to the pump.

He doesn't start pumping gas.

Instead he takes what looks like a Clorox wipe and starts wiping down the entire gas pump handle, the swivel beneath it, the entire hose, he's really seriously wiping down everything, including parts no one ever touches.  Neglects to wipe the lever inside of the handle though, which is funny as that's where your hand is going to actually be touching, but every other surface gets wiped.

He then wipes down the card reader, screen and all the buttons.  Again, he hits areas you're unlikely to be touching as he's busily wiping everything down.

He's about to place his card in the machine and that's when I'm done filling my tank.

He has yet to remove the handle from the pump when I'm leaving the gas station.

I'm sure that gas pump has never been cleaner, aside from the lever mind you.

If You're Dumb Enough To Mistake A Toilet For A Vote Drop-box . . .

Then, well, lets just say The Ingham County Clerk (D) is quite concerned that fellow Democrat voters could mistake a toilet for a voting drop box.

The soft bigotry of low expectations and all that, I suppose.

The Detoilet Detroit News: Official: Toilet display in Mason mocking mail-in voting is a crime

Yep, seriously, she's seeking criminal charges for a clear First Amendment Parody regarding mail-in voting.

A Michigan resident’s apparent joke showing disdain for voting by mail is no laughing matter for one election official.

The resident put a toilet on their lawn with a sign that says, “Place mail in ballots here.”

Barb Byrum, the Democratic clerk of Ingham County, filed a complaint with police over the display, saying it could mislead people who aren’t familiar with the voting system.

Hopefully the police throw the idea of charging the man for his valid and rather humorous protest display right down the toilet.

I guess that if you can't tell the difference between a drop-box for a vote, a Post Office Box to mail a vote in, and a toilet, then you might just be a Democrat.

Weird History: Holy Mother Russia!

Mother Russia indeed:

The greatest officially recorded number of children born to one mother is 69, to the wife of Feodor Vassilyev (b. 1707–c. 1782), a peasant from Shuya, Russia. In 27 confinements she gave birth to 16 pairs of twins, seven sets of triplets and four sets of quadruplets

-The Guinness Book of World Records

Forget it takes a village - This unnamed mother of 69 kids made a dang village!

Feodor, not content to rest and just have 69 kids, then apparently went on to have another 18 kids with his second wife for a total of 87 children in 35 total births.  

Whereafter he died, most likely of exhaustion, at the age of 75.  

No one else has been insane enough to try and beat that record in the past two hundred and thirty-eight years, and for good reason.

Michigan's Gov: What's The Point Of Government Power If You Can't Be Arbitrary With It?

Gov. Whitmer's shutdown order was open to lots of interpretation as to what's both an essential service and what is considered an outdoor recreational activity exempt from the shut down. Some of her decisions as to what should or should not be shut down are becoming rather head-scratching as to the whys and wherefores.

One would think that golf, a game that can easily be played with the players maintaining a six foot distance from each other, would be a no-brainer to be kept open. Especially as golf is rather big in Michigan and good for the economy to have some activity, and its good for people to get outside and enjoy themselves a bit in these tense times, right?

Not so much:

The Detroit Free Press: Whitmer: No golf, can returns; laundromats OK in shutdown

Gotta love arbitrary and nonsensical closing orders.

Maybe she just doesn't like golf.

Personally I think golf is a waste of a perfectly good rifle range, but I don't begrudge others their recreational activities of choice.

On top of that, she has threatened any physician who dares prescribe Plaquenil (hydroxychloroquine) and a Z-Pak (azithromycin) to treat Coronavirus with action against their license and telling pharmacists not to fill such prescriptions.

The Detroit News: Opinion: Michigan’s doctors fight coronavirus, and governor's office

Another arbitrary denial, likely resulting from untreated TDS. Since Plaquenil and Z-Pak seem like a promising treatment, its a darn shame our governor has taken them off the table for people in this state. The governor is improperly substituting her judgment over that of medical professionals for no reason other than politics and people will suffer for it.