The Forest, The Trees and Freak Napalming Incidents

I've always been a worrier -- full of anxiety, ready to see that Parade of Horribles wherever I go.  My mom used to call me "Very Worried Walrus" after the Sweet Pickles book.  My list of worries is long-lived and long-limbed, like a giant tree, well, many trees to go with the many different, yet inter-related worries.  Or, maybe it's a web of webs.  I'm sure there's a metaphor in here somewhere.

My biggest worry changes from day-to-day, hour-to-hour, and minute-to-minute.  Here's the top few currently:

1. I'm eating like there's no tomorrow; I'm going to gain back all this weight; I've gotta stop.
2. R has had the never-ending daycare cold with alternating runny and stuffy nose and cough for 2 weeks.
3. I need to make sure that I have my parents and JD's parents record a story or something for R so that he has something to remember them by when they pass.  (Not that this will happen soon, G-D forbid, I'm just worrying about it).  Really, this extends to all family members and friends cause you never know when they will die in some freak napalming incident.
4. Need to write letters to R and a document detailing all I want for him and want for him to learn in the event of my early death in some freak napalming incident.
5. The baby's clothes will never become clean and are horribly stained with spit-up.  (Deeper meaning: I am a horrible mother; This is a large section of the forest/web/whichever metaphor you prefer).
6. I am neither able to iron nor light matches and what does this say about me as a person?

I do have faith, though.  Faith in myself; faith in G-D; faith that somehow I'll muddle through all of this.  I just think, somehow, this will all work itself out because it has to.  It may not end how I wish it, but there will be an end somewhere.

Best Wishes for the New Year

After taking a realistic look (brought on by a vent of crazy) at the list of what I was going to make for the holidays and the list of what I would be able to make for the holidays, I severely pared down my cooking to-do list.  (Let us not mention that I now have ingredients for the former list sitting in my pantry -- maybe I'll cook some more next week).  Thank goodness that both my mother and MIL are understanding women whose price is beyond rubies.

Just wanted to take a moment before tonight to wish everyone a sweet and happy new year.  The poem below always moves me, so I like to include it each year in my new year greetings.

In the new year which now begins, these are my wishes for you:


May you experience no earthquakes, no hurricanes, no floods, and no dinnertime phone solicitations.
And if they come, may you have a flashlight, a radio, a cell phone, water, food, and a siddur [prayer book] ready, just in case.

May you see a good play, hear a great opera, and see no flashing police lights behind you.

May strangers greet you with smiles, and little children with sticky kisses.

May you have enough wealth to be able to give to tzedakah [charity], and enough left over to provide you with necessities:

May you have bread to eat and cake as well,

May you have a roof over your head and clothing to wear,
And may you help provide them for the hungry, the homeless and the ragged.

May your stocks come back,
And may your bank stay open,
And may your interest rate fall,
And may the IRS leave you a full 30% of what you earn to call your own.

May you banish all thoughts and conversations about the coming elections
For these next ten days,
So that you avoid fights with members of your family and your friends,
And may you remember that, no matter who is elected,
According to Hebrew National,
They all have to answer to a Higher Authority.

May you forgive the candidates for what they say about each other,
And may you remember that no one is as perfect as he claims to be,
And no one is as terrible as his opponent claims he is,
And forget the promises that they all make -- because they will, as soon as they are elected.

May you be able to decipher your electric bill, your telephone bills, your credit card bill, and your income tax forms,
And the tiny, tiny print at the bottom of all these documents,
Which says in essence that they don't mean what is written above in big print.


May you live long enough to be able to drive automobiles which do not run on fossil fuels.
And may this happen before you become an old fossil yourself.


May those of us who drive SUVs be blessed with enough wealth
To be able to fill them with gasoline enough,
To get to the corner store and back,
And may we not have to choose between having enough money with which to buy gas with which to get to the grocery store,
And having enough money with which to buy groceries when we get there.
And may our children, for the sake of whom we bought these vehicles in the first place
Never yell or fight but sit quietly buckled up, with their hands folded,
And never once ask us: Are we there yet?


May you learn how to control your television set,
And may you learn to cope with all the new buttons on the controls,
And may there be something worth watching when you finally figure out how to start your TV.

May neither you, nor your computer, ever be infected by a virus.

May peace reign over Israel,
And may its children not have to sleep in bomb shelters any longer,
And may all of its leaders, like Natan Sharansky, be people who have gone to prison BEFORE they ascended to high office, and not afterwards.

May the world become safe to live in for all of G-D's children,
And may some parents learn that it is not necessary to strap explosives onto the bodies of their children in order to attain paradise,
But that instead paradise can be found here on earth, if people will only learn to live together in peace.


May you stop rushing long enough to realize
How blessed we are
To be able to enjoy this amazing planet on which we live,
And may we try hard not to spoil it.


And whether you pray in the words of the machzor [a Hebrew prayer book],
Or in your own words,
May you feel the presence of G-D around you,
And may you love your G-D, with all your heart, and all your soul, and all your might,
And may you know that G-D loves you too,
And may G-D give you a shana tova u'metukah,
A good and a sweet new year.


Amen.
--Rabbi Jacob Pressman

You Thought I Was Crazy Before?

I'm quite certain that my crazy has expanded exponentially the past few days, but I think I've succeeded at keeping it internalized, or at the very least, keeping the crazy worries to myself.

Feel free to skip this list of lists of current concerns (now in new and improved anal-retentive outline form!), but know that if you skip it, you're missing a lot of mocking and schadenfreude opportunities:

I.)  My House Is A Giant Mess and We're All Gonna Die
    A.)  My house is terribly, terribly cluttered.  Would it be easier to just move?  Forget selling the current house, just moving.
    B.)  We have a second bedroom that is going to be the baby's room, but currently serves as:
           1.)  JD's cave (which he doesn't spend time in since he got his laptop, but is, nonetheless, stuffed with all his crap, including the closet);
           2.)  Main storage area;
           3.)  Guestroom;
         which boils down to making me feel like moving is the better option.
    C.)  Where did all this crap come from?  Firebombing is starting to sound like a good idea.

II.)  I'm an IFer and Am Unable to Relax About Anything
       A.)  General concerns about every twitch and ache, wondering if they spell miscarriage or just gas.
       B.)  Worries that I'm gaining pounds by the second since the only thing that stops nausea is eating.  Saltines are working right now, but isn't that a lot of carbs?  Maybe too many carbs?  I haven't hurled yet, but I've been close a couple times.  The nausea is pretty constant, but most times I can will it to a dull roar.
       C.)  Need to exercise again, but can I really use the Wii Fit?  Will start walking again, damnit.
       D.)  Think that homebirth may be the right thing for me (right now, it all depends on my health and the baby's health), but am concerned about these issues:
              1.) Will I be too loud in our condo while laboring?  (Maybe we should move?)
              2.) Will the midwife be sympathetic to an IF couple and their concerns?
              3.)  Need to reread Nina Planck's Real Food for Mother & Baby, but am in the middle of another book and I should really finish that one first, but every time I'm reading the other book, I'm thinking of how I need to read the Planck book.
      E.)  What if I get so big that I can't wipe my own ass?
      F.)  What if I kill someone because they say/do something stupid?  What if that is JD?  My MIL?  My SIL?  Random passersby?
      G.)  Is there any way for me to lose weight so that I will look like a cute pregnant person with an actual baby bump, and not someone who's just fat and gotten fatter?

III.  Miscellaneous Worries
       A.)  My hair looks bad (need to get my highlights retouched, like NOW) and feels like straw.
       B.)  I don't feel that I look my best right now and I feel sad about that.
       C.)  JD refuses to get me anything on my Amazon wishlist for my birthday because he "doesn't like any of those ideas."  Hello?!  I'm the one who wants those things!  He's a bum.
       D.)  Passover is in a little over a month and I'm screwed.  House needs to get cleaned and need to get rid of four tons (ok, maybe just 4 lbs) of flour and yeast.  Will need to bake bread 24/7.  Must quit job in order to bake bread.
       E.)  Some guy was driving around the John Mayer concert last night with megaphones attached to his car, screaming about how John Mayer is a "bigoted racist."  Does anyone know what this is in reference to?

Other than that, I'm actually being pretty calm about all this.  :)
_________________________

Now Playing on WJEN:  "Birdhouse In Your Soul" by They Might Be Giants

I'm home and I'm sick

Just a bad cold, but it just sucks to be sick.  It all started with a sore throat on Monday and just progressed from there.

We drove up to NJ on Sunday and my uncle's funeral was on Monday.  It was a graveside service and I thought it was really moving.  The rabbi did a good job to keep it meaningful, but didn't prolong things in the 30°F cold.

We then went to my aunt & uncle's house for shiva (part of the Jewish mourning ritual).  For those who do not have experience with this, it would remind you of a wake -- lots of people, lots of talking, lots of food.

JD and I drove back home on Tuesday morning, so that he could make his follow-up appointment with the pain clinic.  I futilely attempted sleep in the waiting room.  Really, all I accomplished was to watch court shows.

Hopefully, I'll be more exciting tomorrow.

I'm Kreativ!

I just got the Kreativ Blogger award from ma chere Clare of The Pitter-Patter. Thank you very much!

The Rules:

1) Thank the person who gave you this award.

2) Copy the logo and place it on your blog.

3) Link to the person who nominated you for this award.

4) Name 7 things about yourself that people may not know.

5) Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.

6) Link to your nominees' blogs.

7) Leave them a comment letting them know they've been nominated.

The Things:

1) I eat sandwiches and Reese's cups in circles -- all the way around the edges, then I eat the middles.

2) A song on the radio that I heard when I was 5 scared me off of listening to the radio for the next 7 years. It was "Muskrat Love" by The Captain & Tenille.

3) I totally beat John Dear's 5 and 6 year old nephews at Disney DDR. I told the family I was keeping my amateur status for the Olympics.

4) I have become an utter Gleek.

5) My shoe obsession: ballet flats.

6) I have six articles of hockey memoribilia in my office (two bobbleheads, one clapper, two posters, one wristband).

7) I'm working towards keeping kosher and have cut out pork and am now working to cut out shellfish.

My Nominees:

1) Dreaming of Quiet Places

2) On (In)fertile Ground

3) No, I'm Not Pregnant, Just Fat

4) Baby Making Journey

5) Baby OCD

6) Flotsam

7) The Privileged Infertile

Carrot-Zucchini Kugel Recipe

I got this recipe online (from who knows where - thank you who knows where, whoever you are!) a couple years ago and it's been a hit whenever I make it.

For those who keep kosher, the recipe can be pareve or dairy depending upon your preference, and can even be made without leavening (that is, pesachdik) for Passover (Pesach).

Carrot-Zucchini Kugel

6 packed cups coarsely grated zucchini (approx. 3-4 medium zucchini)
3 cups finely minced onion (I use a bag of frozen diced onion OR grate 1 onion with the other veggies)
3 Tbsp. butter or margarine, plus 2-3 Tbsp. of small pieces for the top
3/4 to 1 tsp. salt
3 packed cups coarsely grated carrot (approximately 5 medium carrots)
3 large eggs, beaten
3/4 cup matzo meal OR fine bread crumbs
6 Tbsp. flour OR matzo meal
1 tsp. baking powder (omit for Pesach)
Pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 375°. Place the grated zucchini in a colander. Salt it lightly, and let it stand 15 minutes. When time's up, squeeze out as much moisture as you can.

Sauté the onions in 3 Tbsp. butter with 3/4 tsp. salt over medium heat until the onions are soft and translucent (5-8 minutes). Remove from heat.

In a large bowl, mix together the zucchini, sautéed onions and grated carrot. Beat in the eggs and the matzo meal (or bread crumbs).

Add the flour, baking powder and pepper. Mix well.

Spread the batter into a well-greased 9 x 13 baking pan. Place the thin slices of butter here and there on the top surface. Bake for 1 1/4 hours, uncovered.

Note: This recipe freezes well. After the kugel has completely cooled off (VERY IMPORTANT), I use a layer of plastic wrap, then a layer of aluminum foil, pressing both wraps gently onto the surface of the kugel to ensure a tighter seal.

Wishes for the New Year

(Reposted from last year because I love this poem so much).

In the new year which now begins, these are my wishes for you:

May you experience no earthquakes, no hurricanes, no floods, and no dinnertime phone solicitations.
And if they come, may you have a flashlight, a radio, a cell phone, water, food, and a siddur [prayer book] ready, just in case.

May you see a good play, hear a great opera, and see no flashing police lights behind you.

May strangers greet you with smiles, and little children with sticky kisses.

May you have enough wealth to be able to give to tzedakah [charity], and enough left over to provide you with necessities:

May you have bread to eat and cake as well,

May you have a roof over your head and clothing to wear,
And may you help provide them for the hungry, the homeless and the ragged.

May your stocks come back,
And may your bank stay open,
And may your interest rate fall,
And may the IRS leave you a full 30% of what you earn to call your own.

May you banish all thoughts and conversations about the coming elections
For these next ten days,
So that you avoid fights with members of your family and your friends,
And may you remember that, no matter who is elected,
According to Hebrew National,
They all have to answer to a Higher Authority.

May you forgive the candidates for what they say about each other,
And may you remember that no one is as perfect as he claims to be,
And no one is as terrible as his opponent claims he is,
And forget the promises that they all make -- because they will, as soon as they are elected.

May you be able to decipher your electric bill, your telephone bills, your credit card bill, and your income tax forms,
And the tiny, tiny print at the bottom of all these documents,
Which says in essence that they don't mean what is written above in big print.

May you live long enough to be able to drive automobiles which do not run on fossil fuels.
And may this happen before you become an old fossil yourself.
May those of us who drive SUVs be blessed with enough wealth
To be able to fill them with gasoline enough,
To get to the corner store and back,
And may we not have to choose between having enough money with which to buy gas with which to get to the grocery store,
And having enough money with which to buy groceries when we get there.
And may our children, for the sake of whom we bought these vehicles in the first place
Never yell or fight but sit quietly buckled up, with their hands folded,
And never once ask us: Are we there yet?

May you learn how to control your television set,
And may you learn to cope with all the new buttons on the controls,
And may there be something worth watching when you finally figure out how to start your TV.

May neither you, nor your computer, ever be infected by a virus.

May peace reign over Israel,
And may its children not have to sleep in bomb shelters any longer,
And may all of its leaders, like Natan Sharansky, be people who have gone to prison BEFORE they ascended to high office, and not afterwards.

May the world become safe to live in for all of G-D's children,
And may some parents learn that it is not necessary to strap explosives onto the bodies of their children in order to attain paradise,
But that instead paradise can be found here on earth, if people will only learn to live together in peace.

May you stop rushing long enough to realize
How blessed we are
To be able to enjoy this amazing planet on which we live,
And may we try hard not to spoil it.

And whether you pray in the words of the machzor [a Hebrew prayer book],
Or in your own words,
May you feel the presence of G-D around you,
And may you love your G-D, with all your heart, and all your soul, and all your might,
And may you know that G-D loves you too,
And may G-D give you a shana tova u'metukah,
A good and a sweet new year.

Amen.

--Rabbi Jacob Pressman

Typing at A Mile a Minute

Thank you to so many who sent their prayers and good wishes out for my friend. We found out on Saturday that she was awake, breathing on her own and talking a mile a minute. Thank G-D.

She is still in the hospital as they are concerned about some swelling in her brain and she still cannot hear out of her right ear.

Right now, we're praying for a speedy and full recovery so that she can come home soon.
_______________

John Dear and I had a nice time at our families' seders for Pesach. We've been pretty observant in our own house and had a fun time at KosherMart yesterday, finding kosher for pesach vegetable oil (yes!).

Our joint therapy session yesterday really focused on JD -- how he was feeling about being a father, using donor sperm, his depression, the job search, etc. I think it was a good conversation. Our relationship has been going really well lately, and I'm glad that something seems to be settled for now.
_________________

I am just waiting for JD to pick me up so that we can head over to our appointment with the Doctor to set up our dIUI cycle. OMG, it's really happening! We haven't picked a donor yet, so I'd like to get on that. JD is kind of being passive about everything, and I'd like to not push him, but come on, things need to be decided.

I talked yesterday at therapy that I'd like to narrow down our choices to a small group, then order the info packets on those donors so that we can then pick the one we want. I'm also interested at looking into the photo-matching option that the bank has (they take a photo of JD and look at your choices and pick the one that goes best with JD).
__________

Never did my Sock It To Me post because I was overwhelmed with work and Pesach stuff. Let's leave it at I LUUUUUUUVVVVE my new socks from KateDaphne at Sadness/Euphoria and I love all the wonderful people that I've met in the blogosphere. Hugs to all of you!

Must run.

Prayer

I just learned some terrible news. My coworker, my mentor, my friend, was on vacation with her family this week. Last night, while at dinner with her husband, my friend tripped over a chair and hit her head against the concrete sidewalk. She is currently unconscious and on a respirator. Please send prayers and good thoughts for a speedy recovery into the universe.

Pesach Prep - Part 2

Had to skip out of work early today because my anxiety had gone sky-high. I was practically twitching and on my way to knocking my head against the wall to stop thinking. Not a good sign.

Left work just after 2 PM, picked up John Dear and we went to the library (I had an audiobook to pick up). I picked up a bunch of books and that definitely helped to calm me down.

Here's where I am so far with work for Pesach:

-Figure out where we're going for seders
-Discuss with Mom and SIL what we should bring Mom: Carrot-zucchini kugel; SIL: flowers
-Make meal plan and grocery list for all of Pesach
-Arrange with BFF to take chametz
-Clean out fridge
-Clean out silverware drawer
-Kasher silverware
-Find Pesach box (with Pesach dishes, pots and pans) in big living room mess (but might be in JD's office mess) Was in JD's office mess
-Clean living room after spare furniture is given away this weekend
-Clean dining room table and cover
-Clean kitchen table and cover
-Buy tablecloths Found tablecloths; didn't need to buy. Yay!
-Tape cabinets shut
-Figure out what I've got left in house to use as meal plan for week before Pesach to use chametz (BFF gets what's left)
-Check if I need Pesach cooking utensils (might be in Pesach box) I need 'em
-Pull unopened sugar and tea packages for use during Pesach
-Wash all dirty dishes and empty dishwasher before taping up cabinets!! (Lesson from experience)
-Figure out whether I need to cover kitchen counters or if I can just clean them
-No food in outer rooms after this Friday - make sure to remind JD about this on Monday morning
-Check if I need foil pans for kugels Found a bunch in Pesach box
-Clean oven and stove
-After turning kitchen, clean new crockpot for use during Pesach

This Is How We Do It - Matzah Style

The great and powerful Kym asked me to elaborate on how my family and John Dear's family celebrate Pesach (Passover), and me, I'm a giver, so here's a rundown.

Note: The following addresses how we celebrate Pesach in our own way. Please don't let me know that we're doing things incorrectly or not in accordance with halachah (the rules).

The Story
As I learned in Hebrew School, Pesach is the Jewish celebration that commemorates our time as slaves in Egypt and that, after the ten plagues, the Jews escaped from bondage into the desert and, eventually, into Israel. The holiday is called "Passover" because the Angel of Death passed over the homes of the Jews (whose doorways had been marked with lamb's blood) during the last plague (the Killing of the First-Born).

We eat matzah during Pesach to remember that, when the Jews escaped Egypt, they did not have time to allow their bread dough to rise and so, packed the dough on their backs to back in the hot, desert sun. The dough baked into flat crackers, so now we have matzah.

No Chametz
During the eight days of Pesach, those who observe do not eat or drink anything that contains chametz (From Chabad: Any food that's made of grain and water that has been allowed to ferment and "rise." Any food that contains grain or grain derivatives can be, and often is, chametz. ) In fact, we clean our homes so that no trace of chametz is present (or seal cabinets with chametz in it so that we can't get into it during Pesach). This observance can (and in my house does) even extend to using different dishes, silverware, kitchen utensils, pots and pans, and glasses. We also use tablecloths so that our plates and food are not touching tables that might have absorbed or been touched by chametz, and cover counters and refrigerator shelves for the same reason.

My family is less observant and when we were growing up, our matzah-eating was confined to the Seder (the ritual dinner celebrating Pesach). Now that we are older, my siblings and I are more observant and keep to the no-chametz rule (though I'm probably the most observant of the three of us).

Generally speaking, JD's family is more observant during holidays than mine is, so when we married, and because my faith motivated me to do so, I became more observant.

The Seders
The first two nights of Pesach (and I think the last one, but we never observed it) we have seders (ritual dinners). At the seder, we read from a booklet called a haggadah that guides us through the prayers and the retelling of our time as slaves in Egypt and the escape from bondage. JD's family uses a traditional haggadah, while my family uses a compilation of a traditional haggadah and a nursery school haggadah that my mom put together.

In addition to matzah, there are several other traditional Pesach foods. We eat gefilte fish, (several kinds of fish mashed up and formed into fish meatballs), with matzah and horseradish. We also have chicken soup with matzah balls. My family traditionally has brisket and potato kugel (potato pudding) as well.

On the table, as the centerpiece, will be the seder plate. This is generally a large platter with places for the symbols of Passover:

1. Salt Water (symbolizing the tears of the slaves);
2. Parsley or other leafy green (another vegetable can be used - JD's family uses canned potatoes; which we eat dipped in the salt water);
3. Hard-Boiled or Roasted Egg (a symbol of the life cycle);
4. Roasted Lamb Shank (represents the sacrifice of the lamb at the Holy Temple in Jerusalem);
5. Bitter Herbs (commonly horseradish, a reminder of the bitterness of slavery);
6. Charoset (pronounced ha-row (like a boat)-set; a mixture of diced apple, nuts, raisins and honey that symbolizes the mortar mixed to build the pyramids).

We also have a cup of wine on the table for the Prophet Elijah who is supposed to visit every seder and drink from his cup.

For me, the highlight of our family seders is the talking, joking, singing and laughing that goes on throughout the meal. Oh, and the food, let's not forget that. :)

Pesach Prep

Here's why it would pay me to be organized and post lists in my house that John Dear would read: I now have 10 boxes of matzah. Ten! And not the good kind, the drier than a stale rice cake kind that JD likes. We only went through two of those boxes last year! So now I've got a matzah overload. Will have to make matzah brei for the entire building to get rid of this.

The following is more for my memory, but I'm posting the list to make myself accountable.

Total Days till Pesach: 13

Prep List for Pesach (in the order they appear in my head)
-Figure out where we're going for seders
-Discuss with Mom and SIL what we should bring
-Make meal plan and grocery list for all of Pesach
-Arrange with BFF to take chametz
-Clean out fridge
-Clean out silverware drawer
-Kasher silverware
-Find Pesach box (with Pesach dishes, pots and pans) in big living room mess (but might be in JD's office mess)
-Clean living room after spare furniture is given away this weekend
-Clean dining room table and cover
-Clean kitchen table and cover
-Buy tablecloths
-Tape cabinets shut (blue painter's tape is in living room, I think)
-Figure out what I've got left in house to use as meal plan for week before Pesach to use chametz (BFF gets what's left).
-Check if I need Pesach cooking utensils (might be in Pesach box)
-Pull unopened sugar and tea packages for use during Pesach (Rabbi says OK to use)
-Wash all dirty dishes and empty dishwasher before taping up cabinets!! (Lesson from experience)
-Figure out whether I need to cover kitchen counters or if I can just clean them
-No food in outer rooms after this Friday - make sure to remind JD about this on Monday morning
-Check if I need foil pans for kugels
-Redo clothing organization diagrams for JD and hang up (this has nothing to do with Pesach, just came to me)
-Clean oven and stove
-After turning kitchen, clean new crockpot for use during Pesach
-Big food processer is still kosher for passover; stop worrying about it
-Need (shoot! Computer crashed and now I don't know).

Other Voices

It's extremely difficult for me to articulate my thoughts regarding the "situation" in Israel these days. My friend, Shtetl Fabulous, wrote a post on this topic earlier, and I'd like to use her words to describe how I feel:

Just as I love America, despite her faults, I love Israel in the same way. Enthusiastically and unconditionally, but still with a few questions. And maybe that's why when times are tough in Israel, I will defend her to our enemies but will shrink from the front lines of rhetorical battle. Besides, healthy criticism is much easier when the rockets aren't raining down on you.

I find myself turning to the prayer that our congregation chants aloud during Rosh Hashanah services every year. This "Prayer for Our Country" often moves me to tears, especially when hearing everyone speak the last few lines. (H/t to Margalit for the quote and her wise post, prayer from Siddur Sim Shalom for Shabbat and Festivals.)

Our God and God of our ancestors: We ask Your blessings for our country — for its government, for its leaders and advisers, and for all who exercise just and rightful authority. Teach them insights from Your Torah, that they may administer all affairs of state fairly, that peace and security, happiness and prosperity, justice and freedom may forever abide in our midst.

Creator of all flesh, bless all the inhabitants of our country with Your spirit. May citizens of all races and creeds forge a common bond in true harmony, to banish hatred and bigotry, and to safeguard the ideals and free institutions that are the pride and glory of our country.

May this land, under your providence, be an influence for good throughout the world, uniting all people in peace and freedom — helping them to fulfill the vision of your prophet: ‘Nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they experience war any more’ (Isaiah 2:4). And let us say: Amen.

Nothing to See Here

I haven't been posting because there's nothing really new going on. Everything's just blah.

Tonight marks the beginning of Yom Kippur (y-oh-mm keyPUR), the Jewish day of atonement. It is one of the holiest days of the Jewish year. On Yom Kippur, Jews traditionally fast and pray to atone for the sins of the past year and recommit to the new year.

The service tonight is called Kol Nidre (cole ny-DRAY) after the first prayer in the service. I've always loved to hear Kol Nidre because it is such a beautiful and plaintive melody. The prayer is repeated three times and the cantor (essentially, the prayer leader) sings it softly the first time and gets louder each time he chants the prayer. The room is so quiet, I always feel like this prayer is the closest we get to speaking with G-D.

When we greet each other, we say "g'mar chatimah tovah," may you be sealed for a good year in the Book of Life. We also wish each other an easy fast.

So, may you have an easy fast and g'mar chatimah tovah to you all.

New Year's Wishes

My rabbi included the following poem in his Shabbat message this week. I liked it so much, I wanted to share it with all of you. My inclusions are in brackets.

In the new year which now begins, these are my wishes for you:

May you experience no earthquakes, no hurricanes, no floods, and no dinnertime phone solicitations.
And if they come, may you have a flashlight, a radio, a cell phone, water, food, and a siddur [prayer book] ready, just in case.

May you see a good play, hear a great opera, and see no flashing police lights behind you.

May strangers greet you with smiles, and little children with sticky kisses.

May you have enough wealth to be able to give to tzedakah [charity], and enough left over to provide you with necessities:

May you have bread to eat and cake as well,

May you have a roof over your head and clothing to wear,
And may you help provide them for the hungry, the homeless and the ragged.

May your stocks come back,
And may your bank stay open,
And may your interest rate fall,
And may the IRS leave you a full 30% of what you earn to call your own.

May you banish all thoughts and conversations about the coming elections
For these next ten days,
So that you avoid fights with members of your family and your friends,
And may you remember that, no matter who is elected,
According to Hebrew National,
They all have to answer to a Higher Authority.

May you forgive the candidates for what they say about each other,
And may you remember that no one is as perfect as he claims to be,
And no one is as terrible as his opponent claims he is,
And forget the promises that they all make---because they will, as soon as they are elected.

May you be able to decipher your electric bill, your telephone bill, your credit card bill, and your income tax forms,
And the tiny, tiny print at the bottom of all these documents,
Which says in essence that they don't mean what is written above in big print.

May you live long enough to be able to drive automobiles which do not run on fossil fuels
And may this happen before you become an old fossil yourself.
May those of us who drive SUVs be blessed with enough wealth
To be able to fill them with gasoline enough,
To get to the corner store and back,
And may we not have to choose between having enough money with which to buy gas with which to get to the grocery store,
And having enough money with which to buy groceries when we get there.
And may our children, for the sake of whom we bought these vehicles in the first place
Never yell or fight but sit quietly buckled up, with their hands folded,
And never once ask us: Are we there yet?

May you learn how to control your television set,
And may you learn to cope with all the new buttons on the controls,
And may there be something worth watching when you finally figure out how to start your TV.

May neither you, nor your computer, ever be infected by a virus.

May peace reign over Israel,
And may its children not have to sleep in bomb shelters any longer,
And may all of its leaders, like Natan Sharansky, be people who have gone to prison BEFORE they ascended to high office, and not afterwards.

May the world become safe to live in for all of G-D's children,
And may some parents learn that it is not necessary to strap explosives onto the bodies of their children in order to attain paradise,
But that instead paradise can be found here on earth, if people will only learn to live together in peace.

May you stop rushing long enough to realize
How blessed we are
To be able to enjoy this amazing planet on which we live,
And may we try hard not to spoil it.

And whether you pray in the words of the machzor [a Hebrew prayer book],
Or in your own words,
May you feel the presence of G-D around you,
And may you love your G-D, with all your heart, and all your soul, and all your might,
And may you know that G-D loves you too,
And may G-D give you a shana tova u'metukah,
A good and a sweet new year.

Amen.

Written by Rabbi Jacob Pressman

Rosh Hashanah

Just wanted to take a moment for all who read, comment, lurk, or pass through to thank you for your kind words, friendship and warmth. May we all enjoy a sweet new year! Shana Tova Umetukah!

Photo from Cooking Jewish; my challah, though I think it looks great, doesn't look that good.

New Year

Happy new year (sort of). I find that in my world there are three celebrations of the new year. First is September, the start of the school year. Even though I'm not in school, and don't have a child going to school, September always gives me the feeling that I can start over.

Second is Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. Rosh Hashanah is usually celebrated in September (the Jewish calendar is lunar, so holiday celebration dates on the solar ("regular") calendar change from year to year), so this helps add to my feelings that September is the start of something new, a chance to put things behind me and start fresh.

Third is the New Year's in January. This New Year's holiday usually helps me to recommit to whatever resolutions or plans that I made in September for that year.

What times/days of the year do you use to recommit, start afresh and begin again?

Rooting for the Underdog

In the Torah, a rainbow is the symbol of G-D's covenant with human beings that there will never be another flood, never another destruction of such epic proportions.

Do you think that this is a sign?

Yesterday, I saw the most beautiful and brightest rainbows that I've ever seen in my whole life. I've never been so happy for carrying my camera around with me.

I've been experiencing crampy feelings and pressure and some mild nausea for the past two days. I'm now 10 dpo.

Do you think that this is a sign?

Adventures in Search Engine-land

I recently was able to get Feedburner to keep track of how people reach my blog. Let me tell you, there are some interesting people out there in cyberspace, judging by what they enter into search engines.

"iui any BMI limit?"
Yes, dear reader. Unfortunately, most fertility clinics have BMI limits in order to attempt both IUI and IVF. As explained by my RE and Elle, my gonna-be-a-doctor sister, this limit is not tied to the ability to get pregnant nor to carry a pregnancy to term, but is instead related to any sedation that is administered during the procedure.

Anesthesia is fat-soluble, meaning that if you are overweight, the anesthesia can be absorbed into your fat cells. Sooner or later, usually after you've already left the clinic/hospital, the anesthesia processes out of your fat cells and you go back into a sedated state (read: not breathing). Hospital lawyers generally frown upon such liability-raising incidents.

I'm sorry that you are having to face this problem right now, especially when you are already on an IF journey. John Dear and I have joined Weight Watchers in the hopes that it will help us both to lose weight.

"mikvah after 6 clean days"
The count that I use, after much reading, as well as a discussion with my rabbi, is 5 days for your period (even if flow is shorter than that time) and then a week of clean days. I go to mikvah on the seventh day. Please discuss this with your rabbi or rebbetzin, as customs differ across communities.

"photo woman 5'3" 160 lbs."
Sorry to disappoint you, the weight requirement might be met eventually, but I'm too tall for your taste. May I suggest My Virtual Model? I use that site to figure out what I will look like at various weights.

And to the gentle reader who searched for "go on crazy gay boys," I would like to apologize for the inconvenience of my blog, which is long on the crazy, but terribly short on the gay boy amenities.

Non-Specific Title Here

Sitting at home, attempting to recuperate from a busy weekend. Ran around with BFF, running errands and preparing for her movers to (FINALLY) get here from Florida. Went to the CAPS game on Saturday night, where they clinched the Southeast Division title!!!! Didn't get nearly enough sleep this weekend and I've got a wicked sore throat, so I'm putting myself to bed early.

Just wanted to let y'all know that I'm alive and despite a fight with some black liquid eyeliner (um, the eyeliner won, but I still rocked it), I'm doing OK.

THIS WEEK:

• New sofa and chairs will be delivered tomorrow! Yay! No more Skeletor couches!
• Must fit in some cleaning for Pesach in, as I don't want to leave it all for the last minute. Will leave kitchen for next week, but would like to finish off the rest of the house this week.
• My company is having their annual conference this week so I may not be posting, but I'll try to update as soon as I get a chance.
• The CAPS start their playoff run against the Philadelphia Flyers* on Friday night (I have to be at my stupid conference). Would consider polygamy to be married to all the CAPS. Or at least a select few.
• Hoping that John Dear will be able to do an SA soon. Pretty much everything is waiting on that.

CAPS, please meet me at Camera One: OK, you guys can definitely beat the Flyers because you've done it time and time again. Plus, they suck, you are the team of destiny and we are all believers. Finally, you must beat the Flyers because The Princess (my brother's wife) is from Philly and is a Flyers fan and she sent an email last night talking smack about you. I responded in a very sportswomanlike manner and replied that I hope the match up is good and may the best team win. I have to warn you, though, if you lose to the Flyers, I will seriously reconsider you as several of my husbands. In closing, I'll paraphrase from that cinematic classic, Necessary Roughness, "I don't want to put any undue pressure on you guys, but Gennaro's final words were, 'Win, or I'll die.'"