Strange Phenomenon

Sunday night around 9 p.m., Kathy and I were flying over Washington, D.C., landing in Dulles to make a connecting flight to Newark. We were sitting on opposite sides of the airplane, and both noticed the same strange phenomenon. We didn't talk about it at the time, but I mentioned it to Kathy a few hours later, and she said, "You saw that, too?"

Here's what we saw: Lights in specific areas of the city were blurry -- but strangely, there were areas night nearby where the lights were sharp and distinct. The blurry lights--whether they were street lights, building lights, or the head or tail lights of cars -- looked somehow rounder than they should have, as if blurred by a computer effect. It made me think of how satellite photos of sensitive areas are blurred out by Google Maps... but, of course, these weren't photos. This was real life.

I've no idea what caused this. Atmospheric conditions seem the most likely cause, but there were also places we could see lights clearly. Other notions that crossed my mind were that the government had set up subtle cloaking technology over D.C., to help prevent attacks. Or, that were were actually staring down into Google Maps, and were experiencing The Matrix as we flew over (and landed in it, and are living in it, still). Maybe Agents will be after me just for writing this.

Anyway, I would have forgotten about it, if Kathy hadn't noticed it too, and independently of me. But now I wonder: Trick of the light and air, cloaking technology, or a privileged glimpse to see how far down the rabbit hole goes?

Rob

A Big Day For Petr Prucha And Other Stories

When I watch hockey games with Kathy, I'm always impressed by the play-by-play. The game moves so fast that the announcers have to speak in short, declarative sentences so they can move on to the next declarative sentence. The result often sounds like a series of children's book titles:

Drury Drops It In

Lundqvist Keeps Control

Rozsival Takes a Hit

Dubinski Sends It Back

When I'm in a whimsical mood, I imagine there's a whole shelf with books like this in Canadian elementary school libraries.

Rob

Chicago is Bizarro Philly

A couple of months ago, on facebook, I got a friend request from someone I didn't know. He was Rob Staeger, from Chicago, Illinois. Not many people have the same name as me, so I friended him. At first I thought of him as my evil twin, but then I realized: He's a tall blond guy, and I'm a short bald guy with a goatee. Who's really the evil one here?

So I made my peace with being an evil twin... until I got hit with the newest monkeywrench.

I got a notification that one of my facebook friends became facebook friends with another one of my facebook friends through the "people you may know" tool. These two guys are from totally different parts of my life, though they might have some similar interests. But I thought: How does Tom know Greg?

That's when I found out: He doesn't know my Greg at all. There's another Greg Miller in Chicago, Illinois. And he's tall and blond, as opposed to the short, bald, bearded Greg Miller I know.

Reality is collapsing upon itself. We are duplicating at an alarming rate. Soon, Robs and Gregs (and Jeffs and Andys and Chrisses and Tims and Bills and Toms) will be appearing in other cities -- redheaded ones in Knoxville, older versions in Milwaukee. A Pakistani version of us will apear in Paris; we'll all be lefthanded in Prague. We will crowd the planet with our expanding geekery. Nowhere is safe.

Fear the future.

Rob

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Rob

The Nova Scotia Board of Tourism

Drinking doesn’t necessarily give me bad dreams…but sometimes it lets me wake up with bad notions. I got this idea soon after (during?) waking up this morning after a night of drinking strong beer with my friend Mike. The worst part is, I can’t convince myself it’s a truly bad idea.

It’s an idea for a Saturday Night Live sketch – a recurring one, in fact, called the Nova Scotia Board of Tourism. It stars a set of twin sisters as representatives of Nova Scotia in New York City, and they go about trying to raise Nova Scotia’s profile by horning in on whatever press conference is nearby. Some of their questions are about Nova Scotia (“What’s your stance on Lobster imports, Snoop Dogg?”) while most of the time they’re just trying to raise their own profile by asking what to them sound like hard-hitting questions:

Isn’t this just a case of connecting the dots, Congressman? Isn’t this just a simply matter of two times two equals five?”

“Um, two times two doesn’t equal five.”

“Then what times two times two equals five? Tell me that, congressman. And no fraction double-talk.”

Like I said, I’m not certain it’s a bad idea. But it’s hardly a slam-dunk good one.

Rob

New Diet Plan

I've decided to become a ninjatarian. From now on, I shall eat only ninjas.

Problem is, they're so hard to find...

Rob