T. Suzanne Eller

"There is joy for those who deal justly with others and always do what is right." Psalm 106:3 (NLT)

"I don't like the holidays," I whispered.

I used to love holidays. Before I was married. Before I felt the pull to be everywhere at the same time. Before any decisions that I made left someone upset or angry or feeling left out.

I struggled with a desire to be home, to start my own traditions with my young children and husband. We were the first to be married in both families, and thus the first to break "how it's always been."

Thanksgiving was a time to be thankful. All I felt was stretched thin. Christmas was a time to be joyous but I usually felt frustrated.

As we had children, I tried to mask my frustration with enthusiasm. We had fun setting out pumpkins. We decorated the house. But inside I wrestled because I knew what was coming.

Looking back, I wonder why I didn't say anything. Instead, I simply let it fester. I didn't take into account that if I kept silent things would never change. I just simmered in anger.

Deal with others, but do what is right.

Thirty years later, I treasure the holidays. It took time, but we finally learned to share our needs. "Trying to be everywhere in such a short time is exhausting," we said.

We began by trying to see other's point of view. An empty nest left gaps that traditions used to fill. We didn't approach in anger, but with a willingness to work through the conflict with honesty and grace.

Some were open. Others were not, especially in the beginning. If they were flexible, we rejoiced. If not, we didn't take it personally. Change takes time.

Perhaps the greatest gift that we received came later. When our children married, suddenly there were several families in the mix. We told our children that it's not the date on the calendar that makes holidays special. It's the heart behind the holidays. It's spending time with people you love.

So, sometimes we get together on Thanksgiving, or maybe the week after. Maybe it's Christmas only, while Thanksgiving is spent with other family members. If they aren't with us on a specific day, my husband and I fill that time with a new tradition--just the two of us.

What we discovered is that by letting go, they come more often because there's no pressure. They let us in on their traditions. Regardless of the date, when we do get together it's so fun! It's a gift.

Maybe you've been singing the holiday blues. What is one step that you can take to change your tune?

Dear Lord, thank You for my family. I'm grateful for so many things, and one of those is family who loves me enough to want to be with me. Help me to share my needs with my loved ones, and to do it with grace and gentleness. Help me not to take it personal as they struggle with change. If I am the one that is inflexible, help me to bend and grow. Help me to be thankful every day for all that I have been given. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You Know Him?

Visit Suzie’s blog where she is doing a “Holiday” give-away!

The Mom I want to be: Rising above Your Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future by T. Suzanne Eller

25 Days, 26 Ways to Make this Your Best Christmas Ever by Ace Collins

Click here for great ideas of how you can include others who may be in the same boat as you!


Application Steps:
Have you shared your needs? Articulate them on paper.

Share them at the right time, in the right attitude.

Don't take responses personally. Change takes time.

Exchange the holiday blues for a new song. Worship God as you thank Him for all the good things around you.

Reflections:
If I am the one struggling with change, am I willing to be flexible?

Instead of focusing on a specific date, I can focus on the heart of the holiday.

I'll write down all the things for which I am thankful to share with my children.

Power Verses:
Psalm 106:1-2, "Praise the Lord! Give thanks to the Lord, for his is good! His faithful love endures forever. Who can list the glorious miracles of the Lord? Who can ever praise him enough?" (NLT)

© 2010 by T. Suzanne Eller. All rights reserved.

Labels: Balance, God's Perspective, Homemaking, Overcoming Anger, Parenting, Relationships, Trusting God

T. Suzanne Eller

"Settle matters quickly with your adversary..." Matthew 5:25a (NIV)

"Do you think we could stop by the auction on the way home from church?" I asked.

Hanging out at auctions isn't my husband's favorite thing, but he said yes. I noted that his voice lacked enthusiasm. "We don't have to go if you don't want to," I said. Then I calmly brought up an event from two months earlier. A time I had felt disappointed.

To be honest, he didn't have a fighting chance.

We arrived at church, tension hanging between us. Worship was wonderful. The sermon was great. But all I could hear was the gentle voice of the Holy Spirit showing me how I had used my words to pin my husband in a corner. I reached for his hand and apologized. He willingly forgave me.

When we think of anger we often think of destructive anger. Words and actions that violate and separate. But that's not how most of us operate. For many, our anger is cool and calm on the outside as we hide the resentment on the inside. Over time it becomes toxic, seeping out in seemingly innocent comments or hidden behind a wall that loved ones cannot penetrate.

Be angry and sin not.

Maybe you push anger down because you believe it is a sin. The reality is that we are going to be disappointed, even in the strongest relationships. Normal families do have conflict. We will get angry at the people we love the most. Anger in itself is not the sin; it's simply an emotion. Anger only becomes toxic when we use it to hurt others or ourselves.

Listen and be slow to speak.

I wasn't angry about the auction, or even my husband's lack of enthusiasm. College classes and other family obligations were taking large chunks of my husband's time. I longed for unscheduled time with my husband.

That was the real issue, something we could work through.

I needed not only to listen to the Holy Spirit to view the real issue, but to listen to my husband's perspective. In spite of my calm demeanor, Richard felt like he was fighting ghosts. My passive aggressive approach made it impossible for Richard to participate in a healthy conversation.

Settle matters quickly.

This incident may seem small, but how many fractured and broken relationships are due to once-small issues that festered under the surface for years? Toxic anger rarely ignites instantly, but simmers as the fire is fed until it burns out of control.

Healthy conflict means that you work through issues immediately, though never in the heat of an argument. It's admitting when we are wrong, and forgiving others for their shortcomings. It's putting yesterday behind us and starting fresh.

Hold up your wounds to the Healer.

Maybe you've been wounded and anger has become your defense mechanism. Are you willing to allow Christ to heal those wounds? When I look at my heart I find scars of old conflicts, but I'm not ashamed of those scars because a scar by its very definition implies healing.

Those marks remind me of the love of Christ, and to never let toxic anger rob me of living and loving fully.

Heavenly Father, I'm angry and I'm hurting. I've let small things become big things that are threatening my well-being, and my relationships. Give me the words to say, and keep the words that I shouldn't say from my lips. I offer my wounds to You today. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:

Labels: Balance, Forgiveness, Overcoming, Overcoming Anger, Spiritual Growth, Time with God, Trusting God, Walking in Faith

Lynn Cowell

"The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." Proverbs 14:1 (NIV)

Boiling point. That is what I had reached as I sat on the floor in my office thinking, "How did I get here?" Was it the discovery of a third needed root canal in my son's mouth only one week before he started college? Maybe it was the discussion of who was going to take over his room when he left? It was also my daughter's new job which required me to provide transportation right in the middle of the day. I guess at that point it didn't really matter. I could feel a slow boil in my heart and I feared an explosion was nearing the surface.

Proverbs 14:1 instructed me that morning with exactly what I needed to hear, "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down" (NIV).

The choice was and is mine: to be part of the divine design or the devil's demolition. My kids don't make me blow up. My husband doesn't cause me to feel exasperated. Proverbs makes it pretty clear, it's my choice.

That is a lot of power. I think, at least in America where for years women have fought for equal rights, we've missed this enormous amount of power that we have held since Eve was created: the power to build a home.

We hear of women who build innovative businesses and women who build influential ministries, but how about women who build solid homes, investing in lifelong marriages and raising up godly children as the next generation? Proverbs says this woman is wise. Never mind what society says is valuable and praiseworthy. This power is of utmost importance. This tremendous power that is within us is the power to build or destroy and we, the women of the home, hold it.

Learning to wield this power isn't something that just happens. Jesus gives insight in Matthew 12:34 when He says that out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. Our mouths are one of our primary tools. So, what is the mouth's source? Our heart.

That is why we have to be so careful what we allow to linger there. Is it positive thoughts about our kid's, their behavior, their future, their friends? Do we think good things about our husbands throughout the day, thankful for their hard work, grateful for their companionship?

If our mouths are currently being used to tear down instead of build up, it's time for a heart overhaul; time to get the thoughts that we dwell on lined up with the good that is right under our roof.

Friend, I hope you will join me, inviting the Holy Spirit to empower you today to build your home. Look for ways to invest and opportunities to hold back those words that tear down. He wants to make us builders. Let's say "yes"!

Lord, I want to build today. I can see what this day holds: driving in carpool, washing dirty clothes, making another supper and learning third grade math…again. Open my eyes and shut my mouth when my actions are leaning toward destruction. May I choose inspiration, not irritation. Make me a builder empowered by your Holy Spirit with strength and wisdom. Thank You for this incredible opportunity. May I make You proud! Amen.

Related Resources:
The Mom I Want to Be: Rising Above Your Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future by T. Suzanne Eller

Would you like more ideas on how to build a bridge to your child’s heart? Stop by Lynn’s blog for an opportunity to win her teaching CD on doing just that.

What a Husband Needs from His Wife by Melanie Chitwood

She's Gonna Blow! Real Help For Dealing With Mom Anger by Julie Ann Barnhill

Application Steps:
Start a Bible study with some friends or neighbors choosing to focus on either marriage or raising kids. Click here to find some great studies to help you get started.

Visit our Everyday Life section to read more encouraging articles on family life.

Reflections:
What time of the day do you find most difficult when it comes to being a woman who builds and invests positively in your family?

In addition to spending time in prayer and reading God's Word, what do you need to do to be successful in building up your home: accountability with friends, more sleep, a better diet, exercise?

Power Verses:
Proverbs 14:8, "The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways, but the folly of fools is deception." (NIV)

© 2010 by Lynn Cowell. All rights reserved.

Labels: Balance, Contentment, Overcoming, Overcoming Anger, Parenting, Relationships, Trusting God

Karen Ehman

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling." I Peter 4:8-9 (NIV)

"Okay ladies," the guest speaker urged as she wrapped up her talk to my moms group that night, "Now go home and be friendly in your homes."

Ouch! Had she been in my home just a few hours earlier? "Friendly" was far from the way I had acted toward my brood. Unkind? Yes. Snippy? Certainly. Even caustic and cutting? Well, if I were honest, I'd have to declare a resounding yes.

Just what made this Jesus-professing mama behave in such an un-Christ-like manner earlier that evening? Had someone acted rudely toward me? Did my kids disrespect me or my husband utter something hurtful? Just what pushed my interior emotional buttons and sent me verbally over the edge?

Soiled socks. Smeared strawberry jam. Trailing bread crumbs. Dirty silverware and plates. And notebooks.

Oh, it wasn't just the presence of these items that sent ugly words soaring out of my mouth. It was the fact that, just moments earlier, I had spent vast time and great effort getting our great room spic-and-span clean. That meant a living area devoid of clutter, kitchen counters and tables wiped, all floors vacuumed and surfaces dusted. I wanted the house tidied up so my husband and kids could just relax while I was gone.

Then, in the short time it took to change from my daytime outfit of jeans and a t-shirt into something more suited for a night with the girls, spruce up my hair, add a dab of make-up and grab my purse, my kiddos had, in my eyes, completely undone all my hard work! They'd whipped off their socks, made a snack of toasted homemade bread slathered with strawberry jam and strewn their weekly scripture memory books from a program at church all over the place. It made my mama blood boil and resulted in feisty, not friendly words.

I was working on a book on hospitality at the time and had been unpacking today's key verse for my readers. I wanted to drive home the fact that hospitality—using our homes and lives as avenues of God's care for others—and love—the sacrificial placing of another human being above yourself—are closely connected. And, the most important element, we must both love and offer hospitality to others without grumbling. You know, be friendly!

Now, for the most part, aren't we able to do that when we have guests in our home? We smile and serve and really don't get upset at crumbs and such. We happily wipe them up. Why is this so? And on a grander scale, why do we find it much easier to be friendly to complete strangers than to our own flesh and blood? Do our tempers stay in check with the grocery store cashier or even the dentist (whom I hate to see twice each year, for crying out loud!)?

Why is it so easy to snap at our kids, give our husbands the cold shoulder, or roll our eyes at a dear family member, but remain gracious with those we meet in public, even when they do something that really grinds us?

I fear that many of us live out just such a contradiction in our daily lives. And just what lasting pictures are our cherished children depositing into their memory banks? "Mom held it together when the dry cleaners completely ruined her favorite sweater, but she yelled at me for accidentally spilling grape juice on the floor." Oh, sisters, this should not be!

Perhaps it is time to offer some friendly hospitality to the members of our own home; to keep our tempers in check and our grumbling at bay; to let perfect love wash over a multitude of sins. Not the jelly-smeared, crumb-laden kind, but the hideous-word-hurling, mama-mouthed variety.

Oh may we Jesus-lovin' women choose to hesitate before we hurl. Rather than feisty, may we be friendly instead.

Dear Lord, forgive me for the times I take out my temper on my family. I want instead to act like You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
For more on this topic and a chance to win a basket of family-friendly fun with a copy of her hospitality book A Life that Says Welcome, visit Karens blog

Sharing Grace- Family Traditions-Gift ideas (E-Book) by LeAnn Rice

She's Gonna Blow! Real Help for Dealing With Mom Anger by Julie Ann Barnhill

What a Husband Needs from His Wife by Melanie Chitwood

Reflections:
Do you know people who remain calm when they want to snap instead? What makes them choose the better reaction? If you can't figure it out, ask them!

Power Verses:
Romans 12:9-10, "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves." (NIV)

© 2010 by Karen Ehman. All rights reserved.

Labels: Forgiveness, Homemaking, Marriage, Overcoming Anger, Parenting, Perseverance, Purity, Spiritual Growth

Application Steps:
Take a moment to think about the words spoken in your home. Are they laced with tones of harshness? Bitterness? Envy? What can you do today to begin to improve these words and tones?

Reflections:
Ask the Lord to help you shine a light on all of the words that are spoken within the walls of your home so you can recognize any flaws and begin to change them. Growth and a change of direction can only begin when we can see and admit there is an issue.

Power Verses:
Philippians 2:5, "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus." (NIV)

Philippians 1:9-10, "And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ." (NIV)

© 2010 by Lysa TerKeurst. All rights reserved.

Labels: Balance, Overcoming Anger, Parenting, Patience, Perseverance, Relationships, Spiritual Growth

Lysa TerKeurst

"A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back." Proverbs 29:11 (NKJV)

Yesterday, I was just mindlessly looking out the window of an airport watching a few seagulls dart about overhead while airline workers were busy loading bags. Nothing about the scene outside the airport window spoke of danger. But then suddenly I remembered the flight from New York a while back that was brought down by a few geese. The seagull that faded into the background just moments before became a point of extreme interest to me. What if?

It's amazing if you stop to think about it that a huge airplane could be brought down by just a few birds. Birds. Who would have thought? It makes me think about other seemingly small things that can cause great destruction as well… especially when it comes to marriage.

Words vented in frustration can seem so small.

Slightly disrespectful attitudes can seem so small.

Complaining about lack of finances can seem so small.

Brushing off his desires can seem so small.

Making mental lists of things you wish were different about him can seem so small.
But each one of these seemingly small things can so easily and tragically wedge itself into the core of a marriage and send it spiraling toward destruction. Entire families have been ripped apart by things that once seemed so small.

Listen to the heartbreak in this note that was anonymously posted on my blog:

"Girls...I know this seems small...but, it's really not. Take it from someone who has blown it more times in marriage than not. Now I have blown it enough to make myself a single mom. It's too late for me. But, it's not for you. Please be aware of the little things. I wouldn't have you join me for anything in the world. Be on your guard and protect your marriage."… Anonymous

I am challenged by this. I can't just mindlessly assume that my marriage is coasting along okay and that little problems can't topple even the most seemingly stable of legacies. I can't get complacent. I can't get prideful. I can't get lazy. I can't take the gift of my marriage for granted.

I have a great marriage but sometimes I slip into automatic and stop getting as intentional as I should about investing richly and deeply into our relationship. So, I've decided to declare this my get intentional week. Today I'm focusing on my words. I'm praying for God to interrupt my mouth at every turn today. I am going to hold my tongue against saying anything careless. I am going to intentionally use my words as gifts to my husband today and nothing else.

Not that one day of doing this can protect my marriage forever- but it sure is a good start. Care to join me? Oh you know there will be challenges ahead sweet sister, but I'm up for it. What about you?

Dear Lord, help me to realize that with each word I speak, I am making the choice to bless or to curse. Please help me to speak words that are pleasing to You - even when my emotions run high and my feelings beg me to betray this commitment. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Leave your prayer requests on Lysa’s blog today. It would be her complete honor and privilege to pray for your marriage and whatever circumstances you are facing right now.

Lysa is speaking in over 40 cities this year and she’d love to meet you!

If you identify with tough life circumstances and insecurities, consider getting a copy of Lysa’s latest book, Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl

The accompanying DVD teaching series contains six 15-20 minute sessions, perfect for your Bible Study group or neighborhood Book Club! Pair it with the Bible Study workbook.

Application Steps:
Identify the areas of your marriage you may be struggling with – complacency, pride, laziness.

Look up verses in God's Word that address each.

Spend intentional time in prayer this week for your marriage and your husband.

Reflections:
What have I said recently to my spouse that seemed so small initially?

What have I done recently to my spouse that seemed so small initially?

What have I thought recently about my spouse that seemed so small initially?

Power Verses:
Proverbs 15:1, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (NIV)

Psalm 19:14, "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer." (NIV)

Philippians 4:13, "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." (NIV)

© 2010 by Lysa TerKeurst. All rights reserved.

Labels: Balance, God's Perspective, Marriage, Overcoming Anger, Patience, Purity, Relationships, Spiritual Growth

Lysa TerKeurst

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1 (NIV)

When I was in my early twenties, there was nothing I disliked more than conflict. I won't use the tired cliché that I avoided it like the plague. But, since I just used it anyhow, I'll admit I tried to navigate around conflict at any cost.

I was a 'stuff it and smile' kind of girl. The problem with pretending to be fine when you're really not, is all that pent up steam will eventually come out. And if you've ever held your hand too close to steam, you know how it can burn.

A much healthier approach to the inevitable conflicts we all must deal with is to face the issue head on with grace and humility having asked ourselves one very crucial question. This question is so crucial that might I dare say not asking it could lead to extreme conflict escalation rather than relationship restoration.

So, what's this crucial question?

Am I trying to prove or improve? That's the question. In other words, is my desire in this conflict to prove that I am right or to improve the relationship at hand?

When I try to prove I am right, I use the circumstances of the conflict as an arsenal to attack the other person. I come armed with past hurts and offenses ready to state my case. I'm tempted to tear down the other person. I react from a place of hurt and anger and can often say things I later regret.

On the other hand, when my desire is to improve the relationship, I seek to understand where the other person is coming from and I care enough about the relationship to fight for it rather than against it. Instead of reacting out of anger, I pause and let the Holy Spirit interrupt my first impulses. I tackle the issues, not the person.

Here are some great questions to ask when we're dealing with conflict out of a desire to improve a relationship:

• Can you help me understand why you feel this way?
• Why don't we both agree to stick to the issue at hand and not pull in past issues?
• What is your desired outcome in this situation?
• How can we meet in the middle on this issue?

My husband I have renamed what we used to call "fights." We now call them "growth opportunities." And the more we've been practicing these principles, the less conflicts we've been having.

But I won't tie this devotion up in a neat bow and end all "cheerio." While Art and I are doing great right now and have had very few "growth opportunities" lately, conflicts with others seem to always be around the corner. So please hear my heart, I'm not saying all of this is easy. Just this week I've had to tackle some growth opportunities that made me feel like I had fire crackers burning through my veins.

Maybe you can relate.

What I will say is that it's possible to let those conflicts lead us to better places in our relationships. Improved places. And that is the good side of conflict.

Dear Lord, help me to realize that with each conflict I face I can make the choice to improve the relationship rather than try and prove I'm right. This is hard, Lord, really hard. But, I want to grow in this area and I know this is a good place to start. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:

For another conflict resolution tip, visit Lysa’s blog today. Just for visiting, www.LysaTerKeurst.com you’ll get a free resource being offered today!

Lysa will be speaking in over 40 cities this year and would love to meet you! To check for a city near you, click here.

If you identify with this devotion, consider getting a copy of Lysa’s latest book, Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl

The accompanying DVD teaching series contains 6 sessions lasting 15-20 minutes each for only $24.99! Perfect for your Bible Study group or a neighborhood book club. The Bible Study workbook can be found by clicking here.
________________________________________

When you purchase resources through Proverbs 31 Ministries, you touch eternity because your purchase supports the many areas of hope-giving ministry we provide at no cost. We wish we could, but we simply can't compete with prices offered by huge online warehouses. Therefore, we are extremely grateful for each and every purchase you make with us. Thank you! ________________________________________

Application Steps:
Take time to pause before jumping into any conflict resolution. Sometimes a simple pause is all that's needed to remember to attack the problem at hand and not the person. Keep in mind it's more important to improve the relationship than prove we are right.

Reflections:
How might it help your next conflict resolution attempt to use these questions?
• Can you help me understand why you feel this way?
• Why don't we both agree to stick to the issue at hand and not pull in past issues?
• What is your desired outcome in this situation?
• How can we meet in the middle on this issue?

Power Verses:
Ephesians 4:29, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (NIV)

© 2010 by Lysa TerKeurst. All rights reserved.

Labels: Balance, Forgiveness, Friendships, Overcoming Anger, Patience, Perseverance, Relationships, Spiritual Growth, Trusting God

Melanie Chitwood

"Trust in Him at all times, O people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us." Psalm 62:8 (NASB)

Disappointment feels like a heavy rock sinking to the bottom of my spirit. I've felt disappointed in many situations – a business opportunity that didn't pan out, a writing door that didn't open, and a relationship that broke my young heart.

The heaviest disappointments for me, however, stem from people. And not just any people; people who I'm closest to. People who turn out to be not at all what I hoped they'd be, or not who I thought they were.

I know I'm not alone in wondering how to deal with people who let me down. Just this week a friend said with a choke in her voice, "I wish my mom and I could be closer, but I don't think we ever will be." Another woman said with despondency, "My husband and I just don't talk." I've heard the edge of bitterness in women's voices as they vow never to trust again because of a friend's betrayal. And most of us have swallowed the hopelessness that comes with a broken heart, "I thought he was the one."

I've tried different ways to handle disappointments in relationships. One way is to ignore the disappointment, to shut it in a box and hope the lid holds. Another way is to gloss over it with a quick statement such as, "People will let you down, but God never will." True, but does this really help me process the hurt?

One morning in my quiet time I was pouring out my sadness, anger and disappointment about a close relationship. As the tears slipped down my face, I begged God to show up. What do I do with all this? Show me and I'll do it because what I've been doing is not working.

Clear as a bell ringing in my spirit, Jesus said, Grieve.

Really? I questioned. I remembered that Jesus knew all about disappointment – Peter's denial, Judas' betrayal, and the disciples falling asleep during His anguish before His crucifixion (Matthew 26). I remembered people in the Bible who were well acquainted with people they loved letting them down, such as Joseph or Job. I felt reassured that Jesus wouldn't misunderstand my sadness as a lack of faith.

So I cried, feeling every ounce of the disappointment. I told God all the things I wish were different about this relationship, all the things I thought this person had done wrong, and what I wish this person would do differently.

After the winds of grief subsided, I was done. Grieving was the bridge I had to cross to move beyond the disappointment. On the other side I found myself in a place where I could embrace the relationship for what it is, not what it's not.

On the other side of grief lies a place where we can consider how to respond to the person who disappointed us. There are a number of possible responses. Sometimes we need to talk to the person or get godly counsel. Other times we may need to create healthy boundaries, or we may need just to let it go. Only after we've allowed ourselves to grieve, however, will we know how to respond to this person in the way that God wants. Then the words, "People will let you down, but God never will," will be truly comforting, not just empty words.

Dear Lord, I'm so thankful that when it feels like no one else understands, You do. You understand about being disappointed in people but You loved them in the midst of that. Lord, I want to follow Your example. I'm thankful You know this sadness is a part of healing from the pain of disappointment. Give me guidance in handling this -I trust that You can bring good out of this. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Visit Melanie’s blog What Matters Most

Struggling with disappointment in your marriage? Consider Melanie’s books What a Husband Needs from His Wife and What a Wife Needs from Her Husband

The Friends We Keep: A Woman's Quest for the Soul of Friendship by Sarah Zacharias Davis

Share in God’s grace with our free resource, Just a Little Heart Cleaning

Application Steps:
Be honest with yourself as you consider someone who has let you down. Have you grieved over the disappointment? Take time to be alone, to be sad, and to cry if you need to. Let go of bitterness, anger, hurt and unforgiveness. Then ask the Holy Spirit to give you discernment about what to do next in this relationship.

Reflections:
Have I unsuccessfully tried to deny that I am hurt or angry by this disappointing relationship?

Is it possible that I've depended on this person more than God?

How does God what to use this disappointment in my life?

Power Verses:
Psalm 42:11, "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." (NIV)

Psalm 94:19b "When I was upset and beside myself, you calmed me down and cheered me up." (MES)

Lamentations 3:23, "…Great is your faithfulness." (NAS)

© 2010 by Melanie Chitwood. All rights reserved.

Labels: Balance, Contentment, Overcoming, Overcoming Anger, Perseverance, Relationships, Spiritual Growth, Trusting God, Waiting On God

Lysa TerKeurst

"Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow me.'" Matthew 16:24 (NIV)

Yesterday we were driving back from the joy called the beach vacation. All total we logged over 20 hours in the car. It was family bonding at its finest.

So, this is what I hear from the backseat:

Ashley: "Mom, Brooke just licked my hash brown! Ewwwwww!"

Me: "Brooke, why would you lick your sister's hash brown for heaven's sake?"

Brooke: "Because my arm hurts."

Me: "Oh. Well that just makes complete sense."

There may have been 127 other instances where the soundtrack of my life was, "Mom…she poked me and she is on my side and she just spilled her drink and she took my book."

My kids were getting on the last good nerve I had and I could feel an emotional eruption bubbling to the surface.

Do you ever struggle with the mean mom trying to come out? Or the mean girl? Or the mean sister? Or the mean wife?

How is it I can be marching along to the sweetest tune and then veer off so suddenly into a bad attitude?

I wish there was one simple fix-it plan where if we follow three steps all tendencies toward emotional eruptions would vanish. But that's not reality. If all we needed to follow was a plan, we'd have no need to follow Jesus.

And ultimately isn't that what life is supposed to show us - that we need to follow Jesus? So what does Jesus say about this? He says we must do three things. But these aren't three easy steps. They are three attitude shifts of the heart.

He says we have to deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow Him (Matthew 16:24).

Deny myself…

I have to look beyond the emotions begging to erupt and use self-control. I have to deny myself the momentary satisfaction of the quick comeback, the rude response, and the full out yelling.

Deny myself. It's hard. But it is the way with Jesus.

Then I must take up my cross…

My cross. Stop the blaming and finger pointing and wishing everyone else would change…and see my sinful reaction as a negative contribution to the problem at hand. I must take my issues to His cross and see my sin for what it is - sin. And I must be disgusted enough by my sin to truly want to do something about it.

Take up my cross. It's hard. But it is the way with Jesus.

Finally, I must follow Him…

Really follow Him. Follow who He is and how He is. I must close my mouth, pause long enough to let Him interrupt my eruption, and let His Spirit redirect me. Yes, my children need to be corrected but I can let the consequences scream so I don't have to. Only a calm mama can think of rational, reasonable consequences that instruct.

Follow who He is and how He is. It's hard. But it is the way with Jesus.

It's amazing how quickly my mean mom vanishes when I deny myself, admit my sin, and choose to let Jesus interrupt me.

Just don't be messin' with my hash brown if your arm starts hurting. Okay? I have to draw the line somewhere you know.

Dear Lord, please interrupt my natural flesh pattern today. I desire to change. I need to change. I realize and admit that I need You, Lord. Help me to stop the blaming and finger pointing once and for all. Help me to follow in Your footsteps today. I want to seek You with all of my heart. For I know that those who seek You will find You. Thank You for this promise. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Visit Lysa’s interactive website today for an article every mom should read, plus a chance to win a free book!

Lysa is speaking in over 40 cities this year and she’d love to meet you! Next month she’ll be in Atlanta at Charles Stanley’s church and in Seattle with Jennifer Rothschild at Fresh Grounded Faith.

And if you’d like to transform the mean girl inside you, consider getting a copy of Lysa’s Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl.

The accompanying Bible Study workbook and DVD teaching series, which contains six sessions 15-20 minutes each, are perfect for your Bible Study group or Book Club.

Application Steps:
Do you struggle with your mean girl trying to come out? Ask a faithful friend to hold you accountable to change. It may be difficult to share this personal struggle, but having this honest accountability can make all the difference in the world.

Pray and record verses of God's promises and truths.

Reflections:
How do you deny yourself, pick up your cross and follow Him? Begin each day admitting to the Lord that you are dependent on Him. Ask Him to help you guide your words, your thoughts and your reactions in a way that would be pleasing to Him.

How do you begin to shift the attitude in your heart? The Lord promises to help those whose hearts are seeking Him. Are you seeking Him?

Power Verses:
Acts 17:28, "For in him we live and move and have our being." (NIV)

Ecclesiastes 12:6-7, "Remember him – before the silver cord is severed, or the golden bowl is broken; before the pitcher is shattered at the spring, or the wheel broken at the well, and the dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it." (NIV)

Ecclesiastes 12:13, "Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man." (NIV)

© 2010 by Lysa TerKeurst. All rights reserved.

Labels: Balance, Overcoming Anger, Parenting, Perseverance, Relationships, Spiritual Growth

Melanie Chitwood

"We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5 (NAS)

It's 6:00 and you've got a delicious dinner ready for your family. Your husband calls at 6:30 to explain he's running late - he's going to have to grab a quick sandwich, change into his softball clothes and rush to the softball game starting at 7:00.

Softball game? you think to yourself. What softball game?

Before you can even hang up the phone, you find your mind filled with some "stinkin' thinkin'" about your husband and marriage. I am so sick of cooking dinners that he never even eats. I know he probably told me about that softball game, but I forgot and besides, he should be home. Great, I'll be home alone cleaning up the kitchen and putting the kids to bed, same old, same old. I think I'll just make plans for one night this week and "forget" to tell him about them.

Maybe this scenario has played out in your marriage. Maybe the situation is somewhat different but the stinkin' thinkin' sure rings true. You find yourself dwelling on and repeating to yourself destructive thoughts such as:

"He's so selfish. He never thinks about what's best for me, just for himself."

"He should know what I need by now. After all, we've been married five years."

"This marriage is not working out. I was crazy to marry him in the first place."

Stinkin' thinkin' in marriage will allow the dangerous weeds of bitterness and resentment to take root. These weeds will choke out intimacy, peace, and closeness in our marriages. We may find ourselves being irritable, harsh, distant, angry or unforgiving toward our spouse. We may even find ourselves thinking about or moving toward divorce.

If we're battling stinkin' thinkin', God provides strategies to combat these thoughts. First, we need to ask God to make us aware of any stinkin' thinkin' that might harm our marriage. Secondly, we need to confess these destructive thoughts to the Lord. Third, we need to ask God to take our thoughts captive to Him (2 Corinthians 10:5). Fourth, we need to replace the lies with God's truth.

Following this strategy in the above situation might lead to these improved thoughts:

"I'm mad and I want to lash out at him. Lord, help me be patient and not provoked."

"I know he needs some time to relax by doing something he loves."

"Give us a time later to talk, Lord, so I can explain to him in a calm way that I need some time for refreshment too. Maybe we can make plans for a date night next week."

Awareness of our thoughts about our husband and marriage is so important because our thoughts lead to our attitudes in marriage, and our attitudes lead to actions. When our thoughts are submitted to the lordship of Christ, we'll react in ways that build closeness with our husbands rather than destroy oneness.

Dear Lord, Your Word says that as a believer I have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16). Make me aware of any thoughts that do not reflect Your truth. Help me not to dwell on stinkin' thinkin' about my husband. Give me Your thoughts toward my husband and marriage, thoughts that help our closeness and oneness. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
This devotions was adapted from What a Husband Needs from His Wife by Melanie Chitwood

What a Wife Needs from Her Husband by Melanie Chitwood

Visit Melanie’s blog What Matters Most for more strategies to combat stinkin’ thinkin’.

How is Your Marriage? offers more free encouragement!

Do You Know Him?

Application Steps:
What pushes your buttons causing you to feel hurt, angry, or resentful? Do these situations lead to stinkin' thinkin' about your husband? Plan now to respond in a different way the next time this situation occurs.

Write down the four steps mentioned in the devotion as your action plan. Pray and ask God to give you His strength to think and to respond differently.

Reflections:
In our minds strongholds are developed by repetition. What strongholds have developed in your mind about your husband or marriage? Be especially aware of times you think or say "he always" or "he never." For example, God might reveal to you that one of the lies you repeat about your husband is: "He never listens to my opinion."

Our thoughts can be easily influenced by those around us and key people in our lives growing up. What messages about men or marriage did you hear growing up? What thoughts do other women in your life express about their husbands? Is their stinkin' thinkin' rubbing off on you?

Power Verses:
1 Corinthians 2:16, "…but we have the mind of Christ." (NAS)

2 Corinthians 10:5, "We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ." (NAS)

Romans 12:2, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." (NIV)

© 2010 by Melanie Chitwood. All rights reserved.

Labels: Balance, God's Perspective, Marriage, Overcoming Anger, Patience, Perseverance, Relationships, Spiritual Growth

Lysa TerKeurst

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:12 (NIV)

I sat on the bed, tears streaming down my face, negative thoughts racing through my mind … Why does marriage have to be so hard sometimes? Why can't he see my side of things? Why won't he change? Maybe I married the wrong man.

This was a scene repeated over and over the first five years of my marriage. I was discouraged, overwhelmed and so tempted to give up. But here I am about to celebrate my 18th wedding anniversary so thankful I didn't walk away.

Ephesians 6:12 was a great reminder to me over the years that my husband isn't my enemy. Art may feel like my enemy but the truth is Satan is the real enemy who hates marriage and schemes against my husband and me. One thing we must always remember is Satan's goal to be one who casts something between two to cause a separation.

Satan wants to separate us in every way. He wants to separate us with conflict, hurt feelings, misunderstanding, and frustrations of all kinds. He wants to separate us from our neighbors, our friends, our co-workers, our parents, our spouses, our kids. He wants to separate us from God's best. He wants to separate us from God.

One of the best ways for Satan to start these separations is by luring us into a place of grumbling and complaining. If he can get us to focus only on what is aggravating and negative in life, then little cracks of distance start forming in our relationships. The grass starts looking greener everywhere else except where we are standing.

I can see this so clearly when I look back on the first five years of my marriage. Somehow, I became so hyper focused on all I felt was wrong with my husband, I became blinded to all that was good. I grumbled and complained and nagged and set out to change him. And I almost destroyed my marriage in the process. Satan had a field day as the separation between Art and I kept ever widening.

Then one day as I was in a fit of tears asking God to make things better, I felt challenged to start listing out things about Art for which I was thankful.

It was hard at first. I had bought Satan's whispers that there was only negative there with very little positive to find. But, with each positive quality I listed, it slowly changed everything. It was as if the clouds of negativity lifted and I could once again see his good qualities. There were so many good qualities; I was shocked how I'd gotten so blinded.

How sad I spent five years thinking the grass would be greener with someone else. Not true. The grass is always greener where you water and fertilize it. And being thankful --really intentionally listing out things for which we are thankful-- is a great way to start watering and fertilizing and changing everything.

Dear Lord, thank You for helping me see how beneficial it is to be aware and appreciative of the good qualities in those I love. Lord, help me to recognize Satan's schemes and combat them with the power of having a truly thankful heart. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
What are you thankful for today? I am inviting each person who reads this to stop and take time to list just a few things for which you are thankful by hopping over to my website. Each person that leaves a comment on my website today will be entered for a chance to win a copy of my book “Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl.”

Be sure to check out Lysa’s book and Bible study Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl. This is the perfect 6 week summer study or one to consider doing with your women’s group this fall.

To order your copy of the book, click here. To order your Bible study workbook and DVD study click here and here.

Application Steps:
Every time a negative, separating thought comes into your mind today, intentionally combat it with something for which you are thankful about that person.

Reflections:
How does it make you feel to dwell on what you wish was different about another person?

Could this devotion showing up in your inbox today be a reminder from God that there are positive things for which you can be thankful?

How does having a thankful heart change things?

Power Verses:
Philippians 4:6, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." (NIV)

2 Corinthians 4:15, "All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God." (NIV)

© 2010 by Lysa TerKeurst. All rights reserved.

Labels: Forgiveness, Homemaking, Marriage, Overcoming Anger, Overcoming Fear, Patience, Perseverance, Prayer, Relationships, Spiritual Growth, Spiritual Warfare, Time with God, Trusting God, Walking in Faith

Micca Monda Campbell

"But as for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today." Genesis 50:20 (ESV)

Beyond a doubt, Joseph was a beloved son. In reading Joseph's story recorded in Genesis 37-50, I couldn't help but think how Joseph would make a great guest on any talk show if he were alive today. The title of the TV program might go something like this: From the Pit to the Palace.

Joseph's story begins much like ours. He came into this world an innocent child. He didn't ask to be born. Joseph, like any of us, deserved to be cared for, loved, and nurtured by his parents. On the other hand, so did Joseph's brothers. But in the eyes of their father, they were second best to Joseph. The rejection of their father caused terrible sibling rivalry until one day Joseph's brothers threw him into a pit.

While Joseph's brothers were eating supper and discussing what to do with Joseph, the opportunity of a lifetime arose. A caravan of Midianites passed their camp on the way to Egypt. Seizing the opportunity, the brothers sold Joseph as a slave for twenty pieces of silver. In U.S. money, that amounts to $1.28.

Is that where you are right now, friend? Have you been rejected by someone and thrown into the pit? Don't fear. You're not lost. God has not abandoned you. He knows your whereabouts. He is using your circumstance as a stepping-stone for a greater plan just as He did for Joseph.

Several years later during a life-threatening drought, Joseph's brothers traveled to Egypt to buy grain. It was Joseph, their brother, who had foretold the drought and prepared Egypt for survival. Many came from all over to buy grain, and so did Joseph's brothers. By now, Joseph had been promoted to second in command in Egypt.

In his powerful position, Joseph could have taken revenge on his brothers for betraying him. Instead, he chose to forgive them and reunite with his family.

As his brothers bowed before Joseph in fear of their lives, Joseph said, "But as for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today" (Genesis 50:20). This verse is often compared to Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (NIV).

When you and I let down those walls of fear and trust God for the greater good, we'll find a measure of healing and restoration just as Joseph did. Instead, we often want to cling to the pain. That kind of thinking only keeps us in the pit and allows our wounds and fears to fester and grow. God has so much more for us.

What was meant for evil in your life, God wants to use for your good. The Lord wants to bring you and me out of the pit and place us in His palace. The choice is ours. We can focus on our own bad experience and miss the joy that can be ours. Or, like Joseph, we can take the risk, venture out, forgive those who hurt us and truly believe that God has a greater plan for our future.

Dear Lord, Your promises are a gift to me. You've given them to sustain me, to provide hope and peace while I'm in a pit. Help me to trust in all Your promises until You bring me out. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
This devotion was based on Micca’s book, An Untroubled Heart: Finding Faith that is Stronger than My Fears

Visit Micca’s blog

Great encouragement can be found with our P31 Woman free online article Surrendering Your Strongholds

Treasured: Knowing God by the Thing He Keeps by Leigh McLeroy

Application Steps:
Shake off the dust of your past by trusting in God's promises today. His Word is a light unto our path and our thinking. Instead of thinking about the pit, think about how God is working for your greater good. This will open your eyes to His presence and allow you to rest in His promise.

Reflections:
Do you daily feed your heart, soul and mind with God's promises or are you starving spiritually?

Power Verses:
Psalm 18:30, "As for God, his way is perfect. All the Lord's promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection." (NIV)

© 2010 by Micca Campbell. All rights reserved.

Labels: Balance, Confidence, God's Perspective, Overcoming Anger, Overcoming Fear, Patience, Perseverance, Prayer, Spiritual Growth, Time with God, Trusting God, Walking in Faith

Lysa TerKeurst

"Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God who richly provides us with everything..." 1 Timothy 6:17 (NIV)

It seems you can hardly turn anywhere today without seeing reminders of economic hardships. During the past couple of years the unemployment rate in our country has been the highest we've seen in 60 years. Friends and family members are suffering due to the loss of jobs, investments gone bad, and cutbacks that seem to be everywhere.

I have a friend who has owned a thriving car dealership for over 30 years. This man and his family have been pillars in their community who are known for their generosity and kind Christian spirits.

This past year though, he declared bankruptcy and literally lost everything--including their cars.

If that isn't cruel irony, I don't know what is.

So, I've had to have some discussions with God about the absolute heartbreak of this situation. I know God is the great provider, so why isn't He providing for my friend? God is a miracle worker, so why isn't He working a miracle for my friend?

These are fair questions about what seems like a terribly unfair situation.

Whenever I face situations I am having a hard time understanding, I have to park my mind with what I know to be true. Keeping my mind saturated with truth, keeps Satan from being able to whisper dangerous assumptions, false accusations, and faith-eroding perspectives.

So, what is true in this situation? What is true no matter what situation we are facing?

God is a good provider.

This is true. This is where I must park my mind. This is the reality that must saturate my thoughts. This truth rises above our troubling circumstances and calls us to see life from a perspective outside our screaming realities.

God richly provides us with everything we need. Therefore I must trust that God is providing for my friend. What is in front of my friend is God's provision. God hasn't stopped providing just because my friend is in financial turmoil. This situation hasn't caught God off guard. God hasn't run out of resources to help my friend.

Part of God's perfect provision for my friend is to walk through this. I may not like it. I may not understand it. But, because my friend knows and loves God, I have peace that he will make it through this.

The Bible tells us in Philippians 4:8-9 that if we think on what is true, the peace of God will be with us. And ultimately, isn't peace what we want? That's what I really want for my friend. I want this precious man and his family to have peace more than I want their dealership to be saved, their finances restored, and their old life to suddenly come back and settle into place.

Praise God, His peace is but an utterance of truth away. So, sweet sister, park your mind with His truth today. And watch God's perfect provision of peace flood whatever dry and lacking ache you are experiencing right now.

Dear Lord, thank You for being my provider each day. Help me not to fear these times of hardship. Rather, help me to trust in You and Your ways more each day. My desire is to focus on what is true and believe that You will make the rough places smooth. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Visit www.LysaTerKeurst.com by clicking here if you would like to request prayer for yourself or one of your friends who are having a tough time in this economy. Lysa would consider it a great honor to pray personally for every request posted today.

Be sure to check out Lysa’s book and Bible study Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl. This is the perfect 6 week summer study or one to consider doing with your women’s group this fall.

To order your book, click here. To order your Bible study workbook and DVD study click here and here.

Application Steps:
Every time a discouraging thought comes into your mind today:
Replace it with a verse from God's Word.

Replace it with the truth that God is a good provider and that His unfailing love for you will not be shaken.

Replace it by seeking Him and calling on Him for He is always near.

Reflections:
How can God's peace restore you today?

Could this devotion showing up in your inbox today be a reminder from God that He sees you and cares about your situation?

Power Verses:
Psalm 84:1-2, "How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty! My soul yearns, even faints for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God." (NIV)

Isaiah 26:3, "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." (NIV)

© 2010 by Lysa TerKeurst. All rights reserved.

Labels: Balance, Confidence, God's Perspective, Overcoming, Overcoming Anger, Overcoming Fear, Patience, Perseverance, Spiritual Growth, Trusting God, Walking in Faith

Micca Monda Campbell

"Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord." Leviticus 19:18 (NIV)

When I was pregnant with my third child, I shamefully displayed a lack of respect for a police officer. It was a Wednesday afternoon and I was running late for church. On the way, I had to drop off my eldest son at baseball practice. The fact that he had practice on a church night already had my tail feathers up in the air, not to mention it was drizzling rain.

To make up for lost time, I sped right into the park where the police officer pulled me over. I was appalled! How could he set up a speed trap in the park on a rainy day to catch a pregnant woman who was running late for church! The nerve! I thought.

I'd had it. Before the officer could approach my car, I jumped out in the rain and met him halfway. "Are you going to give me a ticket?" I questioned with one hand on my hip and the other pointing in his face. He didn't speak nor did his expression change so I continued. "I thought it was outrageous enough that these boys have to practice ball on a church night in the rain, but nooooo! Being set up for a speed trap in the park takes the cake!"

"Ma'am, I'm sorry." He apologized.

"Well, you should be," I whispered under my breath.

"I can't do anything about your son's practice, but I can assure you I can do something about your speeding," he said while firmly pulling his ticket pad from his coat pocket. "Furthermore," he added, "if you continue to disrespect my authority, I can do something about that too."

Disrespect his authority? Is that what I did? Unfortunately, that's exactly what happened. While I'd like to blame my behavior on my hormones, I can't. I was guilty on all accounts. As I cowered back to my car, I noticed my children's faces pressed against the window of the backseat. They were no doubt learning how to disrespect authority—from their mother.

I let what I thought were my rights blind me to truth. It was my duty to submit to the authority of the police officer. Regrettably, this kind of behavior goes on everyday in the workplace, the home, and even in the church. Why is that? I believe it's because our society today has lost a general lack of respect for one another.

God commands, 'Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord" (Leviticus 19:18). We show honor to God by displaying reverential esteem of others. Respect for God alone should motivate us to offer grace by extending an encouraging word instead of thrashing another with a rude comment. Generally, those who tear down others usually have little respect for themselves. Their rude comments are a desperate attempt to make themselves look better. Sadly, the results usually turn out opposite.

Can you imagine what our world would look like today if we heeded God's command? Envision how great it would be if all spouses respected one another; if children honored their parents; and if citizens obeyed the laws of God and government. It would be a different world! We would have a feeling of security with gestures of love freely given and received. Common courtesies would be raised from the dead. We'd make an effort to know our neighbors and lend a helping hand to a stranger. The words "fear" and "anxiety" would be dropped from the human language. Peace and goodwill would be the heartbeat of our existence.

Let's not dream of a world where people live together in unity, love, and respect as God intended. We can make it happen together using one little word called respect.

Dear Lord, I confess that I don't always respect others' rights, feelings, properties, time or space. Help me to be more gracious and kind, by the power of Your Holy Spirit. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Taken from An Untroubled Heart by Micca Campbell

A Woman's Secret to a Balanced Life by Lysa TerKeurst & Sharon Jaynes

Pierced By the Word: 31 Meditations for Your Soul by John Piper

Visit Micca’s blog

Check out our free resource License to Sin

Application Steps:
Practice respect this week by holding the door for a stranger. Help out a sales clerk by re-hanging dropped clothing from the floor. Respect the privacy of your co-worker by not sharing her troubles with another. Respect your child by listening to their dreams. When your spouse speaks, give your undivided attention. And respect traffic laws by going the speed limit!

Reflections:
What can you do at home, church and the work place to revive respect among one another?

Power Verses:
Galatians 5:14, "The entire law is summed up in a single command: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" (NIV)

© 2010 by Micca Campbell. All rights reserved.

Labels: Balance, Forgiveness, God's Perspective, Overcoming Anger, Patience, Purity, Spiritual Growth

Karen Ehman

"Search me [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139:23-24 (Amplified)

It was an ordinary day. My friend Laurel decided, as she often does, to spend some time reading her Bible that afternoon, connecting with God in the midst of her busy day as a wife and mother. As she leaned forward to reach something with one hand, she held her open Bible close to her heart with her other. It was then that it happened. Through the leather-bound book pressed upon her heart, she felt a small lump on her chest.

A physician was summoned; tests were ordered; Laurel's worst fear became reality. She had breast cancer.

The days, weeks and years that followed brought hospital visits and radiation, probing and prodding, uncertainty and discomfort. Now years removed from those emotionally trying days, my sweet friend's body is free from any traces of that often-deadly disease. She is a healthy high school foreign language teacher who goes about her commonplace days with a deep love for Jesus and eternal gratitude in her heart. Most of all, she is thankful that God arranged circumstances in such a way that her cancer was caught early; all because she held her Bible close to her heart.

I pondered Laurel's experience recently. Imbedded in a touchy relationship issue with a friend, I was angry. It was a situation in which I felt used, violated and unappreciated. I was ready to enter my alone time with God with a whine on my lips and an intense need to vent my mounting frustrations. It was then that He brought today's verses to my mind. I looked them up in the Amplified Version (one which sheds light onto the original Hebrew or Greek meaning of the words) It was then that my eyes fell upon this phrase,

"….see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

Instead of complaining about the actions of my friend, I decided to hold God's Word close to my heart; to see if there was any wicked or hurtful way in me, not in her. When I did, He was quick to point out ways I was wrong; deeply rooted attitudes I displayed that rear their ugly heads and manifest themselves in awful, unattractive behaviors; behaviors no Jesus-following girl should exhibit. I saw I was as much to blame in the situation, maybe even more.

With scripture as a scalpel, God performed open heart surgery that day, and many days since. As I now go to the Great Physician for regular check ups, He is faithful to point out the errors of my ways; to nudge me to allow His thoughts to radiate my soul, burning out the nasty disease that tries to root and grow like a cancer, killing friendships and love.

I wonder, just how many relationship diseases could be cured if we were all more intentional to, early on in the situation, press our Bibles close to our hearts, feeling for any festering lumps of sin?

Dear Lord, please help me to love unconditionally and mind my own sin. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You Know Him?

For more on this topic and a chance to win an English Standard Version leather reference Bible, visit Karen’s blog

A Life that Says Welcome by Karen Ehman

10 Minutes a Day with Jesus: Growing in Your Love for the Savior by Jim Reapsome

Application Steps:
What attitudes do I sometimes display that are the opposite of what God wants for me?

Instead of patience, annoyance? Instead of kindness, harsh words? Do I more readily display rejection rather than exhibit acceptance?

Reflections:
Has there ever been a time that someone extended grace to me when I was actually the one in the wrong? What transpired? How could remembering that kindness keep me from pointing fingers in the future?

Power Verses:
Jeremiah 17:9-10, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds." (ESV)

Hebrews 4:12, "For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart." (ESV)

© 2010 by Karen Ehman. All rights reserved.

Labels: Balance, Forgiveness, God's Perspective, Identity in Christ, Overcoming Anger, Relationships, Spiritual Growth, Trusting God

Melanie Chitwood

"Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." Ephesians 4:32 (NAS)

Holly has a hard time parking in the garage. It sits at a tricky angle, and she has run into the garage wall quite a few times. In fact, her van has plenty of scrapes and dents to prove it. Her husband Dan could choose many ways to respond—he could be angry every time, or he could berate her, but that's not his reaction. He has repeatedly chosen to forgive Holly. Their situation is an example of one of the "little foxes" mentioned in Song of Solomon 2:15: "Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!" (NLT). Theirs is a situation that could have become divisive, but because of Dan's gracious response, this "little fox" did not ruin their "vineyard of love."

Do any "little foxes" come to mind when you think about your own marriage? Maybe your spouse was abrupt when speaking to you, didn't give you the attention you wanted, wasn't responsive to intimacy, forgot your anniversary, or got home late without calling recently. Everyday married life presents countless occasions to choose to be offended or to choose to forgive, as today's key verses instructs us.

Without forgiveness, we'll find ourselves becoming irritated, hard-hearted, bitter, and disconnected from our spouse. A friend taught me one way to make sure this doesn't happen: The moment I feel offended, I can choose to forgive. If my spouse says something that makes me mad or hurt, I need to begin praying at that very moment to forgive. Doing this allows God to begin softening our hearts immediately.

In addition to dealing with the little foxes of small offenses, we will sometimes need to forgive our spouses for big offenses. We might be betrayed by unfaithfulness, our trust might be rattled by secrets our spouses keep, or our feelings might be stomped on by spouses who do the same hurtful things over and over again. If one quality makes a Christian marriage stand out from the rest, it's our choice to forgive our spouse. We might feel as if we're ignoring the offense or giving our stamp of approval by choosing to forgive. Our pride and fear might rise up: What if the offense happens again and again? Will I be taken for a fool? What will others think?

Choosing to forgive is an act of obedience to God's commands. Forgiveness entails choosing, often over and over again, not to dwell on the offense because that would allow a root of bitterness to grow in our hearts. But let's be clear: If you're dealing with a sin issue in marriage, choose to forgive but still spend the needed time talking about the situation, praying separately and together, and seeking godly counsel.

Forgiveness is a one of the most essential attitudes for bringing unity and oneness to marriage, and it flows from our relationship with Christ.

Dear Lord, cover our marriage with a spirit of forgiveness. I confess that sometimes I want to hold a grudge, to retaliate, or to be right, rather than forgive. Lord, I don't want the enemy to get a foothold in our marriage, so through the power of the Holy Spirit, I slam the door on Satan by choosing to forgive my spouse. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You Need Forgiveness from God?

For more about forgiveness, visit Lysa TerKeurst's blog, where Holly Good, Lysa's assistant, will be blogging today.

Adapted from What a Wife Needs from Her Husband by Melanie Chitwood

Visit Melanie’s blog What Matters Most

What a Husband Needs from His Wife by Melanie Chitwood

Application Steps:
Dwell on Christ's forgiveness of your offenses.

Say, "I forgive you" today.

Say, "I'm sorry" today.

Choose not to dwell on your spouse's hurtful words or actions.

Don't hold a grudge or seek revenge.

Choose your friends wisely.

Take care around others who bad-mouth their spouses.

The moment you feel offended, begin to pray that the Holy Spirit will work through you to forgive your spouse.

Reflections:
What "little foxes" come to mind concerning your marriage?

Have you chosen to be offended and hurt? Or gracious and forgiving?

Have you been avoiding talking to your spouse about a big offense? Can you choose to today to take the first step in talking about this situation, praying about it, and perhaps seeing a godly counselor?

Power Verses:
Colossians 3:12-13, "Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others." (NLT)

© 2010 by Melanie Chitwood. All rights reserved.

Labels: Forgiveness, Marriage, Overcoming Anger, Patience, Perseverance, Relationships, Spiritual Warfare

Melanie Chitwood

"The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences." Proverbs 18:21 (NLT)

I often hear my husband Scott say something to my sons that brings a smile to my face. "Have you told your mom you love her today? Don't ever forget you have the best mom in the world." When I hear him praise me to our sons, I feel encouraged and appreciated. From my husband's example, I've learned to be careful about the words I say not only to my husband but also about my husband.

Today's key verse tells us our words can bring "death or life." In our marriages, this means our words can either tear down our spouses or build them up. I've been noticing lately whether I'm more likely to say words such as, "I'm married to the greatest man," or words like, "I told you so," or "You don't even try to understand me."

What about you and your words to your husband? When you speak to your husband, do you fill him up with praise, or make him feel like he's not measuring up?

Let's also consider the words we say about our husbands to others. What kind of things do you say about your husband to your children? Your best friend? Your sister or mother?

I tend to be a "venter" when I am angry or frustrated with my husband. Sometimes I turn to others because I'm seeking validation for my angry feelings. Often I vent when I haven't taken the time first to deal with the situation with God. I'm learning that if I go to the Lord first in prayer, pouring out my heart to Him, He changes my heart and brings me to a place of repentance and calmness. Then I'm able to let go of my anger and move on, or talk to my husband about it in a loving manner.

Scripture gives plenty of evidence that God's words have the power of life. In Genesis we're told God created every inch of the world with His spoken words. John 1:1 tells us that Jesus is the Word. Throughout the Gospels, Jesus heals countless people with the power of His words. In a similar manner, our words have accomplishing power. God wants our words to bring life to our marriages. We can choose what we will sow—words of life or words of death—and we will reap the consequences many times over.

Use today's application steps to fill up your husband with words of life.

Dear Lord, let my words to my spouse and about my spouse draw us closer to one another. Teach me to communicate in ways that build my husband up instead of tearing him down. If pride, stubbornness, selfishness, or any other sin is preventing me from speaking words of life in our marriage, Lord, I confess that right now. Make me aware of any words of death I've spoken in our marriage. And as the Holy Spirit brings those to my mind, help me confess and turn from them, especially any words of divorce. Break any curse on our marriage from hurtful, angry, or destructive words. Guided by Your wisdom and love, may our words to and about one another build a protective wall around our marriage. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Today’s devotion is adapted from What a Wife Needs from Her Husband by Melanie Chitwood

What a Husband Needs from His Wife by Melanie Chitwood

30 Days to Taming Your Tongue and accompanying Workbook by Deborah Smith Pegues

For more marriage encouragement visit Melanie’s blog – What Matters Most

Melanie offers more words of wisdom in her P31 Woman article Protecting the Oneness in Marriage

Application Steps:
Considering the list below, which words do you speak most frequently to your husband, "words of life" or "words of death"? Plan on blessing your husband with at least one phrase from the "words of life" suggestions.

Words of Life
I appreciate how hard you work.
You are an incredible husband.
You have great insight.
I'm really looking forward to going out with you.
I'm sorry.
I was wrong.
Will you forgive me?
Thank you.
I understand.

Words of Death
You never listen to me.
You just don't get it.
I told you so.
You should have…
I wish you could just try to understand me for once.
How could you think that?
Why did I ever marry you?
That was dumb.
We'd be better off divorced.

Reflections:
What situations tend to cause you to speak "words of death" to your husband?

Are there certain words you need to make off-limits in your marriage?

In what other relationships do you need to practice speaking "words of life"?

Power Verses:
Ephesians 4:29, "Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift." (MSG)

Psalm 19:14, "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer." (NLT)

© 2010 by Melanie Chitwood. All rights reserved.

Labels: Forgiveness, God's Perspective, Homemaking, Marriage, Overcoming Anger, Patience, Perseverance, Prayer, Purity, Relationships, Serving, Spiritual Growth