T. Suzanne Eller

"Settle matters quickly with your adversary..." Matthew 5:25a (NIV)

"Do you think we could stop by the auction on the way home from church?" I asked.

Hanging out at auctions isn't my husband's favorite thing, but he said yes. I noted that his voice lacked enthusiasm. "We don't have to go if you don't want to," I said. Then I calmly brought up an event from two months earlier. A time I had felt disappointed.

To be honest, he didn't have a fighting chance.

We arrived at church, tension hanging between us. Worship was wonderful. The sermon was great. But all I could hear was the gentle voice of the Holy Spirit showing me how I had used my words to pin my husband in a corner. I reached for his hand and apologized. He willingly forgave me.

When we think of anger we often think of destructive anger. Words and actions that violate and separate. But that's not how most of us operate. For many, our anger is cool and calm on the outside as we hide the resentment on the inside. Over time it becomes toxic, seeping out in seemingly innocent comments or hidden behind a wall that loved ones cannot penetrate.

Be angry and sin not.

Maybe you push anger down because you believe it is a sin. The reality is that we are going to be disappointed, even in the strongest relationships. Normal families do have conflict. We will get angry at the people we love the most. Anger in itself is not the sin; it's simply an emotion. Anger only becomes toxic when we use it to hurt others or ourselves.

Listen and be slow to speak.

I wasn't angry about the auction, or even my husband's lack of enthusiasm. College classes and other family obligations were taking large chunks of my husband's time. I longed for unscheduled time with my husband.

That was the real issue, something we could work through.

I needed not only to listen to the Holy Spirit to view the real issue, but to listen to my husband's perspective. In spite of my calm demeanor, Richard felt like he was fighting ghosts. My passive aggressive approach made it impossible for Richard to participate in a healthy conversation.

Settle matters quickly.

This incident may seem small, but how many fractured and broken relationships are due to once-small issues that festered under the surface for years? Toxic anger rarely ignites instantly, but simmers as the fire is fed until it burns out of control.

Healthy conflict means that you work through issues immediately, though never in the heat of an argument. It's admitting when we are wrong, and forgiving others for their shortcomings. It's putting yesterday behind us and starting fresh.

Hold up your wounds to the Healer.

Maybe you've been wounded and anger has become your defense mechanism. Are you willing to allow Christ to heal those wounds? When I look at my heart I find scars of old conflicts, but I'm not ashamed of those scars because a scar by its very definition implies healing.

Those marks remind me of the love of Christ, and to never let toxic anger rob me of living and loving fully.

Heavenly Father, I'm angry and I'm hurting. I've let small things become big things that are threatening my well-being, and my relationships. Give me the words to say, and keep the words that I shouldn't say from my lips. I offer my wounds to You today. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:

Labels: Balance, Forgiveness, Overcoming, Overcoming Anger, Spiritual Growth, Time with God, Trusting God, Walking in Faith

Karen Ehman

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling." I Peter 4:8-9 (NIV)

"Okay ladies," the guest speaker urged as she wrapped up her talk to my moms group that night, "Now go home and be friendly in your homes."

Ouch! Had she been in my home just a few hours earlier? "Friendly" was far from the way I had acted toward my brood. Unkind? Yes. Snippy? Certainly. Even caustic and cutting? Well, if I were honest, I'd have to declare a resounding yes.

Just what made this Jesus-professing mama behave in such an un-Christ-like manner earlier that evening? Had someone acted rudely toward me? Did my kids disrespect me or my husband utter something hurtful? Just what pushed my interior emotional buttons and sent me verbally over the edge?

Soiled socks. Smeared strawberry jam. Trailing bread crumbs. Dirty silverware and plates. And notebooks.

Oh, it wasn't just the presence of these items that sent ugly words soaring out of my mouth. It was the fact that, just moments earlier, I had spent vast time and great effort getting our great room spic-and-span clean. That meant a living area devoid of clutter, kitchen counters and tables wiped, all floors vacuumed and surfaces dusted. I wanted the house tidied up so my husband and kids could just relax while I was gone.

Then, in the short time it took to change from my daytime outfit of jeans and a t-shirt into something more suited for a night with the girls, spruce up my hair, add a dab of make-up and grab my purse, my kiddos had, in my eyes, completely undone all my hard work! They'd whipped off their socks, made a snack of toasted homemade bread slathered with strawberry jam and strewn their weekly scripture memory books from a program at church all over the place. It made my mama blood boil and resulted in feisty, not friendly words.

I was working on a book on hospitality at the time and had been unpacking today's key verse for my readers. I wanted to drive home the fact that hospitality—using our homes and lives as avenues of God's care for others—and love—the sacrificial placing of another human being above yourself—are closely connected. And, the most important element, we must both love and offer hospitality to others without grumbling. You know, be friendly!

Now, for the most part, aren't we able to do that when we have guests in our home? We smile and serve and really don't get upset at crumbs and such. We happily wipe them up. Why is this so? And on a grander scale, why do we find it much easier to be friendly to complete strangers than to our own flesh and blood? Do our tempers stay in check with the grocery store cashier or even the dentist (whom I hate to see twice each year, for crying out loud!)?

Why is it so easy to snap at our kids, give our husbands the cold shoulder, or roll our eyes at a dear family member, but remain gracious with those we meet in public, even when they do something that really grinds us?

I fear that many of us live out just such a contradiction in our daily lives. And just what lasting pictures are our cherished children depositing into their memory banks? "Mom held it together when the dry cleaners completely ruined her favorite sweater, but she yelled at me for accidentally spilling grape juice on the floor." Oh, sisters, this should not be!

Perhaps it is time to offer some friendly hospitality to the members of our own home; to keep our tempers in check and our grumbling at bay; to let perfect love wash over a multitude of sins. Not the jelly-smeared, crumb-laden kind, but the hideous-word-hurling, mama-mouthed variety.

Oh may we Jesus-lovin' women choose to hesitate before we hurl. Rather than feisty, may we be friendly instead.

Dear Lord, forgive me for the times I take out my temper on my family. I want instead to act like You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
For more on this topic and a chance to win a basket of family-friendly fun with a copy of her hospitality book A Life that Says Welcome, visit Karens blog

Sharing Grace- Family Traditions-Gift ideas (E-Book) by LeAnn Rice

She's Gonna Blow! Real Help for Dealing With Mom Anger by Julie Ann Barnhill

What a Husband Needs from His Wife by Melanie Chitwood

Reflections:
Do you know people who remain calm when they want to snap instead? What makes them choose the better reaction? If you can't figure it out, ask them!

Power Verses:
Romans 12:9-10, "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves." (NIV)

© 2010 by Karen Ehman. All rights reserved.

Labels: Forgiveness, Homemaking, Marriage, Overcoming Anger, Parenting, Perseverance, Purity, Spiritual Growth

Lysa TerKeurst

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1 (NIV)

When I was in my early twenties, there was nothing I disliked more than conflict. I won't use the tired cliché that I avoided it like the plague. But, since I just used it anyhow, I'll admit I tried to navigate around conflict at any cost.

I was a 'stuff it and smile' kind of girl. The problem with pretending to be fine when you're really not, is all that pent up steam will eventually come out. And if you've ever held your hand too close to steam, you know how it can burn.

A much healthier approach to the inevitable conflicts we all must deal with is to face the issue head on with grace and humility having asked ourselves one very crucial question. This question is so crucial that might I dare say not asking it could lead to extreme conflict escalation rather than relationship restoration.

So, what's this crucial question?

Am I trying to prove or improve? That's the question. In other words, is my desire in this conflict to prove that I am right or to improve the relationship at hand?

When I try to prove I am right, I use the circumstances of the conflict as an arsenal to attack the other person. I come armed with past hurts and offenses ready to state my case. I'm tempted to tear down the other person. I react from a place of hurt and anger and can often say things I later regret.

On the other hand, when my desire is to improve the relationship, I seek to understand where the other person is coming from and I care enough about the relationship to fight for it rather than against it. Instead of reacting out of anger, I pause and let the Holy Spirit interrupt my first impulses. I tackle the issues, not the person.

Here are some great questions to ask when we're dealing with conflict out of a desire to improve a relationship:

• Can you help me understand why you feel this way?
• Why don't we both agree to stick to the issue at hand and not pull in past issues?
• What is your desired outcome in this situation?
• How can we meet in the middle on this issue?

My husband I have renamed what we used to call "fights." We now call them "growth opportunities." And the more we've been practicing these principles, the less conflicts we've been having.

But I won't tie this devotion up in a neat bow and end all "cheerio." While Art and I are doing great right now and have had very few "growth opportunities" lately, conflicts with others seem to always be around the corner. So please hear my heart, I'm not saying all of this is easy. Just this week I've had to tackle some growth opportunities that made me feel like I had fire crackers burning through my veins.

Maybe you can relate.

What I will say is that it's possible to let those conflicts lead us to better places in our relationships. Improved places. And that is the good side of conflict.

Dear Lord, help me to realize that with each conflict I face I can make the choice to improve the relationship rather than try and prove I'm right. This is hard, Lord, really hard. But, I want to grow in this area and I know this is a good place to start. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:

For another conflict resolution tip, visit Lysa’s blog today. Just for visiting, www.LysaTerKeurst.com you’ll get a free resource being offered today!

Lysa will be speaking in over 40 cities this year and would love to meet you! To check for a city near you, click here.

If you identify with this devotion, consider getting a copy of Lysa’s latest book, Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl

The accompanying DVD teaching series contains 6 sessions lasting 15-20 minutes each for only $24.99! Perfect for your Bible Study group or a neighborhood book club. The Bible Study workbook can be found by clicking here.
________________________________________

When you purchase resources through Proverbs 31 Ministries, you touch eternity because your purchase supports the many areas of hope-giving ministry we provide at no cost. We wish we could, but we simply can't compete with prices offered by huge online warehouses. Therefore, we are extremely grateful for each and every purchase you make with us. Thank you! ________________________________________

Application Steps:
Take time to pause before jumping into any conflict resolution. Sometimes a simple pause is all that's needed to remember to attack the problem at hand and not the person. Keep in mind it's more important to improve the relationship than prove we are right.

Reflections:
How might it help your next conflict resolution attempt to use these questions?
• Can you help me understand why you feel this way?
• Why don't we both agree to stick to the issue at hand and not pull in past issues?
• What is your desired outcome in this situation?
• How can we meet in the middle on this issue?

Power Verses:
Ephesians 4:29, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (NIV)

© 2010 by Lysa TerKeurst. All rights reserved.

Labels: Balance, Forgiveness, Friendships, Overcoming Anger, Patience, Perseverance, Relationships, Spiritual Growth, Trusting God

Susan Meissner, She Reads Featured Author

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 (NIV)

Picture a doctor's waiting room: cushioned chairs, a display of colorful magazines, soothing music wafting above your head, perhaps an aquarium of sparkling fish. Why does the doctor provide such a calming environment? Because he or she knows that by and large, people do not like to wait there. Truth is, we don't much like to wait anywhere for any length of time.

And we often cringe at the mere idea of waiting on God - more than any other kind of waiting. He is so frequently not in a hurry. We don't want to learn patience by waiting, though it is often the best way to learn it.

But consider for a moment the flipside. Consider for a moment those times when the waiting room door has been thrown open but we're still sitting in the chair by the fish, afraid to get up, get out and get moving. Sometimes we find ourselves in situations where we sense God nudging us to step out, but instead we're oddly content to just wait it out - perhaps hoping someone else will make the move we're supposed to make.

Just as there are times when God wants us to wait on Him; there are times when He calls us to action. And just as we need to listen for His voice in times of waiting, we need to obey His prompting when the wait is over.

When God told Moses to send spies into the land of Canaan, only two of the twelve came back from the mission ready to do what God was prompting them to do. The others wanted to head back to the waiting room, grab a magazine and hang out with the fish! They were afraid to move forward in faith, even though they had seen God time and again prepare a way for them in the wilderness and then lead them through it. God asked that these people take a step of faith and trust Him for what lay past the waiting room door. He didn't kick them out of the waiting room. He asked them to leave it, and they chose not to. History shows us what they missed (Numbers 13:26-14:25).

Are there perhaps blessings you have asked for but then have refused to pursue? Have you been hanging back in the waiting room – perhaps because you've allowed fear to convince you it's better to be safe and ineffective than risk being used by God?

The waiting room has its purpose. It is the place where you get mentally ready for what comes next. You are not meant to live there. You were designed for the world outside. And it waits for you!

Dear Lord, enable us this day to throw off self-doubts and fear so that we may obey You, serve You and live out our purpose for You. Fill us with Your Holy Spirit and empower us to do all that You have called and equipped us to do. Forgive us for being content with sitting in the waiting room when You've called us to come out. Ignite in us a passion to live our faith loudly. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Shape of Mercy by Susan Meissner, a She Reads featured author

What to do in the W.A.I.T: Finding Contentment in God's Pauses and Plans (CD) by Wendy Pope

An Untroubled Heart: Finding Faith that is Stronger than My Fears by Micca Campbell

Trusting God Despite Fear, free devotion to encourage you
________________________________________
When you purchase resources through Proverbs 31 Ministries, you touch eternity because your purchase supports the many areas of hope-giving ministry we provide at no cost. We wish we could, but we simply can't compete with prices offered by huge online warehouses. Therefore, we are extremely grateful for each and every purchase you make with us. Thank you! ________________________________________

Application Steps:
Stop waiting for a deeper prayer life and start prayer journaling. Visit the She Reads blog where we are giving away a prayer journal, plus the antique ring from the cover of the novel Lady in Waiting. Several copies of Susan Meissner's latest novel Lady in Waiting will be awarded as well.

Reflections:
Is there a decision pressing on you that you've been afraid to make? Pray for courage and wisdom from the Lord, and then share this need with a trusted friend who will help you take the next step of "getting out of your waiting room chair."

What keeps you from being strong and courageous? List those things. What would God have you do with thought patterns that originate out of fear and doubt?

Power Verses:
2 Corinthians 9:8, "And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." (NIV)

Ephesians 2:10, "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." (NIV)

© 2010 by Susan Meissner. All rights reserved.

Labels: Balance, Confidence, Forgiveness, Time with God, Trusting God, Waiting On God, Walking in Faith

Lysa TerKeurst

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:12 (NIV)

I sat on the bed, tears streaming down my face, negative thoughts racing through my mind … Why does marriage have to be so hard sometimes? Why can't he see my side of things? Why won't he change? Maybe I married the wrong man.

This was a scene repeated over and over the first five years of my marriage. I was discouraged, overwhelmed and so tempted to give up. But here I am about to celebrate my 18th wedding anniversary so thankful I didn't walk away.

Ephesians 6:12 was a great reminder to me over the years that my husband isn't my enemy. Art may feel like my enemy but the truth is Satan is the real enemy who hates marriage and schemes against my husband and me. One thing we must always remember is Satan's goal to be one who casts something between two to cause a separation.

Satan wants to separate us in every way. He wants to separate us with conflict, hurt feelings, misunderstanding, and frustrations of all kinds. He wants to separate us from our neighbors, our friends, our co-workers, our parents, our spouses, our kids. He wants to separate us from God's best. He wants to separate us from God.

One of the best ways for Satan to start these separations is by luring us into a place of grumbling and complaining. If he can get us to focus only on what is aggravating and negative in life, then little cracks of distance start forming in our relationships. The grass starts looking greener everywhere else except where we are standing.

I can see this so clearly when I look back on the first five years of my marriage. Somehow, I became so hyper focused on all I felt was wrong with my husband, I became blinded to all that was good. I grumbled and complained and nagged and set out to change him. And I almost destroyed my marriage in the process. Satan had a field day as the separation between Art and I kept ever widening.

Then one day as I was in a fit of tears asking God to make things better, I felt challenged to start listing out things about Art for which I was thankful.

It was hard at first. I had bought Satan's whispers that there was only negative there with very little positive to find. But, with each positive quality I listed, it slowly changed everything. It was as if the clouds of negativity lifted and I could once again see his good qualities. There were so many good qualities; I was shocked how I'd gotten so blinded.

How sad I spent five years thinking the grass would be greener with someone else. Not true. The grass is always greener where you water and fertilize it. And being thankful --really intentionally listing out things for which we are thankful-- is a great way to start watering and fertilizing and changing everything.

Dear Lord, thank You for helping me see how beneficial it is to be aware and appreciative of the good qualities in those I love. Lord, help me to recognize Satan's schemes and combat them with the power of having a truly thankful heart. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
What are you thankful for today? I am inviting each person who reads this to stop and take time to list just a few things for which you are thankful by hopping over to my website. Each person that leaves a comment on my website today will be entered for a chance to win a copy of my book “Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl.”

Be sure to check out Lysa’s book and Bible study Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl. This is the perfect 6 week summer study or one to consider doing with your women’s group this fall.

To order your copy of the book, click here. To order your Bible study workbook and DVD study click here and here.

Application Steps:
Every time a negative, separating thought comes into your mind today, intentionally combat it with something for which you are thankful about that person.

Reflections:
How does it make you feel to dwell on what you wish was different about another person?

Could this devotion showing up in your inbox today be a reminder from God that there are positive things for which you can be thankful?

How does having a thankful heart change things?

Power Verses:
Philippians 4:6, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." (NIV)

2 Corinthians 4:15, "All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God." (NIV)

© 2010 by Lysa TerKeurst. All rights reserved.

Labels: Forgiveness, Homemaking, Marriage, Overcoming Anger, Overcoming Fear, Patience, Perseverance, Prayer, Relationships, Spiritual Growth, Spiritual Warfare, Time with God, Trusting God, Walking in Faith

Micca Monda Campbell

"Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord." Leviticus 19:18 (NIV)

When I was pregnant with my third child, I shamefully displayed a lack of respect for a police officer. It was a Wednesday afternoon and I was running late for church. On the way, I had to drop off my eldest son at baseball practice. The fact that he had practice on a church night already had my tail feathers up in the air, not to mention it was drizzling rain.

To make up for lost time, I sped right into the park where the police officer pulled me over. I was appalled! How could he set up a speed trap in the park on a rainy day to catch a pregnant woman who was running late for church! The nerve! I thought.

I'd had it. Before the officer could approach my car, I jumped out in the rain and met him halfway. "Are you going to give me a ticket?" I questioned with one hand on my hip and the other pointing in his face. He didn't speak nor did his expression change so I continued. "I thought it was outrageous enough that these boys have to practice ball on a church night in the rain, but nooooo! Being set up for a speed trap in the park takes the cake!"

"Ma'am, I'm sorry." He apologized.

"Well, you should be," I whispered under my breath.

"I can't do anything about your son's practice, but I can assure you I can do something about your speeding," he said while firmly pulling his ticket pad from his coat pocket. "Furthermore," he added, "if you continue to disrespect my authority, I can do something about that too."

Disrespect his authority? Is that what I did? Unfortunately, that's exactly what happened. While I'd like to blame my behavior on my hormones, I can't. I was guilty on all accounts. As I cowered back to my car, I noticed my children's faces pressed against the window of the backseat. They were no doubt learning how to disrespect authority—from their mother.

I let what I thought were my rights blind me to truth. It was my duty to submit to the authority of the police officer. Regrettably, this kind of behavior goes on everyday in the workplace, the home, and even in the church. Why is that? I believe it's because our society today has lost a general lack of respect for one another.

God commands, 'Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord" (Leviticus 19:18). We show honor to God by displaying reverential esteem of others. Respect for God alone should motivate us to offer grace by extending an encouraging word instead of thrashing another with a rude comment. Generally, those who tear down others usually have little respect for themselves. Their rude comments are a desperate attempt to make themselves look better. Sadly, the results usually turn out opposite.

Can you imagine what our world would look like today if we heeded God's command? Envision how great it would be if all spouses respected one another; if children honored their parents; and if citizens obeyed the laws of God and government. It would be a different world! We would have a feeling of security with gestures of love freely given and received. Common courtesies would be raised from the dead. We'd make an effort to know our neighbors and lend a helping hand to a stranger. The words "fear" and "anxiety" would be dropped from the human language. Peace and goodwill would be the heartbeat of our existence.

Let's not dream of a world where people live together in unity, love, and respect as God intended. We can make it happen together using one little word called respect.

Dear Lord, I confess that I don't always respect others' rights, feelings, properties, time or space. Help me to be more gracious and kind, by the power of Your Holy Spirit. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Taken from An Untroubled Heart by Micca Campbell

A Woman's Secret to a Balanced Life by Lysa TerKeurst & Sharon Jaynes

Pierced By the Word: 31 Meditations for Your Soul by John Piper

Visit Micca’s blog

Check out our free resource License to Sin

Application Steps:
Practice respect this week by holding the door for a stranger. Help out a sales clerk by re-hanging dropped clothing from the floor. Respect the privacy of your co-worker by not sharing her troubles with another. Respect your child by listening to their dreams. When your spouse speaks, give your undivided attention. And respect traffic laws by going the speed limit!

Reflections:
What can you do at home, church and the work place to revive respect among one another?

Power Verses:
Galatians 5:14, "The entire law is summed up in a single command: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" (NIV)

© 2010 by Micca Campbell. All rights reserved.

Labels: Balance, Forgiveness, God's Perspective, Overcoming Anger, Patience, Purity, Spiritual Growth

Karen Ehman

"Search me [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139:23-24 (Amplified)

It was an ordinary day. My friend Laurel decided, as she often does, to spend some time reading her Bible that afternoon, connecting with God in the midst of her busy day as a wife and mother. As she leaned forward to reach something with one hand, she held her open Bible close to her heart with her other. It was then that it happened. Through the leather-bound book pressed upon her heart, she felt a small lump on her chest.

A physician was summoned; tests were ordered; Laurel's worst fear became reality. She had breast cancer.

The days, weeks and years that followed brought hospital visits and radiation, probing and prodding, uncertainty and discomfort. Now years removed from those emotionally trying days, my sweet friend's body is free from any traces of that often-deadly disease. She is a healthy high school foreign language teacher who goes about her commonplace days with a deep love for Jesus and eternal gratitude in her heart. Most of all, she is thankful that God arranged circumstances in such a way that her cancer was caught early; all because she held her Bible close to her heart.

I pondered Laurel's experience recently. Imbedded in a touchy relationship issue with a friend, I was angry. It was a situation in which I felt used, violated and unappreciated. I was ready to enter my alone time with God with a whine on my lips and an intense need to vent my mounting frustrations. It was then that He brought today's verses to my mind. I looked them up in the Amplified Version (one which sheds light onto the original Hebrew or Greek meaning of the words) It was then that my eyes fell upon this phrase,

"….see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

Instead of complaining about the actions of my friend, I decided to hold God's Word close to my heart; to see if there was any wicked or hurtful way in me, not in her. When I did, He was quick to point out ways I was wrong; deeply rooted attitudes I displayed that rear their ugly heads and manifest themselves in awful, unattractive behaviors; behaviors no Jesus-following girl should exhibit. I saw I was as much to blame in the situation, maybe even more.

With scripture as a scalpel, God performed open heart surgery that day, and many days since. As I now go to the Great Physician for regular check ups, He is faithful to point out the errors of my ways; to nudge me to allow His thoughts to radiate my soul, burning out the nasty disease that tries to root and grow like a cancer, killing friendships and love.

I wonder, just how many relationship diseases could be cured if we were all more intentional to, early on in the situation, press our Bibles close to our hearts, feeling for any festering lumps of sin?

Dear Lord, please help me to love unconditionally and mind my own sin. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You Know Him?

For more on this topic and a chance to win an English Standard Version leather reference Bible, visit Karen’s blog

A Life that Says Welcome by Karen Ehman

10 Minutes a Day with Jesus: Growing in Your Love for the Savior by Jim Reapsome

Application Steps:
What attitudes do I sometimes display that are the opposite of what God wants for me?

Instead of patience, annoyance? Instead of kindness, harsh words? Do I more readily display rejection rather than exhibit acceptance?

Reflections:
Has there ever been a time that someone extended grace to me when I was actually the one in the wrong? What transpired? How could remembering that kindness keep me from pointing fingers in the future?

Power Verses:
Jeremiah 17:9-10, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds." (ESV)

Hebrews 4:12, "For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart." (ESV)

© 2010 by Karen Ehman. All rights reserved.

Labels: Balance, Forgiveness, God's Perspective, Identity in Christ, Overcoming Anger, Relationships, Spiritual Growth, Trusting God

Marybeth Whalen

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you." Matthew 6:14 (NIV)

I sat listening to my Bible study leader as she took us through our lesson in Genesis. I should have been paying attention but my thoughts kept drifting back to hurtful words and bad memories. It had been weeks since I had spoken to the person who had said those hurtful things, but the pain was still fresh.

I wanted to move on, but I didn't know how. I was caught and I could not get free. The hurt replayed in my mind over and over, a never ending film-loop of words and actions.

That day in Bible study we covered the story of Joseph. I will never forget as we got to the place where his brothers cowered in front of him after realizing who he was…and what they had done (Genesis 50:18). In that moment I will admit that in my humanness, I wanted Joseph to hurt them as much as he had been hurt. At the very least, I wanted him to turn them away as they deserved. Even though I knew the story, I still hoped for a different ending.

And yet, the ending went on just as it had before. Joseph offered his brothers—the brothers that had sold him as a slave—forgiveness. He reached out to them and restored them to a place they didn't deserve. He didn't do it because of them. He did it because of God. He knew what it meant to be forgiven, and he knew the power in extending forgiveness to someone else. I will never forget that moment when God spoke to my heart: "You need to forgive as Joseph forgave."

I will confess I didn't want to offer my forgiveness. God showed me that I was hanging onto my unforgiveness like a burlap security blanket. It was time to offer my forgiveness—not because the person had earned it or deserved it, but because God had asked me to forgive out of simple obedience to Him. Just as He had forgiven me. It was, He reminded me, the least I could do.

In my novel, The Mailbox, the main character Lindsey has several people she must forgive during the course of the story. She learns that there is freedom and peace that is released at the moment we forgive, which makes her eager to forgive even more. This happened to me as well. I heard once that unforgiveness is like eating poison while waiting for the other person to die. Better to walk in the freedom of simply doing what God has asked and let Him take care of the rest. God required me to sacrifice my pride in exchange for the blessing of peace in that relationship. It was definitely worth it and I would do it all over again.

Dear Lord, help me extend forgiveness to those who have hurt me, even when I don't feel that they deserve it. The truth is, I didn't deserve Your forgiveness. Thank You for forgiving me and please help me forgive others as freely as You do. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Visit She Reads for an exciting giveaway today – a copy of Marybeth’s new novel The Mailbox and an ocean-scented candle.

The Mailbox by Marybeth Whalen

The Friends We Keep: A Woman's Quest for the Soul of Friendship by Sarah Zacharias Davis

Crazy Love by Francis Chan

Receive more free encouragement with Forgiveness is Like Spinach

Application Steps:
Is there someone you need to forgive? Spend time journaling about what's holding you back, then pray and ask God's help in extending forgiveness to that person.

Reflections:
Why is unforgiveness like eating poison while waiting for the other person to die? Have you ever experienced this personally or seen it with someone else?

Power Verses:
Luke 11:4a, "Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us." (NIV)

Mark 11:25, "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." (NIV)

© 2010 by Marybeth Whalen. All rights reserved.

Labels: Forgiveness, Friendships, God's Perspective, Overcoming, Relationships, Spiritual Growth, Time with God, Walking in Faith

Susanne Scheppmann

"Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:31-32 (MSG)

We heard a screech from my three year-old granddaughter. Bawling like a newborn calf quickly followed. My daughter-in-law and I rushed to Emily and found a purplish-red oval on her back. Ouch! It seemed her younger sister bit her on her back as they struggled for possession of a toy.

This childish episode caused me to imagine God gazing down on our behavior, shaking His holy head and saying, "Stop talking badly about one another. You're hurting her. Stop backbiting over such silly things."

Unfortunately, backbiting comes easily for us, doesn't it? We become put out over a co-worker, a neighbor, or even a sister in Christ, and begin to spew negative words. Our tongues wag and we injure people—sometimes the ones we love the most.

Remember the childhood rhyme, "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me"? Ha! That is a false statement. Hurtful words can damage and leave bite-marks for a lifetime.

So why do we do this? We backbite because our words are the most difficult thing for us to control. The Bible states in James 3:2, "Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way" (NLT). We need to pray that the Holy Spirit will nudge us each time we are ready to fling a few disparaging words.

In addition, if we are the recipient of a bite on the back, we must learn to forgive quickly. Our key verse advises us to, "Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you." This isn't as hard as it may seem. Realize that things are said that may be misspoken and not meant to hurt as much as they do. Understand that if you hold bitterness in your heart about the unkind words, the bitterness affects you, not the other person.

I witnessed this forgiveness in action with my granddaughters. The younger one, the backbiter, looked defiant, then confused, then sad. She said, "Sworry." They hugged.

Later in the day Emily, the granddaughter who had been bitten, said, "It hurt real bad, but now it's not." Yes, there are two lessons to be learned from our key verse and these two toddlers: don't backbite—and forgive.

Dear Holy Spirit, I ask You to nudge me the next time I begin to backbite. Give me the sense and control to shut my mouth before anything hurtful hurls itself off my tongue. Also, help me to forgive those who hurt me with their words. Mold me into Your image of grace and forgiveness. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Embraced by the Father: Finding Grace in the Names of God by Susanne Scheppmann

30 Days to Taming Your Tongue and accompanying Workbook

Birds in My Mustard Tree: How to Grow Your Faith by Susanne Scheppmann

Visit Susanne’s blog

Application Steps:
Read James 3:1-12. Ponder what James compares the tongue to in these verses. Consider if your tongue is a "restless evil, full of deadly poison." Determine today not to backbite anyone—no matter how aggravating. Decide to use your tongue for the encouragement of others and to praise our God.

Reflections:
In what situations do I most like to use my tongue in a negative manner?

Why do I backbite? Is it jealousy, bitterness, or a power struggle?

Power Verses:
Proverbs 21:23, "Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble." (NLT)

1 Peter 3:10, "For, 'Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech.'" (NIV)

James 3:5, "Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark." (NIV)

© 2010 by Susanne Scheppmann. All rights reserved.

Labels: Forgiveness, God's Perspective, Overcoming, Relationships, Serving, Spiritual Growth

Melanie Chitwood

"Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." Ephesians 4:32 (NAS)

Holly has a hard time parking in the garage. It sits at a tricky angle, and she has run into the garage wall quite a few times. In fact, her van has plenty of scrapes and dents to prove it. Her husband Dan could choose many ways to respond—he could be angry every time, or he could berate her, but that's not his reaction. He has repeatedly chosen to forgive Holly. Their situation is an example of one of the "little foxes" mentioned in Song of Solomon 2:15: "Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!" (NLT). Theirs is a situation that could have become divisive, but because of Dan's gracious response, this "little fox" did not ruin their "vineyard of love."

Do any "little foxes" come to mind when you think about your own marriage? Maybe your spouse was abrupt when speaking to you, didn't give you the attention you wanted, wasn't responsive to intimacy, forgot your anniversary, or got home late without calling recently. Everyday married life presents countless occasions to choose to be offended or to choose to forgive, as today's key verses instructs us.

Without forgiveness, we'll find ourselves becoming irritated, hard-hearted, bitter, and disconnected from our spouse. A friend taught me one way to make sure this doesn't happen: The moment I feel offended, I can choose to forgive. If my spouse says something that makes me mad or hurt, I need to begin praying at that very moment to forgive. Doing this allows God to begin softening our hearts immediately.

In addition to dealing with the little foxes of small offenses, we will sometimes need to forgive our spouses for big offenses. We might be betrayed by unfaithfulness, our trust might be rattled by secrets our spouses keep, or our feelings might be stomped on by spouses who do the same hurtful things over and over again. If one quality makes a Christian marriage stand out from the rest, it's our choice to forgive our spouse. We might feel as if we're ignoring the offense or giving our stamp of approval by choosing to forgive. Our pride and fear might rise up: What if the offense happens again and again? Will I be taken for a fool? What will others think?

Choosing to forgive is an act of obedience to God's commands. Forgiveness entails choosing, often over and over again, not to dwell on the offense because that would allow a root of bitterness to grow in our hearts. But let's be clear: If you're dealing with a sin issue in marriage, choose to forgive but still spend the needed time talking about the situation, praying separately and together, and seeking godly counsel.

Forgiveness is a one of the most essential attitudes for bringing unity and oneness to marriage, and it flows from our relationship with Christ.

Dear Lord, cover our marriage with a spirit of forgiveness. I confess that sometimes I want to hold a grudge, to retaliate, or to be right, rather than forgive. Lord, I don't want the enemy to get a foothold in our marriage, so through the power of the Holy Spirit, I slam the door on Satan by choosing to forgive my spouse. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You Need Forgiveness from God?

For more about forgiveness, visit Lysa TerKeurst's blog, where Holly Good, Lysa's assistant, will be blogging today.

Adapted from What a Wife Needs from Her Husband by Melanie Chitwood

Visit Melanie’s blog What Matters Most

What a Husband Needs from His Wife by Melanie Chitwood

Application Steps:
Dwell on Christ's forgiveness of your offenses.

Say, "I forgive you" today.

Say, "I'm sorry" today.

Choose not to dwell on your spouse's hurtful words or actions.

Don't hold a grudge or seek revenge.

Choose your friends wisely.

Take care around others who bad-mouth their spouses.

The moment you feel offended, begin to pray that the Holy Spirit will work through you to forgive your spouse.

Reflections:
What "little foxes" come to mind concerning your marriage?

Have you chosen to be offended and hurt? Or gracious and forgiving?

Have you been avoiding talking to your spouse about a big offense? Can you choose to today to take the first step in talking about this situation, praying about it, and perhaps seeing a godly counselor?

Power Verses:
Colossians 3:12-13, "Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others." (NLT)

© 2010 by Melanie Chitwood. All rights reserved.

Labels: Forgiveness, Marriage, Overcoming Anger, Patience, Perseverance, Relationships, Spiritual Warfare

Melanie Chitwood

"The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences." Proverbs 18:21 (NLT)

I often hear my husband Scott say something to my sons that brings a smile to my face. "Have you told your mom you love her today? Don't ever forget you have the best mom in the world." When I hear him praise me to our sons, I feel encouraged and appreciated. From my husband's example, I've learned to be careful about the words I say not only to my husband but also about my husband.

Today's key verse tells us our words can bring "death or life." In our marriages, this means our words can either tear down our spouses or build them up. I've been noticing lately whether I'm more likely to say words such as, "I'm married to the greatest man," or words like, "I told you so," or "You don't even try to understand me."

What about you and your words to your husband? When you speak to your husband, do you fill him up with praise, or make him feel like he's not measuring up?

Let's also consider the words we say about our husbands to others. What kind of things do you say about your husband to your children? Your best friend? Your sister or mother?

I tend to be a "venter" when I am angry or frustrated with my husband. Sometimes I turn to others because I'm seeking validation for my angry feelings. Often I vent when I haven't taken the time first to deal with the situation with God. I'm learning that if I go to the Lord first in prayer, pouring out my heart to Him, He changes my heart and brings me to a place of repentance and calmness. Then I'm able to let go of my anger and move on, or talk to my husband about it in a loving manner.

Scripture gives plenty of evidence that God's words have the power of life. In Genesis we're told God created every inch of the world with His spoken words. John 1:1 tells us that Jesus is the Word. Throughout the Gospels, Jesus heals countless people with the power of His words. In a similar manner, our words have accomplishing power. God wants our words to bring life to our marriages. We can choose what we will sow—words of life or words of death—and we will reap the consequences many times over.

Use today's application steps to fill up your husband with words of life.

Dear Lord, let my words to my spouse and about my spouse draw us closer to one another. Teach me to communicate in ways that build my husband up instead of tearing him down. If pride, stubbornness, selfishness, or any other sin is preventing me from speaking words of life in our marriage, Lord, I confess that right now. Make me aware of any words of death I've spoken in our marriage. And as the Holy Spirit brings those to my mind, help me confess and turn from them, especially any words of divorce. Break any curse on our marriage from hurtful, angry, or destructive words. Guided by Your wisdom and love, may our words to and about one another build a protective wall around our marriage. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Today’s devotion is adapted from What a Wife Needs from Her Husband by Melanie Chitwood

What a Husband Needs from His Wife by Melanie Chitwood

30 Days to Taming Your Tongue and accompanying Workbook by Deborah Smith Pegues

For more marriage encouragement visit Melanie’s blog – What Matters Most

Melanie offers more words of wisdom in her P31 Woman article Protecting the Oneness in Marriage

Application Steps:
Considering the list below, which words do you speak most frequently to your husband, "words of life" or "words of death"? Plan on blessing your husband with at least one phrase from the "words of life" suggestions.

Words of Life
I appreciate how hard you work.
You are an incredible husband.
You have great insight.
I'm really looking forward to going out with you.
I'm sorry.
I was wrong.
Will you forgive me?
Thank you.
I understand.

Words of Death
You never listen to me.
You just don't get it.
I told you so.
You should have…
I wish you could just try to understand me for once.
How could you think that?
Why did I ever marry you?
That was dumb.
We'd be better off divorced.

Reflections:
What situations tend to cause you to speak "words of death" to your husband?

Are there certain words you need to make off-limits in your marriage?

In what other relationships do you need to practice speaking "words of life"?

Power Verses:
Ephesians 4:29, "Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift." (MSG)

Psalm 19:14, "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer." (NLT)

© 2010 by Melanie Chitwood. All rights reserved.

Labels: Forgiveness, God's Perspective, Homemaking, Marriage, Overcoming Anger, Patience, Perseverance, Prayer, Purity, Relationships, Serving, Spiritual Growth

Mary DeMuth, She Speaks Conference Graduate

"For consider your calling, brethren, that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble; but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen, the things that are not, so that He may nullify the things that are, so that no man may boast before God." 1 Corinthians 1:26-29 (NASB)

I didn't know that when those older boys pinned five-year-old me to the earth, my backside poked by brambles, that someday God would choose that frightened little girl, sexually abused for a year, to shame the wise. But He chose a shattered me.

I didn't know that as my childhood home filled with drugs and unsafe parties, God would rescue weak and scared me. But, eventually, He salved my fears.

I didn't know that as I ran from other predators, the boys' marks on me like a beacon, I'd someday limp into the arms of a Savior. I felt debased, unworthy, ugly, dirty, ruined. But He welcomed me.

I didn't know that as my earthly father slipped from this earth, my Heavenly Father stood nearby, open armed. Though my earthly father's death left me fatherless, my Heavenly Father didn't orphan me. He grafted me into His family.

I didn't know that as I considered different ways to kill myself in junior high, as I faced a third parental divorce, that Jesus' own beautiful death provided a way of new life for me. He rescued me from taking my life.

I was all the things the apostle Paul wrote about in today's key verse, and then some. Neglected, needy, pained, lost, small, frightened. And yet God took those negatives and beautified them with Himself. That's the great paradox God brings to all of us, no matter how "easy" or hard our upbringing. It's not that we're strong and sufficient and wise, it's that He is.

Perhaps you've looked back on your past and shuddered. Perhaps you've questioned God about why He'd allow atrocities in your life. But consider this: God gets the most glory in the life fully surrendered to Him, and it's hard for a self-sufficient person to submit. He does the most work in our helplessness. (See 2 Corinthians 12: 9, 10).

Our weakness and frailty are not merely places of desolation; they are dance floors—holy places where the God of the universe is allowed to freely move in our lives. Our own lack allows for and welcomes this sacred dance where God's talent outshines our capabilities, where only He receives the glory.

Will you lay down your past today? Will you trust Him with the mess, the memories, the mayhem? If you do, He will take the marred pieces of your life, reassemble them, and make you fly. So you (because of Him) can shame the wise.

Lord, I confess I've seen my own injuries as reasons to blame you and keep You far from my heart. I'm sorry. Help me instead to see my weaknesses as a place where You can demonstrate Your strength. I welcome You into the painful places. Do something new and miraculous. I don't want to be embittered. I want to be free. And I want to give You all the glory. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
View the trailer for Mary’s newest book, Thin Places: A Memoir and purchase your copy today of Thin Places: A Memoir by Mary E. DeMuth

The Mom I Want to Be: Rising Above Your Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future by T. Suzanne Eller

Hidden Joy in a Dark Corner: The Transforming Power of God's Story by Wendy Blight

For more encouragement, read Stained and Ruined

Application Steps:
Find a trusted confidant and share your story with her. Confess ways you've pushed God away. Ask her to pray for you so that you can allow God into the painful places of your life.

Journal a prayer to God about your difficult memories. His shoulders are big enough to carry your authentic, raw words.

Ask God to specifically guide you to Scripture that speaks to your past. Write them out, put them in your purse, and memorize them.

Reflections:
Look back on your life. When have you felt closest to God? The most distant? What were your circumstances at each time?

In what ways are you afraid to surrender your past to God?

How can you choose today to believe the truth that God's strength is stronger where you're weak?

Power Verses:
Isaiah 43:18-19, "Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert." (NAS)

2 Corinthians 12:9-10, "And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore, I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake, for when I am weak, then I am strong." (NAS)

© 2010 by Mary DeMuth. All rights reserved.

Labels: Forgiveness, Identity in Christ, Overcoming, Spiritual Growth, Trusting God, Waiting On God, Walking in Faith

Luann Prater

"'Then neither do I condemn you,' Jesus declared. 'Go now and leave your life of sin.'" John 8:11 (NIV)

"Hey! I want a do-over!" she screamed. The sun was clearly blinding her as she struck the volleyball with her fist to serve. She didn't see the serve fly straight into the hands of the opposing team. It was interesting to watch the reaction of her teammates. Some agreed to offer her grace, others muttered, "Tough stuff! Too bad!" Middle school volleyball resembles a story that Jesus lived.

In the middle of an ordinary teaching day Jesus shared a revealing truth about our Savior. The Pharisees interrupted His lesson by dragging in front of the crowd a woman who had been caught in adultery.

This woman had obvious, visible sin in her life. She was caught red-handed. It was easy for the lawgivers to snatch this life and display it before the crowd. They had their motives for bursting onto the scene, but Jesus flipped their intentions upside down. When these puffed up leaders asked Jesus if this woman should be stoned, "Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger" (vs. 6b, NIV).

Did you catch His reaction to the confrontation? Silence. His mind was at work, but His mouth was not. We learn from scripture that Jesus asked His Father in heaven about every decision before moving forward. Why would this situation be any different?

We've probably all heard that pausing to count to ten before getting angry can diffuse an argument, but I want to park here a minute to see what Jesus did.

Jesus' agenda had just been altered by a bunch of self-righteous leaders. He was preparing to teach truth, and now He had the opportunity to live it. Instead of a quick response He hit the pause button while the Pharisees continued the barrage. Jesus was in no rush to respond.

As He bent down, I imagine Him offering up prayers. He saw that broken woman, He heard that accusing crowd, and yet His focus was on truth. The verse tells us He didn't just stand up, He straightened up. Jesus knew about body language before it was hip to study it. The power of this visual communication meant that He was about to say something that would pierce their hearts.

Many scholars have guessed Jesus was writing on the ground all of the sins of each of the accusers there. His words, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her" (vs. 7, NIV), must have been the first glimpse of light this woman had seen in a long time. Finally, someone saw value in her beyond the bedroom.

Can you imagine the flood of emotions filling her at that moment? She witnessed hope in the middle of her circumstance. Jesus then straightened up to speak to her. He declared that He did not condemn her but she must leave her life of sin. She was given a do-over!

Have you ever wished for a do-over in life? I have. I've been that woman who had no hope. I'm a witness: Jesus is the master of second chances. Throughout the Bible He not only raised the physically dead, He resurrected the spiritually and emotionally dead as well.

Romans 3:10 tells us, "There is no one righteous, not even one" (NIV). Jesus wants you to see that you are not alone. If you look around and think that everyone else has it all together, this story is for you. No one is righteous, not even one! Everyone has their sins, some are just more visible than others. But Jesus knows your heart. He knows your struggles. He sees what plagues your life.

Where are you in this story? Are you the adulterous woman looking for hope? Are you the leader looking to condemn? Are you part of the crowd standing silently in the background? There was only One in this story without sin and He offered grace.

Jesus gave us the perfect example of how to live the truth. Quietly seek the Father's guidance. Think before we speak. Then straighten up and live redeemed.

He has come to give you a second chance; a do-over. Will you listen to His voice?

Dear Jesus, I need a do-over in my life! My sin may be hidden from others, but it is so obvious to You. I'm listening to Your Voice. Will You cleanse me and teach me to straighten up and live redeemed? In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You Know this Redeemer?

Visit with Luann at Encouragement Café!

Confessions of an Adulterous Woman: Lies that Got Me There, Truths that Brought Me Back by Lyndell Hetrick Holtz

A Perfect Mess: Why You Don't Have to Worry About Being Good Enough for God by Lisa Harper

Application Steps:
Kneel down in prayer and ask God to forgive every sin in your life. As you stand, straighten up to experience the symbolism of the new redeemed life you are about to live!

Reflections:
What sin is hiding in my heart?

Do I offer grace to others?

Am I willing to listen to His Voice and live redeemed?

Power Verses:
John 1:16 "From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another." (NIV)

Psalm 71:23 "My lips will shout for joy when I sing praise to you- I, whom you have redeemed." (NIV)

© 2010 by Luann Prater. All rights reserved.

Labels: Forgiveness, God's Perspective, Overcoming, Purity, Spiritual Growth

Melanie Chitwood

"Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8 (NAS)

Cartilage is a tissue that is found in many places in our bodies, including at the end of bones where joints form. It protects our joints from wear and tear, helps them move smoothly, and absorbs shock. When the cartilage in our knee, for example, is damaged, we feel pain.

Grace in our marriages is like the protective covering of cartilage in our joints. Couples who show each other a gracious attitude cover their marriage with understanding, protect their marriage from misunderstandings and short-tempered emotions, and help one another absorb life's jolts and shocks.

For example, the other day Scott came home late to discover that I had forgotten to turn off the hose after washing the dogs. The backyard was overflowing with water—an inconvenience and a costly mistake on my part. He could have gotten mad at me, but he didn't. His gracious attitude covered my shortcoming.

Today's key verse contains the word love rather than the word grace. That's because one aspect of love is grace. It's the part of love that is generous, forgiving, encouraging, and unconditional. It's the part of love that empowers you to fill in the gaps rather than notice what's lacking in your spouse. Grace asks, "How can I help you?" instead of growing frustrated or bitter when your spouse isn't measuring up to your standard.

Bringing criticism, judgment, and self-righteousness into your marriage is all too easy. Saying "Why didn't you…" "You should have…" or "I told you so" requires no effort. But being gracious is what we need in marriage, and that's what Christ calls us to be. We're human. We're going to disappoint one another. We're not always going to meet each other's needs.

When you are fully aware of your own weaknesses and of the ways you fall short of the glory of God, you are more likely to show your partner a gracious attitude. God's Word reminds us that "love covers." How can you cover your spouse with the love of grace today?

Dear Lord, search me, O God, and know my heart (Psalm 139:23). Soften my heart and make me willing to adopt a gracious attitude toward my spouse. Where I have been unforgiving, harsh, judgmental, or bitter toward my spouse, Lord, I am sorry and ask Your forgiveness. If we need to talk about an issue, Lord, I pray our conversation will lead us both to a gracious attitude toward one another. If there's something I need to be quiet about or just to accept, give me willingness and strength. Lord, I pray that my attitude toward my spouse will reflect Your gracious love. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
What a Husband Needs from His Wife by Melanie Chitwood

This devotion was adapted from What a Wife Needs from Her Husband. Order your copy today!

Join Melanie for a conference call on "Building a Marriage that Will Last a Lifetime." For more information, please visit Melanie's blog.

For more on grace, read Fighting Words

Application Steps:
What you can do today to show a gracious attitude toward your spouse? Some ideas:
• Let it go.
• Assume the best.
• In your quiet time, think about the different ways God has covered you with grace rather than burdened you with judgment.
• Hang around friends with gracious attitudes. Let their attitudes rub off on you.
• Be careful of keeping company with people who are constantly bashing and bad-mouthing their spouses. Their bad attitudes are likely to affect yours.
• Don't say, "I told you so."

Reflections:
What triggers in you a harsh or judgmental reaction toward your spouse rather than a gracious reaction?

How has Christ shown you grace, and how can His grace spill over in your marriage?

Power Verses:
Ephesians 4:2, "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." (NIV)

1 Peter 3:7, "You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way…" (NAS)

© 2010 by Melanie Chitwood. All rights reserved.

Labels: Balance, Forgiveness, God's Perspective, Homemaking, Marriage, Overcoming Anger, Patience, Perseverance, Prayer, Purity, Relationships, Serving, Time with God

Karen Ehman

"Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses. On the lips of him who has understanding, wisdom is found..." Proverbs 10:12-13a (ESV)

They are an odd, but pretty pair; the two candlesticks we have perched on the antique dresser in our master bedroom. While both are crafted from solid brass with similar round and sturdy bases, the shafts of each candlestick couldn't be less alike.

One is straight and streamlined; not at all fancy, just functional; with tall lines, direct and strong. The second is designed with a touch of flair; two equidistant strands of brass whirl and swirl side-by-side in a "look at me" manner, as they ascend to the top of the shaft that holds the candle in place.

I found each candlestick at a different yard sale, both in the same month. While their styles aren't the same, somehow this eclectic pair is an interesting match. And more importantly, they are a constant visual reminder to my husband and me, providing a tangible picture of our marriage.

My husband is the first candlestick. No frills. Straight-forward. Only about function. I am the second one. Crazy. Winding. All over the map. Completely about fun. While we both are "forged from brass" in that we are followers of Christ with the same spiritual foundation, pair our opposite-end-of-the-spectrum personalities together and disaster could ensue. In fact, we often joke that if in our college-courting days, we would have been able to send our profiles to an online matchmaking website, instead of pairing us up with each other, the computer screen would have blinked a bright warning. DO NOT DATE!! TOTALLY NOT COMPATIBLE!

Beyond the normal male/female differences, we have a lot in our personalities that cause friction, conflict and sometimes (mostly from me) snapping and harsh words. In fact, it doesn't matter if it is in marriage, parenting or in a work or friendship situation, mismatched personalities can cause frustration, anger and at times, wounded feelings.

Someone who is not wired as we are, does not think like we do and who makes decisions and carries out actions we would never dream of, can just plain rub us the wrong way. It causes our feathers to ruffle and not-so-nice thoughts to invade our brains.

Usually, if dealing with a non-family member, we manage to keep our composure; tame our tongue; to not do or say anything in the midst of our frustration that we might later regret. With our children or spouses, however, sometimes we open the floodgates and spew out all sorts of cutting comments, nasty words, flying criticisms and awful accusations. My husband and I call it "throwing flesh balls." At that point, we are not "walking by the Spirit" but "gratifying the desires of the flesh" (Galatians 5:16).

My flesh just likes to be gratified sometimes and nothing gratifies it more than a good ole', all-out verbal assault on my "thinks-and-acts-so-different-from-me" husband. Instead, today's verse provides direction for how we should handle the inevitable conflicts that arise from trying to mesh two very differing personality types.

We shouldn't spew hate. We should seek to understand. We should ask God for wisdom. We should love. Not necessarily in an "ushy-gushy, touchy-feely" sort of way; but rather, in an, "I am going to choose to react gently and behave kindly because that is what God is asking me to do" sort of way. Cementing this line of thinking in our mind will help us to make the right choice. There are things we will do because we are doing them for God that we otherwise might never do for a spouse, co-worker or friend who makes us mad!

Will you join me today in purposing to stop stirring up strife when it comes to someone in your life who is oil while you are so water? Yes, even if it is your own spouse. The world is watching; sizing up how we behave. When we are one part of a divergence in personalities, what will they see? Stirred up strife or lovingly covered offenses?

Dear Lord, grant me the ability to speak kindly, respond gently and at times, to hold my tongue. I want my actions and reactions to please and reflect You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
What a Husband Needs from His Wife by Melanie Chitwood

What a Wife Needs from Her Husband by Melanie Chitwood

For more on mismatched marriage and a chance to win a couples ‘basket-in-a-box’ giveaway, visit Karen’s blog

A Life that Says Welcome by Karen Ehman

Application Steps:
Jot down the names of one or two people with whom you have difficulty getting along. Now, name at least one kind and thoughtful gesture you could do for them during this Valentine's season, even if anonymously. Do it this week.

Reflections:
In the past, how have you dealt with male/female differences with your spouse or, if you aren't married, with other personality clashes in your life? What were the results? What could you do differently in the future to promote a more harmonious relationship?

Power Verses:
Proverbs 15:1-3 "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly. The eyes of the LORD are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good." (ESV)

John 13:34-35, "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (NIV)

© 2010 by Karen Ehman. All rights reserved.

Labels: Balance, Forgiveness, Homemaking, Marriage, Overcoming Anger, Patience, Perseverance, Prayer, Purity, Relationships, Spiritual Growth, Trusting God, Waiting On God

Melanie Chitwood

"The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences." Proverbs 18:21 (NLT)

I often hear my husband Scott say something to my sons that brings a smile to my face. "Have you told your mom you love her today? Don't ever forget you have the best mom in the world." When I hear him praise me to our sons, I feel encouraged and appreciated. From my husband's example, I've learned to be careful about the words I say not only to my husband but also about my husband.

Today's verse tells us our words can bring "death or life." In our marriages, this means our words can either tear down our spouses or build them up. I've been noticing lately if I'm more likely to say words such as, "I'm married to the greatest man." Or do my words tend to be critical, such as, "I told you so," or "You don't even try to understand me"? What about you and your words to your husband? When you speak to your husband, do you fill him up with praise or make him feel like he's not measuring up?

Now let's consider the words we say about our husbands to others. What kind of things do you say about your husband to your children, best friend, sister, or mother? I tend to be a venter when I am angry or frustrated with my husband. Sometimes I turn to others because I'm seeking validation for my angry feelings. Often I vent when I haven't taken the time first to deal with the situation with God. I'm learning that if I go to the Lord first in prayer, pouring out my heart to Him, He changes my heart and brings me to a place of repentance and calmness. Then I'm able to let go of my anger and move on or talk to my husband in a loving manner.

Scripture gives plenty of evidence that God's words have the power of life. In Genesis we're told God created every inch of the world with His spoken words. John 1:1 tells us that Jesus is the Word. Throughout the Gospels, Jesus heals countless people with the power of His words. In a similar manner, God wants our words to bring life to our marriages. We can choose what we will sow—words of life or words of death—and we will reap the consequences many times over.

So will you take some time today to consider the words you use to and about your spouse? Use today's application steps to fill up your husband with words of life.

Dear Lord, let my words to my spouse and about my spouse draw us closer to one another. Teach me to communicate in ways that build my husband up. Help me hold my tongue when I'm about to say something that will tear him down. If pride, stubbornness, selfishness, or any other sin is preventing me from speaking words of life in our marriage, Lord, I confess that right now. Make me aware of any words of death I've spoken in our marriage, and as the Holy Spirit brings those to my mind, help me confess and turn from them, especially any words of divorce. Break any curse on our marriage from hurtful, angry, or destructive words. Guided by Your wisdom and love, may our words to and about one another build a protective wall around our marriage. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
What a Husband Needs from His Wife by Melanie Chitwood

Today’s devotion is adapted from Melanie’s new book What a Wife Needs from Her Husband

For more marriage encouragement visit Melanie’s blog – What Matters Most

30 Days to Taming Your Tongue and accompanying Workbook by Deborah Smith Pegues

Application Steps:
Considering the list below, which words do you speak most frequently to your husband, "words of life" or "words of death"? Plan on blessing your husband with at least one phrase from the "words of life" suggestions.

Words of Life
I appreciate how hard you work.
You are an incredible husband.
You have great insight.
I'm really looking forward to going out with you.
I'm sorry.
I was wrong.
Will you forgive me?
Thank you.
I understand.

Words of Death
You never listen to me.
You just don't get it.
I told you so.
You should have…
I wish you could just try to understand me for once.
How could you think that?
Why did I ever marry you?
We'd be better off divorced.

Reflections:
What situations tend to cause you to speak "words of death" to your husband? What's a different way to handle these situations?

Are there certain words you need to make off-limits in your marriage?

In what other relationships do you need to practice speaking "words of life"?

Power Verses:
Ephesians 4:29, "Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift." (MSG)

Psalm 19:14, "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer." (NLT)

© 2010 by Melanie Chitwood. All rights reserved.

Labels: Contentment, Forgiveness, God's Perspective, Homemaking, Marriage, Overcoming Anger, Perseverance, Purity, Relationships, Serving, Spiritual Growth

Melanie Chitwood

"He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together." Colossians 1:17 (NAS)

Has there ever been a time when you thought that marriage is harder than you expected or more challenging than you want it to be? My marriage of 18 years to Scott has been a roller coaster of ups and downs this week, and today I'd prefer a whole lot more of the ups, or least some steadiness. We've argued about how often we're physically intimate and how often we have intimate conversations. We've argued about who works harder and who's giving more to the relationship right now. We've argued about really basic issues.

In the private place of my mind and heart I've had questions about my marriage. I've questioned how two people who are so different can be content to be married to one another. What will continue to sustain us and to create a stronger marriage through the years?

And to top it off, I think to myself, "Melanie, you write about marriage. Shouldn't you have this marriage thing figured out? What on earth am I doing writing about marriage?" Deep down inside, however, I know that's exactly why God asked me to write about marriage. I don't have all the answers, as that has been glaringly obvious this week.

But I know the One who does. I know the One who created marriage. I know the One who blesses my marriage. I know the One who holds my marriage together, as today's key verse reminds us.

This morning as I talked to God about me and Scott, I prayed, "Lord, I don't want to be at an impasse with my husband. I want us to find peaceful ground. I want us to find oneness. I want to help him, not hinder him." As I turned to God with my heart held in my hands offered up to Him, God changed me.

God answered my simple prayer in the most practical way. I prayed, "How can I please you today in my marriage?" God's answer to my heart was, Bring Scott lunch today. Make him a big, delicious, healthy salad because that's his favorite lunch.

"Really, God? Don't you think Scott and I need to talk through our issues?" And then I sensed God saying, There will be time for that, but for now, I want you to obey Me.

You see, time and again I've seen that as I let God mold my heart and as I respond in obedience, God's floodgate of love and power covers my marriage, leading us to the place He wants us to be. There will be time for more conversations between us, but for today God wants me to take one step of obedience.

Okay, God, I'm on it. I'm off to make a salad.

Dear Lord, Thank You for my marriage and thank You for my husband. Thank You for holding us together through the ups and downs of my marriage. Keep me focused on You, Lord, so I can honor You and be a blessing to my spouse. Lord, when we need to communicate, I pray we can do so honestly and peacefully. When we need to forgive, I pray we will both freely and readily forgive one another. And when we have misunderstandings, Lord, bring us quickly to a place of understanding. Where we need to extend each other grace, let us do so because You have so lavishly covered us with Your grace. As I trust You with my marriage, let my marriage bring You honor and glory. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
What a Husband Needs from His Wife by Melanie Chitwood

Visit Melanie’s blog for more marriage encouragement today!

Surrender your heart and your marriage to Jesus.

Application Steps:
Do one thing today to show your husband you love him. Here are some ideas:

Give him a smile and a really big kiss when he comes home at the end of the day.

Call, email, or text him to say how much you appreciate his hard work.

Tell him how much you respect what a great dad he is or you respect how he can do any kind of home repair.

Fix his favorite meal.

Don't be too tired tonight for intimacy.

Hold your tongue. Don't say those harsh words you're thinking about your husband. Instead, talk to God.

Promise not to bad-mouth your husband to your friends.

Reflections:
Consider the attitude of your heart and the actions of your hands in your marriage. Is there anything you need to confess to the Lord? Do that now. Remember that acknowledging your sin doesn't mean that you and your husband don't have issues you need to talk about and it doesn't mean that your husband doesn't have sin in his life. It means that you are seeing yourself clearly and that you are willing to do what God wants you to do. It means you're trusting your marriage to God and inviting His transforming power into your marriage.

Power Verses:
Ephesians 5:1-2, "Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." (NIV)

© 2010 by Melanie Chitwood. All rights reserved.

Labels: Forgiveness, God's Perspective, Homemaking, Marriage, Overcoming Anger, Patience, Prayer, Relationships, Serving, Spiritual Growth, Trusting God