The Act of Giving

This post was derived from a recent conversation on "giving" via the meeting of bloggers last Friday (thanks Twilight for bringing up the topic for discussion) plus my recent read of an article in the newspaper that some people who beg for money on the street will often bypass a person who is alone and instead ask for money from a selected "kind-faced" person who is with one or more people. The rationale for this is that the beggar had the belief that a person who is with someone else or is with a group of acquaintances, is more likely to give because they want to be perceived as charitable in front of who they are with by giving rather than look cheap or selfish for not giving. Now, I don't know to what extent this act is believable, however there is something about this that rings true and that is many people give not simply as a self-motivated kind act, not simply to share their abundance however they give because they get something out of it.

There are many times each day in which we have an opportunity to be charitable. We can give of our material wealth, such as to someone in need on the street, to a charity, etc. We give of our time to people who need our time, be that family, colleagues, charities or the person standing in line with us at Starbie.

We can give of our energy and our love.

In any given day, people are frequently giving of themselves. The real question is when you give, are you giving with or without conditions? When you give, is there a price tag attached to your gift, that is, do you expect something in return, or a real practise of loving kindness? Or when you give are you giving because of ulterior motives? Many people give with expectations, often the expectations are manipulative and self-serving.

Many people give because they want something, they may want someone to notice them, to like them more, and they may give to seduce someone into sex or into making some type of deal. A politican gives to attract votes, a businessman gives to advertise and thus enhance marketability of his products.

Some people give because they have come to believe that by giving they will pave their way to heaven, that they will somehow win favors with and be more loved by God and therefore gain entrée into what they perceive to be heaven in the afterlife. Some others give as they believe they will reap huge good karmic values banked-into their "soul/conciousness bank accounts". As you can see, this motivation of giving is still giving with expectations. There is still and expectation associated with the gift that we give, even though that expectation is an expectation of God or the law of karma.

Often times we become frustrated because we feel that our gift was not appreciated or because the gift was not reciprocated. It's to be noticed, to seek and divert attention to oneself "This is my birthday, so you must pay attention to me!". It's all about "ME, ME and more ME!" We have grown into a culture that expects reciprocation for the gifts we give. There are many people who when giving a gift of money, time, energy or love are tuned into their favorite radio station WIIFM (What's In It For Me). These WIIFM fans are often focusing on what they are going to reap out of giving a gift before they even give it.

When we give from our core being, when we give from love there are no expectations tied to the gift. Compassion and loving kindness don't require an audience to acknowledge that we gave of our self. Compassion and love does not expect returns. Love does not give of itself because we believe that it will gain us good karmic returns and favours with God. Love does not keep score of what it is giving or how much it is giving. Love does not give to be manipulative. Love does not give with conditions attached to the gift.

Giving is a natural trait of love and compassion that is the bottom line. When we truly give from the wonderful acts, it is as natural as breathing that is it becomes an unconscious part of how we live. Some may argue that it is not natural if the person is born with a mean-streak. But I sincerely believe we are all born of the same universal essence to love and wanting to be loved. To this sense, I truly believe cultivation of loving kindness and compassion can be cultivated, just as how a cucumbervine can be guided by sticks and fences.

Think today of the many gifts that you give, are they given freely without conditions and without underlying motives or are there price tags on your gifts, are there conditions on your gifts, are your gifts given to manipulate another's behavior? A good way to measure your attachment to the expectations that you have on giving of your gifts is to note the frustration that you feel when your gift is not appreciated or your gift is not reciprocated.

Another good measure of our motivation towards the act of giving could also be derived from the intensity of our action to being charitable. The mere momentary motivation or thought to end the persons suffering without the thought of monetary values attached to it; is by far the most humane act of charity. I always remembered the tale of the lil' boy at Christmas who offered his only penny to charity despite facing the risk of starvation as the most charitable act as opposed to a richman's dropping of a handful of notes into the charity box, which is only a mere drop in the ocean of his material wealth. Many of my friends have deterred me from giving with the reason being "this beggar is part of a syndicate that reaps huge amounts of monies by taking advantage of peoples' compassion". My reply to my friends would just be a simple "charity knows no boundries". Logically, wouldn't we wish that the beggar would collect enough for the day to receive better treatment by whoever is manipulating them?

To sum up, giving of our gifts is one of the most beautiful things we can do. Quoting my idol Mother Teresa "If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one." I encourage each and everyone of us to give. Please do inculcate the joy of being charitable. Charity with conditions is still acceptable, if done with the correct motivation of not being hurt or hurting others. I encourage that you give from love and compassion, and as of today you become more aware of why you are giving for it is never about the gift as much as it is about the intention behind the gift. May you find that the only intention behind your gifts is love.



"Walk on a trail of loving kindness
Walk on a path of compassion
And all else around you will be beautiful."
Every Blessing XOXO