Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Hey Becky! I miss you heaps too! (And I think I owe you an email letter... I'll get on it after I deal with my stupid essay deadlines.)
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It's pretty disillusioning, the way things are going. We all have our silly romanticisms and stupid fantasies we keep replaying in our heads. I've always lamented that they've never worked out, and got myself into a little mudhole feeling all sorry for myself.
There's no point, really. But even the most dense blockhead (aka: me) has got to ask, why? Why, for example, do I stand in front of the mirror every morning painstakingly applying mascara? My eyes aren't pretty, and they don't have to be, but I want them to be and goddam I'm going to spend lots of money trying to get them to be and it's all a waste of money because they inevitably never are.
In other words, I know you would say shut up, you narcissitic bitch. But allow me to rant.
Sometime in my childhood I must have been deprieved of some sort of affection or acceptance. And I can remember lots of times when I never quite fit in. I was excluded from the inflatable tent. A list of names had been printed: "Friends invited into the play tent" and my name wasn't on it. I think I cried and made a big fuss over it. I think some parental intervention occurred. But you can't always expect some authority to cushion life's blows for you. If only I had the precosciousness to step away and think "fuck you", and sit on a tree bough reading Enid Blyton books in angry defiance. I should have become the naughtiest schoolgirl in the world, not just read about her.
I think a whole thread of dishonesty runs through my blog entries, and in the way I present myself. I don't mean that I lie about what happens to me, or that I make up these strange imaginary characters and call them friends. I don't lie about events. I don't lie about schoolwork. I don't lie about factual things. In general, I don't lie about how I feel. But sometimes I do. My lies are sins of omission, not commission. Because I could never put in words some of the feelings I have. They're too stupid, too embarassing, too silly, too immature, too boring, too pathetic, too unsympathetic, too narcissitic, too trivial, too irrational, too illogical.
"Rare is the human being, immature or mature, who has never felt an impulse to pretend he is some one or something else." - George P.Baker
And with that illuminating quote, I admit I've always wanted to be an alpine llama.
----------
It's pretty disillusioning, the way things are going. We all have our silly romanticisms and stupid fantasies we keep replaying in our heads. I've always lamented that they've never worked out, and got myself into a little mudhole feeling all sorry for myself.
There's no point, really. But even the most dense blockhead (aka: me) has got to ask, why? Why, for example, do I stand in front of the mirror every morning painstakingly applying mascara? My eyes aren't pretty, and they don't have to be, but I want them to be and goddam I'm going to spend lots of money trying to get them to be and it's all a waste of money because they inevitably never are.
In other words, I know you would say shut up, you narcissitic bitch. But allow me to rant.
Sometime in my childhood I must have been deprieved of some sort of affection or acceptance. And I can remember lots of times when I never quite fit in. I was excluded from the inflatable tent. A list of names had been printed: "Friends invited into the play tent" and my name wasn't on it. I think I cried and made a big fuss over it. I think some parental intervention occurred. But you can't always expect some authority to cushion life's blows for you. If only I had the precosciousness to step away and think "fuck you", and sit on a tree bough reading Enid Blyton books in angry defiance. I should have become the naughtiest schoolgirl in the world, not just read about her.
I think a whole thread of dishonesty runs through my blog entries, and in the way I present myself. I don't mean that I lie about what happens to me, or that I make up these strange imaginary characters and call them friends. I don't lie about events. I don't lie about schoolwork. I don't lie about factual things. In general, I don't lie about how I feel. But sometimes I do. My lies are sins of omission, not commission. Because I could never put in words some of the feelings I have. They're too stupid, too embarassing, too silly, too immature, too boring, too pathetic, too unsympathetic, too narcissitic, too trivial, too irrational, too illogical.
"Rare is the human being, immature or mature, who has never felt an impulse to pretend he is some one or something else." - George P.Baker
And with that illuminating quote, I admit I've always wanted to be an alpine llama.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
I'm cringin' in the rain
Yesterday's night market was an outstanding failure. Intermittent pouring of rain, a blackout, a bad decision on my part to wear shorts and my water-allergic wedges, over-priced food. Plus I was stood up not once but twice, and went home soggy and limping from a blister on my left little toe.
It was a promising start though. Garry and I had planned to meet up at 6, so I left the apartment promptly at half past five to get to uni on time. Only he didn't turn up. So I waited. And waited. And waited. And still no sign of the Gare Bear. I attributed this to his moody/ grumpy/ nicotine-withdrawal situation, so I called up Sheryl and we went around trying to get food while dodgy the tempermental skies.
I saw L, standing with a bunch of student union office-bearers near the stage, but then saw W hovering at the adjacent stall, so I thought better of going up to say hi to either of them. Instead, I ran to hide in the union house toilets; which, say it with me - clever! (And also - cowardly!)
I bought 4 taco pachi octupus balls for a $3.50, which (say it with me) DAYLIGHT ROBBERY! An exorbitant price for those delicious but so not-worth-3.50 octopus balls. Divine justice was dispensed, thankfully, when that particular stall suffered a blackout later on in the night.)
A bunch of Gen friends came over from Melb Central, and I don't really want to go into too much detail, but - misunderstanding on both parts. All is forgiven. And - thank God you missed those awful barbequed octopuses! (octopii?)
Al, Rahimy and I spent the rest of the night looking for cheap yummy grub. No such luck. We did get a few laughs out of people mishearing Rahimy's name. One girl started calling him "Mimi" instead. Trying to salvage his dignity, he introduced himself as "Ray" from then on.
It was a promising start though. Garry and I had planned to meet up at 6, so I left the apartment promptly at half past five to get to uni on time. Only he didn't turn up. So I waited. And waited. And waited. And still no sign of the Gare Bear. I attributed this to his moody/ grumpy/ nicotine-withdrawal situation, so I called up Sheryl and we went around trying to get food while dodgy the tempermental skies.
I saw L, standing with a bunch of student union office-bearers near the stage, but then saw W hovering at the adjacent stall, so I thought better of going up to say hi to either of them. Instead, I ran to hide in the union house toilets; which, say it with me - clever! (And also - cowardly!)
I bought 4 taco pachi octupus balls for a $3.50, which (say it with me) DAYLIGHT ROBBERY! An exorbitant price for those delicious but so not-worth-3.50 octopus balls. Divine justice was dispensed, thankfully, when that particular stall suffered a blackout later on in the night.)
A bunch of Gen friends came over from Melb Central, and I don't really want to go into too much detail, but - misunderstanding on both parts. All is forgiven. And - thank God you missed those awful barbequed octopuses! (octopii?)
Al, Rahimy and I spent the rest of the night looking for cheap yummy grub. No such luck. We did get a few laughs out of people mishearing Rahimy's name. One girl started calling him "Mimi" instead. Trying to salvage his dignity, he introduced himself as "Ray" from then on.
Labels: Food, Friends, University
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Political Slut rides again
It's caught up with me. When I was at the gender studies protest today (see previous entry), both L___ from Soc Alt and W_____ from Soc Party were both there. I was standing next to L when W came up to talk to me. I was happy to see him, and we exchanged pleasantries, but I was horribly conscious that L was there, and horribly conscious that W had seen L, and horribly conscious that L had seen W and horribly conscious that L and W had to had to had to know each other's political affiliations.
W started telling me about his geology field trip, and L suddenly interrupted.
"Where is it?"
"(some random town)" W goes.
They stare at each in silence.
"Uh," I go, trying to come up with a neutral topic. "How long does this go for?"
"Hours," W goes.
"Oh Ok."
W starts saying something about yesterday's speak out, which I didn't know anything about, and nods to L.
L turns to me and says, "I started getting really pissed off and angry at yesterday's speak-out. Because when I'm nervous, I start shouting and swearing."
W turns to me and says, "I can attest to that."
They stare testily at each other.
More stupid questions from me to break up the tension, before L shuffles me off to collect signatures for the petition, while W takes off to his class.
Is this what happens when the rivals meet each other? And am I, political slut that I am, the villian in this piece?
W started telling me about his geology field trip, and L suddenly interrupted.
"Where is it?"
"(some random town)" W goes.
They stare at each in silence.
"Uh," I go, trying to come up with a neutral topic. "How long does this go for?"
"Hours," W goes.
"Oh Ok."
W starts saying something about yesterday's speak out, which I didn't know anything about, and nods to L.
L turns to me and says, "I started getting really pissed off and angry at yesterday's speak-out. Because when I'm nervous, I start shouting and swearing."
W turns to me and says, "I can attest to that."
They stare testily at each other.
More stupid questions from me to break up the tension, before L shuffles me off to collect signatures for the petition, while W takes off to his class.
Is this what happens when the rivals meet each other? And am I, political slut that I am, the villian in this piece?
Fight For It!
Stupid fucking uni admin. Under their new bullshit academic overhaul for next year, Gender studies, and other subject areas like creative writing are being scrapped as a major. What the hell? I'm not just offended, as a student doing gender studies; I'm not just offended, as a woman, I'm fucking offended as a human being! The admin doesn't give a shit about subject areas that don't bring the cash rolling in - after all, what are the chances that a gender studies major, or someone doing gender studies for their masters or post-grad degrees are going to drive around in big rolls royces, own enormous mansions, and make ridiculously obscene amount of donations to the uni?
This isn't just a move that fucks over 52% of the world's population, it's an attack on the student union. It's pandering to corporate bottomline concerns, and not giving the students what they want to study.
We camped outside the meeting room making noise and chanting slogans. They definitely heard us, for sure - soon enough they were forced to close the windows and draw the huge wooden shutters (on a hot day) to drown out the noise. Well, even if we didn't manage to change their minds, at least we made them sweat in there.
This isn't just a move that fucks over 52% of the world's population, it's an attack on the student union. It's pandering to corporate bottomline concerns, and not giving the students what they want to study.
We camped outside the meeting room making noise and chanting slogans. They definitely heard us, for sure - soon enough they were forced to close the windows and draw the huge wooden shutters (on a hot day) to drown out the noise. Well, even if we didn't manage to change their minds, at least we made them sweat in there.
Labels: Gender studies, University
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Have a PNAnana
Redrafting, meta-writing, editing, editing, note-taking. My head's going to explode. Maybe I shouldn't have gone for the Soc Party meeting just now (a really interesting talk on what Marxism has to say to Religion. Marxism analyses religion in a complex manner, identifying religion as both a response and a manifestation of desperation in society, thereby evaluating.... shorter Marx: NO.)
You know, I've been such a political slut lately. My dalliances between two rival socialist groups aside, I've been cavorting with the Amnesty people, toying with the idea of joining the political interest group (no afflilations, we promise.)
So after spending the night (read: 7pm meeting) with the Soc Party, I'll be breakfasting (read: morning poster run) and having dinner (read: kebabs) with Soc Alt tomorrow.
If I do go for the Stop the War Coalition on Saturday, I'll run the risk of meeting my various political 'lovers' at the same time... in the same place.
Which would be a very, very bad idea indeed. Which is why I'm not going to go. (Help me think of a creative excuse!)
I'll go shopping instead. Instead of the two socialist lovers, or two non-politcally aligned romeos, I can meet up with my capitalist fat-cat sugar daddy.
You know, I've been such a political slut lately. My dalliances between two rival socialist groups aside, I've been cavorting with the Amnesty people, toying with the idea of joining the political interest group (no afflilations, we promise.)
So after spending the night (read: 7pm meeting) with the Soc Party, I'll be breakfasting (read: morning poster run) and having dinner (read: kebabs) with Soc Alt tomorrow.
If I do go for the Stop the War Coalition on Saturday, I'll run the risk of meeting my various political 'lovers' at the same time... in the same place.
Which would be a very, very bad idea indeed. Which is why I'm not going to go. (Help me think of a creative excuse!)
I'll go shopping instead. Instead of the two socialist lovers, or two non-politcally aligned romeos, I can meet up with my capitalist fat-cat sugar daddy.
Friday, March 09, 2007
That's me in the corner, sipping on a cheap outdated drink (cosmopolitian: embarassingly out of date since Sex and the City) and feeling like the most boring person in the world. Would you come up to talk to me? No, of course you wouldn't, because your attention would be taken up by our loud bossy Cameroon/French/Darwinian president, or by the lemon-lime-and-bitters man who almost tatooed an outline of Iceland on his inner thigh.
I make a good wallflower. I don't even need that much watering.
I make a good wallflower. I don't even need that much watering.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Hegemonic Melodic
An exhausting day. That might actually be the understatement of the week. It got so bad towards the end of the day that the first thing I did when I got home was to mass e-mail everyone doing the Contemp. Ide & Mvt subject to beg for a tute swap so I won't have to have 6 hours of classes on Tuesdays.
Alright... moving on...
Contemp Ide & Mvt lecture was interesting. Our lecturer is quite different from most - she encourages active participation in lectures. So people yell out their thoughts and opinions across the hall. I hope to have the courage to yell something out before the semester is done... but...
Well, we'll see. We covered (painted, actually with a very broad brush) the four main ideologies we'll be focusing on - (Classic) liberalism, conservatism, socialism and communism.
Cinema Studies Screening. We watched Georges Méliès "Le Voyage dans la Lune", or "A Trip to the Moon" for you non-francophiles, widely said to be the first science fiction film. Bizarre, quaint and utterly charming, I thought I'll put it up for your viewing pleasure. It isn't too long, and it is really quite fascinating...
Enjoy.
Second part of film screening was devoted to Buster Keaton's "The General".
Shall not go into too much detail about the cinema studies lecture or Contemp Ide & Mvt tute.
Met up with L___ and B__ for a poster run for Soc Alt. I'm afraid, though I've made it clear that I don't wish to join Soc Alt, that L__ has also made it clear that ultimately he wants me to. We'll see how this develops over the course of time. It's not a matter of two wills with directly opposing goals being pitted against each other, although it may seem that way. I guess I'm just groping around, trying to find out where I stand and why things are the way they are. I don't know how helpful L___ will be, coming from such an unabashedly strong marxist perspective, but he's going way beyond what he has to to engage with my ideas. He says we'll go through pamphlets, talk about stuff, have coffees, discuss. "Ok," I say.
In the middle of our discussions, we suddenly started talking about movies. I supplied the reason for my sudden interest (I'ld say it began about June to July last year, *ahem*crushonvideostoreguy*ahem*) in less mainstream movies, and L___ threw back his head and laughed. I found this incredibly attractive, not in a romantic 'oh-gee-how-cute' way, but the warmth in his laughter and the sudden relaxed atmosphere that it brought to the conversation made everything a little brighter, and the coffee a little sweeter.
Alright... moving on...
Contemp Ide & Mvt lecture was interesting. Our lecturer is quite different from most - she encourages active participation in lectures. So people yell out their thoughts and opinions across the hall. I hope to have the courage to yell something out before the semester is done... but...
Well, we'll see. We covered (painted, actually with a very broad brush) the four main ideologies we'll be focusing on - (Classic) liberalism, conservatism, socialism and communism.
Cinema Studies Screening. We watched Georges Méliès "Le Voyage dans la Lune", or "A Trip to the Moon" for you non-francophiles, widely said to be the first science fiction film. Bizarre, quaint and utterly charming, I thought I'll put it up for your viewing pleasure. It isn't too long, and it is really quite fascinating...
Enjoy.
Second part of film screening was devoted to Buster Keaton's "The General".
Shall not go into too much detail about the cinema studies lecture or Contemp Ide & Mvt tute.
Met up with L___ and B__ for a poster run for Soc Alt. I'm afraid, though I've made it clear that I don't wish to join Soc Alt, that L__ has also made it clear that ultimately he wants me to. We'll see how this develops over the course of time. It's not a matter of two wills with directly opposing goals being pitted against each other, although it may seem that way. I guess I'm just groping around, trying to find out where I stand and why things are the way they are. I don't know how helpful L___ will be, coming from such an unabashedly strong marxist perspective, but he's going way beyond what he has to to engage with my ideas. He says we'll go through pamphlets, talk about stuff, have coffees, discuss. "Ok," I say.
In the middle of our discussions, we suddenly started talking about movies. I supplied the reason for my sudden interest (I'ld say it began about June to July last year, *ahem*crushonvideostoreguy*ahem*) in less mainstream movies, and L___ threw back his head and laughed. I found this incredibly attractive, not in a romantic 'oh-gee-how-cute' way, but the warmth in his laughter and the sudden relaxed atmosphere that it brought to the conversation made everything a little brighter, and the coffee a little sweeter.
Labels: University
Monday, March 05, 2007
Let Bert the Turtle show you the way
It's starting to get a little cold. My favourite season is here, and I'm looking forward to the time when I can slide on my boots without having my legs sweaty and sticky after about half and hour, when it suddenly becomes hot again (as it is wont to do) in the very sketchy transition from summer to autumn.
Sunday
Traipsing around town with the Singapore Students Society. The programme for the day was a choice between *nudges Jiawei* wisecracking socialists and whiny Singaporeans, and in the end the promise of free mutton curry, coconut rice and cheng teng soup won out.
I had a good time (mostly) and I made some more new friends. I don’t want to make sweeping generalizations here… But. But. (Some) Singaporean men are horrifically sexist, racist and apathetic. Somehow it slipped out that I have feminist leanings (I think I was saying something about how women should do compulsory NS) and it led on to sexism, and somehow someone ended up telling me that men suffer more from sexism, because of the need to look ‘buff, suave and cool’ to attract teh ‘chio bus’. You know, I don’t think I have the breath or energy to go into the whole eating disorder phenomena that affects mainly females; the pressure to fit a certain image of feminity (which takes bloody long, hard work); and women being valued primarily based on their appearance. I don’t deny that men suffer from having to fit certain moulds, and I deplore that this is the case and want it to be changed, but I think we can cut the crap about the whole “men suffer too, boo hoo”. Men suffer because of sexism, but not nearly as much as women do. The only way forward is to liberate everyone from enforced gender roles. But that ain’t gonna happen if you want to put men’s suffering as the ‘more important’ suffering. It’s ridiculous. This. Is. Not. The. Opression. Olympics!!!
I made a new friend from RMIT, JX, and while I think he’s a likeable person, I hated the fact that he thought he had every right to comment on my appearance, as if I was some piece of public property that needed critical evaluation. He didn’t make any disparaging remarks about me, which I would never have stood for anyway. Though his comments were fairly neutral observations, they reveal a disturbing sense of entitlement (ho ho, my favourite new phrase of my crazy new phase) about feeling free to discuss other people’s property (their bodies). Points that he thought were apparently up for grabs in the discussion department:
1) That I wore contacts
2) That I pluck my eyebrows (although he had the nerve to tell me my eyebrows were too long at the edge – wtf??)
3) have thick hair
4) and apparently now I have a ‘dislike of accessories’ (erm, just because I wasn’t wearing any yesterday doesn’t mean I dislike accessories – hell, I have tons of them at home)
Hello, Captain Obvious. How about you pick my brain, and stop picking on my looks? Jeebus.
Monday
USA Today lecture. Sat in between Petra and Alex (ooh la la) , two very lovely people. Our third USA lecture of the semester had the entire hall giggling after we were shown "Duck and Cover", a 50s propaganda film featuring Bert the Turtle, who buoyantly tells us what to do in case of an atomic bomb attack. It made me grin so hard, I just have to share this video...
Enjoy.
After the lecture, I had a coffee with Petra and Maddie W (a media com/ commerce student) to pass the time before my next tute.
USA Today tute was ok, I was a little less vocal than I was the previous week, only managing to come up with a pretty weak one-sentence summation of Joseph McCarthy's drumming up of nationalistic sentiment to veil his own political agenda. Ah, well. Rest of the tute was spent at the library, learning at how to use microfilm. It’s all very cool and Veronica Mars-y, but damn! It’s confusing.
Cinema Studies Tute was horribly discouraging. Everyone seems to be some kind of film conniseur, so I ended up feeling very stupid and clueless. I might speak to my tutor about this, but hell, no way am I going to pull the “oh comfort me and tell me I’m ok and I’ll be alright and everything’s gonna work out” because this shit isn’t gonna stick.
Two very bright spots in my day: the first was while Alex and I were walking to the library, we started discussing Ugly Betty. Alex started to grimace, and I thought he was going to rant about how clichéd and boring the show is (the former I agree with slightly, the latter notion I vehemently oppose) but he went on to say with no small amount of passion and sincerity…
“I don’t think she’s [Betty] ugly in the least. I don’t think she’s ugly at all! In fact, I think she’s gorgeous.”
I was momentarily stunned, and very, very moved. I think I was speechless for a while. He has a beautiful soul, that Alex, truly.
The second bright spot: L___ called to meet up with me tomorrow. I cannot explain why this makes me happy, but it really does.
Sunday
Traipsing around town with the Singapore Students Society. The programme for the day was a choice between *nudges Jiawei* wisecracking socialists and whiny Singaporeans, and in the end the promise of free mutton curry, coconut rice and cheng teng soup won out.
I had a good time (mostly) and I made some more new friends. I don’t want to make sweeping generalizations here… But. But. (Some) Singaporean men are horrifically sexist, racist and apathetic. Somehow it slipped out that I have feminist leanings (I think I was saying something about how women should do compulsory NS) and it led on to sexism, and somehow someone ended up telling me that men suffer more from sexism, because of the need to look ‘buff, suave and cool’ to attract teh ‘chio bus’. You know, I don’t think I have the breath or energy to go into the whole eating disorder phenomena that affects mainly females; the pressure to fit a certain image of feminity (which takes bloody long, hard work); and women being valued primarily based on their appearance. I don’t deny that men suffer from having to fit certain moulds, and I deplore that this is the case and want it to be changed, but I think we can cut the crap about the whole “men suffer too, boo hoo”. Men suffer because of sexism, but not nearly as much as women do. The only way forward is to liberate everyone from enforced gender roles. But that ain’t gonna happen if you want to put men’s suffering as the ‘more important’ suffering. It’s ridiculous. This. Is. Not. The. Opression. Olympics!!!
I made a new friend from RMIT, JX, and while I think he’s a likeable person, I hated the fact that he thought he had every right to comment on my appearance, as if I was some piece of public property that needed critical evaluation. He didn’t make any disparaging remarks about me, which I would never have stood for anyway. Though his comments were fairly neutral observations, they reveal a disturbing sense of entitlement (ho ho, my favourite new phrase of my crazy new phase) about feeling free to discuss other people’s property (their bodies). Points that he thought were apparently up for grabs in the discussion department:
1) That I wore contacts
2) That I pluck my eyebrows (although he had the nerve to tell me my eyebrows were too long at the edge – wtf??)
3) have thick hair
4) and apparently now I have a ‘dislike of accessories’ (erm, just because I wasn’t wearing any yesterday doesn’t mean I dislike accessories – hell, I have tons of them at home)
Hello, Captain Obvious. How about you pick my brain, and stop picking on my looks? Jeebus.
Monday
USA Today lecture. Sat in between Petra and Alex (ooh la la) , two very lovely people. Our third USA lecture of the semester had the entire hall giggling after we were shown "Duck and Cover", a 50s propaganda film featuring Bert the Turtle, who buoyantly tells us what to do in case of an atomic bomb attack. It made me grin so hard, I just have to share this video...
Enjoy.
After the lecture, I had a coffee with Petra and Maddie W (a media com/ commerce student) to pass the time before my next tute.
USA Today tute was ok, I was a little less vocal than I was the previous week, only managing to come up with a pretty weak one-sentence summation of Joseph McCarthy's drumming up of nationalistic sentiment to veil his own political agenda. Ah, well. Rest of the tute was spent at the library, learning at how to use microfilm. It’s all very cool and Veronica Mars-y, but damn! It’s confusing.
Cinema Studies Tute was horribly discouraging. Everyone seems to be some kind of film conniseur, so I ended up feeling very stupid and clueless. I might speak to my tutor about this, but hell, no way am I going to pull the “oh comfort me and tell me I’m ok and I’ll be alright and everything’s gonna work out” because this shit isn’t gonna stick.
Two very bright spots in my day: the first was while Alex and I were walking to the library, we started discussing Ugly Betty. Alex started to grimace, and I thought he was going to rant about how clichéd and boring the show is (the former I agree with slightly, the latter notion I vehemently oppose) but he went on to say with no small amount of passion and sincerity…
“I don’t think she’s [Betty] ugly in the least. I don’t think she’s ugly at all! In fact, I think she’s gorgeous.”
I was momentarily stunned, and very, very moved. I think I was speechless for a while. He has a beautiful soul, that Alex, truly.
The second bright spot: L___ called to meet up with me tomorrow. I cannot explain why this makes me happy, but it really does.
Labels: Sexism, University
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Of course, we can walk alongside each other, bound to each other's company because it ain't 8.30pm yet. We don't have to like each other, we only have to pretend we do.
---------------
Maybe, to be free, we have to stop believing there's some higher being up there who's got some micro-managed 'plan' for us. 'He' guides us, we follow. We do 'his' will, 'he' rewards us. We don't, 'he' punishes us. Maybe, let's just take a leap of faith (har, har) and just for one moment imagine that we are our highest authority, moral or otherwise. That we have total and complete agency over our lives.
I'm throwing the gauntlet as much to myself as to anyone else. Not to blaspheme or disrespect anyone (you have every right to believe whatever you want to), but just, I don't know: push the envelope a little. Let this lifetime be our heaven. It's a disgusting, broken world, for sure. But all we have is all of us, and each other.
---------------
Maybe, to be free, we have to stop believing there's some higher being up there who's got some micro-managed 'plan' for us. 'He' guides us, we follow. We do 'his' will, 'he' rewards us. We don't, 'he' punishes us. Maybe, let's just take a leap of faith (har, har) and just for one moment imagine that we are our highest authority, moral or otherwise. That we have total and complete agency over our lives.
I'm throwing the gauntlet as much to myself as to anyone else. Not to blaspheme or disrespect anyone (you have every right to believe whatever you want to), but just, I don't know: push the envelope a little. Let this lifetime be our heaven. It's a disgusting, broken world, for sure. But all we have is all of us, and each other.
Friday, March 02, 2007
Wow. Yet another week.
So my second week of uni has come to an end. It also happened to be the first week of official lectures and tutorials. The flurry of activity, of book buying, of awkward run-ins with new acquaintances, of sprinting across campus to make it to the next lecture on time... god, I'm exhausted! I haven't had enough time to do my readings, yet alone blog regularly, so I'm starting to wonder if the weekly round-up post will be the shape of things to come.
Monday
I met up with Ben and his Korean friend before the lecture for lunch, which for me consisted of two slices of raisin bread still in their original bag, which not only looked absolutely disgusting but tasted somewhat off as well.
I had my very first USA today lecture. This is such an awesome subject, and I really love it. I can't really explain my fascination with good ol' USA, big brother of the worldtm, but perhaps it has to do with all the Hollywood movies I grew up watching. A second lunch was long overdue, so I went with a new friend I made in the lecture. Petra's family comes from Croatia. She's doing a arts/science double degree, which fills me with both admiration and a certain kind of envy. (Yes, I miss Physics, I really do. I want to glorify in standing waves and transistors and photons and work functions and kinematics once more.)
My first ever tutorial for USA today was in the very-hard-to-find room 1006 of the Redmond Barry building. Wandering around the 10th floor, I spotted a guy and a girl sitting on the couch outside the (unlabelled) room 1006. And let me tell you, the guy, Alex, is an absolute hottie. Absolutely hot. Very hot. Extremely hot. Very cute. Super handsome. Justin Chatwin in the flesh. Save me!
Tuesday
A packed day. The professional writing lecturer didn't turn up (we only found out later that there wasn't supposed to be one and the timetable was screwed up). A chance to make new friends while bitching about the inconsiderate lecturer over coffee.
We were introducted to Introduction to Hollywood and Art Cinema with a screening of Citizen Kane, a thoroughly fascinating movie. And let me spoil those of you who haven't seen it - 'Rosebud' is William Randolph Heart's mistresses' clitoris. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I spotted Alex at lunch, although he couldn't join us. He has very hairy legs. Just sayin'.
Met up with Roomie, and went to explore St. Mary's College. With the look and feel of a motor inn, I can't say I'll be eager to live there.
Hollywood lecture, then home.
Wednesday
Contemporary Ideologies and Movements scared the crap out of me. The amount of readings and work that has to be done is quite incredible. My friend's dropped out of it now, and I'm left to bitch with the only other person I know who's doing it about how much work there is and how much we have to pull our socks up since slacking days in Ms Fahey's English class.
Met up with L____, on his request, to talk more about Soc Alt. I'm afraid I have disappointed him a great deal. All that time spent on discussions, meetings and poster runs seems to have come to nothing. I don't know how he's going to react if he finds out I met up with the Soc Party and am planning to attend their forum this weekend.
A M-ASS barbecue at 1pm, where I ran into a Xavier guy and his friend. A summary exchange of numbers led to him saying "I probably won't call, because I have like, 5 cents of credit left." You know, he's not the first person to tell me that. "Well," I reply drily, "I suppose I'll just wait with bated breath for the call that will never come."
2pm: Amnesty meeting. It was really awesome seeing a bunch of people from Gen, and the mix of people is really diverse, so I'm really looking forward to getting more involved. Our little get-to-know you involved us answering three questions:
1. What's your name?
2. What course are you doing?
3. How do you like your eggs?
Resisted the temptation to reply to question 3 with the word "unfertilised" and went with "omelette-style" instead.
7pm: Student Union party at Three Degrees bar... sucked like shit. So few people turned up, my friend bailed on me, and there was this dickhead who made a fool of himself. Some of the weird stuff he did include (but are not limited to): extinguishing the mood candles. Trying to relight them using the huge ornamental candles sitting on the ledge of the window. Setting fire to a piece of paper and littering this poor girl with ashes. Pouring wax and water over the table, and soaking them up with a bunch of sandwiches he grabbed off a waiter's serving tray. Stuffing said sandwiches into his mouth. Flinging sausage roll on to wall, where it splintered into pieces and showered everyone with flaky pastry. And pissing the security guy off big time. I left after a while, but didn't feel like heading home so I called Garry up for gelati. It felt surreal to be back at the gelati shop, but it had to be done. I have to get over it so I can finally enjoy the best tasting gelati in the whole of Melbourne.
Thursday
Contemporary Ideologies and Movements. Sat next to a guy who fumed over the lecturer's declaration that Marx and Engel's concept of ideology is one of oppression and hegemony. The only awesome thing about this lecture is that we watched Monty Python's "Holy Grail" for the first few minutes to get us to start thinking about ideology. I think the entire lecture hall would have preferred to continue watching the film for the rest of the day, but unfortunately it was back to ho-hum stuff like the Foucauldian perspective of ideology and how it differs from post-modernist and critical/Marxist perspectives. You know, I quite like the post-modernist way of thinking. I agree, absolutely, that there can't be absolutes, ever.
5pm: Soc Party meeting. I like them. I feel less coerced when I'm around them than when I'm with Soc Alt. They're really funny, relaxed people, and unlike Soc Alt they don't see things in black and white and are less hardcore about everything. One of the members is a self-professed anarchist, which would be enough to get you kicked out of Soc Alt. Klaus, the Socialist councillor from Germany who was guest speaker there got caught up in an energetic discussion with Yorran, one of the members. When Klaus said, "Well, if the fascists kill on of us, we shouldn't kill one of them..." the self-professed anarchist piped up "Yeah, that's wrong!" Klaus began to nod in agreement, until self-professed anarchist continued "If they kill one of us, we kill all of them!" The whole table dissolved into laughter.
The only downside to an otherwise pleasant evening was that they were all puffing away on cancer sticks. "You don't mind, do you?" they all ask nicely. "No, that's fine" I smile, although my lungs give a silent scream of mercy and a little bit of me dies inside.
6.15pm: Film Society screening of Woody Allen's Manhatten. I've never seen a Woody film before, and what stuck with me about Woody, more than anything else, is the narcissim that co-exists with a very deep self-loathing. The humour is wry, which I though was a poignant way of dealing with the incredible loneliness of living in the big cold city of Manhattan. I really think we should have coffees to discuss this. But everyone went home and one of the film guys I met on the tram treated me with utmost condescenscion. He thought me a vapid, mainstream movie watching chick, which isn't entirely inaccurate, but I bet a hundred of the stupid almond nuts he was stuffing his face with that I've seen more arthouse and indie flicks than he has.
Friday
Here I am now, blogging. I have Fridays off. Today I'm going to try to get some work done, because I've got a busy weekend ahead. I've got to tutor tonight, the soc party forum tomorrow, and a singapore students' society city tour and dinner on sunday.
Despite a rather full-on week, and a rather busy social calender for the foreseeable future, I was struck with an incredible loneliness when I woke up this morning. I messaged Leanne to ask if she was coming for tonight's tutoring, and when she said no, I felt even crappier.
Monday
I met up with Ben and his Korean friend before the lecture for lunch, which for me consisted of two slices of raisin bread still in their original bag, which not only looked absolutely disgusting but tasted somewhat off as well.
I had my very first USA today lecture. This is such an awesome subject, and I really love it. I can't really explain my fascination with good ol' USA, big brother of the worldtm, but perhaps it has to do with all the Hollywood movies I grew up watching. A second lunch was long overdue, so I went with a new friend I made in the lecture. Petra's family comes from Croatia. She's doing a arts/science double degree, which fills me with both admiration and a certain kind of envy. (Yes, I miss Physics, I really do. I want to glorify in standing waves and transistors and photons and work functions and kinematics once more.)
My first ever tutorial for USA today was in the very-hard-to-find room 1006 of the Redmond Barry building. Wandering around the 10th floor, I spotted a guy and a girl sitting on the couch outside the (unlabelled) room 1006. And let me tell you, the guy, Alex, is an absolute hottie. Absolutely hot. Very hot. Extremely hot. Very cute. Super handsome. Justin Chatwin in the flesh. Save me!
Tuesday
A packed day. The professional writing lecturer didn't turn up (we only found out later that there wasn't supposed to be one and the timetable was screwed up). A chance to make new friends while bitching about the inconsiderate lecturer over coffee.
We were introducted to Introduction to Hollywood and Art Cinema with a screening of Citizen Kane, a thoroughly fascinating movie. And let me spoil those of you who haven't seen it - 'Rosebud' is William Randolph Heart's mistresses' clitoris. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I spotted Alex at lunch, although he couldn't join us. He has very hairy legs. Just sayin'.
Met up with Roomie, and went to explore St. Mary's College. With the look and feel of a motor inn, I can't say I'll be eager to live there.
Hollywood lecture, then home.
Wednesday
Contemporary Ideologies and Movements scared the crap out of me. The amount of readings and work that has to be done is quite incredible. My friend's dropped out of it now, and I'm left to bitch with the only other person I know who's doing it about how much work there is and how much we have to pull our socks up since slacking days in Ms Fahey's English class.
Met up with L____, on his request, to talk more about Soc Alt. I'm afraid I have disappointed him a great deal. All that time spent on discussions, meetings and poster runs seems to have come to nothing. I don't know how he's going to react if he finds out I met up with the Soc Party and am planning to attend their forum this weekend.
A M-ASS barbecue at 1pm, where I ran into a Xavier guy and his friend. A summary exchange of numbers led to him saying "I probably won't call, because I have like, 5 cents of credit left." You know, he's not the first person to tell me that. "Well," I reply drily, "I suppose I'll just wait with bated breath for the call that will never come."
2pm: Amnesty meeting. It was really awesome seeing a bunch of people from Gen, and the mix of people is really diverse, so I'm really looking forward to getting more involved. Our little get-to-know you involved us answering three questions:
1. What's your name?
2. What course are you doing?
3. How do you like your eggs?
Resisted the temptation to reply to question 3 with the word "unfertilised" and went with "omelette-style" instead.
7pm: Student Union party at Three Degrees bar... sucked like shit. So few people turned up, my friend bailed on me, and there was this dickhead who made a fool of himself. Some of the weird stuff he did include (but are not limited to): extinguishing the mood candles. Trying to relight them using the huge ornamental candles sitting on the ledge of the window. Setting fire to a piece of paper and littering this poor girl with ashes. Pouring wax and water over the table, and soaking them up with a bunch of sandwiches he grabbed off a waiter's serving tray. Stuffing said sandwiches into his mouth. Flinging sausage roll on to wall, where it splintered into pieces and showered everyone with flaky pastry. And pissing the security guy off big time. I left after a while, but didn't feel like heading home so I called Garry up for gelati. It felt surreal to be back at the gelati shop, but it had to be done. I have to get over it so I can finally enjoy the best tasting gelati in the whole of Melbourne.
Thursday
Contemporary Ideologies and Movements. Sat next to a guy who fumed over the lecturer's declaration that Marx and Engel's concept of ideology is one of oppression and hegemony. The only awesome thing about this lecture is that we watched Monty Python's "Holy Grail" for the first few minutes to get us to start thinking about ideology. I think the entire lecture hall would have preferred to continue watching the film for the rest of the day, but unfortunately it was back to ho-hum stuff like the Foucauldian perspective of ideology and how it differs from post-modernist and critical/Marxist perspectives. You know, I quite like the post-modernist way of thinking. I agree, absolutely, that there can't be absolutes, ever.
5pm: Soc Party meeting. I like them. I feel less coerced when I'm around them than when I'm with Soc Alt. They're really funny, relaxed people, and unlike Soc Alt they don't see things in black and white and are less hardcore about everything. One of the members is a self-professed anarchist, which would be enough to get you kicked out of Soc Alt. Klaus, the Socialist councillor from Germany who was guest speaker there got caught up in an energetic discussion with Yorran, one of the members. When Klaus said, "Well, if the fascists kill on of us, we shouldn't kill one of them..." the self-professed anarchist piped up "Yeah, that's wrong!" Klaus began to nod in agreement, until self-professed anarchist continued "If they kill one of us, we kill all of them!" The whole table dissolved into laughter.
The only downside to an otherwise pleasant evening was that they were all puffing away on cancer sticks. "You don't mind, do you?" they all ask nicely. "No, that's fine" I smile, although my lungs give a silent scream of mercy and a little bit of me dies inside.
6.15pm: Film Society screening of Woody Allen's Manhatten. I've never seen a Woody film before, and what stuck with me about Woody, more than anything else, is the narcissim that co-exists with a very deep self-loathing. The humour is wry, which I though was a poignant way of dealing with the incredible loneliness of living in the big cold city of Manhattan. I really think we should have coffees to discuss this. But everyone went home and one of the film guys I met on the tram treated me with utmost condescenscion. He thought me a vapid, mainstream movie watching chick, which isn't entirely inaccurate, but I bet a hundred of the stupid almond nuts he was stuffing his face with that I've seen more arthouse and indie flicks than he has.
Friday
Here I am now, blogging. I have Fridays off. Today I'm going to try to get some work done, because I've got a busy weekend ahead. I've got to tutor tonight, the soc party forum tomorrow, and a singapore students' society city tour and dinner on sunday.
Despite a rather full-on week, and a rather busy social calender for the foreseeable future, I was struck with an incredible loneliness when I woke up this morning. I messaged Leanne to ask if she was coming for tonight's tutoring, and when she said no, I felt even crappier.
Labels: University
