Reading over at Orange Crate Art,
[What most strikes me from quick browsing: Antonin Scalia’s conception of marriage as an institution that limits rather than expands human freedom, diminishing one’s possibilities for (ahem) intimacy and requiring constant vigilance about what one says. Sigh.]
So, I checked over at the wikipedia,
On September 10, 1960, Scalia married Maureen McCarthy, whom he met on a blind date while he was at Harvard Law School. Maureen Scalia had been an undergraduate at Radcliffe College when the two met, and subsequently obtained a degree in English from the school.[123] The couple raised nine children, five boys and four girls.
And I rest my case. I feel sorry for Maureen.
Arranged marriages, plural marriages (quite the history here in Utah) open marriages, temporary marriages, young children betrothed, royal marriages. So often it's a social construct for economic or political maneuvering, control of women and their sexuality, as well as a reward for obedient young men. Control of family wealth and consolidation of resources, punishment for the non-conforming.
Occasionally it has been about love and respect and mutual support, a lifelong commitment to intimacy. Rarely has it been the free choice of two adults to love each other.
Really rarely.
To cite history as proof of what marriage should be is to pretzel the story into Escheresque unrealities that only reflect one's own issues.
The Catholic Church didn't even consider it a sacrament until a milenia after it's own conception. Permanent and unbreakable, god says so, after a long silence. And when it came to the wealthy and titled, the church could be bought. Not that I can speak to them, as a remarried divorced person, I'm not in their world.
Divorce for ordinary folks, no-fault divorce, was heralded as the end of marriage as well. Well, certainly the end of some bad marriages. Several times this week, the issue has come up at work. One of my surgeons loves to say "Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it."
Also, my parents met on a blind date. Which is why I never went on one, ever.
SO, here's to the rarest of arrangements, and Tru wuv.
Oh, and this to the poops.
9 comments:
"The Holy Goat"
Is that the counterpart to the Scape Goat? Or the same goat? I never understood that part of catechism.
I, too, am a remarried divorced former-Catholic. And happy to be one!
Class,
I say the first one doesn't count.
Well, in my case, the first two shouldn't count! Third time was a charm for me - found my soul-mate - the one I should have met to begin with...
Class,
You got more guts than me, if #2 hadn't been so overwhelmingly reassuring, and then worked so well, I don't think I would have tried again. I was ready to call it after #1 failed.
After #2 I wasn't looking for another long-term commitment either. In fact, I didn't date at all, but I did enjoy dancing (classic rock) and so belonged to a group of acquaintances who would meet on Saturday nights. I joined them sporadically, but always had a good time. One Saturday night a new guy appeared who fell for me in a big way. I told him my history and that I was not interested in seeing anyone. He was persistent, but not obnoxiously so.
Time passed. He became part of my life. Neither of us wanted to just live together. We eventually married, with a lot of misgivings on my part. This July we will have been married 30 years. We should have met when we were in our early twenties rather than in our late thirties! He believes that the sun rises and falls on me and I think he is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.
Neither of us could have predicted how well everything has worked out. I wish everyone could have a relationship this good!
Class,
Well, then, good for both of you for getting a good deal, finally.
(o)
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