I have issues with numerals. The idea of numbers, algebra, geometry, proofs, I can see, and with study, I get. Numerals squirm under my eyes and in my brain, refusing to add up properly, refusing to take anything away. Never any good at any kind of rote memorization, I slipped back a half grade when I was about nine, because I hadn't memorized the times tables. I got them in my head, but they remain elusive - when I'm tired, when they include 3s 5s and 8s. Those are the bad numbers, the ones that twist into each other, giving me the finger.
Still, I count. I count when a job is taking too long and annoying me, so that I have some sense of control and to keep myself patient. Measuring to keep aware. It's not near the level of a compulsion, but I can see it from here. Counting how long it takes the elevator, how long to fill the kettle with water, but the resultant number is quickly forgotten.
The combination for my locker at work sometimes foxes me, and old combinations flow through my fingers, from the two lockers I had at MGH, or at the earlier hospital, occasionally my high school locker combination. I couldn't remember any of them intentionally, but they extrude unbidden when most inconvenient.
Which is why I am in surgery, as opposed to other areas of nursing where dosages are so critical. Where every calculation has to be checked by another nurse for each medication given. Where lab values and vital signs are all in numbers. Yes, I got to know the normals, could see the patterns, and I did well enough for clinicals. But I always worried. In the OR, critical numbers just never come up. Marcaine, 10ccs. I can handle that just fine. Even PACU, Recovery Room, the dosages are very straightforward, for pain and nausea almost exclusively, and are often a range based on immediate effectiveness.
So, I keep letters close, but my numbers closer...
4 comments:
I do the same thing, measuring things that are taking too long. I can see compulsion from here too, but it also helps to deconstruct other compulsive behaviors (such as thinking I don't have time to floss my teeth in the morning, or don't have to clip my nails: the actual amount of time these tasks take is far less than I had thought, & I now realize that skipping them was an act of compulsive time-mongering.)
I don't normally have trouble with numbers. On the very rare occasions that I have trouble falling asleep I have found that starting at some number in the mid 200's, counting backwards, counting only odd numbers and counting in french is the way to get me to fall asleep. If I was to count in my native language (english), upwards, starting from zero, it is too easy and it allows another part of my mind to float along thinking of something else that would keep me awake.
deux cent soixante et onze
deux cent soixante neuf
deux cent soixante sept
deux cent soixante cinq
and so on leaves no room for other thoughts.
Brava for reaching the 30 posts anyway.
Dale,
Exactly, usually jobs and waits seem to take far longer than they actually do.
Phil,
I'm sufficiently challenged and soothed by counting backward from 1000, one per breath. I'm impressed with your way to subtract sheep.
Lucy,
Anyway?
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