took things for granted

elo. we meet again :) i guess i've probably lost almost 99% of my blog readers (coz i dont have much to start with). sigh. haha. give me a chance to do this again k?

so what's up?

• it's the 1st day of Ramadhan today. Happy Fasting everyone. may we continue doing the good deeds we used to, but with additions during this Holy month.
• it has been 114 days i've worked with ExxonMobil. to be honest, i'm still not able to stabilize my life up till now. i guess that's the point of working over there, to always feel uncomfortable.
• hence, becoming one of the source of discontentment i'm having right now. it's not like i have been content ever since, but, it has gotten worse :(
• trust me, working life is hard. the money is good, the status is even better. but the freedom to choose u get, is really gonna make u miserable. freedom to choose: u can literally pave ur own way in life in whatever way u desire. men are naturally greedy, never satisfied with what they have. note: men = human being, bukan lelaki only. :P
• it's such a big world out there, endless discovery - but what goes around comes around, no matter how hard we tried to escape cliches, we'll end up in one. and u'll get to know people in the most impossible way possible.
• hence, the world is actually small.
  
• i've realized that i've not been buying gadgets since i started working.
• current gadget crave: HTC Hero (screw iPhone)
  

• oh besarnye gambar di atas. but yeah, that is as far as my gadget hunger goes. nothing else :|
• i went to the MTV World Stage Live in Malaysia. my 1st concert since i was, 9 years old or something. back then it was KRU. hahaha. it was kinda nice, coz i get to scream my lungs out, let go off everything.
  
• wish i could be that carefree all the time, but life's like this, it cant get any better - at least i thought of it that way, i dont care if u dont. it will get better, but when? i might die tomorrow, so it wont get better la then. huhu
• oh, life (damn, been getting around life for now, someone's gonna hit me back with this. haha). ok, lets continue. oh, life in KL is making me impatient. the traffic jams, the long queues, the amount of people - what you call living life in the fast lane. affected my driving attitude as well. fast. lane. must. speed. accelerate. reduce. braking. sigh.
• i rarely have time for myself.
  
• i guess i dont love myself enough.
  
• i have a new bad habit.
• i'm afraid of consequences. i'm afraid to give myself reasons to deviate, even for my own good.
  
• i took things for granted.

people took me for granted previously. i guess it's affecting me now. i tend to not care much bout things and when i did that, i tend to care too much on a single thing. No matter what it is, i dont wanna care what's the consequence gonna be.

i did take things for granted, consciously. but i know i'm making up for it consciously too. i hope that i'll turn out to be a better person along Ramadhan.

for that, I apologize to everyone affected. its a conscious decision, but forced to do so by situations. i'm not perfect, so forgive my humanly weaknesses.

to everyone, lets not take this month for granted, as what we did last year. we never know if we're gonna be in this month again. so be grateful! ;)

enough rants for today. will be resumed some time later next week. hopefully with good news and brighter outlook on my side.

welcoming myself back with a brand new look.

last but not least, these are the previous collection of photos that i'm supposed to post 3 months ago i think? haha. i would wanna take more photos in the short future. hope for the best!

to you: this aint gonna be easy. but no matter how hard it is, how complicated the path i'm taking to make this happen, i'll hold on to it. my prayers with this.

High Dynamic Range (HDR) post processed photos

i already ran out of flickr upload quota and i thought of waiting for the quota to be reset before i post a new entry, but seeing my blog not updated for too long made me anxious. hehe. so here are my latest obsession/specialization/craze collection of the infamous post-processing technique: HDR. head to the link for further explanation :D

it has been quite some time that i didnt post pictures of landscapes and i hope to continue taking landscape photos :) i'm not motivated enuf to go to places alone to take picturessss. haha

i dont know what else to write here. been admitted to the hospital last week, sucks. but getting the news of being called upon for a pre-employment medical checkup during discharge day was sumthing good, really good to hear. so basically life's in balance. :) and i'm grateful for that.

life seems brighter ahead. i hope it will be.

oh oh, and i got myself a job as a wedding photographer! who would've imagined that i'll venture into this arena of photography...huhu. its gonna be a very good experience :D and if all goes well, i hope to continue this as a part time job ;P

till then~

---

i'm still lost and blind.

beware

i'm volatile.

still.

---

i apologize to those close to me. i may not be in my best condition right now. i know i've been selfish, i dismissed your opinions, being over-sensitive and such an ego-maniac.

i wish things could be brighter, easier and happier. give me a chance, and a tad bit more time.

back to the real world~

Lake Garden photo outing, new lens and old pic

;P

old pic

new lens

Lake Garden photo outing

oh yeah, i know, i've been quite actively posting pics to flickr recently. i guess i'm a bit motivated by some of my close photog buddies. hehe. good for me tho, i need to work my ass off to really really improve my photography skills (and obviously to finish going through my collection before tons of other photos to be taken -_-"). to be honest, i dont really think that i'm up to the standards of those who really had the passion in photography out there. i do see improvements, even if its tiny, hey, its a start right? ;P

i want to make a photo collage on my bedroom wall. this idea had been around in my head for quite some time, its just that i dont think i have enough suitable photos to start with. any ideas for a photo collage? theme? substance? subject? anything that any of you can throw me with. hehe. i dont want to create the random uncreative collage like some people ;P

oh, my 1st ever job interview sudah berlaluuuu~ haha. it was really really tiring to be honest. the interview lasted for the whole day, 8-5pm. one group interview, 3 individual interviews. 11 candidates, 2 groups. i'm the only freshie in my group plak tu. haih. haha. its not too bad, not too bad. i can say it was kinda 'ok'. but then, ok doesnt mean impressive. but it was a good experience, a good chance for me to meet new ppl. "networking is the most important thing when u work" quoted from one of the interviewers ;P i'm hoping for the best, for me to get through. hehe. pray for me!

---

some people just took me easily. some treated me like i have no feelings, no emotions. some just dont give a shit if i feel offended by their remarks. i just dunno whats wrong with these people.

then again, maybe its just me?

give me a chance.

Karnival 4 KL - extreme games

and the last one is the pic of my new beloved lens! welcoming the TAMRON AF17-50mm F/2.8 Di-II LD Aspherical SP :D

haih, this is an expensive hobby to be frank. it has ALWAYS been. haha. but the hell with the costs, i'm lovin this and i would work hard for it ;) buttt, i dun have that much people around that's serious in photography like i am for me to drag them along for a photo hunting session yet. balik la cepat Edwan! haha. i need to start experimenting with the new lens soon~

life has been pretty much the same since i came back. some things did change. but me? not that much. i'm stronger for sure, but i'm still bitter, highly irritable, sensitive, short tempered and not appreciative. maybe this is the so called "self-worthiness disease" i'm experiencing post-breakdown. i tend to dismiss people's opinion, feel highly of myself and ultimately, can be extra ignorant and behave in an anti-social manner. sigh~

i need motivation. commitments will provide me that. i do hope i'll get a job real real soon. i'm not being myself. i need to get on my own feet again. hence, i need inspiration as well. i want a jobbb! call me crazy, but i cant stand being job-less anymore, its killing meee. ;P

---

We all have a weakness
But some of ours are easy to identify. Look me in the eye,
and ask for forgiveness.
We'll make a pact to never speak that word again.
Yes, you are my friend.
We all have something that digs at us,
at least we dig each other.

So when weakness turns my ego up
I know you'll count on the me from yesterday.

If I turn into another
dig me up from under what is covering
the better part of me.
Sing this song
remind me that we'll always have each other
when everything else is gone.

Incubus - Dig

anew

uhh...it has been quite long. i'm back at Malaysia, Shah Alam to be specific ;) and i'm loving the fact that i'm home again and hopefully, for real and for good. coz you know, there are some things that i dont really look forward to when i came back. huhu. anywayyy, now i'm officially a grape planter. or well known as penganggur. haha. now that i have a degree (which me myself still couldnt grasp the significance of having a degree yet), marks a significant (now i know) point in my life. WORK. damn, that strucked me hard. like my cousin said, "once you work, that's what you're going to do for the rest of your life". so, even though i'm really really damn bored like hell now, i guess i should appreciate the "resting period" i'm having right now.

finally...

i hope i made my parents proud of this. i can never repay every single blood and sweat they shed for me in making me a successful person in life. i cant thank them enough. but, thank you :)
btw, thats my 2nd bro on the left and my youngest bro on the right. the picture was taken by someone (acknowledged) in front of the Elder Hall, The University of Adelaide: 23rd Dec 2008

the best of buddies, Reza and Nizam. before anyone else terase sbb aku tak mention, u guys arent here yet k? ;P these two bastards entertained me while i had a really2 bad time when i first arrived here, coping with this and that and changes as well. i pansily miss you guys. haha. damn, now that i'm alone, what am i going to do. sigh.

what else have i been doing? eat, eat and eat. i spend most of my savings to treat myself a feast or feasts. haha. we (Faizal, his gf Sofia, Reza, me and Nizam who took this picture) went to Muara Seafood Klang and treated ourselves with a seafood feast. i cant say how much i enjoyed the food! eventho i know some people may say its not the best place, but i dont give a damn, i just got back from AUSTRALIA, the land where i cant get Siakap Masak Tiga Rasa, Sotong Goreng Tepung, Udang Masak Sambal, Pari Bakar, Air Kelapa, Nasi Lemak (what we ate there ;P). thinking back, made me drool again! haha.

Malaysia.

back here again. still, some things havent changed. somehow, i didnt saw that many rempits anymore here in Shah Alam (or is it just me?). people still drive insanely fast, which i'm also not sure whether they're running after something or just showing off their big cars or skills of driving or just purely being arrogant? typically Malaysian i think ;P for almost 2 weeks i've settled down here in Shah Alam, i've had a near miss (almost had an accident) for more than 3 times. freaked me out. its just that people didnt care much to give a signal while overtaking/changing lanes and some were just ignorant about their surroundings. sigh, welcome back Syed.

i cant deny myself being a petrol head/speed freak, but i drive sensibly. after all, u cant be slow all the time, coz sometimes being slow increases your chance of getting hit by other fast going cars. bile letak speed limit 110 km/h, bawak 90 je plak kan. sheesh, thats another thing. haha, enough bragging bout Malaysia's Horrible Traffic.

anyway, i guess i should be active (blogging) once again now that i'm bored and lonely. all of my friends are still studying, only few of them worked already, still, none of them are FREE like me. sigh (again).

i welcome myself back to beloved bittersweet Malaysia :)

p/s: sorry to those who checked out my blog now and then to find it not updated ;P

---

i aint freakin'
i aint fakin' this
shut up and let me go, hey! :D

i am lazy

self explanatory. i am lazy for now. actually, am busy spring cleaning, unpacking all the old stuff and sorting out things to be brought back later on when i'm leaving.

i want to leave.

i cant wait to leave.

but i surely am gonna miss this place. the best memories will always be from this point backwards. school is where the fun starts. school was the place where fun started. and i truly gonna cherish this :)

photos, some time later on k. huhu ;)

blur

i just don't feel right. i don't know. plainly don't know.

maybe it's the sign of change?

or did i hurt someone?

for some inexplicable reason, i felt empty

...

asphyxiating

i'm drowning in my own lies

the facades i'm wearing slowly worn away

why did i let 'hope' and 'faith' fade

why did i choose to surrender

i'm not what i am now

something's smothering me

the EGO had blinded me

the IGNORANCE is suffocating me

tender torture of REALITY

...asphyxiating

i can't afford to give up, not now, not when i haven't given my best, to the very end, to the very harsh reality, upon my eyes, beyond my faith and beyond my belief.

life is fair

though, sometimes, things may be hard at present...worse in the past...but do hope that, it'll be better in the future...

it will, it's His guarantee towards us.