this is the beginning

starting this day off with listening to boy's 'this is the beginning' and breakfast on the sofa. the sun is out, it feels like spring is just around the corner!

(thanks so much for your thoughts on my last post, and your encouragement, it's good to know so many are feeling similarly, we're in it together, aren't we? - have a good weekend!)

good things

a visit to the indie art book fair "miss read" at KW berlin (institute for contemporary art) was one of the most inspiring things recently. so much goodness! two things i liked very much: hard copy, an initiative by the geneva university of art and design, and the motto bookshop in berlin.

later today, i will meet renée who is town for a brief visit. so looking forward!

and, you know what, today might just be the day i'm treating myself to a roll of fuji provia 400.

happy tuesday!

dear santa

dear santa, could i have a medium format camera please. if asking for a hasselblad is too presumptuous, perhaps a zenza bronica; in any case, a single lens reflex would be ace. i have a feeling though you might send me a letter saying 'why don't you get one yourself, girl'. i will consider it. overall it seems that i have been a so-so girl this year, and while i understand this might result in some sanctions, i would appreciate if those affected the material side of things only. i'm planning on having good times with friends, involving an impressive tree and plenty of cooking. which, come to think of it, i'd rather have than a medium format camera.

kx

p.s.: a little time travel back to france. but i digress. what's on your wishlist?
p.p.s.: perhaps the irony of my above statement wasn't blatant enough. i most definitely don't expect a medium format camera from santa, we are not in the habit of passing around big presents, it's more about small gestures. but i'm saving up so i can buy one, next year perhaps. ;)

still

just read this morning --

if plan 'a' didn't work,
the alphabet has 25 more letters.
stay cool.

thinking

since last november life was moving so fast it felt suffocating. the scales were just tipping far too much. not in the way of having to work the odd extra hour, but in the sense of an all-encompassing state of working, where there was no time to even leave the house when the sun was - so rarely - shining, or to see a friend for a chat. occasionally there were precious hour-long breaks to meet someone, or chances to cycle to the garden, but even that was mostly impossible by the time june and july came around.

being away from it all for two weeks, staying in the south of france, two long weeks of hot summer days, days that were finally entirely unplanned and truly free, gave me time to think.

i don't want a life that feels like a race i can't win. time is a precious gift, not a string of numbered days. i will make space for shared hours, shared thoughts and ideas. because as much as i love my work, living and creating, and caring and be cared about, are infinitely closer to my heart. first things first.

the day of the potato

well hooray! yesterday i harvested my very first potatoes in the garden. last night, i had new potatoes with butter, today potato salad for lunch. now, i'll have a little potato break - but how good this felt! like digging for gold, pardon the clichée.

i also ran into a garden neighbour whom i hadn't seen in a while, and we both said that we had gone for the garden project to find out whether it was for us. and guess what--. i will definitely have an allotment, or a little garden outside the city as soon as i can make it happen. and until then, i'll stick to garden schemes like this one, pre-planted or not.

i sometimes think that we know much better what is for us than we think we do. i don't know about you, but i tend to agonise over decisions. just think how much time i could have saved in the past by listening to what i know in my heart of hearts. i need more courage to trust my instincts.

p.s.: this photo was taken on a weekend by the sea last year. in an old garden, with lots of old apple trees.

and another thought: sylee reminded me of this post, which i had completely forgotten about. i couldn't help but thinking, gosh, my writing has gone rather downhill in the past months. it's what too much work and utilitarian thinking does to you, i guess. but i do know, there'll be other times ahead.

early summer

i was invited to a lovely birthday party a while ago. it was an early summerish afternoon, and we gathered in the communal garden, amidst the trees, shrubs and lavendar bushes. there was sparkling wine with home-made rhubarb cordial, a delicious herbed, lemony quinoa salad with feta cheese and an ever-so-pretty, scrumptious cake with tiny dried roses on top, which suzy had made. thank you for having us over, sylee!

recently, i have had an exhausting work schedule (and still have), but i try to make time, a half-hour here, a half-hour there, for little projects. i made elderflower jelly. i mounted some prints. and, as a treat, spent an afternoon in the garden and brought home large branches of wild roses, cut along the way. and you know, sometimes small projects can lead to bigger things. try it.

have you read about kinfolk magazine? oh. cannot wait.

seven things

i've been asked to tell you seven things about myself a couple of times before, and it always makes me think and take stock a little. most recently i was tagged by elizabeth (of primoeza), and had written a post, all ready to go, when blogger had that glitch the other day. some of it was saved as a draft, but only a small part. now, even more has disappeared, so i might as well start over.

here's the latest edition of seven things then (thanks to elizabeth, and my other friends who recently tagged me to do this, i wish i had gotten round to it earlier.)

1 //
i've been through some difficult times recently, and i'm so glad to have friends who were most patient in listening when i had the umpteenth meltdown. (i'm much better now!)

2 //
i wouldn't have thought that a new hair cut can be such a catalyst. oh dear, i'm such a cliché.

3//
i love gardening even more than i thought. this weekend, i'm going to plant some more flowers (cosmos, delphinium, dahlias) and support the peas and beans with found sticks. (a little garden series is coming up!)

4//
i had forgotten how much i love going to the theatre and concerts. (thanks a million to sylee who heard about last-minute tickets for the sufjan stevens show, wohoo!)

5//
i hate testiness and sulking in people, and yet put up with it so often, wanting to please everybody. not anymore.

6//
i love making plans. and making them happen.

7//
i feel at a crossroads with my photography, at a point where i feel i'm caught in set ways. more and more often, i'm ever so bored with my own pictures. i don't know, what's next. but i'm curious.

feel free to play along if you like, and let us know in the comments if you do!

p.s.: these are two photos from my archives, taken with my praktica in 2009, in venice and at home.

almost summer

when pascale came to berlin, she brought summer with her. it was late april and felt like june. we talked a lot, and many things we said still have me thinking. we had lunch at a place that officially had no bathroom, but really, what it did have, was a being-john-malkovich-closet, up some rickety-make-shift steps behind the fridge. surreal. guess whose mind i travelled into? whose would you have chosen?

some randomness:

just found out about the sufjan stevens concert in berlin this weekend. guess what: too late! all tickets gone. argh!
tonight, there is a documentary about susan sontag on arte. they usually stream the videos seven days after airing time here fo free (german or french). so check it out from tomorrow.
the garden (or should i say field) was officially opened last night. this morning it rained, which made me happy. see, it's already changing my perception.
in retrospect, i hope i didn't put off my vegetarian readers with my last post.

+++ CORRECTION: very sorry about a mix-up - the susan sontag documentary will be screened monday, 9 may at 22.05h! oops. +++

be there

looking back at my time at school and uni, what stays with me most as an untangible feeling of happiness is the ability to lose myself in a book, an article, some kind of paper, a project. the more time passes, the more electronic devices and media are around, the more i'm losing touch with that ability and let myself be torn in a million directions at once. equally, wholly analog things might tear me away from what i want to devote myself to. why the urge to quickly run an errand when there's a text to finish, why the twinge to check one's emails while with friends? too many reasons to list them all. and don't get me wrong, i like my days varied, a mixed bag of things, i'm not in favour of tunnel vision.

but i want to learn again to concentrate, to make time for one thing and lose myself in it. alain de botton wrote an interesting little piece on distraction. go and read, if this strikes a chord.

today is the day i'm starting. i'll be where i am.

wishing you

a perfect weekend, and if you're celebrating, a very happy easter!

have you seen this? stephanie's been "tie-dying" easter eggs. pretty.

the sugarsnaps and heirloom tomatoes are slowing sprouting on my window sill, the garden plot will officially be open for planting from 3rd may. can't wait.

(oh, and very much looking forward to meeting this traveller from marseille today!)

up the hill

that same saturday, we walked up the hill. it was still cold, but the sun was out and it was ever so still under the trees. we walked past the church peter and paul and had coffee at the log house in nikolskoe. i never knew king frederick wilhelm III. built it in 1819 as a surprise for his daughter charlotte, who, two years previously, had married grand duke nicholas, later nicholas I of russia. when charlotte came to berlin for a visit, her father presented her with the log house "in the russian style". it was in fact an exact copy of a cottage he and his daughter had stayed at in russia when he last went to see her.

i want to go again in summer and sit on the terrace, overlooking the lake.

what are your best-loved day-trip destinations?

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so out of the loop

i've been out of things recently.

so how are you? and what is your favourite meal at the moment? i want to try more recipes from nigel slater's most wonderful tender, vol II. what a precious book.

+++ you just know how to lift my spirits! the list of dishes i want to try gets longer and longer... by the way: would any of you have a recommendation for the perfect carrot cake (in the race at the moment: carrot cake from 'breakfast lunch and tea' and a tear-out from a magazine? +++

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the good life

no time to wander around with the camera at the moment, feeling very rushed and restless, so it's back to the archives. this is my mum, back in the early 1960s, enjoying some time off (which was rare enough). makes me want to go to the sea, or for a good hike. she does look happy on the first one, no?

p.s.: love seeing so many of you over on pininterest. yay! let me know if you need an invite to join, i still have a couple.

how come

how come february feels like the longest month in the northern hemisphere even though it's undoubtedly the shortest? i've definitely reached a point of winter saturation. and yet, it's snowing outside this morning. i guess it will be all the more wonderful when spring finally comes.

recently, i was introduced to a little restaurant in my neighbourhood, which i've completely fallen for. schaedel & sattler is just the kind of place that gets me: simple and friendly, serving honest food. that, plus it's located in a new building, in which i think the bare concrete walls, a trait that has become ubiquitous in contemporary architecture and sometimes seems a little uninspired, works prefectly. more about them soon on mostly berlin.

oh, and i've finally started using pininterest. (as per usual, i'm a little late to the party, but hey.) if you like to take a look at my pinboards of images that inspire me, you can do so here. want to join in?

enough

is there ever a point when we've

seen enough
said enough
eaten enough
drunk enough
bought enough
done enough
read enough
?

i'm not talking about morals, i'm searching for an awareness. too often i only realise when i've far passed that point. and i wish i had noticed the elusive moment when i could have said: this is good. it's enough. let's stop here.

despite my recent philosophical moods (which could have to do with exhaustion), i'm intending to have a fantastic weekend. j and a from london are going to be in town. can't wait. - have a super weekend yourselves!

p.s.: this may sound far more negative than i felt - it doesn't mean at all "i've had enough", it's more a pondering on being content. i'm quite jolly actually (apart from the tiredness)!

what is it

what is it with this place that so draws me in? i could look at the crumbling stucco, the blind mirrors, the old wooden chairs, the magical light for hours on end. my mother once asked me what it was that appeals to me in vintage things, and could it be that i didn't like the present so much? i don't think so. instead, it has to do with a certain aesthetic (and i don't think it takes much to prefer vintage to a huge proportion of contemporary aesthetic), but more so, it might have to do with the fact that these things have history. they've lived through the good and the bad. they may look a little tattered in places, but they've made it. and look how beautiful they are.

i wouldn't mind listening to gonzales playing 'overnight' in this place.

(again, photos taken at the spiegelsaal in berlin, when visiting with the blog campers last weekend. pardon the blurriness of some of the shots, ambient light and shooting without a tripod don't always go together.)

p.s.: a big thank you to k for lending me his pentax ME for such a long time - it's giving me so much joy. you are the best!

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first impressions

the impression you get when meeting someone for the first time can be so right and yet so wrong. and no matter whether you spend a few hours with them or your whole life, you may never figure out who they are. you may not even figure out who you are yourself. and who says that's something advisable anyway. selfs are buggery, slippery things. most likely it's like trying to catch puddles of light and wrapping them up in a tight parcel. and why would you do that?

let's just say: this weekend was full of great surprises.

(pictures taken at the spiegelsaal at claerchen's ballhaus on auguststraße - the spiegelsaal being an old ballroom that's being left as morbidly decaying as it has been the last couple of decades. it can be hired for events.)

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letters and diaries

there is something about pen and paper that really gets me. jotting down notes, writing a personal message, wanting to keep that fleeting thought, documenting memories, showing someone you care. i used to write letters a lot. now i only occasionally do, but write cards rather a lot. and i keep a diary in a very basic sense. every couple of days i will write down what happened or what keeps going through my mind. and i will use my diary as a scrap book as well, for magazine clippings, the odd ticket or recipe. apart from enjoying the writing-down part of it, i believe it's an important way of keeping things alive. sometimes it amazes me how much i forget. and by looking at old letters, postcards or diaries, things come back, sometimes hesitantly, sometimes rushing back vividly. very much like photographs, and yet all different.

do you write letters, notes or keep diaries? and why?

what to look forward to

it's raining. by which i mean: pretty much non-stop. i find myself looking at the calendar and thinking: weather, are you out of your mind? it's august! perhaps you have exhausted yourself in june and july with that heatwave, instead of pacing yourself a little. and see what good it's doing? learn from it!

only, that doesn't really change things.

and so. even though i'm refusing to utter the name of the coming season just yet and stubbornly hold on to summer, i will tell you (and myself) what to look forward to:

plum cake (will try nath's recipe pronto)
dramatic skies
wind
socks (really? not so sure)
a new scarf
a walk by the lake (any lake will do)
bill evans
the new, tiny farmers market on seelower strasse

what are you looking forward to? (northern or southern hemisphere, i want to know it all.)

p.s.: do you think you could help me with something? i'm compiling a list of nice places to see in sydney and melbourne for a friend (wish i could go!). think great neighbourhhods, cafés, shops, galleries, parks. if you left me a comment or emailed me with ideas that would be so good! thank you!

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