Just a Little Ladies Room Locker Talk

Warning: The collective hotness of the population within this post may burn you, your computer monitor, and/or the surface on which your computer is resting. If you are not willing to run this risk, run the other way. In other words, if you can't take the heat, step back Jack, 'cause we's divin' into a steamin' pot of hotties.

Big Girl: Mommy, you can't tell anyone my secret, ESPECIALLY Daddy!

Me: (dazed and confused) OK....What is it?

Big Girl: I'm secretly crushing on Cute Kid from my class. But you CAN NOT tell Daddy!

Me: Really? He is cute, isn't he? I like him. He's a nice boy! I won't tell Daddy, but if we did want to tell him it's not that big of a deal, you know.

Big Girl: NO!!! You can't tell him! Besides, he doesn't have to know because I'm not going to do anything about it. I'm just going to secretly crush on him until I'm 12. By then, maybe he won't be afraid of girls anymore and I will tell him I like him.

It starts early, doesn't it?

I have to be honest. She got it from me.

My first boyfriend (that I remember) was in the first grade. His name was Chris. We snuck out of the classroom (he first, with the big wooden boys bathroom pass, then I with the ginormous girl pass). We met outside the hall bathrooms. He asked me to marry him and I declined. When he drew the line in the sand and announced his ultimatum ("Marry me or I'll break up with

you."), I stood my ground. "We can't get married! We're too young!" And, as quickly as the love affair began, the flame was extinguished.

Not to worry, Chris and I rekindled our passion in the third grade. It was WAAAAY more exciting this time, since we were actually two corners of a love triangle. You see, his best friend, Kris, also liked me. And, well, I liked being liked. I strung them along as long as it entertained to me....and then quit them both cold turkey.

That's right. I was a man eater, people. I'm not proud of it, but it's true.

Now, FireDaddy and I have been linked for a dozen years. I'm honest with him. He knows there are other men. In fact, when I asked him tonight to name my top five absentee lovers, he was spot on. (We know each other too well.)

My top five (wannabe) loves OTHER THAN my own fiery FireDaddy are:

(Drum roll, please...)

1. John Cusack. If you've been reading for a while, you knew this already. John and I have had a thing going for decades. He's smart, we share political views, he's talented and can be swarthy - while still possessing a fabulous sense of humor. Yummy.

2. Jack Johnson. Another one that's old news to my wonderful readers. H-O-T, HOT. Oh my goodness, he can serenade me on the beach anyday, baby. Surfer, musician, and fine.

3. Jason Mraz. A new inductee to my "Men In Waiting". Glory be - his music is a little "suggestive"...and I kind of like it! He, too, is talented and most obviously has a sense of humor. ...not to mention CUTE.

4. Gerard Butler. Another new inductee...WOAH. Hot, talented, AND SCOTTISH. A man with a sexy accent inflates his hotness EXPONENTIALLY. Whew! I must say, though...the Alyssa Milano's wedding issue of People - a magazine I bought for FireDaddy (Alyssa is his #1 absentee lover) - had a rather scary picture of him riding a bike with what looked like a bit of man boobs...ugh. I'm hoping it was just a bad angle. Otherwise, he'd better hit the gym or he's out!

Now, I have to preface the listing of last Candidate For Pleasure with the caveat that his status is currently on probation. His behavior over the past few years has been a bit of a turn-off...in the Woody Harrelson way. (i.e. You're cute, but get over yourself...getting a little weird, buddy.)

5. Matthew McConaughey. The good news? He's always reminded me of FireDaddy. Don't know what it is...but there's something about his facial features, clear blue eyes and that curly, dirty blonde hair that just seems familiar to me. His Southern accent (GO TEXAS!) also adds to his overall appeal. And, he too is a man at home on the beach....another bonus.

He's just so freakin' hot. It would be a cryin' shame to lose him.

I sure hope he gets his act together before we hook up.

Now, if anybody needs me, I'm going to my room to swoon. I think I need a cool compress.

Just Sittin' Around, Talkin' About Boys

In some ways, I'll never grow up.

I was "tagged" in a Facebook note-meme this week called "Finish the Sentence". One sentence was particularly interesting.

I'll always.... and I completed it with ...be a daydreamer.

This is not to say that I am a "faraway" girl (i.e. can't focus on something smack dab in front of me because I'm hyper-focused on the clouds out the window or the hangnail on my thumb or something equally obscure). But, I am still the girl who looks in the mirror and wonders what I'm going to be when I grow up. I am still the same girl who imagines one day gracing the stage with my presence once again. I am still the same girl who believes in true love and fairy tales and dreams come true. I am still the same girl who dreams.
That sounds so sweet, doesn't it?

I will never grow up in other ways, too, though.

For instance, I will NEVER quit having girly crushes on handsome men. ...And something tells me I'm not alone in this.

I found myself tonight, as I was in a dreadfully boring inservice working late with some coworkers, talking about stars on whom we have had/currently have crushes. It started innocently enough. Someone had tickets to a concert coming up, this led to discussing othermusicians coming to town, and before I know it - my latest "musical crush" was revealed - Jack Johnson.

I know he's not the ABSOLUTELY MOST handsome man in the world -- but OH. MY. GOSH. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE his music and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE his voice. And, from what I make out (Hee! Hee! I said "make out" about Jack Johnson!) he is definitely cute. AND, he used to be a professional surfer! THAT'S HOT!!!

(Um, HELLO? I used to have pictures of Kelly Slater snipped from Teen magazine pinned to my bedroom wall. Don't get me started about surfers...)

After all, isn't that what a crush is? A silly infatuation for someone based on fluff? Often times, overrated fluff, at that...

Another crush of mine, as mentioned before in my photo mosaic meme, John Cusack. I have "loved" him since Say Anything. Come stand outside my window holding a ridiculously large (I mean, really? Where were iPods then?), antiquated, Peter-Gabriel-cassette-tape-playing boom box ANYDAY, baby.

Why? What is it about him?

I don't know. He's cute.

I could go on and say other, more mature, reasons. He's a talented actor. If you have seen Grace is Gone you would never argue against this point. He's intelligent. Have you seen him speak? He and I are politically like-minded. War, Inc. Yadda yadda yadda... He's cute. All that other stuff is icing on the cake. I also realized, while writing this, I like his voice, too. Perhaps there's something about a man's voice that makes him more attractive to me.

I could go on to name at least half a dozen other adorable men on whom I have crushes. And, yes, Fire Daddy is well aware of them. And, if, for some reason, he isn't, it's not because I have been hiding them from him. I mean, I know he LOVES Alyssa Milano and a few other "hot chicks". But that's not the point.


The point is...I guess I'll never really be too old for crushes and sitting around with girlfriends, giggling and making googly eyes as we drool over "boys" from afar.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.