Today is a good day. Everyday is a good day. I get to see my dear, sweet, loving, gentle, kind husband every morning now. This is the first time since we've been married (6.5 years) that we have seen each other every morning. It is SO wonderful! I love that I get to pack his lunch for him and kiss him goodbye. I love that I am giddy with excitement when I hear the garage door open at the end of the day. I love that Max LOVES his daddy. He runs out to the car every night and waits anxiously to give him a big hug. Sometimes, in the excitement of having daddy home he forgets the hug and jumps right into whatever story he's been waiting to tell him. Sometimes, he forgets the hug and just runs around the house laughing and playing. So full of excitement he literally can't contain it. Daddy, of course, never forgets the hug and Max is always willing to give him one.
Nate, as most of you know, worked for the same company for 4.5 years. It was based out of Philadelphia and he had to travel, a lot. It was hard and getting harder. I'm a pretty independant person and I like to have my time. Having my husband gone 4.5 days a week, 3-4 weeks in a row and then home for a week and then gone 3-4 weeks, is hard. I know there are people out there with MUCH harder circumstances, but for me and our family it was getting to be quite a trial. Poor Max missed his daddy SO much and everyone knows that mom's just don't cut it when it comes to "guy stuff". I don't get playing with cars and flying like airplanes. I don't know about cool stuff like robots and power tools, and construction equipment. I'm just not a guy. Plus, I'm not nearly as good a singer as Nate. Max was getting to the point that it was making us all cry, a lot, when Nate had to go on the road. He's a GOOD kid. He really is. He always has been. There was something that kicked in when Nate left. He pushed the limits and cried for daddy, and I cried for daddy. The last 6 months of 2009 were probably the longest of my life.
So, in order to avoid committing me, we started looking for a new job. Nate posted his resume everywhere. He got calls for jobs in Utah with no Travel but the pay was not livable. He even interviewed and got offered a local job and it just didn't feel right, to either of us. So we kept looking and praying and crying and hoping. When nothing was coming, Nate decided to go back to school. He figured advancing his education was the only way he would be able to stay home. The plan was for him to become a Physician Assistant, which would be another 4 years of school. So I was going to go to work full time while Nate went to school full time. So he put in his letter of resignation in October, and asked to finish out the year. That same month 2 different people called with potential job offers. Both jobs looked great, but both companies were moving REALLY slow. So he registered for school starting in January. I started looking for a job to start in Jan/Feb. We prayed and waited and hoped. Nate's last day of work was December 18th (we had previously planned to go to AZ for Christmas so he had already taken the last 2 weeks of Dec off). While he was in the airport flying home he got a call with a job offer. We thought and prayed about it over the weekend and he accepted it on monday. Yeah!!! What was looking like a very scary, challenging year ahead of us suddenly looked sunny and bright. Nate now has a job that he can support our family on. I am able to stay home and raise Max. Nate NEVER has to travel with this job, which is amazing in his line of work. I couldn't be happier. Life these last 2 months have been wonderful! It doesn't matter how hard it is, or how long the day is, Nate is ALWAYS going to come home.
Its amazing to me to see how much happier we all are this year. Max no longer cries for his daddy everyday. I no longer feel like I'm about to cry my eyes out every second of every day. I love Nate more then ever. I am so blessed to have him. Having him home has shown me just how much. I just don't function without him. I know, I've tried. I found myself not even able to do the simplest tasks, like regular household chores. I had a hard time getting out of bed in the mornings and it was almost impossible for me to drag myself to bed at night. I didn't want to eat or sleep. I didn't want to be home, because I was so lonely. I know I have Max, I love him more then words can say. I just need Nate.
I guess I've learned that there is a reason I married Nate. There are lots of reasons I was attracted to him, lots of reasons I dated him. One reason I married him. I can't live without him.
I've learned that I am an independant person. What does that mean for me as a wife and mother? I love my life. I love that I get to be a stay at home mom. I love that I get to be Max's mom. I love that I get to teach him and cherish him. I get to be there to hold him when he gets hurt and celebrate with him when he does something great. I get to kiss his sweet sleeping forehead everynight and look forward to a new day with him. I get to rediscover the world through his eyes. He's my son and I get to be his mom.
Nate is the love of my life. I can't imagine living my life without him. I NEED him. I am sealed to him for eternity and I look forward to every minute of it. I don't need him to be there for every little thing. I just need him to be there. I want to do my own thing and then come and tell him all about it. I want to clean and decorate and organize ( all of which are really BIG things for me ) and then have him tell me what a great job I did. I want to go out with my girlfriends and come home more grateful for Nate then ever. I want to be me and have him love for it.
I truly feel that the Lord has blessed me beyond belief. With this new job, I have felt like we have taken a huge leap of faith, and it has ended up better then we had ever thought possible. I know that the Lord is mindful of us. I know that he knows what is happening in our lives. He knows when life is hard, for whatever reason. He truly wants to bless us, to help us, to comfort us. I know that He started blessing me when Nate came into my life. I know that I am a better person because of Nate. I know that he is exactly the person I need to be with to help me be my best self. I know that I am so lucky and blessed to have him. I know that Max is the best thing that has happened to us. I know that we are so blessed to have him, and that he came so easily. We are so blessed to be together forever. In the recent past, I have struggled, more then I even realized at the time. Having things so good now, I have been able to look back and really see just how hard it was for me. I think that I have learned a lot from the experience. I have grown closer to the Lord. Now, I find myself feeling so peaceful and calm. I find that I am really happy. I find myself feeling so grateful for my family!
Today is a good day!
