Clean Slate

I've mentioned this before, whether in passing or here, I'm not sure, but my military friend that said to me when I was preparing to move two and half years ago, "the first year is hard, the second year gets easier, and the third year you won't want to move", was close.  She had much experience with the 3 year rule since she was a nomad with her air force husband.  

That first year was hard.  I'll be honest, I could function and fake it until I made it, but truth be told, I was struggling with some major loneliness and borderline depression.  I gained forty pounds and shed many tears.  Nine months later, moving into our own home and taking on the project of a remodel while starting a part time job kicked me out of my funk in a jolting indescribable way.  I wouldn't want to go back to that self absorbed place, but God did draw me closer to Himself during that time. I don't regret that part of the first year.  I couldn't understand why we were called to a place that had no "place" for me or the kids.  Hubby was doing great, having the time of his life with his new job all the while, the three of us were wilting. 

Year two was brighter, we started getting a routine, the kids started becoming more active in the church and school activities.  I started to make some acquaintances.  Our only struggle at this point was some social issues with some other boys at school, but God resolved that (not to discount how hard it was on our family, but in hindsight God had it the whole time)  Through that adversity, the character of my son was revealed and let me just brag for a second... that boy is amazing!  There, I said it... truth has been spoken. 

We are now approaching year three.  This summer will mark it.... the year that we "won't want to move".  Will I say that I'm counting on it to be so?  Kind of.   At this point, I'm still open to whatever God has in store for us, where ever that happens to be.  I will say that I wouldn't want to physically pack everything up again and start this train ride over, but if that is what He calls us to do... {insert train whistle here} I'm on board.  As far as I can see, we are not going anywhere.  He has us planted.  The roots are starting to grow here in the piney woods with soil so rich you can smell it when you step outside.  We're joining the church officially this weekend, which is just a technicality since they've adopted us as family already from the day we stepped through the door.  If anyone has "tried", it's our church family.  They really couldn't make a greater effort.... they have been wonderful!

Anyway, with all that being said, I want to share an unexpected benefit to relocating and being new to a town.  Let me back up a little here, when I first arrived I ached for familiarity.  Do you remember?  It was obvious.  However, I find that with each new person that I meet, the beauty of a clean slate presented to them is notable.  I don't know if they snubbed the quiet girl in the corner in Jr High, I don't know if they lied to their parents when they were in college, I don't know if they cheated on their boyfriend so many years ago.  The history of 'us' doesn't exist, if they were the popular kid in school or the bully in the board room... who cares.  I get to see them right now, no judgment for their former sins.  I haven't had to forgive them or cry with them or support them through a battle.  It's new, it's wonderful, and the freshness of meeting someone new permeates the air.  Although I longed for familiarity and I felt like no one knew me, because I felt like if they did, if they really knew how hard I've tried, how much I love knowing Jesus, they would love me for just that alone and I wouldn't have to prove myself.  I wanted history.  I find that history isn't necessary for we are making our own story from today forward.  A clean slate doesn't necessarily trump the history of a long time friend, but it sure does feel nice once in a while.

I wonder if that is how God feels.  Each time we ask for forgiveness and He cleans our slate, is He looking at us with fresh eyes?  No gross history between us that will build up walls or prevent us from being together. 

I don't recommend purging your belongings, putting down you net and walking away to start a new life, but I do recommend meeting someone new and keeping the slate as clean as possible so you can see someone with unmarked vision.... it's pretty great.