An Open Letter to the Feminist Blogosphere

Dear Feminist Bloggers,

I have to confess, when the Weblog Awards come around, I am usually overwhelmed with the number of how many blogs I DON'T read even though, during the other 364 days of the year, I usually feel like I spend too much time reading other blogs and not working on my own.

Well, this year is no exception. Plenty of great writing and creating going on among the nominees.

I read The Bilerico Project, which is up for Best LBGT Blog. There's not just one thing that I admire about this place, it's just a great group of folks; incisive, provocative, smart. Serve me up some Bilerico anytime.

I'm a pretty big fan of Bitch, PhD which is under Best Very Large Blog. Bitch, PhD is a terrific corner of the internet. Bold, fierce, kind of like watching a rocket first thing in the morning. That's how I feel about this site.

Under Best Hidden Gem, I am hands down for Zuky. Kai Chang is a great supporter of many women of color bloggers and he is ALL about quality writing, quality editing, quality everything. In my mind, Zuky is the blog I give a tender hug every time I read it. It ranges from sobering to free flowing music to jack in the box howling laughter.

Black Women, Blow the Trumpet is up under Best Small Blog and I gotta hand it to BWBTT, it deserves every vote. I began reading a few short months ago and am impressed with the overall energy of the writing. Not to mention, BWBTT is a community builder kind of blog. I often spot her leaving encouraging comments around the internets.

Not that Dooce needs any more press, but under Best Diarist, Dooce took my vote purely because I've read her off and on and watched her make her jump into internet fame and make a bucket of money along the way. She's probably the only mainstream-ish blog I read. What I appreciate most is that she makes me honestly laugh out loud and not LOL kind of fake way, but in a LAUGH OUT LOUD kind of way.

Feministe has a nice round-up of pointing out the "feminist" blogs and offers a guide as to whom may want to throw your weight behind and, of course, it always begs the questions, "What makes a blog feminist?" Out of the blogs out there, what criteria makes a blog feminist? What separates a "feminist" blog from a gender-centered "liberal" blog? What criteria do you have for what makes a writer a "feminist?"

Then, I got thinking about the larger blogosphere and the power of the internet. Is the feminist blogosphere any different than other blogosphere? Do we have any joined purpose or any points of unity?

As soon as I asked myself that, horrid memories of past blog wars and division came to memory. For sanity's and this post's sake, I shirked them off quickly and got back to the questions filling my brain:

Is there any organization among feminist blogs, other than category, which typically function more for division and ease of surfing? Do we, feminist bloggers, agree on ANYTHING? Or are we in existence the same way, say, culinary blog are - informative for their audiences, community building for those seeking alliances, challenging those who want to learn? Those are all fine purposes, but, I can't help but feel more responsibility than that. Am I alone? As a feminist BLOGOSPHERE, do we hold any form of higher purpose for women's lives? Or do we get wrapped up in our individually wrapped fem-brands and remain set in our preferred ways of blogging? As a collective, can and should the feminist blogosphere strive to serve a unified deeper purpose than others? Is that even possible?

Is this a balanced comparison?

Feminisms = Improving Women's Lives

AS

Feminist Blogosphere = Improving Women's Lives

Is the feminist blogosphere a functioning arm of feminism? I'd say YES. How many educators are using the feminist blogosphere in the classroom, community discussions, printing off unknown feminist poets, forwarding the pseudonym-ed writers for the purpose of learning and activism? Countless.

How many lives are improved because of the feminist blogosphere? My life has certainly been enriched by hundreds of writers and philosophers ranging in topic from feminist jurisprudence to feminist disability rights to recipes for financially restricted women and their families. I've found a community of writers offline because of the feminist blogosphere.

How many lives OUTSIDE the feminist blogosphere, outside internet circles, are improved by our writing and work? We could insert the "seed" argument here. ("You never know how many seeds you have planted and how they've grown to influence someone's actions and how that action spurred another and..." AKA - the silent and rarely witnessed domino effect.) And I'm not proposing that we start a cyber crusade, bathed in US colonialism, of "helping" those we deem marginalized. I'm simply asking a question: Is the feminist blogosphere improving, or striving to improve, ALL women's lives?

How easy it is to forget the priviliege of writing, reading, and keeping a blog. It comes with time, access, and security. How might the feminist blogosphere be informed if we could find a way to make media available to the women of Gaza right now? Or if we could read about the best diarist of incarcerated feminists? Would those win any awards? Maybe "Most Courageous," or how about "Largest Risk Takers?" or "Most Needed?" I'd love to see the feminist blogosphere identify not just the worthy blogs that deserve recognition, but actually work together on just one thing. We're bloggers. We create a form of media. Where is our collective media justice? Is that too tall of an order?

The feminist blogosphere remains immeasurable in its richness and it is a privilege to be a part of a community of bloggers who are informed by feminism and write for therapeutic, educational, and activist reasons. However, I contend that we, as a messy, loveable, crazy community, can always do better. And should.

I remain, blogfully yours,

Lisa

Cross-posted at Bitch Magazine

Good-bye to Anonymous Privileges

How I have tried to make you feel included
by allowing your comments and words,
but I think it's time to change that
and now wail a song of dirge.

Your barrage of f*uck you's and threats
once scared me to the bone,
but now I realize you write these things
behind a screen, faceless, and alone.

Oh Anon, I have no idea who or where you are
Managua, San Antonio, or Madrid -
But, I suggest you at least identify your soul
and claim your own words as I did.

Because there's an unspoken rule I believe in life:
That your energy fills your space;
and your constant negativity spewed at me
is neutralized by your Anonymous face.

A troll, a hater, a miserable hobbit?
I don't know why you insist on staying here -
But one thing I know about remaining anon
You don't change when you live in fear.

And so, no more Anonymous comments are allowed
here at My Ecdysis, my blog.
Go visit someone else, go leave your hate there
or wander in your dark cyber fog.

I appreciate all commenters' time and thoughts
and render each person smart -
But I have a thick skin and a witty mind, too
And so your f-bombs aren't taken to heart.

All the best to you, Anon -
I hope you have a happy life that's kind!
I'm sure you're more than your hateful crap
that you fruitlessly leave behind.

Hear from Aaminah: Why Blog?

Why blog? That was the question raised (among others). This comment is from Aaminah:

I guess I got into blogging for completely different reasons than why I do it now. As a writer, trying to get known, trying to get gigs, I was told that I HAD to have a website. I know nothing about setting up a website and I'm poor so I can't pay someone to do it for me. I was reading a few blogs, and talking with some other Islamic writers who said they blogged. It's free, it's easy, it can serve as a website. So that's what I did: I set up a blog to be a "professional" site for me as a writer. Almost as soon as I did so though I started being inundated with comments and emails asking for advice on writing. Me, the nobody in the writing world. But I was game so I started writing posts based on my reading and experiences as I had them. As I got into that, I decided to start a more personal blog, to put my more general thoughts out there. No particular reason except that I could. Eventually, I was reading more blogs than any other media and very inspired by what other people, esp women and women of color were doing with their blogs.

BFP and my friend Umm Zaid were huge influences on my blogging. I wanted my blog to be as inspiring and meaningful from an Islamic standpoint as I find Umm Zaid's. And I wanted to talk about the other not-specific-to-Muslims issues that I care alot about too. I saw how BFP's blog was sorta a call to action. All those resources, things brought together in one place and people talking about these things that I lived in my day to day life like it mattered.

My blogs have gone through a lot of changes because of this. I still keep other blogs too. I keep one for the work on my novel. It's private, only a few people have access to give me feedback. I keep another shared one with a friend for a book we would like to work on together. And another that is very personal spiritual stuff that is private and only for a few eyes. I also have one that I've taken private while I revamp it, but it is Islamic short fiction. I created it because there wasn't anything like that out there and I wanted to help Muslim writers get their stories out there and hope that publishers and magazine editors would notice them and we could bring some attention to the need for this kind of writing, and that we are a significant market. I guess that was sorta my first blog activism.

Now I blog more with activism in mind. I try not to just write and throw stuff up there for the heck of writing, but to be actually saying something. To be connecting to what else is out there, and to provide resources. But yeah, also to share my own writing in hopes that it will attract someone. I hope that my writing helps someone out there, gives them hope that things can change, that they can tell their story, that there are other people out here who care and who know how life can be...

I don't think that blogging is the end of the road. This latest series of situations has really crystalized that for me. Blogging is a tool. There are many tools. I think it is a relevent tool right now, but it's true it doesn't reach everyone. That's why we have to use more than one tool to bring attention to things. BFP stopped blogging, but I don't think that means she stopped thinking, stopped writing, stopped caring, stopped being active. If I stopped blogging, it would, I think, be because I had found a better means of getting my truth out there, and a better way of helping others speak their truth. I would like to explore how anything can be media if we use it that way and blogging isn't all there is to things.

I also agree that blogging and living on-line can become a form of inactive activism. If you are sitting on-line all the time, what are you really DOING? There is a place for it, spreading information, building coalitions, providing support. And many of us needed this in order to find any sense of community. As others have already said, I too am one who found my real community on-line because I don't feel like a part of any community in real life. But at some point we have to step away from the computer and go out into the world to do more than just talk. There is a place for the talk of blogs and it is important, but it shouldn't be mistaken as action or the sum total of our work.

Hear from Lex: Why Blogging

Another response to a series of questions that should not be hidden. From Lex:

Fab's comments really resonate with me. I think there are many reasons that people end up blogging. I started blogging about two years ago (wow doesn't feel like it has been that long) for two reasons.
1. I was preparing for my qualifying exams for grad school and I needed a way to process a whole lot of reading and for accountabilities sake I was turned on about processing with a (mostly imaginary) online audience instead of just with the innards of my own laptop.
2. I was participating in a transformative women of color led healing movement locally and it was really important to us that our work be accessible and accountable to people outside of our local community as well.

3. And then...because of learning about the amazing blogs of my sistren Jasmine Cabot and Kriti I realized that we could put pdfs on blogs and BrokenBeautiful Press which had been much more like a mail order distro became an online space of sharing and production.

So my relationship to blogging is slightly odd. It might not even be called blogging. It might be doing something else through the technological user friendly web sharing templates that the blogging movement has made available.

I am much more likely to post my personal bidness...and my growing plots and plans and my statements of love and support in emails to comrades, sisters, friends...many of which I met through the blogosphere. So that's still a very web-based love that I find fulfilling. It has been particularly sustaining for me during a period in my local community when trust has been broken and stuff has been tentative and difficult.

Anyway all that is to say...like Fab pointed out... my blog is nothing like a journal. When I update a blog it is because I have something specific to share to a broad audience. I also maintain about 50 blogs..so no one blog is my home (don't call it an empire!)

I don't think anyone (at least among the radical women of color and allied media makers that I read) is blogging just to blog. I think we're doing it for reasons acknowledged or unacknowledged...to make space for an issue that everyone is ignoring, to process something that we really want think through, to bring together voices that we think belong together, to be part of a conversation about some particular possibility.

I think the "Why blogging?" question is really important and it is important for us to be loud with our multiple answers to it because our blogging is directly connected to radical theoretical production and community transformation. I think it is the opposite of elitist. I think it is us doing what oppressed folks have always had to do...use tools designed for someone else to make space for ourselves and our loved ones to breathe, celebrate, scream, strategize...

And for those same reasons I don't think it has to be a once a blogger forever a blogger thing. Maybe you'll grow past that particular issue or conversation or project that made you start that particular blog. Maybe the way for us to be accountable has to do with working in a community garden, or doing west african dance, or cooking a lot more at a certain point.
There have been phases in my healing and growing when I haven't wanted to use words at all.
So yeah...let's be intentional about what we do and support each other on and offline. Our individual and collective purposes are bigger than the blogosphere and the atmosphere.

Hear from Fabi: Why Blog?

A few posts ago, I asked a series of questions pertaining to blogging, its purpose and reason. The responses deserve to be out of the comments cell and into the front. Here is from Fabi.

Sudy, here is my pretty long winded answers to your questions. Many of us are grappling with those questions, and I’m glad that you are asking them!

I've heard comments such as those two men in the airport repeatedly from a couple of people in my life, the why bother with blogging, it’s a time sucker, most people we know don’t blog (folks in our community) and our work, etc.
I would try to defend it but often times I would feel ganged up – other people of color very engaged in social activism and their in my opinion, distaste for blogging then instead of understanding it fully I would internalize by feeling as the strange isolated nerd caught up in online writing/dialoguing. I think that not having folks you know in real life that blog -- contributes to the repeated questioning and isolation. Questioning is good too, though. To some extent, like you said yesterday blogging takes you away from the immediate community one’s in. There is the classic example of folks in a coffee shop not speaking to each other, typing away yet they are probably in vibrant online communities. Not underestimating at all what we have on-line with SPEAK, the invaluable support, growth, intellectual challenging discourses – and it IS moving beyond online. Folks are zining, joining forces in conferences, contributing in projects of all sorts, and more.

Keep coming back to this question of why blogging/why not blogging since the indefinite break back in November. For me, it became a pressure that didn’t fit into my reality. Also like feminism, I felt like I had to defend blogging in my real life communities from folks that were withdrawn and critical of blogging. While also eating better became priority, and getting healthy (mind/body/spirit) I couldn’t trade that considering my health, transition, and state. That and many other reasons made it easier to actively not blog.

It is cathartic to on occasion (more than not) tune out of blogging. But yet I have a pulse on it, through our SPEAK collective, the blogs you all actively carry. And if folks decide to stop, it’s not like we stop engaging with each other. We collaborate in zines, now make/shift, gchat, phone calls, e-mails and letters.

And if our blogs remain static – it’s not the end of our relationships. I think of Alexis who updates her blog when she has something to share. Yet, we can have a telephone conversation; contribute to an article, etc. I think of me, I don’t blog in fabulosamujer any more, yet here I am commenting.

Yesterday I engaged in a conversation about blogging with a colleague of mine and she said something that I agreed with completely; it’s okay if something isn’t forever. And also, like kameelah stated when we choose (or in some ways are imposed b/c of pressures of time/lack of support/energy/resources) to remain silent online, our bodies continue to speak, we move, we write, we dialogue, we engage, and if we choose to remain silent we are speaking with ourselves, replenishing, collecting ourselves, building up…it’s all process – to speak in a way that suits us.

I wouldn’t even bother with the two men. And also, I wouldn’t even try to convince anyone to actively read the feminist blogosphere. Then again it depends how I feel. Some blog entries are so great – I e-mail them to folks that I know hate blogging. They wont’ blog after that – but we’ll probably talk about the blog entry, they’ll like what the blog author had to say, and it becomes something else. With these folks I’ll probably see often, join a book club, invite over to cook something, or bike together. It coalesces somehow.

We come to blogging because of the rich thoughtful dialogues occurring, and to contribute to discourse, to share our experience. It’s one of the mediums where there is that freedom. Simultaneously in my opinion it isn’t easy to have immediate communities where we have folks like bfp, you, alexis, ba, nadia, noemi, and we flourish politically, and we write about our experiences. I cam to blogging b/c I was a young new mom of color, and I am a political woman of color, hungry for intellectual discourse, followed by action, and where the fact that I’m a young mami of color – I’m not part of something. That’s why I gravitated to the blog world. Here is where I met mamitamala, and bfp, and other zinesters mamas like Vikki Law, China Martens, and Noemi Martinez. That in many ways gave me a fierce confidence I have now. I guess I came to blogging because I was extremely isolated as a new young political mom of color and expressed out of necessity, and I took in others experiences. And now – we’re at a different phase.

I hope I am not sounded like I’m saying this is a better road – to stop blogging. Or that – everyone will eventually grow out of blogging, or if someone is actively blogging than that means they don’t’ have active loving vibrant intellectual engaging community with women of color and other allies in their real life. But I do think – to some degree not having these communities’ plays to the fact that there is over 18 million blogs online.

Balance is key, I feel more balanced because if I tune the blog world for a week or two – I don’t feel pressured. I can go on vacation and be on vacation. Before I had to stay plugged to everything that went on. And I do think that some of my relationships in real life paid for that. I don’t think that’s a good price to pay. Now, I do open my rss feeds and open them to right away close it. Just to clean it up. To start from zero. And I’ll do that repeatedly until I want to read again.

Oh and by vacation -- I mean peace of mind, enjoying my little one, being around blood and non-blood related family, reading a good book. Not actual get out of the country and even city vacation, I am a little broke (money wise) for that.

Vacation from constant getting info and putting out info.

Laughing with others vacation. I am reminded of my mother that died of cancer when I was 16, before she went into her 17 hour surgery, in her little county hospital bed, she had a smile. She touched us, and loved us. It was lovely, and it was hard for her and all of us knowing in our hearts that the odds were against her surviving that surgery, and we loved, shared funny stories, and cried and felt each other.

And the joke my dad made out of the $200,000 mistaken medical bill that arrived to our house, after she died...through our grieving. That's what people do, we make with our pain, while we try to work for something better, enduring it, we don't forget to give to each other, touch one another, laugh and eat together.

Speaking of not blogging, I'm commenting quite a bit. Is that a sign that I must blog again? ;-)
<3>

Revisiting the WHY of Blogging

I was in and out of airports all weekend. Nauseated, angry, sleepy, exhausted, dizzy, frustrated, sweaty - basically the most uncomfortable circumstances that a human can feel without the threat of violence - airports can bring out the worst in me.

Beyond the fatigue, I overheard two gentlemen about to board US Airways with me. Crumbled up in a sweatshirt, I tried to hide the fact that I was eavesdropping:

Suited Man 1: I mean, I can't even tell you what a blog even is.

Suited Man 2: Me neither, I don't read that crap.

1: Really, why would you? Why would I spend any amount of time reading someone else's stream of consciousness?

2: Seriously! I agree, that's why I don't know one thing that is going on in the blogosphere. I don't want to know.

1: Why, why spend any time reading some random person's thoughts?

2: I mean, even if they're an academic, I wouldn't read -

1: Especially if they're an academic!

2: I just don't see why people read that stuff.

So, here are my question as I revisit my own purposes for reading and writing in this globe of madness we call the blogosphere:
Is there a time to begin and end your presence in the blogosphere? What's the next step for bloggers after controversy and heat? (IS there even a next step, or is THIS - online dialogue - it?) Why are you here in the blogosphere? What would you say to these two men if you had the nerve to butt into their conversation because, clearly, I could not? Would you even WANT to convince anyone these days to read the feminist blogosphere? (Ok, I just broke my vow that I was going to stop blogging about this issue...)

Sayonara & Soundtrack

Adonis: "How's the blogging world these days? Anything going on?"

Me: (silent long glance)

Adonis: "What's up? Something blowing up?"

Me: "I've noticed a considerable jump in visitors lately."

Adonis: "Is that bad?"

Me: "It's like Rock of Love with bandana Bret Michaels. Folks are just tuning in to watch the worst parts of people come out. I feel sick."

Adonis: "Is it everybody?"

Me: "Everyone's got a hand in what's going on right now."

And with that conversation, I am done with blogging about WAM, Seal, and "feminist" blogging. For me, all of this began with a recognition of dialogue and expression, but I don't do or like cheap shots, and that's on both sides. Even if I disagree with someone's actions, I don't approve of rabbit punches. Ever.

As I begin to prepare for a life-changing 2 month journey to the Philppines to study social movements and the impact of western feminism on global womyn; as I prepare to move for the 11th time in 11 years to a new city with Adonis who decided to leave his doctoral program; as I begin the process of resigning from my own job; as I begin a new phase of my life, so begins a new phase of my blog.

And so, I dedicate these songs to all the pained, all those who downed tylenol and used rewetting eye drops (and alcohol) to read through the past two weeks of the blogosphere, all the pissed off writers and activists pointing fingers, all of the conference lurkers in private conversations, all the rWoc of Speak!, all the allies and the haters, all who can agree to disagree, for everyone whose trying to keep their sanity - these were selected for you.

Soundtrack for the Feminist Blogosphere,
March 28 - April 13, 2008

Monday: Frank Sinatra - My Way
Tuesday: REM - Everybody Hurts
Wednesday: Michael Jackson - She's Out of My Life
Thursday: Joni Mitchell - Both Sides
Friday: O.A.R - Crazy Game of Poker
Saturday: Dar Williams - The Christians and the Pagans *
Sunday: Tupac - Life Goes On

*Go deeper, if you don't know this song, and think about the possibilities.

Ahh, the Irony

Now, don't get me wrong. Approximately 129 people in my life emailed, linked, or suggested that I visit the boomilicious blog, "Stuff White People Like." It has been the skyrocketing Grey's Anatomy of the blogging world, second only to Post Secret. Most, not all, but most of their writing is downright hilarious.

I particularly appreciate their pointing out what white folks love - #92 - Book Deals. And what irony I found today, the day where I needed a good laugh - the day when Brownfemipower ceased her internet presence after years of blogging about media justice, womyn at the border, transformative feminist theory, advocacy for Brown womyn, and safe space - is the same day that I find that the authors of Stuff White People Like has a new book through Random House and Jessica Valenti has a new upcoming book on sexuality. And Post Secret is probably going on Book #5 with Harper Collins sometime next Sunday.

Don't misread me. Those books are going to be hot tamales and I'll probably still visit SWPL every now and again with Adonis when we're brushing our teeth in the morning. And whenever I go to Border's and see Frank Warren's latest and greatest, I stop and read the newest secrets bared to the world. A laugh or tear escapes, too.

But, does anyone else see just a smidge of irony here? We need all kinds of voices out there, yes, but what does it say when a voice like Brownfemipower calls it quits while others continue to roll in the wonderful Book Deals that white folks love so much, according to SWPL?

Feminists, too, Steal

It's a pretty simple concept.

Stop stealing.

Cite your ideas, words, and the one who gave you the thought.

Stop stealing.

That echo? That echo I'm hearing in the "feminist" blogosphere is getting a bit too loud for me these days. I've been hearing it for years.

You know who you are.

It's a pretty simple concept, you know. We all learned it at some point in our development:

Give credit where credit is due.

That wasn't your seed, so cite where it came from. Stop spinning it like it's your own.

Stop stealing.

Update: 4/11/08
Funny how this post is being perceived and linked for various reasons. Understandably, given the timing of the latest train wreck and the exclusive BFP links I used in it, this post is being framed as if I had one incident in mind.

Let's back up and do some of my favorite work called Clarifying.

BFP was certainly part of my thought process, but this demand for writers/bloggers to "stop stealing" far exceeds the events (disasters) of this week or just BFP herself. This post vomited on the years of hearing echos in the blogosphere with no visible credit or citation to others' contributions. My links are specific, but my point is wider. I'm not talking about one singular instance that set me off into a knee-jerk reactionary post, I'm speaking about a maddening phenomenon of disregarding BODIES of work . And I'm tired of something that is so deeply problematic being casually normalized by writers and readers of feminism.

Who Needs "Filipino" or Tagalog Bloggers?

Thanks to Tigera Consciente who gave me a heads up that Blogger is now offering the feature to blog "IN FILIPINO."

MHM.

I wonder if they mean to blog "in Tagalog," which is the the official language of the Philippines, among the several dialects of the Islands.

There's been discussion as to whether Filipinos "need this," considering that English is taught and spoken in the Philippines. I thought that the question as to whether it's "needed" is somewhat ridiculous. Not ALL Filipinos are bi/multi-linguial and/or know English. I see Blogger making an effort to extend blogging opportunities to the people of the Philippines, regardless if you know English or not. The blogging world should not reign supreme for English speakers.

Last time I checked, blogging one's way into existence is not a luxury limited to English speaking writers.

After 500 Pots, I Don't Know What I'm Doing Here

This post is number 501.

I've posted 501 times to the world and it is only appropriate, then, that I find myself here, sitting in the dark, with one question:  What's the purpose of my blog?

Recently, I put up a video on YouTube that honestly, I just did for fun.  Blessed to be in a community with women writers, I thought it would be an amusing poke in our feminist bellies to laugh at the ridiculous things people say on the internet.  I posted and I was surprised - and excited - that so many people have seen it.  I'm more than excited that it has caused some discussion about race and tolerance.  

I've received emails and read comment threads where some debate the intention of my project.  Mostly, "What's the point?"  I don't get it.  You're making fun of people, what's the point? What's the point of your blog?

Well, let's see how I can answer that...

First, I am endlessly thankful that people supported and shared the project.  Ya'll rock!

I'm also thankful that even those who DIDN'T like it care enough about the larger picture to engage in thoughtful debate about it.  That's awesome.

Now, here's my other thoughts on the questions of purpose....

I first began breathing a few decades ago and in that time frame have learned a thing or two about my life.  I'm a creator.  

I paint.  Play with words.  Mix some colors.  Make people laugh.  Twist my face around  in expression.

I write.  Poetry and I arm wrestle.  I walk with feminism and wonder how I can contribute.

What's the point?  What's the point of making a comedy about the deeply embedded racism that exists in the corners of new technology?  What's the point in sending a (comical) warning not to give ourselves too much credit just yet?  What's the point of exercising creativity in new and different ways just for one's pleasure?  Does everything have to be check marked with an agenda?  What's the point of creating something that will be disagreed with, misunderstood, and potentially uncomfortable?

Perhaps my point is that it's not about you.  For once, it's about me.  My blog, my words, my creative thinking.  Perhaps it's because marginalized individuals spend an ungodly amount of their lives fighting to get their voice out that when the sound resonates, I'm less concerned about whether it's pleasing, and more about my own ability to tell my truth.

"What are you trying to prove?"  Uh, nothing.  I think the quotes speak for themselves.  

"A few bad apples don't spoil the whole bunch."   Who's talking spoiling?  Shedding light in a dark corner is not equivalent to torching the room.

"What's the point of the project?"  Maybe it's just for a good laugh. Maybe it's up to you to find your meaning, if any.   My point was to create.  The rest is up to you.

I love that people think I'm calling specific people out on the internet to humiliate them.  I have several thoughts on that:

1. Good Lord - have you forgotten that this is THE INTERNET where PEOPLE BLOG UNDER FALSE NAMES?

2. The project is not targeting 11 people.  The project was intended to throw a few absurdities together to take a look at "the dark corners of the feminist blogosphere."  It's not about you.  Stop thinking it's about you.  It's not.  It looks at trends, patterns, and I choose comments for either originality or because it's appeared in so many forms on other blogs.

3. The project was a call for absurdities, not a call for apologies.  I'm not worried about the individuals who said these things.   I'm not worried about what I'm wearing in the video.  I'm not concerned if this is popular.  I'm interested in truthtelling, my truth.  And if what I see stings, then hit your next link on your blogroll.  There are plenty of tutorials that can help you get over your racism.  Here's the secret, though, that they don't tell you in infomercials:  only you can do that.

And so that leads me to the question that I asked myself 500 posts ago:  What's the purpose of my blog?

My purpose of this blog is not very dissimilar from my purpose in life.

To find different mediums of communication to find bits of hope, confidence, and Truth in the world.
To communicate ideas, receive inspiration, witness great writing, memorable events.
To be a part of something larger, something more complex and mysterious than I can imagine.
To give a part of myself to the world in hopes of making it better.
To vent.
To find similar hearts thumping in their chests with a yearning for justice; so loud that they, too, turn to the written word to exhale their activism.
To create, try, offer ideas that could potentially touch another feminist.
To be touched by somone else's work that I can't find in mainstream bookstores or magazines.

To find a community of womyn I could not find offline.
To support independent thought, exercise freedom of expression, question the norm.
To build my own perspective through the careful practice of writing and poetry.
To educate people about (among many things) feminism, the Pinay experience, Filipino diaspora, Asian American attitude, and the beauty of writing for the sake of writing.

Does blogging always do this?

Hells no it doesn't and neither does life guarantee it either.

But, both life and blogging, in their small crashing and receding waves, bring those opportunities in moments.

And that makes it all worth it.

The Same FemiRacism = The Same Post

This post is a piece I wrote last May, when the initial blow-up of the book, Full Frontal Feminism, exploded on the feminist blogosphere. In this post, I explore the parallels of Lorde's experience when she criticised Mary Daly for ignoring race as an issue in feminist literature and discourse.

As this issue is revisited ("issue" meaning, WOC have an opinion about a White author or White professor's use of a White text to teach feminism, WOC are accused of being attackers, ignorant, dumb, and irrelevant) in the blogosphere, I am following suit by reposting my exact response. And I will continue to repost my opinion as often as this issue comes up. My opinion - like the issue - has not changed; it is the same rhetoric, same feigned innocense, and the same legion of ignorant defenders when it comes to dismantling racism within the feminist movement, including Women Studies as an academic field.

Oh, and yes, I did read the book, so I am warranted to review it.

Ignoring the differences of race between women and the implications of those differences presents the most serious threat to the mobilization of women’s joint power. –Audre Lorde

Oh, dear. Starting off with a quote from the overquoted Audre Lorde could backfire. I could be immediately disregarded as cliché, academic, or at best, trite. I’ll risk it.

Lorde’s quote is the simple backbone to much of the flesh-cutting diatribe going on in the feminist blogosphere lately. The skin of it is Valenti’s book, Full Frontal Feminism, and in some arguments, Valenti herself.

The jugular of the problem though, is feminism, inclusion, and the politics of difference. I have read Valenti’s book and I’ve read the reviews. There are two things that FFF and certain reviews have in common: 1) there are some good points points 2)I am completely turned off by the tone and style of the writerFFF is written from a mainstream feminist to young women about feminism. There. Simple enough.

Well, it might be simple, but that is quite loaded. The problem can begin with the front cover. You don’t need to be a genius to know that putting a naked white hip and calling it Full Frontal Feminism is not going to attract negative opinion.The problem with the cover and the book is that it says it targets young women (“young,” I assume is late teen/very early 20s) and I found, frankly, it did little to address young women of color. “Even now, issues of race and class come up in feminism pretty often,” (10). Well, I just laughed out loud when I read that because race and class don’t just come up for women of color “pretty often,” it is their lived experience as human beings.

Valenti breezes over this and even uses the Lorde quote when she talks about intersectionality.Those aren’t just road blocks, they are serious, structural problems within the Movement, Feminism, Women's Centers, academic programs, the workplace, on the street, in the media...you get the point. Valenti mentions this from time to time, referencing Sojourner Truth’s, “Ain’t I a Woman?” and mentioning racism exists throughout the waves. No elaboration, just dropping some pebbles. Some of the heavy duty issues like sexual assault, poverty, public policy, motherhood that Valenti brings up are never broken down to illustrate how women of color experience them differently. It's brought up and told from a White perspective.

"That's not her fault!" cry the FFF fans. It's not her "fault" but it certainly doesn't apply to young WOC does it? Or it doesn't acknowledge the different experience they may have with those issues. I think that’s pretty significant to know when trying to sell feminism to young women, especially, those of color.

Is it Valenti’s responsibility to go head first into this issue? I believe yes. The book is CALLED full, frontal feminism, so yes! What other place to discuss the pressing, urgent, undeniable exclusion of *other* women? Probably because it’s too serious. And heavy. Oh, everyone hates that combo. Such a drag. Is Valenti responsible for speaking for others or women of color? Certainly not. I’m not looking for Valenti to pretend she has answers or have any other skin tone or background than what she has. I am, however, looking for leaders to step up and shake the racist tree of the Movement. Other issues are clearly detailed with personal accounts and stories to illustrate. Why not for issues of difference? Why not model to younger feminists how she experienced the Third Wave’s struggle in terms of racism?

For anyone, Valenti or whomever, to leave it untouched or is like that old excuse White women professors used to give for not using WOC literature in Women’s Studies’ courses: they couldn’t teach it because they themselves are not people of color. (But, as Lorde points out, there are no problems teaching Shakespeare and other great works of men) Ok, so that translates into “progressive” or liberal feminists refusing to tackle issues of racist oppression because they’re White. Leave that for the colored women. Right.

Roaring reviews about disappointment came out followed by catty, non-linked accusations of the she said/she said, No I didn’t/Yes You did variety ensued. Some of the most disturbing trends were young women WOC who blogged their opinion about the book and getting whacked by a freight train of Valenti supporters and FFF Mean Girls.Audre Lorde once wrote a letter to Mary Daly, a radical feminist theologian, about a book Daly had published. After Daly did not respond to her, Lorde opened it up publicly for discussion. Read, “An Open Letter to Mary Daly,” for details. What Lorde first privately and then publicly raises, is why in Gyn/Ecology does Daly not sufficiently explore African examples of goddesses? Why are all the images white and judeo-christian? Lorde tells herself that Daly probably narrowed her focus to deal solely with western European women. But, Daly does eventually expand in her book, poorly. And that is where Lorde takes off. She realizes that Daly interjects sporadic quotes and information to back up her assertions, but never fully recognizes or acknowledges the contributions of Black women and other women of color. She uses particles of the women of color experience to add a be-dazzler effect on her lens, but she never integrates them into her work.

These observances, publishings, and exchanges took place before I was born. And I unabashedly use the Lorde's words in the following to illustrate what is still occurring in the feminist literature canon and the blogosphere today:

What you excluded…dismissed my heritage and the heritage of all other
noneuropean women, and denied the real connections that exist between all of us.
It is obvious that you have done a tremendous amount of work for this book. But
simply because so little material on non-white female power and symbol exists in
white women’s words from a radical feminist perspective, to exclude this aspect
of connection from even comment in your work is to deny the foundation of
noneuropean female strength and power that nurtures each of our visions. It is
to make a point by choice.

Note: is Lorde getting personal and name calling and labeling Daly a racist? No, she does something better: she gets critical with her WORK. She validates her engagment with a piece of literature by offering to the author and the world her experience. Lorde is a master of eloquent indignation. This is not about formality or jargon or the academic vibe. This is an example of a powerful woman using her voice to articulate her experience of racism by literary exclusion. Now, THAT is a feminist dialogue.

My personal reaction to the book deals with its content, marketing, and style; not with the author as a person. I found it light, at best, and skimming the feminist ocean of depth. I’m sure someone right now is saying, “But it’s not meant to be the academic, dry, serious crap. That’s what makes it so good!” Well, I happen to agree that it’s not meant to be those things, but delving deep into the consciousness of the Women’s Movement and explaining it to young women is hardly limited to theory, the academic and serious spheres. One can profoundly and radically explore with young women without being boring.

On the contrary, the most fascinating and exciting feminist lessons are the ones that dig deep. It’s more than just trendy, it’s resonating.I can see now that I am definitely not the target audience. That’s not a source of contention. I was misled, just like several other books I picked up and found, after the first chapter it was not written for me. What I have a problem with is what the book stands for and what it symbolizes. The book has a big feminist hat that says TOUR GUIDE and then frolics with young white women and splashes around in the shallow end of the ocean. Valenti often utilizes the phrase, “in my opinion,” or a variation of that. Right on. The entire book is her opinion. The facts and figures, all current and legit, are funneled through yet another set of well-meaning eyes.

The frequent focus on the “ugly” fear, appearance-oriented explanations, and rocking sex freedom tips is not full, frontal feminism. It’s Part of the Surface Feminism. Once again, race, class, and “intersectionality” is the the beloved frosting. It (frosting) is definitely a must-have, but too much of it ruins the enjoyment of the actual cake. I am rather mystified that when a White woman claims a book she has written is not an end all, be all text and then the criticism confirms the claim, why a legion of defenders comes with swords. The book is being held at both extremes. It’s been called trash – which it’s not. It’s also been the called the greatest thing ever since sliced bread – which it’s not. It speaks from and to the naked White hip cover fans. There’s no crime there. There’s just no depth there either. And as she is entitled to write what she likes, so are reviewers! In the face of critical and substantial rhetoric, you gotta grow thick skin. Yup. Ya deal. And you fight back. You just don’t fight back by pandering to the lowest common denominator and silencing others because W-W-Wahhhh, some women don’t like my shero’s book. Hello – grow a vagina and check yourself. If we’re going to make some – ANY – progress whatsoever, we must be doing better than this. “This” being: putting out feminist literature that implies a select audience within its target audience and then exploding over negative evaluations.

In a nutshell, this book is for: somewhat confident white young women, mild to intensely curious about the Movement and can stand a lot of sexually explicit language, and who want a quick bumper sticker 411 about issues of difference among women. FFF is not for anyone seriously struggling with their identity, or any form of religious, sexual, and political binaries. This is not for anyone who is Republican or even mildly conservative (given the I Don’t Fuck Republicans shirt references). It’s far left and contributes to the division between camps (given the “feminism isn’t for everybody” explanation).

Any young women of color, anyone with ties and concerns with other countries outside the USA, especially developing nations, or if you have already experienced some form of discrimination and are looking for answers won't find much haven here. Immigration, adoption, religion, family, mental illness, physical challenges, the deaf community…Leave these topical expectations at the door. Valenti wrote a “love letter to feminism,” and just like love, we all have our own valid experiences and perspectives. But if this is the guiding love letter for young, marginalized women of difference about being in a feminist relationship, I’d probably advise to stay single and look elsewhere for companionship, in my opinion.

Loving or Leaving the Feminist Blogosphere

Vox is teaching a thing or two about solidarity, the fem blogosphere and dripping truths left and right. Read about it here.

As for loving or leaving it: I am undecided. The highs (WOC fem sites, rad WOC, online inspiration) are so high, but the lows (mainstream fem, femiracism, elitist ignorance) swing me down, way down.

::still thinking::

Karate Kick to Femiracism

Once in a while you can hear a WAAAACHAAA karate kick to the femiracism on the internet.

Of course, Kai, in all of his debating glory, comes full force with this post about Full Frontal Femin-ERRR...Full Frontal Racism.

In sum:

Valenti writes love letter book about feminism.
Amidst the confetti throwing around the naked white torso cover, womyn of color express dissent.
WOC attacked for actually throwing around their opinion not the confetti.

(six months pass)

This Hugo Shmugo character emerges online about his experiences as he teaches FFF in his class; saying his WOC students love it! Take that!
WOC (online) again resurface to reassert their position. TAKE THAT (insert karate kick)
Kai writes up some genius stuff.

Sudy goes YAY over Kai amidst her boiling at the Hugo character's inability to understand anything that Donna, BFP, and BA state (see Kai's post to read BA and BFP's brilliance).

If that doesn't interest you, just click on it to see some serious ass whooping.

Women of Color Blogging Issues

This article from Reappropriate tackles some of the most pressing issues for women of color bloggers who have been run off their own blogs with threats and silencing.

I can't say that I've encountered as much hate as some other bloggers, but I can only imagine the level of intimidation and hostility they have encountered.

The online and offline world are connected, whether you want to believe it or not. Human behavior translates onto the screen and affects the blogger similarly to offline encounters of racism, sexism, and homophobia. The only difference is that commenters get to "anonymously" threat and attempt to silence WOC. Cowards.

And similar to how I will not be silenced in the "real world" offline, I will not be silenced in my own space, my blog that I have created. "Sudy" is not untouchable or immune to the verbal hurts, but she is most certainly fierce and resilient. So, let this be my declaration of buoyancy. I may take breaks, I may sometimes need to regroup, but I will not be silenced, so don't bother leaving threatening comments at my door. You are not welcome here, trollers. I am in solidarity with women who have been silenced by rape and violence, and I am in solidarity with women who have been silenced by stalking, threats, and initimidation.

So, listen up trollers:
I cannot and will not be bullied on my own blog, so take your mouth foam elsewhere.

I SERIOUSLY Welcome You to the Feminist Blogosphere

It's funny. It really is, this whole feminist blogosphere.

Almost two months ago, I expressed some serious whore-er (get it? Play on words? Horror?) over the cover of Full Frontal Feminism (FFF) and predicted severe disagreement from other WOC. And now, months later, I now sit, having read the freaking thing, and what do I see?: sisters of color bloggers getting attacked and the feminist blogosphere's blowing up.

Maybe I should go into feminist prophesy. There's some bank to be made there.

Alright, all joking aside there is an unbelievable amount of bullshit going on about the reactions, reviews, and the jaws of life biting going on between blogs. Those unfamiliar with the blogosphere may wonder how wounds can cut so deep. Well, my friends, it's called Humanity.

If you can connect the dots between blogs, go to it.

Here are the crumbs that I can gather:
FFF is written.
FFF is reviewed.
Writers/Feminist of Color are among reviewers.
W/FOC are attacked.

Mhm.

A book about drawing out the young feminists draws out opinion, disagreeing opinion, and the insidious "commenters" who cannot stand authentic feminist opinions from women of color go to TOWN.

I could post a reflection about either the book or what has transpired, but there is way too much wisdom being written on other blogs right now to spend writing. I want to soak up their pearls before I spew my own spin on these occurences.

There is nothing, I repeat, NOTHING surprising, respectful, true, or inspiring in the ugly racism and comments hurled at women of color who have dissenting opinion. How many more times do we need to go review this lesson?

Before any feminist agenda can move forward, WOMEN OF COLOR MUST BE BELIEVED.

And I think I'll use some of my prophetic skills right now. let me peek into my feminist crystal ball:

mhmmm, it's kind of foggy...I see something, but can't make out what exactly what - WAIT! I SEE SOMETHING! It's...

a future post that slam dunks this shit.

Why Blogging is What it is

Taken from COLORLINES

Issue #37, March/April 2007

The Segregated Blogosphere

By Celina De León


"Whenever issues of race come up, it's seen as a distraction."

Chris Rabb's life as a blogger started with an e-mail. For four years, he sent out an e-newsletter to thousands of names in his address book. The newsletter eventually became his blog, Afro-Netizen, which provided Rabb's commentaries on politics and news, with a focus on Black communities. Since then, Rabb has become one of the most outspoken voices on the racial divide in the blogosphere.

"As bloggers of color, we are such a smaller number of people than our white counterparts. That makes reaching the volume of traffic much harder, and the lack of social and financial capital also makes this harder," Rabb said.

People of color make up 40 percent of bloggers, but only 26 percent of Internet users. According to the Pew Internet & American Life Project's "Blogger" report, which was based on findings from their February through April 2006 tracking surveys, 11 percent of bloggers are Black, 19 percent are English-speaking Hispanic and 10 percent are some other race or ethnicity.

There are no bloggers of color with the kind of exposure and influence of superstars Matt Stoller of mattstoller.com or Duncan Black of atrios.blogspot. The result, according to Rabb, has been a typical white liberal/left dialogue in the political blogosphere.

"They won't talk about the racial element of anything that's been deracialized by mainstream media. They're not going to talk about affirmative action, about the racial element of the immigration issue," Rabb said. "Whenever issues of race come up, it's seen as a distraction."

Meanwhile, people of color face more barriers to accessing web-based technologies and are less likely to have the type of jobs with the flexibility and support to, for instance, blog as part of their work. As Rabb puts it, a bus driver is probably not going to blog as much as a professor.
***

The Internet's element of anonymity has allowed both relief from racism (people of color who shop and do business online don't experience the racism they do offline) and, at the same time, emboldened racists hiding behind the mask of virtual reality.

For bloggers of color who reveal their racial identity and whose blogs tackle race and cultural politics, this has meant contending with hate mail.

Kortney Ryan Ziegler, 25, shut down her blog, Blac(k)ademic, because of the onslaught of negative comments she received last summer. Ziegler, who lives in Chicago and is pursuing her PhD at Northwestern University, blogged under her alter ego, Nubian, about the racism, sexism and homophobia she experiences and observes in her life and in the media.

"I just think people really don't want to hear the truth They instead attack you on your character, your writing style, and not your argument. They distract from what you just said by saying you can't spell, or that you should have put a comma there," said Ziegler.

There have also been hateful comments when she posted about her frustrations with being asked by a white grad student whether her Black skin tone attracted heat. Then, Ziegler reached her breaking point. She did an interview with Feministing.com discussing her experiences of "Blogging While Black." As a result of the interview, she was accused of believing that race trumps gender, and mistaking "plain assholishness for racism."

Ziegler took a leave of absence after the posting of that interview and then stopped blogging altogether.

"Every time I would log on to read the comments, there was always something hurtful," said Ziegler. "And it got me thinking, Wow, I put myself out there. There's my photograph. There's my school information ' I felt more vulnerable, not being anonymous. I now don't have any pictures on my blog, or my name."

***

Ziegler acknowledges that for all the distress, blogging also proved to be beneficial to her. She has made multiple academic connections and met many women of color from her participation in the Radical Women of Color Carnival, which she helped to start. A carnival is a collection of writings on a specific topic that is usually hosted by alternating bloggers. There are multiple carnivals throughout the blogosphere focused on different themes. The Radical Women of Color Carnival dedicates itself to publishing women of color who write for social change.

Susana, a 32-year-old Chicana who doesn't want to give her last name, goes by brownfemipower on the Women of Color blog. Her writing has been published on the Radical Women of Color Carnival. Pursuing a master's degree in Creative Writing at Eastern Michigan University and a single mom of two, Susana usually blogs late at night. She started blogging late last summer, but didn't start making community until sometime in September.

"I was like, there's nothing else going on staying at home with my kids. So, I decided to start trying it. As I figured out more about how to actually use blogs, then I started to get more into it," said Susana.

Blac(k)ademic was the first blog that Susana found, and she connected right away with Ziegler. Susana was always interested in how different forms of media can contribute to a social movement. It was after attending workshops at the Color of Violence Conference hosted by Incite! that Susana was inspired and armed to make her own media contribution.

"I consider my blog to be within the context of a movement," said Susana. "Whether I make posts, I'm always thinking at the back of my head how could this be used to further a movement, and focus on radical women of color It's more of the idea of transferring that discussion that academics get to have into a real-world setting."

Susana blogs regularly about social unrest and disparities domestically and globally. She's written extensively about the Oaxaca protests and the organizing of women in the Middle East. Susana's discussions have also received numerous critics and attacks. Like Ziegler, Susana leaves her blog open for comments. One highly disputed post on her site received 113 comments. Susana had commented that criticizing what a woman chooses to wear in the United States is not the same thing as imposing a burqa on Afghani women. Susana thought such a comparison derided the choice and agency of many Afghani women.

"I pointed out some different things, and right away I got some really positive feedback from feminists of color who read my blog. But then I also got really, really, really challenged all over the place by the liberal white feminist bloggers who came over to my site," said Susana. "It was a constant, I'm not going to believe you until you prove it to me. Prove that Afghani women are aware that the burqa is viewed as misogynist and oppressive.'"

Many discussions on popular blogs often spread like wildfire all over the Internet. This discussion spread from Susana's Women of Color Blog to other blogs.

"I didn't personally comment on a lot of the other boards because they were just personally offensive to me," said Susana. "But I did go over to a bunch of other boards to see what other people were saying, and they were violently defensive: I don't care what any of these Afghani women have to say. I'm looking at it this way because I know better, and I know that this is oppressive.' They really didn't even care what women of color had to say. Like women of color don't really understand that they're being oppressed. They took away any work women of color have been doing for years."

According to Susana, many liberal white bloggers attack her because they don't want "their precious movement" to be overtaken by "stupid identity politics." Susana also feels many white feminists view her as a threat to the "sisterhood" they are promoting. It is this disconnect that has frustrated Susana as well as kept her blogging.

Susana and Ziegler attended the Women of Color Blogging Caucus meeting at the Allied Media Conference this past summer where they were able to vent and mobilize with other women-of-color bloggers facing similar issues. Strategies that came out of that meeting include mobilizing together as a community of women of color bloggers to market each other's blogs, protecting each other's blogs from trolls (a blog terminology for obnoxious commenters), and helping each other to bridge the technical divide.

Lack of social capital and the wealth gap stand as the real obstacles to people of color accessing the blogosphere, according to Chris Rabb. Despite these challenges, he said, blogging is an important tool, given the corporate control of most media and the lack of independent outlets owned by people of color.

"Blogging is very low-hanging fruit that will allow us to have a broad range of expression without great expense and offers us the control, autonomy and creativity we're not getting elsewhere," Rabb added. "This is a great benefit to underrepresented groups."

Feminism's Discourse

I just returned from a conference in Boston for Asian-American women to discuss issues of leadership. It's a Boston-based conference and intended for all aged women - highschool, college, or professional age. (It being held at Harvard is a clear message too, this invitation targeted those in the academy.)

I met some wonderful individuals, women with whom I hope to spend time with when I move there, hopefully to build a community with. While I was there, I spent much time in contemplation about my feminism, my radicalness, and my life as a Filipina women. I have come to some slightly distraught conclusions about feminism.

A panel of Asian-American women were formed. Their task was to talk about how to utilize the media in their everyday lives. As a blogger, I have taken more interest in grassroots organizations, understanding that the more mainstream something is, the less accurate its depiction of reality. Mainstream, to be mainstream, something must be warm. It cannot be cold, it cannot be hot, it must be warm. It must be warm so EVERYONE can relate to it, so as many people as possible can be comfortable. Challenging topics are watered down so they, at best, are given a nudging reminder to be somewhat aware (e.g. global violence, global warming, the war, etc). And fear is used to freeze people in their lives, promoting defensiveness, suspicion, and vigilance from "the killers among us" (a CNN report in reponse to VT) to "can you really trust your pharmacist?" Fear, Fear, Fear.

Anyway, these mainstream media Asian-Americans (AA), were commenting on how to pitch a story to journalists, what their opinion was of the VT coverage and racial tension, and such. [insert big pats on the back for the panelists]

A bit tired at the unrelatedness to the larger theme (Meangingful Leadership Among AA)I stood up and asked a question, "Given the complexities of the differing cultures, races, and heritage of those labeled 'Asian-American,' what do you personally and/or professionally think about the umbrella term being used to lump everyone together?"

and this was the reply as she looked me in the eye:

"I wouldn't get bogged down by details like that. I would encourage you to just embrace the term 'Asian-American' and not try to constantly separate yourself and divide us any more than we already are. We're only 4% of the population as is."

The facilitator went on to say, "I think we have something to learn from other cultures. Whites have embraced their term Caucasian. African-Americans do not dispute over the term 'Black,' as much we do. There seems to be power in unifying and not creativing division. Perhaps this is what Asians need to do - group together for power."

Mhm - ignore the rich differences all in the name of "unity" and "power." Where, oh where, have I heard that before?

I looked around and no one had a comment. No one had enough fucking guts to disagree, even though I saw the disagreement in their eyes. I stared back at her, not coldly, not defiantly, but with unblinking, unafraid eyes. "BOGGED DOWN?" Are you kidding me? Oh, I guess I should have clarified the weight of my question. NOTE: ADD ADDENDUM TO QUESTION, IDENTIFY THE RELATED ISSUES OF IDENTITY, CULTURAL TRENDS OF THE MEDIA, AND RACISM.

Apart of me admonished myself for asking a news anchor what she thought about these troubling isses. And then I realized, I didn't ask her because she was sitting on a panel, I asked her because she was perceived to be a leader. She was sitting on this panel because she was labeled a leader. She was labeled a leader because she has "made strides" for "Asian-Americans" and apparently getting a "scoop" and your face on TV makes strides for AA and is what leadership is all about. Leadership, from this panel, explored the outdated and futile method of leading by visibility. It explored the kind of leadership that upholds the vociferous, not the thoughtful.

A lesson that I must learn over and over again is perception doesn't mean shit. Just because someone is a person of color doesn't mean they've personally explored what being a POC means to them. A leadership conference entitled leadership doesn't necessarily guarantee that MY definition of leadership will be considered. The dicotomous challenge for leadership conference event planners is emphasizing leadership on the community level and then filling your panel with individuals who do such work. But the mistake comes when the event planners revert to finding the high-profile "leaders." The ones who are senior advisors to Hillary Clinton for education issues (my small group leader) and editors of national magazines (plenary session speaker). "Cultural change" is measured by numbers, economic status, and education, and mindful contribution to capitalism. ("Support indie films, not Hollywood," which is a valid point, but is a bit ironical in that particular situation).

The hard-cheek issues we are looking for as a global community are not found by mainstream media, they are being affronted by the grassroots people who are less than rich, seen, visible, and heard. They are the writers, artists, activists, and educators who are not connected by the spokes to the bigger wheel. They are found, most often, reflecting, offering, criticizing, and intiating on much, much smaller levels. They are the ones who balance setback with liberation, laughter and shame, learning with prayer. They are the ones I am looking for.

The timeliness of my return from that conference to this morning's ritual of checking in with the feminist blogosphere is uncanny. I am a contributing writer for the Feminist Review and was reading their review of Jessica Valenti's book, Full, Frontal Feminism which I've posted about before. And upon clicking on links, have found nasty, nasty diatribes going back and forth. I don't know where it started, I don't know if it's over, I just know it's ugly and hardly surprising.

I have begun to read Valenti's book and can tell you right NOW that I will not finish it because it's more of the same found on feministing (again, beside the former link above, I do not link to the site) which targets young, white, heterosexual, USA's middle women. Often, I've asked myself since last Tuesday when it was delivered, why would I even both to pay for a book and read what I most likely will vehemently disagree. Well, the hard thing about being an aspiring cultural critic is that you have to be in tap with trends and acknowledge what others pay attention. There are self-arguments I make with myself, "Why support and grow the audience?" For this, though, for feminism, I choose not to look away from what I find short-changing, racist, and dangerously shallow. If my bi-culturalism can be used for something productive, I would like to utilize to understand two worlds and possible offer a translation and provide forecasting warnings or imminent victories.

Regardless of my personal views of the book, what is most disheartening is the reaction of the catfight's audience. So many "feminists" strain and moan over the disruptive noise of disagreement. They don't like difference. Peaceful = Sameness = Progression. And women are excellently prepared to make disagreements personal. Females, usually, are trained to go straight for the emotional jugular. It's disheartening, and it just plain pisses me off.

If we're going to create a stink, let's create a stink about the Movement. Let's create a stink and ask questions that are informed, well-rounded and probe the text, not the author. And commenters! Why pick sides to what is clearly an online feud? Why add to the pettiness, why load the gun with your own personal ammunition? Let people duke it over and if you must comment (not excluding myself) get to the real issues: feminism's discourse and the inability to passionately listen and, with a non-defensive persona, respond without hostile conflict. If our feminist "leaders" want to cyber slingshot their personal vendettas, my stance is to let them go at it, post a reminder to get over ourselves, and not get caught in the cross-fire.

There is a place for online disagreement and it has incredible benefits of growth and community formation, but when common differences unfold into accusation and repudiation, I once again blush from feminist embarrassment, the flush from feminist rage, (this is how feminism is being represented?) and look for alternative leadership.

The Loving Blogosphere

To blog, one must have thick skin. Or so I've heard. After all, a blogger must put herself out there for the world to read or see. This can be especially difficult if you reveal your true identity. A blogger is open to all the benefits and consequences of real life, translated into online communication. You take the good with the not-so-good.

The Good
Well, I've been on the blogosphere since July of 2006. I'm a little shy of a year and it, truly, has changed my life. I mean, "changed my life" in a sense that my life is deeper. I understand information, am able to interpret opinion and fact much more quickly and efficiently than I have in the past. Most importantly, I have access to other writers (HOORAY FOR FEMINIST WRITERS OF COLOR) in the world who are utilizing their pocket of the internet to fill it with perspective, insight, and creativity.

The Bad
There's a lot of trash out there.

One of my Sheros, BFP, put up this picture from this link.


In Hebrew: ‘I have sex with Palestinian women.’

And then she got this message:
Palestinean Torreist | i_will_fuck_you@if_u_will_not_rempve_it.com | IP: 87.101.244.7
remove fucker mother
Apr 25, 4:53 PM — [ Edit | Delete | Unapprove | Approve | Spam | View Post ]
#
Palestinean Torreist | i_will_fuck_you@if_u_will_not_rempve_it.com | IP: 87.101.244.7
Fuck you all
this not a palestinain women this is a fcker jewish in palestinain clothes cuz our relgion push us to the a good things
remove this picture or i will send a pump for all of you fucker mother

To which, my Shero replies:

I do believe these are what’s called THREATS.

And in light of the fact that I do not support THREATS of any kind, I have decided to not “remove this picture”. I have chosen to embrace my “fucker mother” label and even reciprocate with a friendly fuck you. Oh, and how about a kiss my fat Mexican ass just to make things interesting. And may the day come when you, PT, rot in hell.

smooches,
your friendly fat assed mexican,
bfp.

I believe in the bravery of solidarity and not in the shrinking cowardice in the form of threats, be it verbal, facial, physical, or written; with or without serious intent and plan.

One should know better than to try and intimidate those who spend their lives fighting threats, oppression, and empty anger - anger that does nothing but attempt to suppress others, anger that feeds on fear, anger that follows footsteps and trails of strength.

In solidarity with the women in this picture, in solidarity with BFP and all bloggers who take SHIT on a daily basis for attempting to fill their internet pockets with Hope, in solidarity with all women who live in terror of violence, harassment, stalking and fear.

I say to all those who spread violence and fear, no matter how big or small:
You can kiss my Filipino ass as well.

What Will Blogs Document?

After reading some updates on my cyber icon BFP, she raises this ultra-profound question, What Will Blogs Document?

Synonymous with my daily pondering of what my life will leave behind when I die, I wondered what my blog would document should I die tonight, tomorrow, in 10, 50, 70 years?

Did I document the most important events around the world? No.
Did I care about the wars, the diseases, the injustice? Yessss, so much. So very much.

I hope that what my blog documents, particularly, these early posts, is a struggling lover of the world finding her way through life. Despite all the horror, indifference, and hate, I hope and continue to hope that my small blogging world will document that there was at least one who did not believe the media, who didn't buy the Bu(ll)sh(it) agenda, and simply wanted and found a place for herself.