Say one thing, do exactly the opposite.
My way or the highway?? Sigh, being a parent is not easy. Wish our children are more cooperative, matters could be achieved more effectively and efficiently, not to mention with less power struggles, tears & frustration too.
Found an interesting article
here and sharing if other parents are also going through same thing. As each child is unique, hopefully you will find it useful.
A child tends to become stubborn when they have a feeling that they have control over a situation. Stubbornness is mostly found in toddlers and teenagers. For many parents tackling the stubborn child is a challenging situation. Here are some helpful tips for the parents dealing with stubborn child:
Talk and listen to your kids: Children are born with their own mind set. In the recent times when parents became very busy they don’t have time to talk and listen to their kids. It is very important that parents spend some time together with their child everyday. This will help you to build a trusting relationship.
Behavior: Every child has a stubborn behavior and they show it sometime or the other. Parents sometimes deal this situation with anger as they feel embarrassing if their child misbehave in public. But parents should understand that anger is not a solution it will only add fuels to the fire. In such situations, parents should have patience and find out the cause of the child’s stubbornness.
Give and take relationship: It is the duty of the parents to develop the habit of give and take. Teach them to share toys with their friends while playing. Let your kids take toys from friends in exchange of his toys. This way they will understand that to get something in life they have to give something.
Role model: Become a role model for your children. Stubborn kids are more tend to do things of their own and what they think is right. They often challenge their parents. Many parents try to manage things by putting physical force. Parents have to understand that this is not going to help their children in the long run. Being parents you can set example at home for your kids.
Do not shout: Shouting will make your child even more stubborn. Parents should stay calmly at such situation. Instead of shouting, explain your point of view to the child. Explain them why you do not want them to do like this and that. Be careful that your children do not feel your words commanding.
Problem solving: When you are dealing with the problems, allow your children involve in it to find the solution. Doing it this way children will not feel that you are enemy for them.Give respect: Because they are young does not mean that they don’t deserve respect. Give respect to your child. This way you will help to cultivate the habit of giving respect in your child as well. Behaving kind to child shows respect. Try to behave both respectful and firm from time to time. Be firm when you are asking child to do something.
Praise your child: Do not forget to praise your child for their well behavior, for any work they have done. You can praise them by the words like “You did a great job by helping me in the cleaning”. Praise immediately and honestly.
Guide: Be a guide to assist your child to develop their best personality. As far as possible allow your child to experience the consequences of the decision he made. This will make the argument little less. And when they realize that he had made the mistake he will understand that you were right.
Do not force: Do not act forcefully to your child to accept your rules. This will only make your child fear of you. They will not learn why and how would be the real consequences. Explain them with patience.
However, stubbornness is not always a bad thing. It also shows that your child is very much sure of himself and want them to happen what he thinks is right.
Other alternative reads suggest the following - source found
here- The first and most important part of disciplining a stubborn child is to maintain a kind but firm attitude. When the child is behaving well he or she should be awarded with encouragement and kind treatment. When the child is misbehaving you must not bend the rules or make exceptions for him/her, and you must always be consistent. The child must know that if a rule is broken, there will be a punishment, and the punishment must fit the crime.
- Give the child a time out. This means no talking, no playing with things found near himher, and no jumping around. The child must sit until the time out is over. If the child refuses to go to time out, simply look at your watch and tell him/her that however long he/she waits to get into time out, that much time will be added to their punishment. This may not work the first time or two, but after sitting an excessively long time out due to refusing to go sit down and the child will learn to take the punishment when it is given.
- If the child argues or mouths, add more time in small increments to the time out given. Each time you add on to the punishment, inform the child of how long you've added it and why you've done so. Let him/her know that any mouthing off or arguing will not be tolerated. Discipline for backtalking should not be overlooked.
- Once the child has sat the first part of their time out, sit down next to them and kindly but firmly talk to them about the offense. Ask what they did wrong. The child, of course, should already know this but its often much more effective to make the child acknowledge that they've made a mistake and gives you the chance to tell them that they know the rule, and had no good reason to break it. Then ask the child to tell you what he/she should have done instead. If the child refuses to answer you or is disrespectful, tell them they can sit and think until they are ready to talk about it.
- Even if the child apologizes and claims it won't happen again, make them sit the rest of their time. This transgression will not go unpunished on the promise of avoiding future transgressions. You should, however, respond kindly to the child if he/she apologizes. Say thank you for apologizing, but you still have to finish the rest of your time out, and give the child a chance to prove to you that it will not happen again in the future.
- If the child is throwing a tantrum, do not escalate the situation by shouting. It is important to remain calm, because if you are not calm it will take the child that much longer to calm down. Never allow a child to cause your temper to boil over. You must be the authoritative voice in the situation.
- It is also very important to be fair. No matter which child breaks a rule, the punishment for breaking that rule should be the same. Disciplining children can be tricky, and may need to be tailored a bit to a particular child, but you should always remain fair and avoid playing favorites among the kids.