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The phone rang.
She was sobbing badly on the other end of the line.
“I’m going over,” I told her and hung up before she could protest.
1am. It was going to be a long night ahead..
She was still crying when she opened the door. She looked so broken, so vulnerable. I didn’t have to know what was wrong, I just held her in my arms. She cried even more.
“He broke up with me,” she finally said.
I just kept quiet as she let it all out.. questions, tears, anger, hurt.
“Why does love have to hurt so much?”
“No, love.. doesn’t hurt,” I said gently.
“So says the guy who’s been single forever? What would you know about love,” she jabbed.
“So says the guy who’s been your friend though Mr now-ex-#4,” I grinned. “Love doesn’t hurt you.. it’s the person that doesn’t know how to love or appreciate love that hurts you. But love never hurts,”.
“You won’t understand, Matt,” she sighed, “you’ve never been in love…”
“That’s not entirely true, you know..”
“Wait what- so who’s this girl I’ve never heard abou-“
“What did you love about #4 anyway?” I interjected.
“I don’t know… he is just perfect. And I love him so much,”
“But you don’t know what it is that you love about him?”
“It’s just.. the feeling when I’m with him. It always felt right with him. He made me feel loved and I loved him too,”
“That’s it? Just a feeling?”
“Well.. yea. What were you expecting me to say?”
“.. something more specific, maybe? I mean, if you thought he’s so ‘perfect’, why’d he still chea- erm, why’d he leave you?”
“Because I’m just not good enough for him? I don’t know..” she paused. “What is love to you then…”
“Hmm.. to me, being together or in love with someone should be more that just a feeling.. it should also be about mutual understanding, acceptance, respect, commitment and trust.”
“That’s what all couples would hope and want their relationship to be like, Matt. But expectations and reality don’t always go together..”
“Or maybe.. someone’s just not trying?”
“Well if you think love is so simple.. why haven’t you been with anyone all these years?”
“I never said love was simple.. but I guess the reason why I’ve never been with anyone yet is because.. I already know exactly what I want,”
“You have.. a checklist?”
“Sorta. It’s not the typical kinda ‘I’d like a girl with long hair, nice smile, etc’ superficial checklist though,”
“Oh. What kind of list is it then?”
“It’s like.. a concept of love. Of what it is about a girl that will make me fall completely in love with her. A concept that has more than three specific reasons that would answer any question as to why I love her.”
“You have a concept of love?” she laughed. “Love isn’t a theory, Matt.. you can’t just classify love by a concept or definition, you simply feel it with your heart..”
“But you see.. the reason why I think there are so many broken hearts, is because people merely jump into a relationship when their heart feels a certain something towards someone. But I don’t think that’s love, that’s merely an infatuation. Personally, I believe there are more than three reasons and aspects that actually determines whether we really are truly in love beyond the superficial ‘I don’t know why I love him/her.. I just do’ reason,”
“That makes sense. So what exactly is this.. ‘concept’ of yours about?” she asked, genuine curiosity replacing her initial skepticism.
“I call it the 4+1 theory. The aspects that will determine if it’s true love or just a fickle infatuation. It’s based on this idea that whenever we like someone, if we really go deeper into what is it that draws us to him or her, we’d be able to find that one specific reason. That’s not love though. That’s merely an attraction or infatuation. But when more than three of the aspects from this theory are present, you’ll be pretty sure that it’s more than just a feeling. For me personally, this determines if I’ll ever fall in love with a girl…”
Mind. Heart. Body. Soul.
The mind aspect, to put it simply, is her intellect. But I don’t mean the academic smarts.. it’s the way she thinks, processes and analyzes things way beyond a shallow self centeredness. It’s the way she puts across her thoughts, not for winning an argument’s sake, but to really try to understand or even sensibly debate opposing views that might leave anyone reflecting on her words or challenge me to think differently. It’s the way she carries herself off with an aura of sophistication and enigmatic charm and no matter how much I might think I already know her or have her figured out, she’ll still surprise me with something unexpected. Good surprise. I like intellect. Personally, it takes a little more to intrigue me and stimulate my senses. If I can connect with someone and talk endlessly about the concept of nothing, then, only then, will we be able to talk about everything else.. and I think that’s incredibly alluring,”
“Ooh.. so my best friend’s sapiosexual too,” she teased. “But what about her likes and dislikes or like her personality.. does that go under the mind aspect too?”
“Well, that’s where the heart aspect comes in. The heart represents who she is by what she values or cares about. The things she likes, the things she dislikes. What really matters to her, as well as her insecurities and fears..”
She bit her lower lip - thinking. “But what if him knowing about my past and all my insecurities scares him or drives him away? Or what if he ever uses all of these against me if someday things go bad between us?”
“Erm.. you do realize that it doesn’t really matter now because whether or not he ever knew, he already chose to leave you right? But.. if he still or ever tries to hurt you in any way, then he is a fucking bastard and I will punch his face,”. I really meant it.
“I don’t think he even cares about me anymore,” she sighed, “maybe he never really did.. we were so.. different. I don’t know why I never actually realize it before,”
“Maybe because then, you were too ‘blinded by love’ to see, or you chose to conveniently ignore the differences. Honestly though, I think it’s critical for two people to understand each other’s heart and learn to accommodate each other’s differences rather than simply turning a blind eye or deaf ear ‘because I love him and that’s all that matters’. Because if two people are too different in the way they think, behave or live.. I reckon it will become a huge problem when the infatuation bubble bursts.”
“I don’t really understand..” she said.
“Let me just ask you this.. does he know how passionate you are towards the arts and music?"
“Well, no.. not really. He’s more the sports kind of guy and doesn’t like theatre and stuff so I didn’t want him to get bored if I talked to him about things he isn’t interested in..”
“Then i’m guessing he probably also doesn’t care or know the little things about you. Like how you’re afraid of the dark and why you’re actually scared of darkness.. how family and relationships are really important to you.. that ice cream is your happy pill. You know, I’m even going to bet that he doesn’t know you go to bed every night, clutching your phone just hoping and waiting for him to text you goodnight..”
She started to tear again, but I continued..
“You see, it’s not a matter of whether it bores him or not.. it’s a matter of whether he bothers or not. I mean, if he doesn’t even know these things about you, then he really doesn’t know you at all. How then can he say he loves you?”
“But I really loved him,” she murmured softly to herself .
“I know you did. I know you still do and it’s hurting you like shit. But you need to know that for any kind of relationship to work.. two people need to give and take. Sadly, with him, it seems like you’re the one who was always giving. If he actually really loved you back as much, he’d make a greater effort to close the gap and bridge the differences between you two. He’d want to hear what you have to say, he would actually consider your opinions, your needs and your feelings. He’ll not just tell you or text you that he loves you.. he’ll show it by the things he will do or be willing to do no matter how inconvenient or silly it might be, just because.. he knows it’ll make you happier or better. To me, when it comes to a relationship, the heart aspect isn’t just a feeling or who you/he or she is anymore. It becomes two hearts beating as one. Two people wanting to understand each other.. sharing the good, the bad and possibly a future together; actually bothering and supporting each other’s feelings, values, dreams, thoughts, emotions,”
She stayed silent for a long while before she looked up, holding my gaze.. there was this unspoken tension building before she finally spoke again.
“But.. what if something that’s important to me, is not something the guy might feel same way about?"
“Then I’ll try-” I caught myself. “I mean, if I were him. I’d try. I’d make the effort.. because it’s important to you and you’re important to me,”
She remained silent again. She wasn’t crying anymore but this time, the prolonged silence was starting to grow even more deafening.
“Matt,” she finally spoke - softly, “do you believe in love at first sight?”
“No.” I said flatly.
“Oh..” she sighed. “You know what you said about mind and heart.. it’s actually starting to sink in and I’m beginning to realize that maybe these two aspects weren’t exactly a big part of my relationship with him,”
“So what made you fall in love with him then?”
“Well.. don’t laugh, but I’ve always thought that with him, it was love at first sight. I mean, there was just this spark between us from the very first time we met,”
“Cause he was hot?” I scoffed.
“No.. don’t be an idiot,” she tried to hide her smile but failed. I rolled my eyes. “Okay fine, yea maybe that. But it wasn’t the only reason!”
I raised an eyebrow.
“He was really nice too! And he was always sweet to me,“ she began her defense case. “He always made me feel happy, secure and loved without even having to try, you know?” I just continued staring at her waiting for her to go on. “Oh never mind, you’d never understand..”
“Actually.. I do. And I think I now understand what it was that made you fall in love with him.
The body aspect.
The body aspect is about physical attraction, intimacy and presence.
I don’t believe in love at first sight. I don’t believe you can just “instantly know” you’re in love or that someone’s THE one just by “first sight”. No offense, but I think the whole love at first sight concept is bullshit that only exists in movies and fairy tales. In reality, it isn’t love. That very first attraction.. is probably lust. Lust at first sight”.
“What nonsense! It’s not like I was lusting over him from the very first time I laid eyes on him! Maybe it’s the case for guys.. I mean, sex is always on a guy’s mind whenever he meets a girl right? But it’s different for girls, Matt..” she protested.
“Okay. You know what.. since you brought up the age-old guys and sex debate, I’ll tell you this secret to clarify something about guys for the first and last time.. probably 99% of guys are naturally sexual. If you ever meet any guy who tells you he isn’t sexual at all, it’s not that he’s gay – no, gays are even more horny .. he’s likely to be a liar and you should be more wary of him. BUT! Here’s the thing.. even though guys are sexual by nature, it isn’t always the only or most important thing to a guy,”
“Really?” now she raised her eyebrow with that annoying smirk on her face.
“Oh come on, you girls know how it is, plus you aren’t exactly saint-like innocent either.. sometimes you see a hot guy and you start fantasizing or making statements like ‘omg have my babies’..”
“That…” she started blushing.
“That.. is exactly my point. It’s the same with guys. We might talk and think about sex a lot more openly than girls but it isn’t always the only thing on our mind. When I said it’s lust at first sight.. I didn’t literally mean you want the guy naked and in bed. What I meant is the momentary attraction or desire– he might be hot, he might be charming, he might have smiled at you that made you feel a certain way.. but that’s not love. That’s really just a superficial physical attraction. Saying “I’m in love” right there and then just completely takes the special meaning out of the word ‘love’. If you ask me, I personally think the process of loving or falling in love with someone involves discovering the person and then perhaps developing feelings. It could happen quickly or over a longer period of time, but not at first sight,”
“Hmm.. that does make sense,” she paused and then her lips curled up forming that annoying smirk again. “Oh wow, this is the first time you and I are talking about sex huh..”.
“You never asked..”
“Tell me then.. what is sex to you?”
“Sex.. to me, is merely a physical act. I am not part of the whole “sex is sacred/taboo” camp but then, I don’t take sides with the whole bed hopping culture either,”
“I can’t believe you just said that sex is merely a physical act..” she began in a disappointed tone.
“But sex really is just a physical act if it’s without emotions or feelings. And that is why I distinguish between sex and making love, the same way I clearly differentiate ‘loving’ and ‘being in love’ with someone,”
“Oh.” this time, she smiled. She understood.
“Don’t get me wrong.. I think physical intimacy is very important in a relationship but for me, the one physical aspect that matters the most.. is the physical presence. That, is also what I reckon made you fall in love with him.
“Okay this, I really want to know…” she said.
“The physical presence is simply being there. You want him to be with you. You want to be there for him. Because just being there with or for each other makes your day, or you as a person, a little better. You may act or behave a little different when you’re with him, but in a good way – in a way that you actually feel completely comfortable, safe and you. Perhaps even without you knowing, you smile more and laugh harder. You feel real, genuine joy. And even on days when the smile can’t happen, you know you don’t have to pretend to be okay or be self conscious in front of him; because its perfectly okay to be the way you are and feel when you’re with him. He cares about you and you feel loved when you’re with him. Sometimes, there are no need for words or explanations.. just his presence, him being there for you, holding you.. makes you feel better or believe that it’s going to be okay again. Because you’re not just holding on to someone for attention or sympathy.. you actually feel and believe that you’re holding on to a part of or the rest of your life..”
Which leads to the fourth aspect – soul.
The soul aspect to me, is the deepest form and the final affirmation that should answer any remaining doubt or questions as to whether we’ve truly fallen in love with a person.
It’s when you start noticing but still appreciate all the other little things, even the flaws - especially the flaws. It’s when you truly know a person stripped down of all their walls, exposed to their soul and yet still accept and love him or her. It’s a level of understanding and acceptance that goes beyond the “honeymoon everything is perfect” period.
It’s when you finally realize this one person is someone you can always and want to tell everything to, and you want to ask and know everything of him or her as well. It’s when you actually want to share your life and trust your secrets with this person; and you can. This someone is the first person you think of when you’re happy, sad or when something significant happens. This same person is someone you can call at 1am in the morning and they’d drop everything to make time for you, staying by you till the sun rises or you’re better again - as you would for him or her as well. This person cares and will listen. Will really listen, giving you their undivided attention and genuine love; not necessarily every time but any time you need him or her. This one person makes your problem their problem and they go through it together with you just so you don’t have to go through the pain and tears alone,”
It was at this moment, for the very first time, she looked at me in a different way but said nothing.
“You see, the soul aspect..” I continued, “is when you start to see and want to share the rest of your life with this one other. And not in a clingy “I can’t live without you” way, but in a way that I can still live my life without you as I have before I met you, but now that you’ve come to exist in my life, I see the possibility of a life with you and now I actually want to make decisions and live a life, continuing to create more moments and memories together with you”.
“Well.. so.. have you met this one person yet? I mean, I’m sure it’s almost impossible to find that ‘perfect’ girl who fulfills all of your four aspects of love right?” she mumbled. I could barely hear her. She wasn’t even looking at me anymore.
“No, it is not impossible and I don’t think its asking for too much. You see the thing about these four aspects is, we often and will find one or two aspects in many different people. And that alone may be enough to make us attracted to them or develop a crush on them. But really, that is not love at all. If we like a person because “he’s cute” or “the way she thinks”, that’s just us liking the body and/or mind aspect of a person. The reality is, we are always going to meet many people who possess these different aspects of mind, heart, body or soul. But on a rare occasion when you do meet someone who possess all these four aspects.. you’ll almost definitely know that he or she is not one of many but may just be the one. So personally, I won’t settle for anything less unless she possess more than three qualities. You know people write the symbol of love as < 3 (less than three), I actually think love should be more than three.. I define it as 4+1. “
“So what’s plus one?” she asked, still not looking at me.
“Plus one…” I trailed off – unconsciously.
“Matt?” she placed her hand on top of mine, finally looking me in eye again.
“Plus one.. is something only the one who's meant to be will ever know and hold the answer to”.
end.
Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all. Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go. And in fact, whatever people say, the state called "being in love" usually does not last. If the old fairytale ending "They lived happily ever after" is taken to mean "They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married," then it says what probably never was nor ever could be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships? But, of course, ceasing to be "in love" need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense -- love as distinct from "being in love" -- is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be "in love" with someone else. "Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.
Here's something about restaurants you might want to know.
Who doesn’t love eating out? It’s great not to have to cook for yourself, but it can also be anxiety-inducing to think about someone else cooking for you. Just what happened to the food before it arrived on our table? Was the meat handled correctly? Did the cook wash his hands? Frankly, some of the common practices of the food service industry might surprise the average customer. I talked to some seasoned industry professionals to discover what words of wisdom they had about the behind-the-scenes scene at their favorite spot. It’s helpful advice, but best not to read on a full stomach.
1. Don’t Be the Last Table of the Night
Most servers complain about the party who walks in at five minutes ’til closing time, but what makes late-night dining ill-advised isn’t the inconvenience. Besides being a pain, it’s doubtful that the food will be very good. By the end of the night, the kitchen is in full clean-up mode, so entrées are more likely to be haphazardly thrown together than carefully prepared. They’re using ingredients that were prepped hours ago, and cooking them in ovens or fryers that contain the accumulated buildup of an entire night’s service. Sometimes chefs cook and clean at the same time, increasing the likelihood of your steak being sprayed with drain cleaner or particulates from the bleach they’re using to mop the floor. Photo: Cedric's Pics (cc)
2. Vermin Happen
Any place where food is stored is going to attract pests, and in large cities with older infrastructure (like Boston or New York), vermin are simply an unpleasant fact. Most restaurants battle against it every day, but it’s inevitable that sometimes customers are going to see a roach or a rat. Rare is the restaurant where they’re not at least an occasional problem. Even clean restaurants can attract pests, so seeing one isn’t an indictment against the restaurant’s cleanliness. Usually, if it doesn’t seem like the kind of place that would have bug problems, it’s probably a more-or-less isolated incident. Sadly, though, there are indeed restaurants where the pests seem right at home. Ben, from New York, says, “Customers should try not to freak out if they see something, and if they can subtly point it out to a manager or server, they’ll probably get a freebie or two.” Photo: Big Fat Rat (cc)
.... To read more, click the link below.
Five Secrets Restaurants Don’t Want You to Know - DivineCaroline
Who doesn’t love eating out? It’s great not to have to cook for yourself, but it can also be anxiety-inducing to think about someone else cooking for you. Just what happened to the food before it arrived on our table? Was the meat handled correctly? Did the cook wash his hands? Frankly, some of the common practices of the food service industry might surprise the average customer. I talked to some seasoned industry professionals to discover what words of wisdom they had about the behind-the-scenes scene at their favorite spot. It’s helpful advice, but best not to read on a full stomach.
1. Don’t Be the Last Table of the Night
Most servers complain about the party who walks in at five minutes ’til closing time, but what makes late-night dining ill-advised isn’t the inconvenience. Besides being a pain, it’s doubtful that the food will be very good. By the end of the night, the kitchen is in full clean-up mode, so entrées are more likely to be haphazardly thrown together than carefully prepared. They’re using ingredients that were prepped hours ago, and cooking them in ovens or fryers that contain the accumulated buildup of an entire night’s service. Sometimes chefs cook and clean at the same time, increasing the likelihood of your steak being sprayed with drain cleaner or particulates from the bleach they’re using to mop the floor. Photo: Cedric's Pics (cc)
2. Vermin Happen
Any place where food is stored is going to attract pests, and in large cities with older infrastructure (like Boston or New York), vermin are simply an unpleasant fact. Most restaurants battle against it every day, but it’s inevitable that sometimes customers are going to see a roach or a rat. Rare is the restaurant where they’re not at least an occasional problem. Even clean restaurants can attract pests, so seeing one isn’t an indictment against the restaurant’s cleanliness. Usually, if it doesn’t seem like the kind of place that would have bug problems, it’s probably a more-or-less isolated incident. Sadly, though, there are indeed restaurants where the pests seem right at home. Ben, from New York, says, “Customers should try not to freak out if they see something, and if they can subtly point it out to a manager or server, they’ll probably get a freebie or two.” Photo: Big Fat Rat (cc)
.... To read more, click the link below.
Five Secrets Restaurants Don’t Want You to Know - DivineCaroline
I think most of us constantly find out ways to define what we think as love. We compare it to the movies, compare it to our parents, compare it to actions. But somehow we fail to grasp the true meaning of it and are never satisfied.
I came across this video and I think that it truly defines what we seek as 'love'. The one, true love. For the people whom I love and everyone out there, this is a wonderful song by Jaeson Ma.
I came across this video and I think that it truly defines what we seek as 'love'. The one, true love. For the people whom I love and everyone out there, this is a wonderful song by Jaeson Ma.
Some tips on being beutiful. Quoted from Sam Levenson (1999), favourited by Audrey Hepburn, touched the public.
Time Tested Beauty Tips
For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.
Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!
Time Tested Beauty Tips
For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.
Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!
Are you kidding me?
So much for "Merdeka".
Last Thursday, CIMP's theme was to come in either Pink or Red and it was in support of breast cancer awareness. In fact, this October month is Pink month all around the world! It was fun, everyone had fun, pink ribbons were handed out, flyers were flying and as expected, pictures were taken.
Informational flyers
In support of breast cancer awareness.
Kyle: Adeline... what are you doing?
Me and Adeline in all her pink gloriness.
Try spotting our ribbons. (Adeline doesn't need one cause she's donned fully in pink!)
Wow, this guy is so supportive!
Putting the fun aside, the breast cancer awareness run was really good as it (hopefully) caused many of us to be more open-eyed to this rising seriousness. Now guys, if you think this doesn't apply to you and that you're free from this sort of thing, think again. About 1% of breast cancer cases are males. May not seem like a big number, but you could be in that lucky 1%. The horrors!!! Ok-lah guys, no need worry so much. I was just scaring you.
Breast cancer is the most common case and possibly also the most common cause of death among women in Malaysia. Though breast cancer isn't as common in teens as they are with women over their 40's, it is advisable for all girls and women to be aware of what's going on with their bodies. So ladies (and some rare men), don't be afraid of checking yourself. Early detection is much better than late because chances of survival are high. You can either self-check, get clinical examination, or go for a mammography. Or you could do all 3 if you really want to be sure. Just make sure you have the cash available.
Also note that if you find lumps, don't freak out. They may be there because your body is growing or undergoing hormonal changes. To know more about this and breast cancer, click the links provided below.
So here are the 7 early warning signs of cancer:
Early detection is better than late because there is a cure. However, prevention is better than cure, don't everyone agree? :) To prevent breast cancer is to love your body.
Love!
Lower your risk by:
Nifty sites and articles that I went for infos:
Young Adults Program
Outsmart Breast Cancer
Malaysia Oncology
National Cancer Society
Malaysia and Breast Cancer
Informational flyers
In support of breast cancer awareness.
Kyle: Adeline... what are you doing?
Me and Adeline in all her pink gloriness.
Try spotting our ribbons. (Adeline doesn't need one cause she's donned fully in pink!)
Wow, this guy is so supportive!
Putting the fun aside, the breast cancer awareness run was really good as it (hopefully) caused many of us to be more open-eyed to this rising seriousness. Now guys, if you think this doesn't apply to you and that you're free from this sort of thing, think again. About 1% of breast cancer cases are males. May not seem like a big number, but you could be in that lucky 1%. The horrors!!! Ok-lah guys, no need worry so much. I was just scaring you.
Breast cancer is the most common case and possibly also the most common cause of death among women in Malaysia. Though breast cancer isn't as common in teens as they are with women over their 40's, it is advisable for all girls and women to be aware of what's going on with their bodies. So ladies (and some rare men), don't be afraid of checking yourself. Early detection is much better than late because chances of survival are high. You can either self-check, get clinical examination, or go for a mammography. Or you could do all 3 if you really want to be sure. Just make sure you have the cash available.
Also note that if you find lumps, don't freak out. They may be there because your body is growing or undergoing hormonal changes. To know more about this and breast cancer, click the links provided below.
So here are the 7 early warning signs of cancer:
- Changes in bowel or bladder habits, such as bleeding, constipation & diarrhoea.
- A lump in the neck, bleeding from the nose or changes in hearing.
- Abnormal vaginal bleeding and discharge.
- A lump, bleeding or changes in the breast or nipple.
- Difficulty in swallowing or frequent indigestion & abdominal discomfort.
- Bothersome persistent cough or hoarseness of voice.
- Sores that do not heal or changes in a mole or wart.
Early detection is better than late because there is a cure. However, prevention is better than cure, don't everyone agree? :) To prevent breast cancer is to love your body.
Love!
Lower your risk by:
- Not smoking. If you already do, do quit.
- Exercise, exercise, exercise!
- Eat more fruits and vegetables.
- Maintain a healthy weight.
- Manage stress in your life. (Whatever affects you psychologically, affects you physically)
- Monthly breast self examinations.
- Get mammography screening.
Nifty sites and articles that I went for infos:
Young Adults Program
Outsmart Breast Cancer
Malaysia Oncology
National Cancer Society
Malaysia and Breast Cancer
I've always like to listen to stories, especially ones that are almost too absurd to be true or so mysterious and supernatural. I've always, always love the ways of the fictional because you could create just about anything in it.
Sometimes, weird stories could make you laugh. Like an absurb story that slowly forms itself into a joke. Or maybe some stories just make you ponder how in the world it got to that state. A mystery or a spur of stupidity.
When I found this true article about one man's suffering, I learnt that fact could be much weirder than fiction. In fact, in fiction, you would have to somehow make sense. Real life facts however, could be just any darn thing it can.
This one fact is weird, but not as much as it is painful.
(Note: Not for the weak hearted. Or rather, not for the people who cannot stand pain.)
I'm not a guy, but whatever that poor man (well, he asked for it) went through deserves an "Oowww..."! So here comes my time in pondering a couple of Life's anguish and pain. I couldn't, for the mean time, decide which is worse; to push a fully developed baby through the vagina, or having your scrotum ripped and your testis fall out.
Sometimes, weird stories could make you laugh. Like an absurb story that slowly forms itself into a joke. Or maybe some stories just make you ponder how in the world it got to that state. A mystery or a spur of stupidity.
When I found this true article about one man's suffering, I learnt that fact could be much weirder than fiction. In fact, in fiction, you would have to somehow make sense. Real life facts however, could be just any darn thing it can.
This one fact is weird, but not as much as it is painful.
(Note: Not for the weak hearted. Or rather, not for the people who cannot stand pain.)
I'm not a guy, but whatever that poor man (well, he asked for it) went through deserves an "Oowww..."! So here comes my time in pondering a couple of Life's anguish and pain. I couldn't, for the mean time, decide which is worse; to push a fully developed baby through the vagina, or having your scrotum ripped and your testis fall out.
I found this while browsing the net at Natashakhoo.com. It's a heart-warming, meaningful story by a 15-year-old Singaporean student. It was her winning entry for the 2004 Commonwealth Essay Competition. Take time to read it. It's really good.
What the Modern Woman Wants
By Amanda Chong Wei-Zhen
The old woman sat in the backseat of the magenta convertible as it careened down the highway, clutching tightly to the plastic bag on her lap, afraid it may be kidnapped by the wind. She was not used to such speed, with trembling hands she pulled the seatbelt tighter but was careful not to touch the patent leather seats with her callused fingers, her daughter had warned her not to dirty it, ‘Fingerprints show very clearly on white, Ma.’
Her daughter, Bee Choo, was driving and talking on her sleek silver mobile phone using big words the old woman could barely understand.’Finance’ ‘Liquidation’ ‘Assets’ ‘Investments’… Her voice was crisp and important and had an unfamiliar lilt to it. Her Bee Choo sounded like one of those foreign girls on television. She was speaking in an American accent. The old lady clucked her tongue in disapproval.
‘I absolutely cannot have this. We have to sell!’ Her daughter exclaimed agitatedly as she stepped on the accelerator; her perfectly manicured fingernails gripping onto the steering wheel in irritation.
‘I can’t DEAL with this anymore!’ she yelled as she clicked the phone shut and hurled it angrily toward the backseat. The mobile phone hit the old woman on the forehead and nestled soundlessly into her lap. She calmly picked it up and handed it to her daughter.
‘Sorry, Ma,’ she said, losing the American pretence and switching to Mandarin. ‘I have a big client in America. There have been a lot of problems.’ The old lady nodded knowingly. Her daughter was big and important. Bee Choo stared at her mother from the rear view window, wondering what she was thinking.
Her mother’s wrinkled countenance always carried the same cryptic look. The phone began to ring again, an artificially cheerful digital tune, which broke the awkward silence.
‘Hello, Beatrice! Yes, this is Elaine.’ Elaine. The old woman cringed. I didn’t name her Elaine. She remembered her daughter telling her, how an English name was very important for ‘networking’, Chinese ones being easily forgotten.
‘Oh no, I can’t see you for lunch today. I have to take the ancient relic to the temple for her weird daily prayer ritual.’ Ancient Relic. The old woman understood perfectly it was referring to her. Her daughter always assumed that her mother’s silence meant she did not comprehend.
‘Yes, I know! My car seats will be reeking of joss sticks!’ The old woman pursed her lips tightly, her hands gripping her plastic bag in defence. The car curved smoothly into the temple courtyard. It looked almost garish next to the dull sheen of the ageing temple’s roof. The old woman got out of the back seat, and made her unhurried way to the main hall. Her daughter stepped out of the car in her business suit and stilettos and reapplied her lipstick as she made her brisk way to her.
‘Ma, I’ll wait outside. I have an important phone call to make,’ she said, not bothering to hide her disgust at the pungent fumes of incense. The old lady hobbled into the temple hall and lit a joss stick, she knelt down solemnly and whispered her now familiar daily prayer to the Gods.
‘Thank you God of the Sky, you have given my daughter luck all these years. Everything I prayed for, you have given her. She has everything a young woman in this world could possibly want. She has a big house with a swimming pool, a maid to help her, as she is too clumsy to sew or cook. Her love life has been blessed; she is engaged to a rich and handsome angmohman. Her company is now the top financial firm and even men listen to what she says. She lives the perfect life. You have given her everything except happiness. I ask that the gods be merciful to her even if she has lost her roots while reaping the harvest of success. What you see is not true - she is a filial daughter to me. She gives me a room in her big house and provides well for me. She is rude to me only because I affect her happiness. A young woman does not want to be hindered by her old mother. It is my fault.’
The old lady prayed so hard that tears welled up in her eyes. Finally, with her head bowed in reverence she planted the half-burnt joss stick into an urn of smouldering ashes. She bowed once more. The old woman had been praying for her daughter for thirty-two years. When her stomach was round like a melon, she came to the temple and prayed that it was a son.
Then the time was ripe and the baby slipped out of her womb, bawling and adorable with fat thighs and pink cheeks, but unmistakably, a girl. Her husband had kicked and punched her for producing a useless baby who could not work or carry the family name. Still, the woman returned to the temple with her new-born girl tied to her waist in a sarong and prayed that her daughter would grow up and have everything she ever wanted. Her husband left her and she prayed that her daughter would never have to depend on a man. She prayed every day that her daughter would be a great woman, the woman that she, meek and uneducated, could never become. A woman with nengkan; the ability to do anything she set her mind to A woman who commanded respect in the hearts of men. When she opened her mouth to speak, precious pearls would fall out and men would listen.
She will not be like me, the woman prayed as she watched her daughter grow up and drift away from her, speaking a language she scarcely understood. She watched her daughter transform from a quiet girl, to one who openly defied her, calling her laotu; old-fashioned. She wanted her mother to be ‘modern’, a word so new there was no Chinese word for it. Now her daughter was too clever for her and the old woman wondered why she had prayed like that.
The gods had been faithful to her persistent prayer, but the wealth and success that poured forth so richly had buried the girl’s roots and now she stood, faceless, with no identity, bound to the soil of her ancestors by only a string of origami banknotes. Her daughter hadforgotten her mother’s values. Her wants were so ephemeral; that of a modern woman. Power, Wealth, access to the best fashion boutiques, and yet her daughter had not found true happiness.
The old woman knew that you could find happiness with much less. When her daughter left the earth everything. She had would count for nothing. People would look to her legacy and say that she was a great woman, but she would be forgotten once the wind blows over, like the ashes of burnt paper convertibles and mansions.
The old woman wished she could go back and erase all her big hopes and prayers for her daughter; now she had only one want: That her daughter be happy. She looked out of the temple gate. She saw her daughter speaking on the phone, her brow furrowed with anger and worry. Being at the top is not good, the woman thought, there is only one way to go from there - down.
The old woman carefully unfolded the plastic bag and spread out a packet of bee hoon in front of the altar. Her daughter often mocked her for worshipping porcelain Gods. How could she pray to them so faithfully and expect pieces of ceramic to fly to her aid? But her daughter had her own gods too, idols of wealth, success and power that she was enslaved to and worshipped every day of her life. Every day was a quest for the idols, and the idols she worshipped counted for nothing in eternity. All the wants her daughter had would slowly suck the life out of her and leave her, an empty soulless shell at the altar. The old lady watched her joss tick. The dull heat had left a teetering grey stem that was on the danger of collapsing. Modern woman nowadays, the old lady sighed in resignation, as she bowed to the east one final time to end her ritual. Modern woman nowadays want so much that they lose their souls and wonder why they cannot find it.
Her joss stick disintegrated into a soft grey powder. She met her daughter outside the temple, the same look of worry and frustration was etched on her daughter’s face. An empty expression, as if she was ploughing through the soil of her wants looking for the one thing that would sow the seeds of happiness. They climbed into the convertible in silence and her daughter drove along the highway, this time not as fast as she had done before.
‘Ma,’ Bee Choo finally said. ‘I don’t know how to put this. Mark and I have been talking about it and we plan to move out of the big house. The property market is good now, and we managed to get a buyer willing to pay seven million for it. We decided we’d prefer a cosier penthouse apartment instead. We found a perfect one in Orchard Road. Once we move in to our apartment we plan to get rid of the maid, so we can have more space to ourselves…’
The old woman nodded knowingly. Bee Choo swallowed hard. ‘We’d get someone to come in to do the housework and we can eat out-but once the maid is gone, there won’t be anyone to look after you. You will be awfully lonely at home and, besides that, the apartment is rather small. There won’t be space. We thought about it for a long time, and we decided the best thing for you is if you moved to a Home. There’s one near Hougang - it’s a Christian home, a very nice one.’
The old woman did not raise an eyebrow. ‘I’ve been there, the matron is willing to take you in. It’s beautiful with gardens and lots of old people to keep you company! I hardly have time for you, you’d be happier there.’ ‘You’d be happier there, really.’ Her daughter repeated as if to affirm herself.
This time the old woman had no plastic bag of food offerings to cling tightly to; she bit her lip and fastened her seat belt, as if it would protect her from a daughter who did not want her anymore. She sunk deep into the leather seat, letting her shoulders sag, and her fingers trace the white seat.
‘Ma?’ her daughter asked, searching the rear view window for her mother. ‘Is everything okay?’
What had to be done, had to be done. ‘Yes,’ she said firmly, louder than she intended, ‘if it will make you happy,’ she added more quietly.
‘It’s for you, Ma! You’ll be happier there. You can move there tomorrow, I already got the maid to pack your things.’ Elaine said triumphantly, mentally ticking yet another item off her agenda.
‘I knew everything would be fine.’ Elaine smiled widely; she felt liberated. Perhaps getting rid of her mother would make her happier. She had thought about it. It seemed the only hindrance in her pursuit of happiness. She was happy now. She had everything a modern woman ever wanted; Money, Status, Career, Love, Power and now, Freedom, without her mother and her old-fashioned ways to weigh her down… Yes, she was free.
Her phone buzzed urgently, she picked it up and read the message, still beaming from ear to ear. ‘Stocks 10% increase!’ Yes, things were definitely beginning to look up for her…
And while searching for the meaning of life in the luminance of her hand phone screen, the old woman in the backseat became invisible, and she did not see the tears.
We all need humour in our lives. Or else things will be bleak, dull and grey. So crack and appreciate a joke every once in a while. With the cliche saying, "A laugh a day keeps the blues away!". So enjoy your daily supplements of jokes. Here are some words of wisdom from kids!
______________________________
Good Advice From Kids
"Never trust a dog to watch your food." -Patrick, age 10
"When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' Don't answer." -Hannah, age 9
Never tell your Mom her diet's not working." -Michael, age 14
"Stay away from prunes." -Randy, age 9
"Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to." -Emily, age 10
"When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair." -Taylia, age 11
"Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment." -Traci, age 14
"A puppy always has bad breath--even after eating a Tic-Tac." - Andrew, age 9
Good Advice From Kids
"Never trust a dog to watch your food." -Patrick, age 10
"When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' Don't answer." -Hannah, age 9
Never tell your Mom her diet's not working." -Michael, age 14
"Stay away from prunes." -Randy, age 9
"Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to." -Emily, age 10
"When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair." -Taylia, age 11
"Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment." -Traci, age 14
"A puppy always has bad breath--even after eating a Tic-Tac." - Andrew, age 9
Well, for those of you who feel that you're stuck or at a dead end and can't figure out why everything's happening all at once, these are some words for you. They aren't mine, I just got it from my e-mail. Words of hope for ya'll. Read and think. =)
Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there. To serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become.
You never know who these people may be but when you lock eyes with them, you
know that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.
And sometimes things happen to you at the time that may seem horrible,
painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming
those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, will
power or heart.
Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of
good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer
stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small
tests, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere.
Safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless.
The people you meet affect your life. The successes and downfalls that you
experience can create who you are, and the bad experiences can be learned
from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones.
If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them because
they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious
to whom you open your heart.
If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they
love you, but because they are teaching you to love and to open your heart
and eyes to little things. Make every day count.
Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can,
for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let
yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high.
Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a
great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in
yourself, no one else will believe in you. Create your own life and then go
out and live it.
"If you take your eyes off your goals, all you see are obstacles."
Here's what came in my e-mail. And I think it's a really good way to see that God is everywhere and in everything.
IN CHEMISTRY, HE TURNED WATER TO WINE.
IN BIOLOGY, HE WAS BORN WITHOUT THE NORMAL CONCEPTION;
IN PHYSICS, HE DISAPPROVED THE LAW OF GRAVITY WHEN HE ASCENDED INTO HEAVEN;
IN ECONOMICS, HE DISAPPROVED THE LAW OF DIMINISHING RETURN BY FEEDING 5000 MEN WITH TWO FISHES & 5 LOAVES OF BREAD;
IN MEDICINE, HE CURED THE SICK AND THE BLIND WITHOUT ADMINISTERING A SINGLE DOSE OF DRUGS,
IN HISTORY, HE IS THE BEGINNING & THE END;
IN GOVERNMENT, HE SAID THAT HE SHALL BE CALLED WONDERFUL COUNSELOR, PRINCE OF PEACE;
IN RELIGION, HE SAID NO ONE COMES TO THE FATHER EXCEPT THROUGH HIM
SO. WHO IS HE? JESUS.
"For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Thessalonians 5:9
IN CHEMISTRY, HE TURNED WATER TO WINE.
IN BIOLOGY, HE WAS BORN WITHOUT THE NORMAL CONCEPTION;
IN PHYSICS, HE DISAPPROVED THE LAW OF GRAVITY WHEN HE ASCENDED INTO HEAVEN;
IN ECONOMICS, HE DISAPPROVED THE LAW OF DIMINISHING RETURN BY FEEDING 5000 MEN WITH TWO FISHES & 5 LOAVES OF BREAD;
IN MEDICINE, HE CURED THE SICK AND THE BLIND WITHOUT ADMINISTERING A SINGLE DOSE OF DRUGS,
IN HISTORY, HE IS THE BEGINNING & THE END;
IN GOVERNMENT, HE SAID THAT HE SHALL BE CALLED WONDERFUL COUNSELOR, PRINCE OF PEACE;
IN RELIGION, HE SAID NO ONE COMES TO THE FATHER EXCEPT THROUGH HIM
SO. WHO IS HE? JESUS.
"For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Thessalonians 5:9
