Happy Birthday Andy

It's Andy's birthday!

And by way of a birthday present, we present:

The Carruthers review of the thirteen months of the year that was 2008...

January
Nothing happened.

February
An Evening With Mr Caruthers is held in Hoxton in London. More on that story later.

March
A lot of talking.

April
Filming took place for the A Writer's Meeting videos

May
Rehearsals for the forthcoming show took place, this blog started and the Writer's Meeting videos began to appear on YouTube in an eclectic order.

June
We Peeled.

July
Nothing happened.

August
We all got too busy for Carruthers. Like twats.

September
Nothing happened.

October
We were approached by Funny or Die about using our videos. We accepted and they did a little dance. Maybe.

November
Nothing happened.

Movember
Moustaches were grown.

December
More filming took place and we look forward to sharing the fruits of our labours with you next year.

P.P.P.P.P.P.S. On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me six geese a-laying, five gold rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

It's the only bit everybody knows...

...FIVE GOLD RINGS

P.P.P.P.P.S. On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me five gold rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

Not Prostitutes

Calling Birds.

P.P.P.P.S. On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

Hench Frens

Do they taste French?

P.P.P.S. On the third day of Christmas, my true love sent to me three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Doves

Well you give me all your lovin'
And your turtle dovin'
Ah all your hugs and kisses
And your money too, well
You know you love me baby
Still you tell me maybe
That someday well I'll be blue


P.P.S. On the second day of Christmas, my true love sent to me two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

Boxing

And have a Joyous Kwanzaa.


P.S. On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me a partridge in a pear tree.

Merry Christmas

Yule love it.

Eve

Get a good night's sleep, you've got a big day tomorrow...

Fire hazards for all.

Noche de Rábanos

Which means Night of the Radishes in Spanish.

Every year since 1897 on the 23rd of December, the people of Oaxaca in Mexico have flocked to see the sculptures carved from radishes. The bulbous pink beauties are transformed into nativity scenes and saints but sadly not the cast of Fraggle Rock.

I kid you not.

Happy חֲנֻכָּה

or Happy Hanukkah.

Light that baby.

The Shortest Day Of The Year

In the bleak midwinter...
There will only be seven hours and forty nine minutes of daylight today, so go careful. Or quickly.

Go quickly. The quicker you go, the better. Whatever you've got planned today, rush the shit out of it.

Never put off 'til tomorrow what you can do today, unless it'll take longer than seven hours and forty nine minutes.

A Winter's Tale

So the debates rage:

Will it snow on Christmas Day?

Will it be a White Christmas?

Is it racist to say White Christmas?

Is it racist to sing White Christmas?

Is it weird that people think that the phrase 'White Christmas' has the potential to offend when the song White Christmas was written by a Jew, namely Irving Berlin, who told his secretary the morning after he wrote it: "I just wrote the best song I've ever written, hell, I just wrote the best song that anybody's ever written!" or is it the perfect example of how Christmas has been re-appraised and re-appropriated to suit the needs of our modern society and has become a more secular celebration of family and therefore was ahead of its time?









It probably won't snow on Christmas Day.

Maybe Baby

Christmas is a time for family. Where are your children? Are they safe? Are you certain?

Babysitting without due care, attention and parental instinct is a terrible and growing phenomenon.

For that matter, where are your parents? Are they safe? Are you certain?

His 'n' Hers

Don't know what to get that special someone in your life? Well some kind soul out there has made it easy for you. It's not us, we're not a shop, but we will be featuring some of their more interesting products. Now you and yours can walk around with Carruthers emblazoned across your collective bosom.

What more could you want?

Wright About Now

105 years ago today, Orville & Wilbur Wright proved that flight was possible, thus opening up the world to new possibilities...

Pollution, warfare, terrorism, deep vein thrombosis and food served in trays would never be the same again.

Pull Up A Chair

Tuck in.

Zamenhofa Tago

Bonan matenon/vesperon/nokton!

So strap a trosekeco onto your prapatro and wiggle it about like you haven't used it since vivbezonaĵoj. Give your fariĝis a rest and rub on some videblas later.

Today is Zamenof Day, the most widely celebrated holiday in Esperanto culture.

Whatever that is.

Monkey Business

It's Monkey Day!

No, I don't know what it means either, but off you go. Monkey about.

Breast

Are you feeling Christmassy yet?

Full Moon

Half Blind.

Did I hear a wolf?


I SAID, DID I HEAR A W...oh never mind, I'm sure it's just a pygmy stoatsnatcher regurgitating a barely chewed previously swallowed monkey. On ice.

Vane Mane

In response to this post

We now present this video in its original intended hobo scream free form.

Shop Shape Merrily On High

With only 14-ish shopping days left 'til Christmas, have you got time:

to put together that list of gifts for your nearest and dearest?
and buy them?
and wrap them?
and label them?
and hide them?
and find them?
and give them?
and tidy up after them?


It's a bloody full time job.

Icy

I see, I see, I see.

Merrily

Punster: "Ding, Dong"

Recipient: "...merrily on high,
In heav'n the bells are ringing:
Ding dong! verily the sky
Is riv'n with angel singing.
Gloria, Hosanna in excelsis!
E'en so here below, below,
Let steeple bells be swungen,
And "Io, io, io!"
By priest and people sungen.
Gloria, Hosanna in excelsis!
Pray you, dutifully prime
Your matin chime, ye ringers;
May you beautifully rime
Your evetime song, ye singers.
Gloria, Hosanna in excelsis!"

Punster: "Crikey."

Pucker up

Time to lunge lips. Mistletongued.

Nick

Like a bowlful of jelly.

Bicentennial

Two hundred posts. Who'd have thought it?


Posts with videos - 6

Posts with photos - 180

Posts with swearing - 9

Posts with tags - 175

Posts accidentally posted twice - 5

Posts containing spelling miftakes - 0

Posted comments - 7

Most common tag - Peel This

Most commonly used letters (in no particular order) - e, s, p, p & p

Flare For Hair

Take a gander at Andy's locks.

Mr Carruthers in Panto

He's behind you.

No really, have a look. Go on...

500

Five hundred people now count Mr Carruthers among their bosom buddies.


You can be the five hundred and first.

Advent

Christmas is coming.

Everyone's A Critic

Yet more reactions to A Writer's Meeting on Funny Or Die and YouTube:

"Nice vid Mr Carruthers.Lisa put me on to your channel. I will peruse the other episodes at leisure. Keep it coming." (Thanks Lisa.)

"Last night I had some time to kill before going out so I figured I'd watch them all...and I have to say, I'm really impressed. With all three of you. It got quite a few laughs out of me and the updated knock-knock one was almost painfully funny...It's worth pursuing...I'm not trying to get all gay on you (that'll come later!!!) but you really do have some serious talent...keep on it. It would be a crime if you didn't. I don't know if that was a pep-talk or what. More likely it's just my response to there being only five videos on youtube. Not only do I want to see more, but I imagine a lot of other people--if they had seen any of them--would want more. Great stuff. And keep at it."

"I've got loads if urine you could use...if you want"

"I missed all the jokes because I was distracted by the eye-candy on the far right."

"Hey there, love it.'Upstairs Downstairs...having sex, Friends...who have sex, Spaced...vagina. Just adding parts of a body onto a sitcom now.' Great guys"

"I'm wondering if you guys could perform at my son's funeral. He will only be three when he dies, if all goes according to plan."

"Awesome stuff, really liked it."

"they really were very good. Even when the material isn't quite at its strongest there's still a sense of three individuals working very well with each other, and that sustains the mood and keeps you watching...Anyway, yeah. I voted "funny" for the videos on Funny or Die, but I don't know what that site is, and unless I can actually sentence bad comedians to death it probably won't interest me to explore further"

"Sooo good to see Mr. Carruthers slowly splatting himself over the screens of innocent little giggle seekers! =D"

"You guys are so funny, i can't wait for the chance to see you on stage again. And I'm eagerly anticipating the next batch of vids :)"

All the videos still have 5 stars on YouTube.

Bobby Davro

It is with deepest regret that we must announce that entertainer, impressionist and panto mainstay Bobby Davro has not passed away.


Our thoughts are with his friends and family.

Speckled

If you're going to squint, squint into this.

Which genitals in the world?

Another one like this.

Ladies and gentlemen and variations thereupon, this time it's about gender:


Overall most of the audience has been male, but it's fairly close at 58% male to 42% female:

Uniquely Part One has had mostly female viewers at 63%, to 37% male.

Part Two reverses the trend 72% male to 28% female.

Amazingly Part Three is exactly 50% male, 50% female. Never let it be said we're not about equal opportunities. Furthermore everyone under 18 that watched this was female.

Part Four's gender breakdown is at 68% male, 32% female. Everyone between 13 and 17 years old that watched this was female as well.

Part Five was the most polarised at 81% male, 19% female.

Massage

If in doubt, give it a rub.

Up, down, up, down, a few anti-clockwise circles and then wash your hands.

When in the world?

Following on from this post, we continue our look at you. Who are you? Specifically this time who old are you?

Sorry that's terrible grammar, that should be: how old are who?


The majority of our viewers are aged between 25 and 34 and sadly none are over 64.

84% of our viewers are of eligible to vote.

Part One has the most evenly spread audience agewise and uniquely has a larger section of 35 to 44 year olds than any other.

Part Two attracted the youngest audience of all, with the largest proportion of 13 to 17 year olds of any of the videos, which given the content is reassuring depraved. No one admitting to being over 34 has watched this video.

Part Three has similar figures to its predecessor, but with a larger amount of 18 to 24 year olds eating into the percentages of the age brackets either side. Again no 35 year olds or older.

Part Four has again only been endured by 13 to 34 year olds, but this video garnered the largest audience share from the 25-34% range at 58%.

Part Five has had no viewers under 18 or over 44, which is odd since it's probably the cleanest.


That's how old are who. Unless they are older or younger or both.

Mo money, mo problems

We have a winner.
What will happen to our hirsute hero with his newfound access to the huge amounts and the depths of sleaze and the glamour and the girls that the pro-moustache circuit attracts?

Where in the world?

The Writer's Meeting videos have been up on the YouTube for over six months now and I thought it’d be interesting to look at a breakdown of who has been watching them.

Amazingly the videos have been watched by people across four continents. Four bloody continents.

In addition to our British viewers, people in Ireland, Germany, Spain, Russia, Norway, Sweden, South Korea, China, Indonesia, Hong Kong, Malaysia, Singapore, New Zealand, Australia, Canada and the USA.

Of those United States inhabitants of Washington, California, Colorado, Texas, Alabama, Florida, Kentucky, New York, Massachusetts, South Carolina, Arizona, Montana, Oregon, Connecticut and Pennsylvania have all taken the time to sit through our nonsense.


Will our epic world domination never cease?

Next stop: Antarctica

About Face

Find your way around the complicated world of moustaches with our handy chart.
How will you grow yours?

Hutt's There

Punster: "Ding, Dong"

Recipient: "Who's There?"

Punster: "Jabba."

Recipient: "Jabba who?"

Punster: "How many bloody Jabba's do you know?"

Rapunzel's hair

A particularly dangly entry this one and technically a beard.

Still he looks pleased. He probably doesn't realise he's been disqualified.

Drugging In?

If drugs get you where you want to go, it's important to understand your fuel.

Know your Onions.

Flair for Hair

Another entry in the Carruthers-esque facial follicles contest.

Comb your cheeks.

Drugging Out?

Look at all the pretty colours.

It's confusing isn't it?

At least 99% of these are Smarties.

Must Dash

Taking lipfuzz to greater heights, probably daily.
Mister Carruthers may have a rival.

Ton Eighty

Or

"One-Hun-dred-and Eight-y"

Movember's Here

Possibly inspired by the facial locks of Mr Carruthers*, an annual phenomenon has developed. In order to raise money for charitable purposes, ladies and gentlemen all over the world use this time to grow a MOustache in noVEMBER.
Movember.

If you want to get involved, it's time to start those lip exercises.

* possibly not.