What I Watched - November 15-21 2015

WHAT I WATCHED - NOVEMBER 15-21 2015:

Don't Go in the House (1979) DVD
- I've owned this as part of a Shriek Show triple-feature boxset, (alongside a couple of low budget crime actioners - Cop Killers and Tenement) for a few years now but never got around to watching it. I'm glad I finally did, because this is an awesome gritty old school urban horror/exploitation film along the lines of Maniac. The story itself has elements of Psycho - a guy with mommy issues killing young ladies (although Norman never used a flamethrower!). There's actually some quite creepy moments involving burned bodies coming back to life. One for fans of sleazy late 70s, early 80s grindhouse horror flicks!

Diamonds of Kilimandjaro (1983) DVD

- I own this in another Shriek Show box set that I got at the same time as the aforementioned one, this one called "Jungle Girls". It's actually a Jess Franco movie but is pretty tame by his standards. Essentially Tarzan with a female in the vine-swinging role, this one has little in the way of gore and a lot in the way of nudity. It's pretty run of the mill - kind of like a Lenzi/Deodato jungle movie without any of the gut-munching or torture. Watchable but hard to recommend.

Stryker (1983) DVD

- Since I was trawling through long-neglected boxsets on my shelves, I pulled out one called Grindhouse Experience 2, which has something like 10 movies of various drive-in fare. The name of this one, plus the artwork, made it an easy choice to begin making my way through this set. I do love a good cheesy 80s Mad Max-ripoff, and that's what you get here from Filipino director Cirio H Santiago. While this one's not terrible, there are better examples of the genre out there. The final battle is pretty cool, but the lead-up to it is sloppy and quite frankly boring in a lot of places. The highlight is a band of "little people" who dress like Jawas and sound way too much like animated penguin Pingu. Sadly they are on screen for far too little time - if they'd been around more I might have enjoyed this more. A good time-waster, but probably only for the hardcore fan of low budget post-apocalyptic fare.

Blazing Magnum (1976) DVD

- Next up in Grindhouse Experience is this is a movie also known as Shadows in an Empty Room, although that name makes it sound like a giallo, and it's definitely not. Blazing Magnum is a more apt name, because what we have here is an Italian/Canadian production that is clearly influenced by Clint Eastwood's Dirty Harry flicks (one of the sequels of course being Magnum Force). Like Harry Callahan, the main cop in this one uses "unorthodox" methods to get what he needs. With a great cast that includes Martin Landau, John Saxon and Tisa Farrow, and containing one of the best car chase scenes I've seen in a long time, this is great stuff. Definitely recommended.

Slavers (1978) DVD

- Continuing down the Grindhouse Experience 2 road, we move from police action to pure exploitation. Coming in the wake of the highly-successful mini series Roots, this trods over similar ground, telling unflinching stories of the slave trade in Africa in the 1800s. An African couple who are separated by the bad guys are part of the focus, but most of the time is spent on the various white men and women (including Britt Ekland), most of which are completely reprehensible. One scene in particular - involving target practice on swimming natives - is quite shocking. My biggest complaint is that the racist villains in this for the most part don't get a satisfactory comeuppance. Obviously this is never comfortable viewing, but is a good reminder of a dark period in man's history.

Deathgasm (2015) AVI

- I watched this a couple of weeks ago as part of 31 Nights of Terror and enjoyed it so much I had to watch it again, this time with my girlfriend. Check out my review here: http://moviegeeknz.blogspot.co.nz/2015/10/31-nights-of-terror-2015-5-deathgasm.html.

Three Supermen Against Godfather (1979) DVD

- Back into the Grindhouse Experience 2 boxset, and next up we have an all-together odd little movie otherwise known as Supermenler. Apparently the 9th of 11 Three Supermen movies which ranged from 1967 to 1986, this is a goofy comedy set in Turkey that feels like a low budget episode of the 1960s Batman TV series. Most of the intended comedy falls flat, while there are unintentional laughs (one guy's whiney dubbed voice is hilarious). The theme song that plays constantly throughout the climax is so, so annoying. The setting is apt, because this is one big turkey.

Mister Deathman (1977) DVD

- The last of the Grindhouse 2 movies for a while (there are others I haven't seen, but I'll save them for another time) is this very poor excuse for a blaxploitation movie. Filmed in South Africa, it stars the main guy from Zombie Island Massacre who tries to play a suave Bond-like superspy but his acting is beyond terrible. The bad guys are boring, our hero seemingly gets captured every few minutes, and the plot is groan-worthy. If there was a behind-the-scenes documentary about the making of this movie I'd watch it - it would be interesting to hear how the main black actor found filming in apartheid-era South Africa - and let's face it, it would have to be better than the actual movie itself.

Blood Night: The Legend of Mary Hatchet (2009) DVD

- I really have to stop choosing movies to watch based on the actors involved. That bit me on the ass with Old 37 and it kind of did again here, and Bill Moseley is involved again (along with horror fan darling Danielle Harris). Bill's the definite highlight here, as he's in full Crazy Ralph from Friday the 13th mode (he even dresses the same, so it's obviously a homage). The movie starts off pretty well with a good opening murder and some time in an asylum, but when it switches to the present day and turns the spotlight on various annoying teens, things break down. I couldn't wait for these douchebags to get dead, and unfortunately it took so long to happen, with endless teen partying bogging things down. Sloppy editing and the fact that it looks like it was shot on a handicam (not in terms of shakiness, but of quality - it feels like a home movie, not a film) make this one a pretty unbearable mess.

MOVEMBER MINI-MOVIETHON

- November is of course the month when men grow all shapes and sizes of mustachios in the name of charity (not me, I'm be-goateed all year round, gotta hide those double chins somehow). So, with that in mind, I decided to find movies featuring standout supporting performances by upper-lip caterpillars.

Turkey Shoot (1982) DVD

- First up is Roger Ward's menacing mo-and-eyebrows combo from this Australian exploitation (Oz-ploitation) classic. I've always loved this movie - it's beautifully shot, has plenty of action and its simple storyline is essentially Most Dangerous Game mixed with 1984. But it also has plenty of tasty cheese to stop it from being too mainstream, like the hairy "freak" hunter, the woman's exploding arrows, the weird futuristic vehicles and the pre-requisite smatterings of T&A and attempted rape. Steve Railsback is a weird choice for a leading man - the guy who would go on to play an uber-creepy Ed Gein is hardly charismatic pin-up material. But that's not to take away from this movie, which is a must for any fans of exploitation flicks.

Witchfinder General (1968) DVD

- As a huge Vincent Price fan (I collect his movies on DVD) this is one that had managed to slip through the cracks, until now. Price's facial hair isn't anything too special, but hey, it's there, so it makes this movie count for this moviethon! Okay, so I was just looking for an excuse to include this one. Vincent is great as always, although rather subdued by his standards (after watching a doco on director Michael Reeves it seems he told the legendary actor to tone down his performance). The supporting cast is great (Ian Ogilvy is always good to watch) and this gets quite brutal in places (like the burning of the witch at the stake - my DVD has a lot of the cut violence restored). This is essentially a western set in ye olde England, and it's a good one! Definite recommendation.

The Big Lebowski (1998) AVI

- I'm sure everyone has a movie or two that it seems EVERYONE has seen and enjoyed, but which they've managed to miss somehow. Rather embarrassingly, this is that movie for me. I know it's a cult classic and I do enjoy the Coen brothers, but this one just never found its way in front of my eyes. I had it on my list on Netflix to watch a few months ago, but now when I went to watch it... it's not on Netflix anymore. Don't you hate that? Anyway, a quick acquisition from an "alternative source" and now I can finally say I've seen The Big Lebowski and now know what all the memes and quotes are in reference to. Oh yeah, obviously the mustache in this one belongs to Sam Elliott's The Stranger, although there are a couple of other commendable face-hair efforts in this movie. As for the movie itself, it is as good as everyone makes it out to be. The Dude abides man!

31 Nights of Terror 2015 #28 - Dead Weight (2012)

Dead Weight (2012)
Director: Adam Bartlett, John Pata
Starring: Joe Belknap, Mary Lindberg, Michelle Courvais
Format: AVI

Plot: Charlie is traveling through the wilderness to find his girlfriend, Samantha, after civilization is destroyed by widespread biological attacks. He must try to survive while dealing with other survivors and his own emotional burdens.

From the never-ending line of low budget zombie flicks comes Dead Weight. Like most people I'm a bit burned out on the zombie craze, but I read a review of this one that made it sound like something a bit different, so decided to give a try. It definitely is different, but sadly not in a good way.

Where to begin? Oh, I know - this movie has bugger all zombies in it! I understand it's low budget, or maybe it was a conscious choice not to fill the movie with gut-munching walkers, but either way it can only work if the story and acting are strong enough to carry the load. They're not.

The acting is pretty awful and the story... well there really isn't one. Our main guy (who's a bit of a douchebag to start with and gets worse as things go along) joins up with some other survivors and heads off to try to find his girlfriend. They meet other survivors, things basically go badly... yawn. The ending tries to be shocking but it can't save what is a boring movie.

The least said about this one the better. Avoid.

31 Nights of Terror 2015 #25 - All Hallow's Eve (2013)

All Hallow's Eve (2013)
Director: Damian Leone
Starring: Katie Maguire, Catherine A Callahan, Marie Maser
Format: AVI

Plot: While watching two children on Halloween night, a babysitter finds an old VHS tape in the kids' trick or treat bag. The tape features three tales of terror, all linked together by a murderous clown. As the night goes on strange things begin to occur in the house. It isn't long before the babysitter learns the horrifying truth... the maniacal clown is slowly working his way into her reality.

I do love a good anthology movie, and having watched A Christmas Story earlier in the marathon, I felt it was time to check out a Halloween-themed one. What I do not love is clowns. I hate them. They terrify me. Take a look at that cover art above - yikes!

A bit of background on this one - two of the three segments in All Hallow's Eve are actually short films made by director Leone years before. So he shot a new segment and some wrap-around stuff and Bob's your uncle. Well Bobo I guess, and he's your murdering uncle.

One of the pre-made shorts deals with a woman who is visited by aliens. It's not terrible, but definitely the weakest of the segments, held down by some dodgy effects and the fact that, well, not much really happens in it.

The other segments are all pretty good, especially considering the low budget. The wrap-around segment is simple enough and akin to the VHS movies in involving a mystery video tape containing the three "stories", and has a fairly brutal and gorey pay-off. The first segment, which introduces the clown, isn't anything too great but gets good use out of a creepy setting (deserted railway station and railway tunnels) and an even creepier clown. The best of the three is the segment titled Terrifier, involving the same clown and a gas station.

Leone achieves a lot with very little with this nice little anthology. It's not flawless by any means but what is lacks in budget it makes up for with creepy style, some good gore and simple storytelling.

31 Nights of Terror 2015 #6 - Last Shift (2014)

Last Shift (2014) 
Director: Anthony DiBlasi (Dread)
Starring: Juliana Harkavy, Joshua Mikel, J. LaRose
Format: AVI

Plot: A rookie cop's 1st shift in the last night of a closing police station alone turns into a living nightmare.

This low-budget affair starts off with a premise that echoes John Carpenter's Assault on Precinct 13 - an old police station is empty because the department has moved into nicer digs down the street. A rookie cop is sent to play night watchmen on her first shift (and the last shift for the station, hence the name). But unlike it JC's movie the station doesn't come under attack by criminals, or at least not in the conventional sense. Spooky shit starts happening and from there it becomes a "haunted location" flick with some satanist cult elements thrown into the mix.

For the budget what you get is a very slick and well-shot film. The acting's also pretty good (for a bunch of no names) and there are enough jump scares and suspenseful moments to keep things interesting. The cult element is handled well, with the aforementioned cultists having a very Manson-esque vibe to them.

Unfortunately a lot of the early going happens in a brightly-lit police station, which detracts from the suspense, but unlike a lot of others I don't have a problem with the slow-burn approach taken here. Once the action kicks in it's entertaining and includes some really nice visual effects. The end twist is also pretty good, I didn't see it coming.

Last Shift isn't anything mind-blowing, but is definitely worth a watch for horror fans who don't mind a slow pace.

What I Watched - May 20-26 2015

WHAT I WATCHED - MAY 20-26, 2015:

 Deadly Prey (1987) VHS
- Pure “so bad its good” gold from director David Prior and his blond-mulleted actor brother Ted. Take Rambo, take The Most Dangerous Game… remove the budget, the good acting and the special effects and you have Deadly Prey. Every moment of this movie is unadulterated awesomeness. Ted plays a Nam vet who is kidnapped by some bad guys who love to hunt humans. Only they chose the wrong guy this time! Another from my own collection (all of which I’m selling off for space purposes), and one every Z-grade action movie fan needs to see (along with other Prior brothers efforts like Aerobicide, Sledgehammer and Raw Nerve).

Slash Dance (1989) AVI
- That’s a catchy title right? Some nice wordplay on the name of the popular 80s movie, Flashdance. Well, that’s all this pile of crap has going for it. The premise is simple - girls auditioning for a musical start getting picked off by a serial killer so a sexy female cop goes undercover to catch him. There’s nothing wrong with a slasher that keeps it simple. But there’s plenty wrong with a slasher that features virtually no blood, no skin (come on, it’s a movie about dancing girls!) and some of the worst acting ever put to screen (the lead and several other of the “actors” were wrestlers from the short-lived Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling, and acting wasn’t their strong point). Instead it has tedious amounts of girls in leotards “dancing” on stage - I use that word very, very reluctantly. Yawn, yawn, yawn.

Mortuary (2005) AVI
- Oh Tobe Hooper, we knew ye well. It’s well known that Hooper has gone from genre hero (Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Poltergeist) to genre zero (virtually everything after Texas Chainsaw 2 in 1986). Sadly, Mortuary doesn’t represent a return to form for him. The premise is okay - family move into an old house to restart an old mortuary and come under attack by a fungal growth that turns dead people into zombies - but it’s all done rather poorly (especially the CGI, yikes). Not the worst movie ever made, but definitely nothing worth wasting your time on.

JUDGEMENT MAY: I Survived a Zombie Holocaust (2014) DVD
- Pretty much the only time I buy movies on their released date is when it’s a New Zealand movie I really want to see, like this one. It was released on DVD and in a few cinemas here in NZ on Friday May 22. I picked it up a day later and watched it right away, and I wasn’t disappointed. It definitely feels very New Zealand-y, mixing our sense of humour with gore in the same vein as Braindead, Bad Taste and Black Sheep. I love the fact it’s about real zombies attacking the cast and crew of a low budget zombie movie, which gives it ammo to take shots at the movie industry as well as the overdone zombie sub-genre. NZ horror is on a real roll lately, between this, Housebound and What We Do in the Shadows.

Joe (1970) DVD
- With Memorial Day happening in the US, I wanted to watch something very ‘Murican. The cover to this one showed an Army uniform, a guy with a gun and the Stars and Stripes - sold! I knew nothing about it going in and found it to be a gritty, gloomy look at life in the late 60s and early 70s, a time of racial and civil unrest in Vietnam-era America. The late, great Peter Boyle shows off the grumpy chops he’d use so well in the TV show Everybody Loves Raymond, as a disgruntled, racist blue collar worker who befriends a rich guy with a wayward daughter, as the two go on a rampage against hippies. Blunt, un-PC, brutal in places and with a great ending. Kind of like Easy Rider without the motorbikes.

MAY-DE TO BE MOCKED - Paranormal Entity (2009)

 Note: Throughout the month of May I will be watching Mockbusters, those low-budget movies which are made purely to cash in on a recent successful blockbuster. I call this May-de to be Mocked! 

Paranormal Entity (2009)
Director: Shane Van Dyke
Starring: Erin Marie Hogan, Fia Perera, Norman Saleet, Shane Van Dyke
Format: AVI

Plot: A family is apparently being visited by the spirit of their dead dad/husband. But things start going bad, so they set up cameras throughout the house to find out exactly what's up.

Normally when I list the cast of a movie, I pick out the three or four main actors. But that list that you see above? That's the whole cast. Four people. Total. And one of them (Saleet) only shows up briefly towards the end and Van Dyke never shows his face.

So yeah, minimalist is the key word here. But when you're aping the Paranormal Activity phenomena, that's to be expected I guess. I couldn't find the budget for this movie (produced by mockbuster specialists The Asylum) but it can't have been any more than about $100,000. Four actors. One of those actors is the director/writer. No special effects. Shot on handicams in a house. Hell, maybe $100,000 is being generous. $50,000?

I should add that I'm an unashamed Found Footage apologist. I like found footage movies. Starting with Blair Witch Project (which blew me away when I first saw it), continuing through all the hundreds of imitators, I enjoy them.

So, the found footage gimmick isn't the reason I didn't enjoy this one very much. Whereas Paranormal Activity and its first sequel (parts 3 and 4 are best not mentioned) do a great job with a good, slow build, this mockbuster doesn't show that same patience. It tries to show things too early, and in doing so fails to build up any real suspense.

The acting is passable (Hogan is the standout as the sister/daughter/main victim). One major difference from Paranormal Activity is this movie doesn't shy away from nudity and swearing. I guess that's something.

The other major problem is that I watched this after already having seen the first 4 Paranormal Activity movies, and by now the whole concept has passed its used by date. I wouldn't say I disliked this movie - it kept me entertained for the most part - but it felt exactly like what it is, a low-budget imitation.

31 Nights of Terror #11 - Mr Halloween (2007)

Mr Halloween (2007)
Director: Andrew Wolf
Starring: A bunch of nobodies
Format: DVD (York Entertainment)

- This is one of a bunch of budget horror flicks I bought off a website in the US a few years back. I haven't gotten around to watching most of them, including this one, but since it's got Halloween in its name I thought I'd give it a go.
- Wow, this is uber low-budget.
- The killer, Mr Halloween, is played by Bill Loomis. Related to Dr Loomis maybe?
- For a movie with zero budget this has some half decent music and gore so far.
- The acting, though, is exactly what you'd expect from a movie this low budget ($6000 according to IMDB). High school production level.
- Hey, they're playing the boardgame Zombies! I've played that!
- Most common line of dialogue in this movie so far: "What the hell are you doing?"
- Mr Halloween is really, really annoying.
- On the cover he has a cool-looking evil clown mask. But of course it's nowhere to be seen in the actual movie. I hate that.
- Okay, so it seems Bill Loomis is a real guy who runs a haunted house attraction every Halloween and he played himself in this movie.
- The male lead is Justin Loomis. Bill's kid? Probably. And he reminds me of David Arquette.
- That kid looks very clean for someone who's been kept in a basement for a year.
- And there's the plot twist that a blind man could have seen coming.
- For a big, bad guy Mr Halloween went out like a pussy.

Overall thoughts: Want to see a great horror movie featuring a hulking killer in blue overalls and a character named Loomis? Go watch the original Halloween. Mr Halloween? Well, it's okay. For a movie that cost $6000 to make and stars first time actors, it could have been a whole lot worse. Director Andrew Wolf actually does a good job, throwing in some clever camera shots, good music and some alright gore. What drags Mr Halloween down is the acting (as you'd expect) and the fact it could really have done with being half an hour shorter. Overall, as micro-budget movies go it's probably one of the better ones I've seen, but I won't be hurrying to watch it again.

31 Nights of Terror #4 - The Toxic Avenger (1984)

The Toxic Avenger (1984)
Director: Lloyd Kaufman
Starring: Mitchell Cohen, Andree Maranda
Format: DVD (Troma)

- Alright, so this is the Director's Cut DVD. Not sure what that means, other than there are a few "deleted scenes" in the special features.
- Special DVD intro by Lloyd Kaufman, Mr Troma himself. As he says, this movie is what "built the house of Troma".
- Disclosure: I'm not really a fan of Troma movies. I prefer my horror a little less, well, silly I guess. I enjoy Class of Nuke 'Em High and a couple of others, but most Troma flicks do nothing for me.
- More disclosure: I haven't seen any of the sequels, and it's been close to 25 years since I saw this one. I remember quite liking it back in the day and I think it was probably one of the first gorey movies I ever saw.
- Digging the totally gnarly 80s soundtrack.
- Toking sit ups. That seemed so badass when I was 13.
- Nothing says 80s (or 70s) like naked breasts with tanlines.
- The Toxie transformation effects are actually pretty decent for such a low budget.
- Bad, bad overdubbing when Toxie speaks. Was that in the original, or is it some Director's Cut meddling?
- I am not surprised to read on IMDB that actor Pat Ryan, who played Mayor Belgoody, died at the age of 44. Boy was he one obese dude.
- Hey look, a one-armed bandit!
- Nice head-crushing scene. I guess that was the one it mentions on the cover of the DVD?
- A lot of the humor is lame, but I love the montage where Toxie does good deeds, like opening a jar for an old lady.
- Gratuitous car chase/crash sequence for no reason.

Overall thoughts: After a rough couple of days at work, tonight I needed some good old fashioned escapism. To switch my brain off and watch something that didn't take any thinking. So what better than a Troma flick right? As I mentioned above, I haven't watched The Toxic Avenger since the late 80s. I liked it when I saw it way back then, but how did it hold up to the test of time? Well, it was okay. A lot of the humor fell flat, but overall it's got a certain low budget, underground charm to it. Definitely a movie that appealed more to 13-year-old me (lots of boobs, toilet humor and gore) than 36-year-old me, but I'm glad I revisited it.