Don't say thank you. Don't say sorry. I don't want your gratitude. I don't want your apologies. I don't want you to feel guilty or pain. I just want to share it. I just want you to live. You can do it. Have hope. Have faith. One day it will all fade away. There are solutions to everything. Don't give up. Never give up. It's not your fault. Fight it.

Heart bleeds for you. Won't you make it go away? Don't tear it apart. Please. Don't leave us.

Just got up 20 minutes ago.

After JY arrived yesterday, we did a bit of work and then went to Toa Payoh Interchange to meet Sabby as she didn't know how to get to our meeting place. Sarah's mum was kind enough to fetch us to Pengie's place from the meeting place. I made an ass out of myself by thinking I'd dropped my hp in Sarah's mum's car. I got down and ran after it as Mrs Tan started driving and then she slowed down. Then I discovered that I was holding my bloody cellphone in my hand. So I just sheepishly smiled and waved goodbye again. Sarah, Jia Ying and Sabarina, of course, fell over themselves with laughter.

Went up to Pengie's place, and thus the laptopping and WP-ing began. Sabby had been nice enough to grab 2 big packets of Ruffles to share with us, and we munched along as we tapped away into the night. There were chocolates, too.

The night was long and draggy. For some reason 9 pm felt like 11 pm, and 11 pm felt like 1 am. But nevertheless, it was wonderful to have company in such crazy times. I can't imagine how it would have been if we'd all worked alone at home. I think we would have torn our hair out in frustration, or perhaps done far worst things. At least we had each other to try and help whenever any of us encountered problems (and believe me, we only encountered like 100,923,456 problems in one night). And even if none of us had an answer to the problems, we could at least smile at the knowledge that we're all in the same boat.

As the night wore on, we started to resort to desperate measures to keep ourselves awake. Also, it is common knowledge that most people start doing mad things as it gets later. Sabby started saying again and again that she wanted to do jumping jacks. Jia Ying and I almost raced each other to the end of the corridor leading to the bedrooms. The only thing stopping us was that the corridor was too narrow for both of us to squeeze through. Jia Ying started rolling on the floor, trying to convince the rest of us that it was a sure-fire way to wake oneself up. Jia Hui kept on peeping at the doorhole, trying to "spy" on the neighbours, who were, of course, all asleep. One of us told her "Jawei, it is 1 am and you are spying on your neighbours.".

At some point we decided to take a short walk to the 7-Eleven across the street to get drinks to keep ourselves awake. Jia Ying proudly produced her i/c when the person asked for it, smirking as the cashier accepted her request to buy Jolly Shandy. We got some iced coffee, too.

I started to get really tired at around 2 am, and downed 2 cans of Nescafe Iced Mocha. I can't really do without sleep. But in this kinda situations one doesn't really have a choice. But I wouldn't really call it torture cos, as i said, working hard alongside your pals is so much better than working hard alone.

We played music from our laptops, and sang along. Imagine if you were Jawei's neighbour and you could hear every single sound coming from her apartment. We sang, laughed, and cursed LOUDLY (what else do you expect? All 3 "Louds" were present.). Jawei amazed me by knowing the lyrics to a lot of the older Jay Chou songs. I MISS K BOX.

Fortunately, some of Jawei's neighbours did have wireless connections, but not all of our laptops could tap. Mine was the most consistent, so they took turns to use my laptop to find fonts and such online. So I didn't get the chance to blog.

At about 4 am we decided to call Miss Kwa's office number and leave her a voicemail informing her that we would be coming to see her 4 hrs later to ask her about WP and DVPA (in Jawei's case). We shouted into Sarah's phone, introducing ourselves and telling her how we were still up at 4 am doing WP. It was, quite literally, a scream.

At about 4 plus am, JY and I decided to stop as we had just about reached our exhausting points and we were just about done, having left with the content and some problems we hoped our dear lecturer would have the answers to. And so JY very relevantly and amusingly pointed out that we had ended up doing WP until 4 am, just like the last time when we were rushing her individual WP project. Then we took showers, and left the apartment at around six.

The bus took forever to come, and Sabby and I were already on the verge of sliding off the bench to sleep on the floor. Eventually, the bus came and we went to someplace near Thomson Plaza called The Prata House for you-guess-what. After filling our stomachs, off we walked to the bus stop to wait for a bus to school. It was only a 20 minute bus trip, but all of us fell asleep and slept soundly until two bus stops before our destination. This is no mean feat when you are carrying a laptop and also a bag stuffed with a set of clothes, towel and toiletries.

Felt a bit better after the 20 min sleep, but still very stoned. And my stomach had started feeling really funny, churning and churning. Maybe it was the combination of 2 cans of iced coffee in the middle of the night, then curry and roti prata a few hours later. The rest of them didn't feel too well, either. Guess it's the aftereffect of sleep deprivation which happens no matter how young one is.

The walk up to the School of Business felt like the longest trek we'd ever taken. We reached the school super early, at like 7.15 am. Then we all climbed up to the second floor and slumped on one of the benches. Jawei, Sarah and I started watching 13 Going On 30 on her laptop. Couldn't concentrate on the movie, though, as my stomach was still churning away for no reason. Couldn't sleep either cos of the churning. Weird.

Spotted Miss Kwa's car pulling into the school car park at around 8 am, and we shouted out to her on the second floor. Asked her to check her office voice mail while getting her keys. Hahaha. Then we started bombarding her with questions. Thankfully, she had the solutions to most of them and even gave some encouragement. THANKS A LOT MISS KWA! =) I stayed back awhile after the little "Q&A Section" to see if Jawei's group needed any help with Flash.

Left the school at 10 plus, and while I was deliberating whether to go to the MRT station toilet, I spotted my bus. Oh yay. I decided that it was humanely impossible for a sleep-deprived person to attempt to run and catch a bus, so I just went to the toilet and stoned at the bus stop for a long time before the next 105 crawled to a stop in front of me.

Had a pretty good sleep on the 50 min journey home, though I woke up 15 minutes before reaching my bus stop, feeling pretty much awake. I kept trying to go back to sleep again, as I knew it would probably be hot and noisy at home, not air-conditioned and quiet like on the bus. But it was a no go.

Reached the gates of my condominium, and spotted my father's car turning in. Hopped on and my mum immediately started giving instructions. "Everett, tell your brother not to on the radio so loud. YOU had better go and sleep the minute you reach home." Amazingly, Kenneth actually turned off his music so that I could sleep and actually smiled sympathetically when I gave the affirmative when he asked me "Didn't sleep huh?".

=) I made a shocking discovery. I could actually come up with ideas for the remaining parts of the WP project while sleeping. Whether or not I can remember them all is another thing, though. And even when I was drifting in and out of sleep, images of Dreamweaver, and parts of our website kept flashing through my mind. It was kinda scary. And I didn't get into a deep sleep. I guess when you're really tired, you can't really get to sleep. Was woken up hardly an hour after attempting to get to sleep by Flora's phone call. Before my phone rang I was just thinking about whether Flora would have encountered any problems and needed my help. Haha, telepathy. I asked her if it could wait until evening as my brain wasn't really in working order at the moment. But five minutes later, I decided to push away the guilt and come online to help her grp. Didn't have a feasible solution, but they appreciated my help nonetheless.

My mother woke me up at 6 pm. I was stoning on the bed by then, anyway.

Ok. I guess I should go back to doing WP now. I'm so inspired and motivated ^_^ . Thanks and congrats for getting through my looooooong post.

Everyone's rushing to meet project deadlines. Shit happens, problems pop up. Software really seems to assume a life of its own once the lecturers' backs are turned. Naughty naughty. Good luck, all. Cross yer fingers and hope nothing more goes wrong that can't be solved easily.

"Laptop party" later on, at which we will all bring our laptops and start trying to finish our websites. Ms Nga said she might turn up wearing Spongebob Squarepants pyjamas. Hahaha. Waiting for Garfield to arrive at my house with me lunch. Good life, eh...=p thank goodness I have her in my group. JY and I will try and get some stuff done first, then meet Pengie's group later at her place. Say hello to the midnight oil. WP rocks our world.

Hopefully there'll be some neighbour's wireless we can tap at Pengie's place. Then I'll update on how the laptopping is going. Ciao for now and good luck, all.

I don't believe I've ever begged so much in my life.

Now, I find myself begging again.

Please.

You know how at times you want something so much that your heart throbs and throbs and every fibre of your being yearns for it until you get it? I feel that way now. I just want you to stop. I just want you to come back.

I know you hate it. "Don't say please." But I have to. Is there another way? Are there ways we haven't tried? Tell me. Tell us.

Every single post. Every single one makes me want to reach out to you all the more. But can I? I can't. Not trying hard enough? How much harder can I try?

Do you really think we would forget you if you left?
In the first place we wouldn't fucking forgive you.
Do you really think we've forgotten you?
Do you really think we don't give a damn, that we're only fucking pretending to?

We're not actors and this is not the big screen. There is no need to. Even if you choose to stand by your stand and say that we ARE pretending...who could pretend for so long? Who? Not even the best actors. Yes, we could hide our true selves for years and years, but at some point we would crack too. At some point our real personalities show through. But who could pretend to care about someone for so long? I once told you. Why do you keep this wonderful personality of yours hidden? Do you remember? Those happier times. You want to go back to them too. So badly.

We, as your friends, write this kinda posts in the hope that you can wake up and take our hand. The hand that we are trying so hard to link with yours. The hand that you dare not take.

Fear. Distrust. Rejection. Oh won't you please break free again?

Please?

Saw Aesthetically-Pleasing-But-Brainless-Bernard sitting beside the gate, smoking, when I arrived in school and was disgusted. That guy hardly turns up for lectures and only comes for CAs.

Attempted to obtain the results for my flash test, but the lecturer was nowhere to be found. Got it in the end, though, so shall not complain =). Shall not publicize my marks, either =p. Shut up, Andrew. I'm a sore loser.

After lunch, we all filed into the Digital Media Studio and went into the deep dark recesses of the Editing Suites. Sharina was in a crrrrrraazzy mood today and Sabby, JY, Flora and Sonia's ears suffered under her insanity. She pulled their ears. Yes, your eyes trick you not.

So in the middle of madly editing our clips, Flora decided to take revenge and pull Sharina's ear. That's when she made a SHOCKING REALISATION-her ears are soft and "nice to pull". So JY tried pulling Sha's ear too and was amazed to find that Flora was telling the truth. She exclaimed that they were so soft compared to hers, which felt hard. Flora pulled my ear (after much struggling on my part; I refused to be part of this madness) and said that mine are hard, too. At some point they pulled Sabby's ear too and discovered that hers, too, was soft.

Sharina came to the SHOCKING CONCLUSION that perhaps it was a malay thing. So silently, diabolically, they planned to test it out on Aizat. Sure enough, after a while Aizat turned up at our editing suite and Flora told him we needed to "confirm our assumption". Aizat looked doubtful, but didn't get away with it. Flora pulled his ear and shouted that it was soft, too! You'd have thought it was THE discovery of the ear, oops, year, the way we were so excited about it. It was hilarious.

After that we edited furiously, and then it was time to do a voiceover. Bustle bustle, rush rush...and then Mr Low (our DVPA lecturer) came into our editing suite to help us incorporate the voiceover and transfer our video clips into the external hard drive in the Powerbook (Laptops by Apple) that we were allowed to check out for the weekend to finish our editing.

While Mr Low was busy helping us transfer the files, my crazy grp members decided to entertain him by singing and dancing to some song they'd discovered in the iTunes music library inside the editing suite Macintosh. Mr Low was quite amused. Imagine Sharina and Jia Ying goofing around and humming a stupid song in the not-very-big editing suite. It was quite a sight to behold. And so I remembered to say "It was nice knowing you" to Mr Low, while violently refuting Sharina's claim that I said it to every lecturer. I only did that last sem, okay.

And then came the Edmund episode. I had to check out the Powerbook from him, and after teaching us (Ryan and Jason were checking out the other Powerbook) how to use it, he suddenly remarked "I remember this girl (me) because she always sits on the table." And then he went to check if I'd filled in the check-out form correctly. In the midst of that he discovered my name and commented that he had a relative by the same name. I was shocked at the irrelevance of it all. But Edmund is a nice person. So I shall leave it at that.

Unfortunately, Jia Ying was there when it all happened, and when we returned to the editing suite she couldn't wait to tell the whole grp about it. And then of course my grp told the rest of the class (except dear Becky's grp who had finished editing, smart asses =p) and they all started linking me romantically with Edmund. Yay. I am sure Ms Nga overheard. Soon all the lecturers will know and I might never hear the end of it.

All in all, it was not a bad day at all (very amusing and entertaining), but alas, a dark cloud hung over me. Dispel dispel dispel. The Newswriting CA sucked, too. There goes my A. And we tried taking photos of the facilities for our WP project, but it was no use as it was already dark at 7.30 pm. So we just went for dinner at Clementi S-11 and went home. Thus ends another exciting day in the life of Morphus.

Tired though I slept at 11.30 pm last night and woke at 6 am. Not much I know, but usually it's enough to make me last till the wee hours of the night.

Newswriting theory test tomorrow. Haven't started studying, so can't lay my head on the soft and comfy pillow yet. Need a wonderful 82% for this test to scrape an A for newswriting. Wicked.

WP was a ball of fun as usual. JY and I just went crazy trying to think of and decide on designs for our website links and headers. Didn't get to discuss the "unofficial" stuff though, sadly.

Had lunch at KFC, and after that when everyone else was chatting away, JY and I realised that we'd left our WP proposal in the WP room. Oh hell's bells. So we scurried on back to the classroom, and (fortunately) retrieved it. After which we decided to wait around for the others to finish their chat and come to the Digital Media Studio. Once inside the DMS, we were told that the Editing Suites would be unusable as the server was down. Oh yay. More wonderful additions to the wonderful day. But all was not lost (literally) as Edmund (still dunno what his post is) helpfully helped us upload our video clips into the Macintoshes in the classroom inside the DMS. He also helped dispel my temporarily kind feelings towards him by repeatedly hinting not-so-subtly that I am not supposed to sit on the tables. Lecturers, please scold me the next time I sit on the tables because I didn't know that it's such a grave crime. After importing the clips and such, I got on to writing the script (with some help from Garfield). And then we found out that there was actually no need to hand up the script. And so for the rest of the day I just slacked around, watching Sabby edit the clips. I will do it tomorrow as only ONE person can do the editing at a time.

Sabby was getting rather pek cek editing the clips as it got quite tedious at times. Even Mei Hui was at the point of table-banging frustration. Don't we all adore DVPA? But I must say I'm glad we finally finished filming. Cos, needless to say, editing seated in an air-conditioned room beats carrying semi-heavy equipment and walking halfway round the school to reach the bloody main library anytime. And at least our video clips could still be retrieved, unlike some other unlucky groups who lost their work. So yes, I'm counting my blessings.

I got on the 105 with Sharina and Jia Hui. Had an interesting chat with Pengie before she had to get down at Orchard for her family dinner. Then I stoned on the bus until I caught sight of this cool top at the Toa Payoh Interchange bus stop (if I remember correctly). It said "Psych Room #14". I was smiling to myself "Whoa...cool." and then I saw the person wearing it. It was one of my best friends from primary school, Sumitha. So I spent the rest of the bus journey trying to catch her eye, wondering if she could still recognise me. And recognise me as instantly as I recognised her.

I recall the times in Primary 5 and 6 when we were closest. I'd always admired her writing. It was always more recognised than mine. And she really tended to write the most interesting stories. But they were always long and just before our English PSLE, our English teacher even specially sent a message to her reminding her not to write too long an essay. I wonder if she still has the same writing ability. I remember that we talked about writing a book together once. It would be so fun.

So I stayed on the bus, hoping to see a flicker of recognition flash across her face. I alighted one stop later than the one I usually alight at (alighting at this stop means I have to walk a longer but safer way home). But no, no sign of recognition.

Upon reaching home I saw her online and told her I'd seen her on the bus. She said she saw me too and recognised me, but only after I got off the bus as I was still staring at her. So my last hopeful glances did pay off, haha. Well. I'm glad that I'm still remembered by her.

Ah yes. It's always life's little surprises which make it even more worth living. And I'm lovin' it. But for now allow me to groan about the news writing test tomorrow and the fact that we are supposed to finish a thick copy of revision papers for Econs by tomorrow. And WP. Not making much progress there. But then again tomorrow is supposedly the last day of the semester. That's both good and bad. Good because it means the holidays are finally round the corner, and bad because 1) I forgot to say "It was nice knowing you" like I did to all the lecturers last sem and 2) It means that we would be Year Twos very soon. One step closer to adulthood. One step closer to the working world. One step further away from being able to give my "redundant" comments and irritate the lecturers. One step closer to insanity when all the projects pile on. Oh yes I will miss being an innocent Year One who is entitled not to know where certain classrooms are and having less workload.

My youngest brother Everett (he turns ten next week) keeps watching his The Mask cartoon vcds these few days. He has watched them like a zillion times and he has taken to mouthing the exact words the characters say. Everyday when I come home I will see him watching the same 4 episodes over and over again. Guess what I'll get him for his birthday.

My heart aches when it shouldn't. Should I even be sad? Why should I be sad? Why am I sad? The onslaught of projects is but a weak force in distracting me from this heartache. Now I know how it feels.

Blogger is ONLY taking an eternity to publish for whatever reason. Ken (2nd youngest brother) has got his pals over for a sleepover. Tell me, why do guys need sleepovers too? (Andrew, u may NOT comment. I need the opinion of unbiased people :p). Ah well. At least he is being pretty decent about it in terms of noise level and the fact that he actually said "good night" to me (such sweet words from his lips I have not heard for a loooooooong time).

Ok. Shall now blog about yesterday. We (JY, I, Sabby, and Sharina) popped over to Sarah's house after filming to watch Gladiator for our GEM, Film Appreciation. It was already around six (if I am not mistaken) when we reached her place. (By the way our filming went reasonably well again yesterday, thank the stars. We still have a few scenes left, though.) Her place is really quite deserted and "far in", like she described. It's old, but it's cosy. I like her kitchen. It had the country feel, being drenched in the evening sunlight and all.

So we sat around, made ourselves comfortable, and proceeded to watch the long-dreaded war movie, Gladiator. We started by watching the commentary of the movie. Until we got really really bored and decided that it was not going to end. So we tried disc 2 and it turned out that the whole of disc 1 was actually the commentary and the movie only started in disc 2. And so the watching started.

In the middle of it, Sarah's maid finished cooking dinner (spaghetti, yum yum) and so we helped ourselves. It was scrumptious. And then we ate the two bags of chips Sarah's mum had been kind enough to buy for us before she went out with Sarah's dad. We didn't even manage to finish the two huge bags of chips, we were so full. And then Sarah dished out some PREMIUM ice cream, also courtesy of her mum. Thanks Sarah and Mrs Tan, for being such fantastic hosts.
Ok. So back to the movie. It is, like I said, a war movie, so you might have some idea of how it might have turned out. Most of us were pretty bored by it, I can safely say. But to the movie's credit, it wasn't that bad. The gory parts weren't that gory (read: they COULD be gorier, but of course they shouldn't be. A huge tsk tsk from Singapore's Board of Censorship.) The storyline was pretty well-developed. But, needless to say, being a war movie, some parts were a bit boring to us girls. And I still don't think Russell Crowe is cute after watching him act all manly and heroic and warrior-like for 3 whole hours.

But at least the story wasn't as bad as I'd expected. It was a tragedy, but at least it provided room for hope at the end. And I thought that the ending was pretty meaningful.

The huge drawback of it all is, of course, that we have to fully understand the dumb movie because we have to write a bloody film critique on it. Think advanced literature. For a person like me who prefers brainless shows and chick flicks (the happier and/or more fantastic and/or romantic the better) to analyse a movie and talk about why the movie was shot the way it was and why the characters acted the way they did and stuff might just be too daunting a task for me.

And today, when JY and I handed in our Film App report on the Star System, the lecturer told us that she'd managed to convince the module coordinator or whoever it may involve to tell us the film we are going to critique one week in advance (the original rule was that we would be given 1 out of 3 films to critique on, and would only know which one when the test began.). Great. So we might have sat through the whole gory and sad movie for nothing. PLEASE don't let the chosen movie be Gladiator, though. I would hate to have to watch it again.

The movie ended at about 8.45 pm. We watched what was left of Chase, a new channel 5 show, and left shortly after. JY kept playing with Sarah's cute but stinky beagle. I wanted to, too. But somehow I just don't have the level of rapport with dogs that I would like to have.

So then we started to walk out of Sarah's condo and towards the main road, where the bus stops were located. It was a long and dark walk. But as DMC students, we were pretty much able to entertain ourselves along the way. We discovered that two people amongst us are scared of dogs. They gave Sarah's dog a wide berth and jumped and screamed when a dog from one of the apartments we passed by gave a loud bark. It was quite hilarious.

We eventually managed to get to the main road and reached our respective bus stops. Sabby went to a different bus stop from me, Jia Ying and Sharina. The three of us got off at Clementi station and Jia Ying went towards a different direction to take her bus while Sharina and I boarded the 105.

Before alighting at her stop, Sharina advised me not to dose off on the bus as I might miss my stop (which, embarrassingly, was what happened just the day before yesterday. I alighted two stops after my stop and had to take a semi-long walk back to my flat.). I didn't really get the chance to sleep, though I was really tired. I was on one of those old buses in which the seats are placed rather close to one another, giving insufficient leg room. Okay, I do have long legs, but even people with normal-length legs find the seats cramped. So I had to make do with the discomfort, and try to sit sideways when nobody was sitting next to me so as to prevent getting leg cramps. But of course, at some point somebody came and sat next to me, and I had to sit properly and try to squeeze my legs into the small space between my seat and the seat in front. This is a rather uncomfortable position for people with long legs, because the only way to get into a position barely comfortable enough to doze off in is to give the person sitting in front of you a knee (or two) in the back. Which is not nice. Which explains why I was unable to sleep for the whole 1 hr bus journey. I need a driving license and a car.

Other complaints I have for Transitlink include the new update on the ez-link system which involves making the card-tapping machines inactive until within a few metres of the bus stop. I have seen quite a lot of senior citizens get their money cheated because of this. They try to tap their cards when the machines are still inactive, and don't know what to do when they do not hear the "beep" sound. So they just alight and waste their money. It saddens me to see these old people get their money cheated just because the machines cannot reactivate themselves fast enough upon reaching the bus stops. And the last complaint (for now) is, of course, the fact that they are overcharging us tertiary students on bus and train fares. JC students the same age as us pay less than half of what we're paying for transport now. It is simply NOT FAIR to assume that all polytechnic students are rich and thus would be able to afford much higher transport fees than JC students.

Ok. I'd better end this now and go to sleep before Jia Ying ends up waiting forever for me to show up at the gate tomorrow morning to let her in. We are doing WP at my place again. My parents are getting so acquainted with her that I am quite sure they will ask me what she wants for lunch tomorrow (my family buys takeaway lunches on weekends).

It just occurred to me that me and quite a few of my friends have no inkling of what on earth we are going to do after we get our diploma (assuming, of course, that we actually do get it and not become statistics from doing rushing endless projects). Whenever the question comes up, we would usually just shrug and say "Go work lor.", "Dunno...", or "It's too early to say"...

But I know that these 3 years would fly by rather quickly and then what would we do? We would be faced with a decision to make. And not having given much thought to this particular decision, we might just make the wrong one (let's not be pessimistic, though) and ruin our future. But on the other hand, who's to say that there is always a "right" and a "wrong" choice?

I thought coming to SP to study DMC would be a "wrong" choice. At the very least, it was a rather "anyhow" choice made by me. It was also a risk, to me. I usually don't like to tread on unfamiliar territory. And no one I knew was going to that course. Except a few friend's friends, who are not counted.

But look how it turned out. I am happy here. Surrounded by wonderful classmates, modules, projects, lecturers, etc. etc. . Though I do occasionally express my curiousity as to why SP cannot afford toilet paper (more affectionately known to my friends and I as "pee paper") when they collect such a princely sum of money from us every semester. I mean, as much as we like to mock NP (but of course just the school and not my dear friends who are there now), at least they have toilet paper (or so I hear from my NP friends).

But then again (ok I know I am contradicting myself), I know that I'm very lucky to not have had to regret this "anyhow" choice that I had to make at the tender age of sixteen.

Now I ask myself, "What now? Where do I go after this?". Yes, I still have 2 glorious years ahead of me before I have to decide. But even now the magnitude of the decision scares me. And I don't want to have to regret it later in my life. Who does?

When I asked my father (some time ago) if I could go overseas to study, this was what he told me, "If I send you overseas, then what of your brothers?" At the time, I was a little hurt and unhappy with his answer, but I knew that it makes sense. I can't be so selfish.

So then the choice remains. There are many possibilities. Should I work first and save up to go overseas (given my spending habits, by which time I would probably be old enough to be an SP lecturer or something)? Should I be rash (but able to preserve my youth) and fly overseas with someone and work and study at the same time? Should I just be content with my diploma and slog the rest of my life without getting promotions and being looked down upon and first on the list to go when the going gets tough? Or should I try to work my ass off from now on to get into NTU and continue working my ass off if ever I manage to get in? I do hate stiff competition, and yet the sweet taste it brings when success knocks on the door is almost irresistable. And I would hate to have to watch my friends leave one by one to study overseas while I stay right where I am. And when they come back, I'd say to them at the Arrival Hall "Well, how convenient. You guys can now send me off. Bye now. Have to fly to the Departure Hall. See you in ___ years when you all have probably become rich and famous while I have just gotten my bloody degree. I missed you. Now's your turn to miss me.".

Oh, heck. I shall just rest on my laurels for now and adopt the "So? I still have 2 years to decide." attitude. Thinking too much and planning too far have never been on my list of Desired Things to Do. Life is just too unpredictable to need further planning.

Yes as usual I am blogging and doing other out-of-point things when I am supposed to be studying for a test for a module which I'm not exactly falling over myself to learn.

Filming went reasonably smoothly and was more enjoyable and hilarious than usual. Checked out the equipment before we went for lunch (because Edmund-the-"lab-tech"[i have no idea what his post is supposed to be]-who-thinks-the-printer-is-his said that he wld be eating lunch at 12 and wouldn't be there to check out our equipment when we finish our lunch at 12). Had KFC, then I went to Popular to get some stationery. Was feeling juvenile, so I got the Baby Looney Tunes foolscap pad. Don't scold me, it's really nice and cute. But yeah, it's only the cover.

Then we banged (read: I knocked the tripod against several walls) our way to the main library (have I mentioned that the main library is miles away from our faculty?! And that some of the equipment are quite heavy?) and went about preparing the tripod and the camera and such.

The filming began. We did some rather interesting and funny twists to our plot (they're not really "twists", I just like to call them that). I feel as if we're focusing more on our storyline than what we're introducing, which is the library facilities. Oh well. Makes it more interesting, I guess. Today, we decided to enlist the help of Becky's group (who had finished their filming, hurray for them) for one of our scenes. As usual they were damn funny and entertaining, and we got the shot done at a relatively fast speed. However, just as we were doing the last scene for the video (but not the last scene we need to take), the camera's battery went flat. So that was a bit of a dampener. But other than that, I think the shooting went fairly well today.

I must compliment Sharina on her success as a director and being able to come up with such interesting and funny scenes that actually work. I'm glad we have her in our group =) .

I am in one of those it's-great-to-be-alive! moods in which I am at peace with the world. The only dark cloud in the horizon (for now. don't we all love mood-swinging?) is-yes, you guessed it-IPRA. Wish us luck and good luck, my classmates and coursemates.

I am done with my Flash test and my lecturer reminded me to blog. In the middle of the test. So here I am, blogging.

To that same lecturer: Please give me the distinction I so deserve. = p

Filming later. Hope it goes smoothly.

I have nothing to do now (have finished checking and have no idea how to make my box look MORE 3-D). Jia Ying keeps tsk-ing and hmm-ing. The lecturer keeps bounding around the room. I get tired just watching her bounce about. Looking at her you would think that there is no greater joy in life than daring students to blog during tests, responding to our requests to replay the Flash animation and happily standing behind Jia Ying when she is doing her test, knowing full well that she can't do stuff when pple are watching. How comforting. Perhaps it is possible for one to find fun and joy in doing mundane, everyday things after all. =)

I went offline 20 minutes ago to go to sleep. And the neighbours started playing REALLY LOUD MUSIC AT 500000000000000000000000 DECIBELS. The music's good, though. They played Dido's White Flag at first, then Clay Aiken's Invisible, then Simple Plan's Perfect. Too bad I have a bloody test tomorrow and have to get up at bloody 6.30 a.m. And I am really really tired. Great, now they're playing Mandy (Westlife). We just called security and now I'm waiting to see if our security guards deserve their pay. My brothers went crazy and decided to take revenge by singing some dastardly song at the top of their voices. They only got to the 2nd line of the song before both chickened out. Mad cows.

PLEASE DEAR NEIGHBOURS I NEED TO FLASH TOMORROW.

Econs first thing in the morning. Never an extremely pleasant experience. But Mrs Tan IS starting to grow on me, with the amount of care she shows for her students. And her funny reactions upon discovering the identities of our fake lovers. However, I still think Econs can be quite a pain when the lecturer goes at a rather dizzying speed (more comfy in tutorials than in lectures, but still a bit fast) and one doesn't really understand money and how it makes the world go round.

Didn't do too well for the Econs test, either (70%). Which didn't add to the Econs Experience. But I shall be content since I didn't really understand the topics tested and I might still have hope for an A if I work hard for the exam. And I know that I really could have gotten worse.

After that was bbbbbbbooooooooorrrrrrrring IPRA again. Boring doesn't even BEGIN to describe it. Once he starts mumbling I just want to go to sleep. Pls let me be very lucky and get above a C for IPRA.

Next was IDEAS presentation. We all wore formal clothes today. I think some shops make formal clothes damn small. My formal clothes are all tight. And they're like the biggest size or sth. NO it is NOT because of my size. Maybe it's my shoulders or sth.

The presentation went okay, but for some groups the lecturers seemed to have run out of questions and so they asked not-very-relevant questions. David Cheong, as usual, was very amused by our invention and gave a suggestion at the end. This time it was that we should locate our machines at Sentosa, since so many pple go there. The last time was that we should include the option of Chinese horoscope compatibility in our machine (by the way our machine is sth like a Neoprint machine but with the added function of measuring the compatibility between couples. NO, u may not laugh.). And as usual after arguing with him about the usefulness of his suggestion for five minutes, we wisened up and told him that we would, of course, "take it into consideration". Complete with that fake business smile.

Don't forget your principles, though, May.

Just now my mother came in with this beautiful necklace she'd got from me. She pawned my old gold necklace I got from someone when I was young (she understands that no one wears gold anymore) as well as some gold bracelets she got for her wedding and exchanged them for a bracelet for herself and this necklace for me. She said the necklace chain itself costs like $280. The whole necklace costs $400+ (got diamante). Cool. And it's pretty nice. Love my mum.

Tomorrow-WP Flash test .Wish me luck. Good luck mates.

TV now. Plus pple are asking me abt Flash. Hope I'm teaching them correctly. Toodles!

After a gruelling school week (will be nothing compared to next week, though. Monday-Hand up FA project, watch horrible 2 1/2 hr Gladiator after school. Tuesday-IDEAs presentation. Formal=heels=yay. Wednesday-Flash test for WP. Thursday-IPRA test.), Sabby JY and I decided to have some "fun" by going to Orchard to research for our IDEAs project after school yesterday.

Efforts were fruitless, however, since the shop assistants we asked could not provide the information we needed. We went to all the Neoprint shops in The Heeren and Cineleisure, but none of them held the answers. All we got was a number from the information counter at the Heeren to call to enquire for the cost of shop rental. Guess whether they would entertain a bunch of students doing a project.

We knew of one last place in Orchard which had neoprint shops-Far East Plaza. So we armed ourselves with yummy food from Old Chang Kee and began the semi-long walk there (it is semi-long when you are on such a boring mission as this and not shopping).

We eventually reached the Haagen Daz shop. Excitedly, JY took out the Haagen Daz buy 2 get 1 free coupon Flora had given her and waved it at us. "Shall we?"

We all started to make excuses for ourselves (deserve a reward for mustering up the courage to talk to those ah-lian-resembling neoprint shop assistants) and eventually found ourselves inside the Haagen Daz shop.

We stared at the menu. Almost everything was $13.50 and $14.50. JY ordered a Tiramisu Delight (I think that was what it was called) for $13.50 and Sabby ordered a Banana Split for $14.50. I was on a tight budget (saving for the ridiculous number of March babies in our class) and feared that I would be unable to finish the dinner my mother had cooked for me at home, so I just ordered a 2 scoop-2 topping create-your-own-sundae. For $8.50. Guess how much I ended up paying.

$10.70. Sabby and JY laughed their socks off. And then Sabby just had to mention that she would rather buy from the Ah Pek at the ice cream stand for $1 or go to Swensen's (it dawned on us that Swensen's is currently having a promotion and their menu items are much cheaper). Oh well. At least the ice cream wasn't bad. The Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream I had actually tasted like cheesecake and had bits of strawberries in it.

It was crazy. Then we continued our journey to Far East Plaza (which is really rather near the Haagen Daz shop. Thus we began to curse ourselves for not having enough determination to walk past the Haagen Daz shop and actually reach Far East Plaza $10.70 richer and half an hour earlier). After walking around it, trying to find the neoprint shop, we found out that it had closed down. Bummer.

So we walked around some more and left Orchard at about 7.30 p.m. It was an exciting day.

Before we reached Orchard yesterday, there was this auntie on the MRT who was sitting on the floor and combing her hair (complete with looking at mirror and flicking dandruff movements). We all suspected that she was a bit insane. She was sitting down right at the door and making entry and exit really difficult for the passengers in that cabin. It was just our luck to get into that cabin. We had a good laugh, though. Flora was standing a few steps away from Sabby, JY and I, so she didn't notice the auntie at first. After a while JY beckoned for her to come over and take a look (Flora was getting a bit curious on what we were talking and laughing about).

Then Flora started saying "What's she doing? Why she like this? Block the way!" at only fifteen hundred decibels (okay, within earshot of the auntie). We desperately started shushing, but Flora seemed to see nothing wrong with announcing what she felt. Hahahaha. That's Flora for you. But I was rather concerned whether the auntie would suddenly become deranged and claw at Flora with her comb or something upon hearing her remarks.

It was really damn funny as we tried to shut her up and laugh all at the same time. Really, the type of people you meet in public transport...

Ok was about to post a rather amusing entry, but got a bit saddened sometime during the night so I delayed until now.

And now it is too late to blog as I really need to do some research for Film bloody Appreciation. And at the same time I feel very tempted to go watch a feel-good movie to cheer myself up. Choices, choices...

So stay tuned (I'll probably complete this entry tomorrow in the midst of singing the praises of Harrison Ford in the Film App write-up) and please feel free to curse FA to a thousand deaths in the SAS website or something in the meantime .

Take care, all. Ta ta for now.

I just wanted to say that I love each and every one of you whom I know who are reading this right now. I truly do. *hugs*

Just finished watching Moulin Rouge (which was shown on channel 5). Don't like this show. Sad ending. However, I had to watch it for academic purposes.

I hope we don't get this movie for our Film Appreciation test. On the whole I guess I do understand the story, but those dizzying scenes leave my mind in a whirl.

And that song, Come What May. This is the second time I watched this movie, and I decided to listen to the lyrics carefully. It's a very nice and touching song with such a noble promise. Too bad somebody spoilt it for me, once upon a time. How dare he.

Best of luck for Econs tomorrow, everyone.

Ok I am bored. And when I am bored you guys benefit because I blog more and I blog more interesting and funny posts. Muhahaha self-praise is the best praise of them all, I say.

Anyway.

I just finished my dinner (yes, dinner.). It was a very unhealthy and fattening McSpicy Double burger. Darn, I'd forgotten how spicy it was.

I was just trying to remove some of the lettuce from inside the burger (you would have thought lettuce was free, the AMOUNT they put in this one. and it tasted extra awful, too.) and suddenly my youngest brother (who was devouring a similar burger beside me on the dining table) said to me:

"Mummy said that her menstruation is coming soon."

I dropped the whole lot of lettuce onto the dining table.

He nonchalantly continued "She said she felt very hot, and said it means her menstruation is coming."

I said (in the midst of frantically picking the lettuce from the table) "How come you know all this?"

To which he happily replied "We were talking about it. She said she got her monthly problem and when I asked what that was she said it's menstruation-"

My mother and brother talk. about. menstruation. My brother is ten.

I'd had enough. I said in disgust "Can we NOT talk about this at the dinner table?!"

"Ok." (continues devouring his burger happily, commenting on how yummy it is from time to time)

I do feel a sense of pride, though. Many males go through their entire lives being unable to even say the word "period" without sounding like a spluttering engine. And here I have my brother at the tender age of ten, bravely uttering the word "menstruation".

***********************************************************************************

As I was typing away just now, my mum came into my room and asked me not to put my laptop on my lap. She said will become infertile. ???????!!!!!!!! And started a stern lecture on how some mothers-in-law just have to have grandchildren and how I would be so screwed if I became infertile.

Welcome to my life. When the funniest things happen in the space of a half-hour.

Taking a break from studying for econs. My eyes keep snapping shut at the sight of those theories, graphs, formulas and what have you.

I decided to go to a website listed on one of my cousin's nicks, since I was so bored and her nick said to "check it out".

I'm not close to this cousin, but sometimes I would meet her on the bus or bus stop (we take the same bus 'cos we live near each other). And then we would exchange a few lines of conversation. But usually, because I don't know her that well now, I would try to avoid talking to her for fear of awkward silences.

On her website (which is basically a page of information about herself), she kept saying that she is "not close to her family members" and thus she hangs out till late at night to "avoid talking to them as there is nothing to talk about".

She's in ITE now. I didn't even know she's in ITE. I think it's quite sad la. My brother and I used to be quite close to her during our childhood, esp. my brother. But people grow up, time passes, people change. We drifted apart, I guess. She started working in Sec 2 at a fast food restaurant and stopped appearing in most family gatherings. Her mother and mine (very close sisters) would talk at length about her (about how late she gets home after work, sometimes even not coming back till the next morning since she works the graveyard shift and public transport stops when she knocks off) and sometimes I would hear a bit about her. I can say I've never heard anything good about her from their conversations.

After reading the bit of info about her on her webpage, I felt strangely sad. Or perhaps it is not that strange. I do feel very much saddened when I let myself drift apart from others.

Funny how relationships change. Just like that. Just with time. We really should be glad for the ones that last. Should try our best to make them last, cherish them, yet know when to let go. Because when you let go, all that is left are memories of those happy and sad times spent together.

My brother and I used to envy their family so much. They had all the fun games to play on the game consoles, they were allowed to play them for as long as they liked, their parents didn't care for their grades as much as ours did. They bought and ate whatever they wanted and that they could afford. They seemed so happy. We loved going to their house because then we could play play play with them and while away the hours.

It struck me, after I visited the webpage, how sad my aunt must be that her eldest daughter is not even close to her. Perhaps it really is perfectly true that behind every family's picture-perfect facade, there unfolds unhappy events unwitnessed by outsiders. Behind every person's smile, there are a thousand worries, insecurities, unhappy thoughts and memories.

I shall stop being so bloody shy and try to talk more to her the next time I see her. She is my relative, for god's sake. What's to be shy about? I can be so impossible =p .

IVP from 8-11 am this morning was quite draining. Having to think about your stand and opinion on issues is quite a daunting task at such wee hours of the morning. I didn't have a good sleep, too, being haunted by very unhappy and worrying thoughts. Managed to somehow float through it, though. Ditto Econs. I don't think anything that was said in today's Econs lecture went into my head, though. I detest the topic of money and the entire lecture today was basically about just that-money.

Then we (Sharina, JY, Flora, Sabby, I, Jawei, Aizat...if I remember correctly) decided to walk to Food Court 3 to have lunch. Along the way (when we'd just passed FC 4), Jawei (in true Jawei fashion) enthusiastically suggested going to town or somewhere outside of sch to have lunch (today's last lecture was cancelled and thus we were dismissed after Econs at 12 pm). The rest enthusiastically agreed, but JY and I had already agreed to meet with Miss Kwa later in the afternoon regarding our WP project .

So JY, I and Flora (who had GEMs at 1 pm) decided to walk back to FC 4 and have our lunch while the rest went off to have fun. After quite some time shuffling about the place and trying to find seats, we finally settled down and had an uneventful lunch. The only "blog-worthy" thing that happened during lunch was that I saw this group of guys at the table opposite ours, lighting cigarettes. FC 4 is AIR-CONDITIONED. It is like smoking in a lift. I was enraged, and so was JY and Flora. Some people really have no consideration for others at all. And no brains, either. Can eat and smoke at the same time is it?? Don't smoke for a while during lunch will drop dead is it?!

My appetite has been bad these few days for some unknown reason. I shocked Flora yesterday by eating just a chicken pie (instead of the usual rice and other kinds of filling food). And today I shocked myself by not being able to finish my plate of rice (I seldom cannot finish my food and I usually eat more than I should).

So after lunch we trudged off back to SB and waited a bit outside Miss Kwa's office as there was another group inside. Received constructive comments and suggestions on how to improve our website (thanks, Miss Kwa! :) ). About an hour later we walked out of her office, and headed off to my place to start on our new WP layout.

Sorry if I sound a bit robotic and incoherent and everything. Am quite tired. I shall scurry off to bed now and try not to fret about the fact that I have not started revising for Monday's Econs test. Cheerio! =) Happier and funnier posts ASAP, I promise.

Oi don't cringe hor. I decided to change the colours because Chinese New Year is over. And so that people would stop complaining about the striking colours and what huge sacrifices they made in relation to going blind just to read my blog. I am such a kind blogger.

By the way, this is the colour scheme we are using for the links buttons for me and JY's WP project. Don't laugh.

I changed the blog music too. But as usual it doesn't work. At the moment.

Now what was I going to blog about?

Thought today was a rather slack day (no projects to rush through at the moment, no homework to hand in the next day), so I thought I'd go gymming. But once again my parents went out and left my youngest brother in my care (without even telling me that they'd gone out).

So once again my plans were dashed.

I think the gym sessions are working though. I can see results! (Btw I am not trying to slim down or anything. I am trying to be HEALTHIER so that I will probably not die so early and perhaps also not fail NAPFA so badly come year 3. A better figure is, of course, but a bonus.)

Ok la I'm getting boring already. Nothing much to blog about today. Hate Tuesdays. All the boring modules. IPRA...IDEAs...Econs (draining but not THAT boring). Blah. I just stoned the day away.

Ok end of entry. Sorry for the lack of a more intelligible, interesting and funny post.