Taking a break from studying for econs. My eyes keep snapping shut at the sight of those theories, graphs, formulas and what have you.

I decided to go to a website listed on one of my cousin's nicks, since I was so bored and her nick said to "check it out".

I'm not close to this cousin, but sometimes I would meet her on the bus or bus stop (we take the same bus 'cos we live near each other). And then we would exchange a few lines of conversation. But usually, because I don't know her that well now, I would try to avoid talking to her for fear of awkward silences.

On her website (which is basically a page of information about herself), she kept saying that she is "not close to her family members" and thus she hangs out till late at night to "avoid talking to them as there is nothing to talk about".

She's in ITE now. I didn't even know she's in ITE. I think it's quite sad la. My brother and I used to be quite close to her during our childhood, esp. my brother. But people grow up, time passes, people change. We drifted apart, I guess. She started working in Sec 2 at a fast food restaurant and stopped appearing in most family gatherings. Her mother and mine (very close sisters) would talk at length about her (about how late she gets home after work, sometimes even not coming back till the next morning since she works the graveyard shift and public transport stops when she knocks off) and sometimes I would hear a bit about her. I can say I've never heard anything good about her from their conversations.

After reading the bit of info about her on her webpage, I felt strangely sad. Or perhaps it is not that strange. I do feel very much saddened when I let myself drift apart from others.

Funny how relationships change. Just like that. Just with time. We really should be glad for the ones that last. Should try our best to make them last, cherish them, yet know when to let go. Because when you let go, all that is left are memories of those happy and sad times spent together.

My brother and I used to envy their family so much. They had all the fun games to play on the game consoles, they were allowed to play them for as long as they liked, their parents didn't care for their grades as much as ours did. They bought and ate whatever they wanted and that they could afford. They seemed so happy. We loved going to their house because then we could play play play with them and while away the hours.

It struck me, after I visited the webpage, how sad my aunt must be that her eldest daughter is not even close to her. Perhaps it really is perfectly true that behind every family's picture-perfect facade, there unfolds unhappy events unwitnessed by outsiders. Behind every person's smile, there are a thousand worries, insecurities, unhappy thoughts and memories.

I shall stop being so bloody shy and try to talk more to her the next time I see her. She is my relative, for god's sake. What's to be shy about? I can be so impossible =p .