HIS SECRETS

TITLE: HIS SECRETS

AUTHOR: LISA RENEE JONES

Pages: 62

Date: 23/02/2014

Grade: 4+

Details: No. 3.1 Inside Out

            Received from Gallery, Threshold

            Pocket Books through NetGalley

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The blurb:

“In a world where my only escape has been my art, Sara has been the light in my darkness. And there is darkness, the kind of inky black that can bleed from my life to hers.

She doesn't see it. She doesn't understand what I've shown her. And my biggest fear is that soon...she will.”

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My thoughts:

““The painting isn’t about you getting covered in tats. I lower my voice. “It’s about you being covered in me.””

I don’t know what it is about Lisa Renee Jones but she always manages to touch me. This woman has a way with words that reaches some place inside me and evokes emotions. And that’s the reason this review will probably end up being more about the quotes than the story-line or my thoughts on it.

Unlike the main books in the ‘Inside Out’ series, in which we follow the story from Sara’s perspective, this novella is told in Chris’ voice.

Sara and Chris are still in France but getting ready to travel back to America and the trail for Rebecca’s murder. It seems that they have dealt with everything Chris felt he had to share with Sara better than he feared they would and have found a balance. Chris needs to be in control of his life and those who share it with him. Just as Sara needs somebody to hand control over to.

“I need this control. She needs a safe place to give it away.”

And now that Chris has asked Sara to marry him, and she has accepted his proposal, it seems that they may be able to look forward to a less turbulent future together once the deal with the issues still waiting for them back in America.

“I told you once that if you stayed with me, I’d own your body. Every last inch of it. Marriage seals that deal.”

Sara has seen all the damage pain can cause. She’s witnessed the need it can create in people and the turmoil resulting from that. And yet, she can’t resist the lure of sensual pain when Chris introduces her to it. She trusts her man, and while Chris isn’t sure how he earned that trust or that he deserves it, he can’t resist using it to enhance their relationship.

“There are two kinds of pain, Sara. Pain meant to create pleasure, and pain meant to be just pain. You’ll never know that kind with me. Never.”

As far as Sara is concerned Chris has shared his dark secrets with her and she’s discovered she can deal with them and still love him. Chris knows better though; there are still levels to his darkness that she isn’t fully aware of and while he’s ready to leave France behind without sharing them, his past isn’t ready to leave them alone. When Chris’ past intrudes on their happiness yet again, Chris wants to confront it on his own but Sara won’t let him. Chris is sure that once this last secret has been revealed to the woman he loves, she’ll leave him.

“But if you run, run fast. Because I’m going to come after you. That’s just the kind of bastard I can’t seem to help being.”

The scenes Sara is forced to witness are dark and disturbing and yet she doesn’t run. The real problem, as far as Sara is concerned, is not that Chris has darkness in his past or even that life can still trigger a reaction and need in him. What bothers her is that he doesn’t trust her to use her own judgement and doesn’t believe in her strength when it comes to dealing with everything he and his past can throw at her

“You told me to see you once before, Chris. I’m begging you to see me now. I love us and you. And I love where you take me, and what you make me feel.”

If I’m perfectly honest I have to say that this book didn’t add a lot to the story so far. There are no new revelations about Chris’ past, and I was expecting something along those lines. Having said that, I did enjoy this story and loved the opportunity to hear Chris’ voice. In fact, I’m enjoying these views from other character’s perspective so much that I’m sorry we don’t get more of them, or longer versions. Still I’m completely invested in this story and can’t wait until I can read more of it. Regardless of whose perspective it will be told from, I know I’ll find myself engrossed in the story and collecting another set of quotes.

REVEALING US

TITLE: REVEALING US

AUTHOR: LISA RENEE JONES

Pages: 320

Date: 10/09/2013

Grade: 4.5

Details: no. 3 Inside Out

            ARC received from the author

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The Blurb:

“No in-between…

He has become her life, her heart, her very soul. But he is dark and damaged, and his secrets are many. Sara will risk everything for him. He, in turn, will dare to expose his deepest needs, his most erotic desires. And in the fury of passion he will reveal all that torments him, all that he can never escape. To love him, Sara must embrace the darkest part of him, and become his shelter in a storm that will be his ultimate salvation.”

Before I start my review let me just say that this book is part of a series, and should not be read out of order if you want to fully enjoy it. See below for a graphic of the full series, including reading order, which I copied from Lisa Renee Jones’ Facebook page.

“There is no right way, remember? There’s only our way.”

And so we reach the final part of Sara and Chris’ tempestuous journey. With the mystery that was Rebecca’s disappearance solved and all of Sara’s past and secrets out in the open the time has arrived to deal with the darkness that still hides deep inside the man she loves. And because the root of Chris’ issues lies in Paris, that is where Sara travels with him.

Sara has come through a lot over the past two books but is slowly starting to accept and trust that Chris is the man she loves and exactly what she needs in her life.

“He has always been the answer to the question of what was missing from my life, even before I met him.”

However, that doesn’t mean the rest of the journey is going to be smooth sailing for her. Almost everything and everybody she encounters after arriving in Paris seems to conspire to make her life hard and tear her away from Chris. It starts with her passport being stolen while she’s still in the airport and goes downhill from there when she meets people from Chris’ past. Matters aren’t helped by the fact that she doesn’t speak a word of French and Chris is still holding back on sharing his secrets with her. And there is the still unsolved mystery of Ella’s disappearance. But, whenever those worries slip into the background everything between her and Chris is just about perfect.

“And the answer to your question is, I’m perfect. You’re here.”

With everything that is going on around her, and all the unanswered questions she still faces, Sara’s insecurities are never far from the surface. But whenever they threaten to overpower her and make her doubt the future she’s seen glimpses of but still can’t bring herself to fully believe in, Chris is there to reassure her.

“It’s just you and me, baby, and I’m not like anyone else who’s ever been in your life. There’s nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of with me, ever. You can embrace who you really are, and we can be whoever we want to be together.”

And Sara truly believes that Chris is nothing like anybody else in her life, past or present. She won’t be able to fully believe in a future for the two of them though, until Chris decides that she is the one he can share his secrets with; until he too realises that together they can leave the past where it belongs and start facing the future. She needs Chris to believe his own words when he says:

“We attack the problems. They don’t attack us. And we do it together.”

Chris and Sara may have faced troubled times and still be up against deep rooted issues on Chris’ part and lingering insecurities on Sara’s, but they are slowly coming to the conclusion that together they may be able to face it all and come to their own happy ending.

“There is no right way, remember? There’s only our way.”

It is a nice added bonus that although we found out what happened to Rebecca at the end of “Being Me”, we do get some more of her journal in this book. This appears to bring Rebecca’s story full circle, although I guess we can never be completely sure that is actually the case.

What we have here is an adrenaline filled love story; an exhilarating combination of thrills and passion, danger and love, dark and light. This is the sort of book you’ll want to finish as soon as you’ve started it because the constant need to know what is happening and why is as demanding as the need to find out if Chris and Sara will find a way to make a future together. This is an intoxicating emotional roller-coaster of a book that will keep you hooked.

But…

By now it may be clear that I loved this book. Which begs the question why I rated it 4.5 rather than 5 stars. All I can say – without resorting to spoilers - is that the final book in a trilogy should not end on a massive cliff-hanger. I don’t mind a teaser, and I actually quite like it when some questions aren’t completely answered, leaving some of the resolution up to the reader’s imagination. I do however have an issue with the way this book ended. I am, by now, a big enough fan of Lisa Renee Jones to want to read whatever she may publish next. And I can’t imagine being the only one of her readers facing this addiction. I don’t like that she feels the need to try and tie me to a next book or series by throwing an unexpected and unwelcome cliff-hanger at me. Do not get me wrong, I will read that next book. That, however, does not mean that I like the way in which I will have been brought to it. This is, of course, a very personal dislike and does not reflect on the quality of the writing. In fact, I’m sure there are a lot of readers out there who had the opposite reaction when they saw the cliff-hanger, exactly because it does promise us more to come.

THE MASTER UNDONE

TITLE: THE MASTER UNDONE

AUTHOR: LISA RENEE JONES

Pages: 40

Date: 16/06/2013

Grade: 5-

Details: An Inside Out Story

              Received from the author

Own / Kindle

Before I say anything else I have to point out the following. This novella is part of a series and it is very important that it is not read out of order. This book should not be read before “Being Me” since it is one big spoiler for things that are revealed in that story. If you have any doubts about the reading order please visit the Lisa Renee Jones’ website and have a look there or have a close look at the following graphic (which I found on the author's Facebook page):

I’m sure I read somewhere that Lisa Renee Jones is planning (already writing?) a full-length novel from Mark Comptom’s point of view. And, if I’m honest, I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. I wasn’t overly charmed by our Master from what I read in “If I Were You”, Rebecca’s Lost Journals and “Being Me” and wasn’t sure if there was anything the author could do to make me interested in his story.

Oh me of little faith. I should of course have known better. If all the previous Inside Out books and stories have proved anything, it is that Lisa Renee Jones writes wonderful stories around fascinating characters. The 40 pages in this way too short novella have made a convert out of me. I can’t wait to read more about this man, his past, his secrets and whether or not this woman he’s just met will be able to break through the walls he has so efficiently erected around his heart.

Mark Comptom, the Master, is not having an easy time of it. He’s made a few mistakes in the past. Mistakes for which he has paid a price but somebody else paid a much higher one, and now he is travelling to be with his mother who has been diagnosed with cancer. For a long time now Mark has been living his life convinced that he was in control; of himself, of his life and of those close to him. Now he finds himself wondering whether or not he still has that control; if he ever had it to begin with. He may no longer be sure who or what exactly he is but there is one thing Mark is very sure of; never again will he allow anybody to get close enough to him to put them at risk of being hurt by him.

Good intentions are all very well in theory; reality is often very different. When Mark meets Crystal Smith who works for Riptide in New York he finds himself dealing with reactions and emotions that are quite new to him.

Crystal Smith is the complete opposite of the sort of woman Mark usually finds himself attracted to; blond, assertive, independent and without a submissive bone in her body, she shouldn’t affect him at all. And yet:

“She’s everything I don’t like in a woman, and yet I can’t take my eyes of her.”

And:

“Yes – starving. I’m starving. For her.”

And Crystal is able to see right through him. She recognises things in Mark others never see because he doesn’t allow them to be visible. Both of them know that they shouldn’t get too close because they are just too similar.

“I’m a control freak, she readily admits. You’re a control freak. We’d be like two bulls after the same red scarf.”

But sometimes knowing the right thing to do and doing it are two very different things:

“I’m lost in her, in kissing her, in touching her, and I can feel how lost she is, too.”

For once, Mark finds himself in an encounter that is not completely in his hands. It may be due to his defences being low because of all the pain and fear that have recently entered his life, but for once it would seem that our Master has found his match:

“She’s real to me in a way no one else has felt in too long.”

I can’t wait to see how this story is going to develop. Without a doubt there will be fireworks involved.

BEING ME

TITLE: BEING ME

AUTHOR: LISA RENEE JONES

Pages: 336

Date: 11/06/2013

Grade: 5-

Details: Inside Out Trilogy no. 2

             Received from the author/publisher

              Through NetGalley

Own / Kindle

From the author’s website:

“Fascinated by the dark fantasies in the journals she’s discovered, and the two men who have now found a place in her life, Sara McMillan finds herself torn between her new life and her past. Now, more than ever, Sara identifies with the missing journal writer, Rebecca, and is certain that something sinister has happened.

In the arms of the sexy, tormented artist Chris Merit, Sara seeks answers about Rebecca and ends up discovering things about herself she never knew existed. Chris forces Sara to reconsider who she is and what she truly wants from life, but his dark desires threaten to tear them apart. Her boss, Mark Compton, offers her the shelter to understand just what those needs mean to her, and what they might have meant to Rebecca—but can she trust him to lead her to a final conclusion to Rebecca’s story?”

This story starts exactly where “If I Were You” ended. Sara is on her own in the storage unit, looking for new clues as to where the missing Rebecca might be when the lights go out and she hears sounds she can’t identify as well as footsteps getting closer… And so the reader is immediately back in the middle tension that pushes the Inside Out story along. And boy, is there a lot of tension; there is the continuing mystery of where Rebecca is and what may have happened to her, the added worry about Sara’s friend and colleague Ella who can’t be reached and, of course, Sara’s difficult relationship with the two dominant men in her life: Chris, her lover and Mark, her boss.

If I’m honest I have to admit that at times all that tension was almost a bit too much. I mean, I did love all the individual story-lines. I was intrigued with the mystery surrounding Rebecca and fascinated by the push and pull between Sara and Chris.

“Sara, he murmurs when I answer, and my name is a soft rasp of silky male perfection that radiates through me and settles in the deep hollow of my soul only he seems to fill.”

The added mystery involving Ella failed to convince me in this book, but I’ve got a sneaky suspicion that this particular thread will come into full bloom in “Revealing Us”, the third book.

Sara and Chris; if it is possible for two people to fully belong together yet at the same time be completely wrong for each other, than it is these two characters. Stories about characters who refuse to share their secrets with each other yet profess to need and love each other always tend to upset me, simply because I can’t imagine wanting to be with anyone I didn’t trust enough to share my past with or didn’t trust me enough to share theirs. If ever there was a red flag when it comes to relationships… 

“…Chris, a man I know will consume me, perhaps destroy me, but right now he feels as if he is saving me.”

On the other hand, I can’t deny that their wish to be together despite their better judgment telling them to stay apart, regardless of the emotional risks involved did make this story almost unputdownable.  

It is not as if these two don’t feel a pressing need to be together. They both want to believe that the other is all they need. That they can overcome past issues and future difficulties through the strength of their feelings for each other.

 “If I need to get lost, I’ll get lost in you.” (Chris)

But time and again life throws obstacles in their way, showing them that no matter how much they love each other and regardless of how desperately they want and need to be together, it is quite possible that love may not be enough.

 “I’ve always known we were two puzzle pieces that fit together in a hollow that is our pain.”

But what if those hollows are just too big?

When Sara is forced into a situation where she has to share her shameful past with Chris she finds the disclosure doesn’t send him running. With Chris she thinks she can be herself and still be good enough:

“I don’t try to be someone else with Chris, as I have with other men in my life. I’m rediscovering myself, or perhaps finding myself for the first time every.”

But her hope that he will in turn open up to her and allow her to share his pain and secrets, is not fulfilled. Chris remains convinced that she won’t be able to deal with all that he has been and still is. Whether or not Sara will ever be able to convince him that she can, remains to be seen.

But, while the future of the relationship between these two is still open-ended, some other mysteries are solved in this book. We do find out who Rebecca’s mysterious Master is and what has happened to her. Of course that is something I can’t reveal here without spoiling the story but I will say it came as a bit of a shock to me. We also find out more about Sara’s past and get a much better insight into who Chris is. All of this was very satisfying and although there were one or two shocking surprises, it all made perfect sense in the context of the story so far.

Overall I have to say that I greatly enjoyed reading this book. Yes, I did get a bit exasperated with Sara switching from being convinced she could handle Chris and their relationship because she loves him to being sure that they could never be together because of all the dark secrets, about every other page, but that continued tension was also one of the reasons I kept on turning the pages. This book is one, endless, emotional roller-coaster sweeping the reader up on a ride filled with highs and lows that will keep them engrossed until the very last page and then leave them begging for more.

So now there is one more installment in Rebecca’s Lost Journals – “The Master Undone” - to look forward to in August and the final book in the trilogy – “Revealing Us” – coming out in September. And although I’m grateful that I won’t have to wait a year for the conclusion of this story and can’t wait to see how all of this will end, a small part of me is sorry that this particular reading journey will end within about three months.

Rebecca's Lost Journals: MY MASTER

TITLE: MY MASTER

AUTHOR: LISA RENEE JONES

Size : 338 KB

Date: 31/05/2013

Grade: 4.5

Details: No. 4 Rebecca’s Lost Journals

            An Inside Out Novella

Own / Kindle

The Blurb:

“In part four of Rebecca’s Lost Journals, My Master, it’s Rebecca's turn to claim control and set the limits in her relationship.”

It has been a long time since Rebecca has written more than just loose thoughts in her journal. After the last contract renewal she has moved in with her Master and the time for the next renewal negotiations is fast approaching. Rebecca is having serious second thoughts though. As much as she has fallen in love with her Master, she is convinced that his feelings for her are nowhere near as deep.

“I know he cares about me in the way he believes is the ultimate showing of affection and commitment.”

And what is more, with each subsequent negotiation He draws her deeper into the BDSM world, pushing her limits well beyond that with which she is comfortable.

“He’s pulling me inside that dark hole that is his escape. Only there is no escape for me.”

More worryingly, He doesn’t seem to be aware that he is pushing her too hard and too fast.

“Not when every scene pushes me beyond the limits that mean pleasure for me. He doesn’t see that, either. And as my Master, he should.”

Rebecca’s nightmares have returned and she can’t help feeling that something horrible is waiting for her, just out of sight, ready to pounce. With her Master away Rebecca decides to spend the weekend in her own flat, a decision He isn’t happy about. It is the right decision for her though because on her own, in her familiar surroundings she starts writing in her journal again and in doing so manages to process her feelings.

“I’m on an emotional rollercoaster ride and he’s not. That bothers me. It’s telling. But what is it telling me?”

Rebecca is willing to accept that she is very special to her Master:

“You’re the only sub I’ve ever asked to do this.”

But she doesn’t want to be just his best sub. Rebecca wants and needs a proper relationship.

“These are the moments that I revel in, when he doesn’t hold back, when he doesn’t restrain me or himself. We are just... us.”

But a proper relationship is not what her Master is looking for and probably not something he is capable of either. And though it would break her heart, Rebecca is getting ready to walk away. Because staying would break her completely.

What I really love about this book is that it shows us another side to a BDSM relationship. In most books in this genre we encounter an experienced Master who connects with a girl who has never even thought about the power-exchange dynamic, only to discover that she has a submissive nature and revels in such a relationship. Rebecca’s journals show us what happens when the girl in question, while enjoying some aspects of the dynamic, isn’t looking for anything beyond a “standard” relationship even if it does include a few kinky aspects. Looking at a relationship in which things don’t just come together perfectly makes this a fascinating and realistic story. Combined with the beautiful writing and the ongoing mystery as to who exactly the Master is, these short novellas are an absolute delight to read. And, now that I’ve finished the fourth in this series I’m more than ready for Being Me. Which is just as well since it will be released in just a few days time.

This novella is part of the Inside Out Series and should be read after the following titles:

If I Were You

The Seduction

The Contract

His Submissive

Rebecca's Lost Journals: HIS SUBMISSIVE

TITLE: HIS SUBMISSIVE

AUTHOR: LISA RENEE JONES

Pages: 52

Date: 19/05/2013

Grade: 4.5

Details: Rebecca’s Lost Journals no. 3

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The blurb:

“In part three of Rebecca’s Lost Journals, His Submissive , Rebecca must decide just how far she will go for the darkly intense man who she is falling in love with. And does she dare believe that he too, will ever love her?”

Most of my reviews contain almost exclusively my thoughts on a certain book. Occasionally, when a certain sentence is very descriptive of the story or my thoughts, I may quote from the story. For this book I’m going to make an exception. I will be using quotes from this novella as the basis for my review. My thoughts will be draped around the quotes so to speak.

When this third installment of the Lost Journals starts, Rebecca appears to have made up her mind. Yes, she does want what her Master has to offer, she feels ready to sign the contract and wear his ring. When she sends him proof of her decision, her Master’s reaction is not what she expects at all though. Rather than delight at her willingness to submit, she is confronted with anger; Master is not impressed with her making this decision based on so little knowledge of what she is actually agreeing to.

“I’ll teach you what each point in the contract means. Then we will negotiate the final terms. But know this. When you put that ring back on, there will be no holding back for either of us.”

And that is exactly what happens, starting with punishment for her rash and unsanctioned decision. As a result, Rebecca once again finds herself questioning her attraction to this man, which is undeniable:

“There’s this subtle energy that seems to crackle in the air, and I know I’m not the only person who feels it.”

But, while her lack of control when it comes to Him worries Rebecca, she can’t deny the satisfaction she finds at his hands:

“I will push you to your limit, Rebecca, but I will always leave you thoroughly pleasured.”

On the other hand, as Rebecca writes in her journal:

“I want to know all parts of me. I have to know myself to control my life and destiny. But does that mean “he” is the right man to help me make that journey?”

This certainly is a good question and from what I’ve seen of Him in the Journals so far, I can’t say I’m convinced this man is what Rebecca needs. However, because we only see him through Rebecca’s eyes and journal entries it is quite likely that we are not given an objective description of Him. And, to his credit, He does appear to go out of his way to explain his demands and actions to his apprentice sub

“A choice to hand over control under agreed upon terms is not only control itself, but the freedom to let go and escape reality when you otherwise wouldn’t.”

And while He makes a point of taking her out of her comfort zone - because pushing Rebecca’s limits will be a huge part of their relationship - the fact that he always seems to have her pleasure as his ultimate goal does make matters easier for her.

It takes a lot of soul searching but in the end Rebecca comes to the conclusion that no matter what her reservations, and regardless of her doubts and fears there is only one logical outcome to her dilemma:

“Yes in that bed, I knew him as master more than I ever had, and I understood the escape that came from giving him that control, and the pleasure he promised would come with it.”

I like what Lisa Renee Jones has been doing in these journals so far. She gives the reader a wonderful and believable insight into one woman’s journey into what is for her unchartered and frightening territory. Most, if not all, of us will have experienced situations in which the demands of our hearts seem to be in conflict with those of our mind. Watching Rebecca trying to find a balance between the two is proving to be a very enjoyable journey.

This book is part of the Inside Out Series and is best read after reading the prequels in the following order:

If I Were You

The Seduction

The Contract

Rebecca’s Lost Journals: THE CONTRACT

TITLE: THE CONTRACT

AUTHOR: LISA RENEE JONES

Pages: 40

Date: 30/04/2013

Grade: 4+

Details: Rebecca’s Lost Journals no. 2

            An Inside Out Novella

Own/Kindle

The Blurb:

In the second sultry e-short of excerpts from Rebecca’s Lost Journals, Rebecca is faced with a contract to be a submissive that she doesn’t want to sign—and her would-be Master has unusual methods of convincing her…

As the relationship between Rebecca and her rich, darkly alluring man intensifies she must decide just how deep she will go into his intensely erotic world.

This is the second Inside Out novella and should be read after the first one, “The Seduction”, just as both should be read after “If I Were You”.

After her enticing night with the man she only refers to as “Him” and “Master”, Rebecca is left conflicted about what she wants. He has sent her away with a contract; a contract which, once she signs it, would make her His submissive. The contract however is filled with conditions which are just as confusing as her reaction to them:

“In so many ways, it’s what I want. No ties. No emotions. No interference in my job and career goals. Yet he wants to own my mind, time, body and heart. It’s very confusing.”

While the rational part of her tells Rebecca to just reject the whole idea, she finds herself returning to the contract time and again, contemplating the idea of signing it and submitting to Him, rejecting it and considering it again.

“What’s even more confusing is that I’m not saying no to this.”

The rest of her life is going from strength to strength though. She loves her job in the Riptide art gallery and is delighted with the successes she achieves there. But even underneath her pride and pleasure at doing the job she loves well, is the constant push and pull of the contract. The thing and the man are never far from her mind.

And she is still having nightmares about her mother and icy water. Nightmares that leave her mother’s perfume lingering in the air, even after she wakes up.

I’m enjoying these short looks at Rebecca’s journals and her journey towards submission. I especially like that Rebecca isn’t blindly falling into a relationship she doesn’t understand. She is asking the sort of questions I would be asking if I found myself in her position. The sort of questions I imagine any sensible and independent person would ask themselves, such as:

“I don’t buy into me having all the control just because I have a safe word. I have no control where this man is concerned.”

And:

“I can’t be special to him, or he’d want me all to himself, right?”

Once again the sex is more alluded to than described in graphic detail. And although I do enjoy a well written and enticing description of intimacy, I have to say that the way in which Lisa Renee Jones leaves a lot to the readers imagination while giving enough information to make the story truly erotic, is working very well for me.

I find myself getting very curious about who this Master might be. Reason seems to indicate that it can’t be any of the men we’ve met in If I Were You, men Rebecca meets in her work environment regularly. Yet, I can’t help feeling that there wouldn’t be any need for all this mystery surrounding his identity if he wasn’t part of the bigger story as well. I know it is going to be a while before we find out who this mysterious man actually is. And I know I’m going to enjoy every minute and every word of the journey towards that revelation.