...and they continued to do that into their 20s. Life was very very hard, but they seemed to believe that they were very very happy, and to the surprise of others, they then did this:
The Wedding was planned, and longed for, (by them at least...) and a new life as a couple began. There was a posh new job, their lovely new house, with mortgage, and the move to the country, the cat and the dog. What more could they want? They were deeply in
In fact, there was nothing else. No one else. Few friends, for they had moved away from them, and one half of the couple would convince the other that the friends didn't like them. Few family, because there weren't many in the first place, but nevermind, because one would convince the other that they disapproved. One would make an effort to offend the other's loved ones, but no matter, because the 'other' was pretty convinced that what the partner had said was all true. The 'other' wasn't really worth anything to anyone, apart from the partner anyhow...
Fast forward a year or two, and they both had terrible jobs, which led to bad finances, and stress- oh so much stress. And very dark times. But hey, they had each other. They decided to have some little people to put in the house, as you do.
First one small girl, and then a tiny boy, and they scampered around making their Mummy see rainbows, and they grew stronger and more lovely with each day. Which was a blessing, because things were not right between the couple.
What had been a loving relationship became a resentful one. It was not fair. It was no fun. It was sad. It was pressured. There was a control, that had always been there, (but it came to the forefront for reasons of personal insecurity and mental problems).
The funny thing? At first, she didn't realise anything was wrong. This was marriage, was it not? And she stood up to those who needed to hear her faith in him- defending her hubby like a lioness, to the exasperation of all those who still cared about her. Very few people knew. People didn't visit, as they weren't made welcome, and those that were allowed to see in, mostly saw an image of loveliness. It was perfect, this relationship, that had started at 15.
Problem was, she was starting to feel like this:
And she so badly wanted out.. But she bided her time, and feeling like these, on the right,
she made the jump, because she deserved much better- a life without three dependants, when she only had two children. A life where she had choices, and maybe even friends of her own again. A life where she could concentrate on things that really mattered, where she could sit in any damn chair she wanted to, and wear what she liked, a life with her own money, a life where she could safely keep her beautiful things about her without them being broken. A life where she might even learn to love again, where somebody she might love might stay faithful.
And it was tough. I mean REALLY tough. But she worked hard, cried a bit, found her strength a bit, and kept going. And there are times with the single parent thing when she feels like this
but she just keeps plodding. Stubborn like that, she is. And she's met other people who have been in a position like her own, and she tries to take strength from that. Theres this little voice in her head that occasionally pipes up, and mutters something about her being 'in a much better place nowadays'. She has her own nest- she can breathe. There is less disruption and pain and despair, and things could have ended a lot worse. She thanks her stars for that...
But. still, after the event by some way, things are unfair and unjust. And some days, he still makes her feel like this
At times like those, she does need to remember that the little bit of life that she found, for her and her two little ones, is worth all the effort. She's working really hard folks, to try and take the events that still unfold everyday in her stride- theres panic and worry scheduled ahead, she just doesn't know when. It shouldn't matter really, because she needs to believe, that what she really has, despite the lack of straightforwardness, after the episode has come and gone, is a new start on the horizon.
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I won't be doing the heavy side of things too often, I promise. I'm a sparkly and bouncy creature by trade, and normal service will resume shortly! Theres been some developments recently that have meant that this is all fresh in my mind again. I just thought it would be good to put this out there, because, well, I want to be honest, and it feels very good to write it all out. Lets hope that somebody else who is feeling the same might have a quick read of it, and realise that theres still hope for them.
xxx
