Jury Summons

I received an official Jury Summons in the mail.

Though extremely inconvenient, I think it would be "interesting".

But what are the chances of the Prosecutor wanting ME on the jury?

It will go something like this . . .

Prosecutor will ask:

"And what does your spouse do for work?"

I will smile and answer:

"The opposite of what you do."

Prosecutor's response:

"Goodbye."

Darn. Pretty sure I'm out. :-)

That is, if I even make it that far! Chances are, I know the prosecutor . . . or at least they would know Charles and recognize our not-too-common name. Anyhow, my chances are slim to non-existent -- unless they can overlook my family connection. :-)

*I must say, in my defense, I think I would make a totally unbiased decision. Charles has worked on BOTH sides of the court room (defense and prosecution). I respect and appreciate the judicial system and I have a well-rounded perspective of both sides. I might even consider myself a super candidate for a juror. I am typically fair and level-headed. I think I would do an excellent job. I MIGHT have a chance . . .

I will know in a few weeks.

It would be fascinating. You never know what you might witness . . .

(I have posted this before, but it still makes me giggle)

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people ACTUALLY said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you kidding me?

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Who knows . . .

Maybe a "12 Angry Men" scene is in my near future, not likely, but maybe.

It will be an interesting experience either way!